by Emily March
“I spoke with Tyson. He’s Sharon’s personal chef. Her nanny was worried she might be coming down with something, and she didn’t want to give it to Haley. That’s why she rode on the other plane,” Jackson told Caroline. “Haley is devastated. And Sharon … Sharon is a mess. They called in a physician to sedate her.”
“Who’s taking care of Haley?”
“Good question,” Jackson said, worry in his tone. “Someone from the sheriff’s office is with her. We’re trying to get a phone call set up. Tyson didn’t have much more to contribute. He’s a wreck himself. Everybody is. The band is a family. This is tragic. Just tragic.”
They were less than an hour from Las Vegas when Jackson was finally able to connect with his daughter. It was only when he heard his little girl’s voice that tears welled in his eyes and overflowed down his cheeks. He talked to Haley until they were minutes away from Vegas. A short time later he was running toward his daughter and wrapping her in his arms.
If Caroline hadn’t already been in love with Jackson, she’d have tumbled for him then and there.
Haley was a little angel of a girl. Strawberry blonde with shoulder-length curls, chubby cheeks, a dusting of freckles across her little pug nose, and her father’s green eyes. What concerned Caroline, what she hadn’t realized during the phone call on the plane, was that Haley wasn’t speaking except to say, “Daddy.”
That particular word she said over and over and over. After the initial greeting, he picked her up, and she buried her head against his shoulder as he spoke with the representative from the sheriff’s department who had met the plane. Standing next to Jackson, Caroline heard Haley’s muffled voice. “Daddy” was a lament, a question, a panicked demand while he was briefed with the latest information about the crash in terms vague enough to convey the facts without causing Haley further trauma.
Throughout the conversation, Jackson patted her back and rocked her like a babe. With a series of questions and decisions, he quietly assumed leadership of Coco’s retinue. The authorities were obviously glad to let him do it.
They sat in the back of the SUV for the trip to the hotel where Coco and the other passengers on her plane had been taken, Haley in the middle between her father and Caroline. Jackson attempted to pry his daughter away from his side long enough to introduce her. “Haley, honey. I want you to meet someone. This is my friend, Caroline. The lady you talked to on the phone.”
Haley didn’t lift her head off Jackson’s chest. He shot Caroline a frustrated look.
“Hello, Haley,” she said gently, her kind smile meant for both father and daughter. “Your daddy is so glad to see you. He was awfully worried about you. What has happened today is terrible, and I’m so, so sorry.”
Now, the girl looked up, and she met Caroline’s gaze with eyes that flooded with tears. “My Poppins is dead.”
Poppins? Ah, Mary Poppins. Caroline’s own eyes filled with tears. “I know, baby. It’s just awful.”
Haley suddenly released her hold on her father and launched herself at Caroline, clung to her, and sobbed. Jackson looked poleaxed, like he didn’t know exactly how he felt to be so quickly abandoned. “You needed a girl hug, didn’t you, honey?” she said, as a way of explanation to him.
“Poppins is a girl,” Haley sobbed.
Jackson’s jaw hardened, and Caroline could almost read his thoughts. Where’s her mother?
Within minutes, that question was answered, and Caroline was the one left feeling uncertain about being abandoned. Jackson again carried Haley after they entered the hotel through a private entrance that allowed them to avoid the press beginning to gather. They boarded a private elevator, which swept them up to the penthouse. The moment they stepped off the elevator and Coco’s gaze lit upon Jackson, Caroline’s stomach made an uneasy flip.
His ex-wife looked at him as if her personal savior had just arrived. “Ba-a—by!” she said, stretching it to three syllables.
Caroline hoped the woman was talking to Haley, but she had the sneaking suspicion she wasn’t.
“Oh, ba-a-by. You came. You came. Thank God.” She threw herself at Jackson, heedless of the fact that he already had his hands full with their daughter. “You know what happened? They’re gone! They’re all gone! Oh, God, Jackson.”
He shifted Haley to one arm and wrapped the other around Coco. “I know. Of course I came.”
“Bobby and Shane and Liz and Mary and Randy and Wayne.”
“It’s terrible.”
“And Ray-Walker! Oh, Baby, Ray-Walker!”
“I’m so sorry, Sharon.”
“What will I do?” she wailed. “What will we do?” She touched her daughter’s head. “What will we do without Ray-Walker and our Poppins?”
“We will figure it out, Shar,” Jackson crooned in a tone Caroline had never heard from him before. “We will figure it out.”
Coco dragged him over to a nearby sofa where she launched into a tear-filled account of the day’s events, never letting go of Jackson, never acknowledging Caroline’s presence. One or two of the half dozen other people in the room nodded to Caroline, but no one approached her. They all waited to speak with Jackson once Coco gave them the opportunity.
Caroline drifted over to one of the floor-to-ceiling windows and gazed down upon the Las Vegas strip, trying not to feel anything but supportive toward Jackson. This wasn’t about her. The man had his hands full. She had no reason to be jealous. She was not going to be one of those women.
Still, when she did turn to look at the trio—Jackson seated with his left arm around Haley, Coco on his right, her head resting on his shoulder, her hand lying possessively on his thigh—something ugly stirred inside Caroline. They looked like such a family.
And she needed to get a break from it, or she was going to become one of those women. She was better than that.
She needed to freshen up. At some point in the past little bit, someone had brought their duffle up. It sat just inside the door. Quietly, she crossed the room, lifted the bag, and went in search of a bathroom.
The hotel suite was huge, and she had plenty of rooms from which to choose. She picked the bedroom-and-bath combination that was the farthest away from what was obviously the master suite. The long, hot shower did her a world of good. So did a fresh blowout and new application of makeup.
She stroked lipstick across her lips, and then blotted it with a tissue. To her reflection in the mirror, she softly said, “Like Mama always said, you can take the girl out of Texas, but you can’t take Texas out of the girl.”
She exited the bathroom and stopped short. Jackson sat at the foot of the bed. Rising, he gave her a solemn look. “I’m sorry. I was a jerk. I totally ignored you.”
I really do love this man. “No, you weren’t a jerk. That was an extraordinary moment, and I’d be a real B if I got my panties in a twist about it. I came to support you, Jackson, not make things more difficult.”
He sighed and opened his arms, and she went into them gladly. He held onto tight, swayed slowly side to side. Breathed deeply as if he found the very scent of her somehow sustaining. “Thank you. Thank you, Caroline. Have I told you today how much I love you?”
She smiled. “No, I don’t believe you have.”
He sang it to her in a melody that she’d heard him composing on her back porch last week. “To the moon, to the stars, and to worlds yet unknown. I love you, there and back. My love to you, there and back.”
She sighed. “It doesn’t seem fair that I can’t sing you a love song.”
“Honey, you sing me a love song every time you look at me and smile.” He drew back, kissed her gently, and said, “I hate like hell to break this up, but I need a shower, too. I’m doing a press conference in twenty-five minutes.”
“You are doing it?”
“Yeah. Somebody has to speak for the band, and Sharon damn sure can’t. She wigged out and had the doctor give her pills. Scares the crap out of me, Caroline. She’s weak to begin with. A situation like this
is how a person gets hooked on crap.”
“Where’s Haley?”
“She fell asleep. Naturally,” he hastened to add.
“She’s a beautiful little girl, Jackson.”
“Yeah. She is”—his throat closed up and he cleared it before finishing—“isn’t she? Those freckles are new this summer.”
“They’re too cute. Did you have freckles where you were young?”
“No. She gets those from her mother.” The frown returned to Jackson’s brow. “She’s going to be so lost without Mary. She’s been her nanny since Haley was two. It sounds terrible to say, but losing her Poppins will be worse for Haley than losing Sharon would have been. She’ll need help, more than what Sharon will be able to give her.”
He grimaced and shook his head. “This so sucks.”
“Go take your shower, Jackson. You could probably use something to eat, too. I saw trays of food. I’ll make sandwiches for us. Okay?”
“Thanks.”
The press conference ended up being delayed for forty-five minutes because Coco decided the show absolutely positively must go on. In other words, she attended the event, escorted by Jackson, whom she leaned on both physically and emotionally throughout.
Caroline took Haley down to the swimming pool to play while it took place and watched it on YouTube later. It was a heartbreaking performance. Though, performance wasn’t the proper word because Coco hadn’t been acting. Her devastation and helplessness was real. Caroline understood the devastation. The helplessness, not so much.
However, she told herself she wasn’t going to judge. People grieved differently, and nobody had the right to tell someone else how to go about it. Hadn’t she learned that lesson personally? Still, being around Coco necessitated Caroline calling upon all her maturity reserves. And as the first day drew to a close, no end to the need was in sight.
Everyone turned to Jackson for direction—families of the deceased, surviving band members and crew and their families, corporate staff in Nashville, and even household staff there and at both of Coco’s vacation homes. Jackson stepped right into the role of decision maker and never skipped a beat.
By all appearances, Coco was not only content for him to assume the mantle, she thrust it upon him.
If Jackson had been designated decision maker, as their second day in Las Vegas drew to a close, Caroline recognized that she had assumed the part of Poppins, acting as the new nanny for Haley. Not that she minded. Haley was a sad little sweetheart who was lost as she could be right now. Jackson was giving her lots of love and comfort and attention. Her mother seemed to take more comfort from Haley than give it, but Caroline admitted that could be a little harsh.
Long after they went to bed that second night, Jackson lay tossing and turning in the bed. She knew he was exhausted. He’d caught only a few hours of sleep the night before, and today had been particularly draining as he’d led the families in hammering out an agreement on how the band would memorialize its lost members.
Finally, she rolled onto her side and asked, “Want to talk about it?”
“No. I don’t want to think about it.” He exhaled a heavy sigh into the darkness. “Unfortunately, I can’t stop.”
He sat up and slung his feet over the side of the bed, which triggered muted floor lighting. He sat hunched over, his elbows on his knees, his head dropped forward. “Today was … oh, Caroline. So much heartbreak in that room. And trying to come to a consensus, nothing was going to make everyone happy. Some of those people will never be happy again. Damn. Randy had four kids. Two boys and two girls. Mary was her parents’ only child. And Paul—he’s one of our sound guys—he’s a basket case because he’s the one Mary switched seats with right before everyone boarded. He bitched and whined because he was supposed to be on the other plane—usually played cards with our drummer. Now the guilt is about to eat him alive.”
“The whole thing is tragic.” She went up onto her knees behind him and began massaging the tight muscles of his shoulders and neck. “Are they any closer to figuring out what happened to the plane?”
“Some sort of mechanical malfunction, but pinpointing exactly what will take some time. I hope they will be able to tell us exactly what happened. Otherwise, we’ll never get half those people back on an airplane.”
Caroline’s fingers stilled for just a moment as she braced herself, then she dug a little harder with her massage as she said, “Haley told me today that she doesn’t want to fly home. That she’s going to go in the bus with you and her mom.”
“Yea-ah.” He groaned the word. “I was going to talk to you about that tomorrow. Nobody in the group is in a real hurry to get on a plane. I’ve got Sharon’s bus deadheading here. They’ll arrive sometime tonight. The memorial will be in Nashville on Saturday. Randy’s wife is the only one who wants a funeral first. That’ll be in Tulsa on Thursday. Sharon is adamant against getting on a plane, and if Haley’s feeling that way, too, well, I can’t leave her.”
“No, you can’t.”
“I can’t ask you to come on the bus.”
You can’t? Her hands slid from his shoulders. She sat back on her heels.
Then Jackson twisted around and pulled her down onto her back. He rose above her. His eyes glittered as he spoke fiercely. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed how Sharon is taking advantage of you. You’re not the new nanny. I haven’t been in the position to call her on it, and I figure you’ve been okay with it for a couple of days because you wanted to help and you’ve been a godsend where Haley’s concerned. But enough is enough, Caroline. You have a business of your own to tend to. If I recall the calendar correctly, you have another author signing this weekend. I can’t—I won’t—ask you to put your life on hold for another week because my child’s mother needs help being a mother.”
Caroline didn’t know how to respond to that. She couldn’t argue with his reasoning. She reached up and cupped his cheek. “I love you, Jackson. I want to help you any way I can.”
He pressed a kiss against her palm. “I have to take care of them. Not forever, but I have to help them get through this next week.”
“I know.”
“You are so precious to me.” He lowered his head and kissed her, slowly, sweetly, and tenderly. When he finally lifted his mouth from hers, he stared down into her eyes for a long moment. “Before I met you, I never knew just how sexy strong is.”
He made love to her then, as slowly and sweetly and tenderly as his kiss. In doing so, he applied that special Jackson McBride balm to her bruised emotions.
First thing in the morning, at Caroline’s request, Jackson booked a seat for her on a commercial flight to Austin due to leave a little before noon. Before Caroline left the hotel for the airport, Coco thanked her graciously for her help and wished her safe travels. Jackson and Hayley rode with her to the airport. At the curb, she knelt down and gave Haley a big hug. “I’m so glad I finally got to meet you, Haley. I put my phone number in your phone, and I want you to feel free to call me whenever you want to talk—as long as it’s okay with your mom and dad, that is.”
“Okay. I will. Will you come see me again, Miss Caroline?”
Caroline glanced at Jackson. He answered for her. “She sure will.”
“Good.”
“Goodbye, sweetheart.” Then Caroline gave Jackson a fierce, hard hug. “Good luck. Call me. If you need anything, just ask.”
“I will.” He leaned down and kissed her. “Thank you, Caroline. For everything. I don’t think I’d have made it through all this without you.”
“You would have, but I’m glad I was able to help.”
“Help doesn’t begin to describe it. You did more than help. You saved my sanity. I love you, Caroline. Travel safe. Call me when you get home.”
“I will. Love you too.”
“River is with Tucker, but if you miss him…”
“I do miss him. I’ll bring him to town. You come get him, get us, just as soon as you get home.”
�
��That’s a plan. It shouldn’t be long. A day or two after the memorial, at the latest, I figure.”
“Okay.” She bit her lower lip as she smiled at him.
“So, see you later, lady.” He touched her cheek.
It was sort of a standoff, then, neither one of them wanting to turn away first. Finally, Caroline lifted her chin, squared her shoulders, and said, “Goodbye, Jackson.”
She turned and walked into the Las Vegas airport where slot machines pinged and bells rang and falling coins jangled. McCarran International Airport was a crowded, bustling place, one of the busier airports in the world. Waiting to go through security and then walking to her gate, Caroline had rarely felt quite so alone.
* * *
Jackson spent much of the road trip with a phone glued to his ear as he ironed out details for the memorial. At the request of the families, the service itself was to be invitation only, but they’d agreed to allow it to be televised live. These had been performers, after all. Jackson was pleased with the program they’d come up with. A mix of speakers and music, it wasn’t anything he would have wanted for himself, but for Coco’s band, it was appropriate.
Haley spent much of the ride glued to her tablet. Another time, he would have done something about that—using technology as a babysitter was a particular pet peeve of his—but these weren’t normal circumstances. Sharon slept. And slept. And slept.
Another time, he’d have done something about that, too.
Except, he thought that right now, sleeping was probably the best thing for her. She seemed to have cried out all of her tears. Now when she was awake she was either always in motion in a manic way or sitting in her seat, staring out the window in a vacant, zombie stare.
Neither way was good for Haley. He almost wished he’d pushed for sending his daughter to Texas with Caroline. He could probably have gotten Sharon to agree to it. Hell, even today, she looked at him to make all of her decisions.
Just like she’d done before Ray-Walker had come into their lives.