“You can’t?” she asks. I can hear insecurity in her voice and I don’t like it.
I twist my body, just a fraction so our chests are touching.
“I’ve wanted to kiss you like that for six months, sweetheart.”
Genuine surprise is written all over her face. She really had no idea of my growing infatuation.
“I want to do it again right now,” I admit.
“You didn’t say anything...” she whispers.
“Falling in love with your best mate’s wife isn’t exactly something you want to scream from the roof tops.”
Her jaw drops, and I realise exactly what I’ve just said.
“Luke…”
“Shit,” I mutter. “I’m sorry, Mia, it just came out without thinking. I’m sorry.”
“You’re in love with me?”
I could lie to her, but it’s not a real option for me. I’m not willing to lie to Mia any more now than I was yesterday – even if I risk losing her by telling the truth.
“If it’s not love, it’s a lot like it,” I reply honestly.
“But… but… you’re my best friend, Luke.”
“You’re my best friend too,” I tell her, and I mean it. Troy was like a part of me, but these past two years, the only person I really want to spend time with is the woman in front of me – and her little boy. “Joe is too.”
“I can’t lose you.” Her eyes well with tears.
“You are never going to lose me, Mia. I promise you, okay?”
“You don’t know that.” Her bottom lip wobbles.
I know that Troy promised her that she’d never have to be without him either, and now he’s gone. But this is different. This isn’t a battle zone – not until her in-laws turn up at least – I’m not going to get killed by a stray bullet or grenade.
“Well I’ll promise you this then; I’ll never walk away from you willingly. I’ll never leave you on purpose, Mia. No matter how you feel about me or how I feel about you. I’ll be here until you tell me to leave.”
She nods and sniffs back her tears.
“I’m not expecting you to love me back, sweetheart, okay? I know you’re not there, and that’s fine… I don’t want to make things weird between us, but I guess that’s kind of shot to hell after the other night anyway.”
“I just had no idea…” She shakes her head in obvious disbelief.
“I know.” I nod.
“Would you have told me if the other night hadn’t happened?”
I shake my head. “No. I know you’ve got enough on your plate.”
“I’m glad I know,” she whispers.
“You are?”
“Mmm hmm.” She nods. She’s quiet for a long while before she speaks again. “You know how you said you wanted to kiss me again?”
I nod slowly, not knowing where she’s going with this.
“I might not be able to say I’m in love with you, Luke, but I want you to kiss me again so badly I can’t think of anything else.”
I cup her cheek in my rough hand and lean down until our noses are touching.
“You’re all I can think about, Mia… when I fall asleep at night and when I wake up in the morning.”
She sighs, a sweet breathy sound, before our lips meet.
I intended to kiss her softly, sweetly, but it seems that Mia has other ideas.
Her tongue runs along my bottom lip, and it must make me the worst man in the world, because here I am, in my best friend’s living room, kissing his wife like she’s mine and not giving a shit about the consequences.
Not even a flash of Troy’s smiling face in my mind is enough to keep me from opening my mouth and slipping my tongue into Mia’s mouth.
She tastes like heaven and smells like home.
“Mia,” I groan.
“Luke,” she murmurs against my lips. I know it’s not the name she wishes she were saying, but it’s good enough for me.
Before I even know what’s happening, she’s clambering into my lap, so she’s straddling me.
I groan and kiss her deeply.
She’s got me so hard, I bet she can feel it through my jeans.
This isn’t the way I want things to go with Mia, but if she tries to take it further, I doubt I’ll have the will power to say no.
I know I should stop it now, in case it does go too far, but I can’t – this is every fantasy I’ve had for the past few months come to life.
I want Mia Vander – I want her in any way I can have her, no matter how inappropriate it might be.
Thankfully, she chooses that moment to pull back, before my self-control evacuates the building entirely. She’s breathing so heavy and her eyes are alight with excitement.
She leans in so our foreheads are resting against one another as my hands rub up and down from her waist to her hips.
“You could have any woman you want, you know that, right?”
I don’t know that at all, but it still wouldn’t make a scrap of difference to me.
“The only woman I’m interested in, is you, Mia.”
I watch the blush slowly creep onto her cheeks as she smiles and bites down on her lip.
“I know I shouldn’t like the sound of that, but I do.”
I chuckle. “At least you’re honest.”
She sighs and sits back. “What do we do now, Luke?”
“Nothing,” I say simply. “We do whatever feels right, and nothing else.”
She nods. “I like the sound of that.”
I absolutely love the sound of that, but I think I’ve said enough for one night, so instead I just reach for her neck and pull her mouth back to mine.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Mia
I run my finger over my lips for the hundredth time as I finish up in the bathroom. I can still feel the blush of my cheeks and it heats more as I think about the mental image of me sitting in Luke’s lap.
I can feel him everywhere – his touch on my skin, his mouth on mine, the feel of his breath on my face… the tingling feeling of my spine when his eyes find mine.
He’s waking emotions inside of me that I thought were dead and buried with my husband.
I know it’s wrong, but I can’t stop the way I feel.
Troy was always big on that. He always said that it didn’t matter what anyone else thought, what mattered was how you felt.
And now here I am, in a predicament I never thought I’d find myself in.
Luke is falling in love with me.
I don’t know what to make of that. I didn’t think another man would ever see me the way he obviously does.
The only man I’ve ever been in love with is Troy.
I don’t know how to fall in love again – I’m not sure it’s even possible.
I glance over at the photo from our wedding that still sits next to my side of the bed.
Just a picture of him is enough to make me catch my breath.
I’m still madly in love with a man that’s not here anymore. I’ve tried, but I can’t get over him.
It’s not like when you have a break up and you go your separate ways, this isn’t like that at all. It’s the person you love more than anything being there one minute and gone the next.
I know it’s been more than two years since I’ve seen his face or heard his voice, but I still love him as much now as I did then.
I can still picture his smile and hear his laugh in my head.
I can imagine the way he used to kiss me and hold my hand.
Troy was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first everything…
But now it’s not just him. It’s him and Luke.
I picture myself kissing and I don’t know who I’m kissing anymore. The image merges from Troy to Luke and back again and that scares me.
My memories are all I have left of my husband now, and I don’t know how I feel about possibly losing them by letting myself get caught up in another man.
I climb under the covers and reach for the frame, bringing it to my c
hest.
“I’m sorry, Troy.”
I miss him so much. I don’t know how I’m getting through life without him.
Luke. My brain tells me. He’s getting you through.
I shut out the thoughts – even though I know they’re on the money.
I can’t turn off the feelings I’m having for Luke, and truthfully, I don’t want to, but I don’t know how to do this… I don’t know how to let Luke in without pushing Troy out.
I look down at the picture one last time before closing my eyes.
I’ll worry about it tomorrow. For now, just for tonight, I let myself believe that I won’t be alone forever, and let my dreams decide exactly what that means for my heart.
***
“Luke, can you please just carry that trash out to the end of the drive? And then you can take off if you want to...”
I don’t want him to go. The last thing I want is to be alone when the monster-in-laws arrive, but I can’t expect him to stay. He’s been my personal bodyguard all week, and the man looks shattered.
He’s entirely too big to sleep on my couch, but there’s no telling him.
He’s loyal and protective to a fault.
This is his weekend too, and I know he won’t want to spend it with two people that are so utterly horrible, but I’d still be willing to bet all the money I’ve got on him staying put.
“I’ll take it out now, but I’m not going anywhere, Mia, you know that.”
I don’t bother arguing. He won’t change his mind, and I don’t want him to anyway if I’m being honest with myself.
I scoop up Joe as he tries to follow after Luke. “Alright, baby, Nan and Pop will be here soon, okay? How exciting is that?”
“Pop,” he repeats with a toothy grin.
The kid’s smart. Robert is by far the lesser of the two evils when it comes to his grandparents.
“Why don’t you go and find your new red truck to show him?”
He nods eagerly and squirms to be put down.
I watch him with a grateful smile. There’s no way I could deal with these visits if it weren’t for him.
Luke comes back inside and follows my line of sight to Joe. He smiles at him with so much love in his eyes it makes my heart feel like it could burst.
I should probably feel as confused about this as I do about kissing Luke, but it’s hard.
I’m torn between Troy and Luke because I’m feeling the same things for both men. It’s different with the role of being Joe’s dad. I know Luke isn’t Joe’s father, but he’s the closest thing to it at the moment.
I never got to see Troy as a dad. Our son was born six days after he passed away, so there’s nothing to compare here. I don’t feel guilty for letting Joe have this time with Luke – I feel guilty for sometimes feeling like there’s nothing missing, but those moments are so fleeting I try not to let it get to me.
We’re just doing the best we can, Luke, Joe and me.
I hear a car pull into the drive and I physically shudder.
Luke must have been watching me because he’s at my side within seconds. “I’ve got your back, Mia, it’ll be okay this time, I promise.”
I know I shouldn’t do it – not with the in-laws from hell about to walk through the front door, but I’m just so grateful for his support – with everything, that I press up on my tip toes and kiss him softly on the corner of his mouth.
He smiles so sweetly it makes my heart skip a beat. I’ve always liked his smile, but I’ve never noticed that he smiles at different people in different ways.
Among them all, he’s got a Joe smile and another smile just for me.
I think that one might be my favourite out of all of them.
I can hear them coming up the path now, probably muttering about having to carry their own luggage and I brace myself as I plaster a fake smile on my face.
“Twuck,” Joe announces as he barrels across the room to Luke.
Luke lifts him up and holds him in one arm, while his other arm rests on my lower back, gently guiding me forward.
There’s a loud knock at the door, followed closely by another impatient one, and I have to work really hard to keep my lips turned up into a smile.
“Breathe, Mia,” Luke tells me quietly as he opens the door.
Everly looks the same as always – like she’s just sucked on a lemon, and Robert looks tired – I guess having a total bitch for a wife would do that to you.
I was wrong about them carrying their own luggage; it’s still sitting in a pile next to the car.
“Everly, Robert, how are you?” I ask as sweetly as I can manage.
My welcome is met with a top-to-toe appraisal, which then follows up Luke’s arm to his face.
“Mia… Luke,” Everly replies curtly. “How interesting that you are here.”
Luke’s face twists into a scowl. “I’m here for Mia and Joe.”
“Twuck,” Joe announces and it’s only then that either of his grandparents seem to notice his existence.
“Oh, hello my dear boy,” Everly coos, transforming in an instant. “Come to Nan.”
Joe screws up his nose as she reaches for him with her witches claws and turns to bury his face into Luke’s arm.
Luke takes a deliberate step back and I want to hug him for saving Joe from that evil woman.
“Why don’t you both come in,” Luke suggests. “Mia was just going to make a cup of tea.”
Everly mumbles something under her breath that I don’t catch, and reluctantly steps inside the house.
I move to head for the kitchen, but Luke catches my hand and pulls me back. “I’ll go get the royals’ bags, you serve some food, okay? They can’t complain if their mouths are full,” he whispers in my ear.
A giggle slips out of my mouth and Luke grins at me wickedly.
I can see Everly glaring at me out of the corner of my eye and it makes my skin crawl. I can’t figure out why I’m so afraid of this woman, but there’s something stopping me from telling her how I really feel.
Joe reaches for me and I take him into my arms and carry him into the kitchen.
I hear Luke and Robert say their hellos, but I don’t look back. The wicked witch of the west is hot on my heels and if I stop moving, she just might eat me alive.
I sit Joe in his chair to save him from having to be passed around and flick the jug on to boil the water.
“So, did you have a nice trip down?” I finally ask when I can’t stall any longer.
I turn around and find Everly sitting at the dining table next to Joe – who looks less than comfortable – and Robert looking at some photos of Troy on the living room wall.
“It was bearable,” Everly replies, speaking for the first time directly to me.
“What about you, Robert? How’s work going?”
“Oh, you know,” he answers with a smile. “Same thing different day.”
I actually quite like Robert, but the man has absolutely no balls, and in my opinion, standing back and watching a bully carry on without saying anything, is just as bad as being the bully.
He sees the way Everly talks to me and never says a word to her about it.
He walks over to the table and ruffles Joe’s hair.
“Hey, boy. Whatcha got there?”
“Twuck,” Joe announces proudly as he holds the truck up to show him.
I hear Luke come back through the front door, his arms full of bags and I mouth the word ‘sorry’ to him.
He winks at me and heads off up the stairs.
Everly looks around the kitchen and sniffs in a snooty way. “The décor is looking a little tired in here, darling, it could use a freshen up. You know Troy would never have let the place get run down.”
I grind my teeth together to stop the retort on the end of my tongue.
I know she’s trying to wind me up, and I can’t let her succeed.
She’s only been here five minutes.
“Can I get you a tea?” I ask instead.
“You know how I have it,” she replies, her eyes never leaving Joe and her husband as they zoom the truck back and forth on the table.
There’s no please, no thank you. Not even a bloody yes.
I inhale a deep breath and blow it out slowly as I get to work on making the queen her drink.
“Tea or coffee, Robert?” I ask without looking back.
“I’d love a coffee please,” he replies.
I’m stirring the milk into one of the cups when I feel Luke come up behind me.
I don’t have any doubt it’s him – we’re so used to one another at this point.
He hands me the dish for the used teabags without a word and screws the lid back on the milk once I’m done with it.
I put some biscuits out on a plate and hand out the tea and coffee before sitting down.
Luke sits next to me. He gives my leg a quick, reassuring squeeze under the table and I smile at him.
“Will you be joining us for dinner tonight, Luke?” Everly asks, but it’s an accusation more than a question.
I haven’t actually discussed what the sleeping arrangements will be tonight. I don’t really need Luke here now that I have other company, but I still want it nonetheless.
I can’t decide if I want him here more for safety or if it’s purely because I don’t like the idea of being away from him, and that scares me a bit.
Luke sits down his tea and meets her eyes. “I’m staying on the couch at the moment, ever since Mia had someone try to break in.”
Everly clutches at her chest dramatically. “Oh, good heavens, did they get inside?”
I shake my head. “No, Luke took care of it.”
“Well it’s lucky that Luke was here then, wasn’t it,” she replies with attitude. “But Robert and I are here now, so your services won’t be needed any longer.”
Luke chuckles quietly, clearly unaffected by her. “I think I just might stick around. Mia will tell me if I’ve overstayed my welcome.”
The idea is almost laughable. Luke could never overstay his welcome, not with me.
Everly makes a ‘humph’ noise before turning her back to the two of us and trying to talk to Joe.
I smile up at Luke. “Thank you,” I mouth to him.
Mr. March: A Friends to Lovers Romance (Calendar Boys Book 3) Page 4