Nothing that I had with Zia even resembled what I’d had with Ash. Ash had been an abuser, a controller, a chameleon beneath the surface.
I’d thought he loved me. Instead, he wanted to control me.
I had pulled away when I was able, but perhaps it hadn’t been quick enough.
And that was on me, even if my therapist and I agreed that it couldn’t all be on my shoulders, I still had to take some responsibility. I had ignored the warning signs, thinking that I was so much better than those who could fall for an abuser.
Or maybe I had been blind to it all.
I made a mental note to call my therapist again because I didn’t like where my thoughts were leading.
Was this all because of Zia? Because I was letting myself feel? I couldn’t blame her, because that would be wrong on many levels, but I still felt like perhaps I should be smarter than this. Maybe I shouldn’t see her again.
It didn’t matter that we’d had sex in her bed, in mine, in my shower, and on her couch. It didn’t matter that the two of us had gone out to dinner a few times, had laughed and made plans for later tonight. It didn’t matter that we’d both said that this was just casual, only fun.
My dreams were anything but casual and fun.
And while it wasn’t Zia’s fault, and I would never blame her, it was still my fault for letting myself fall into the temptation that was Zia Clarkson.
I washed the conditioner out of my hair and then rinsed off before jumping out of the shower and looking down at my phone as it buzzed again. I hadn’t heard it the first time, and it seemed I had missed a call. I answered this time, running a towel over my body.
“Hey there, Aaron.”
“You’re coming with me to lunch,” Aaron ordered. I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see me.
“You are very good at ordering me around, and yet, has it ever worked? Ever?”
“You’re right. It has never worked. But I enjoy trying. Mostly because I know you’ll do what you want. However, you have said no to my lunch date three times now, and I’m starting to take it personally.”
I snorted. “I said no because I had meetings all day.”
“But you’re off today.”
“I am. And I don’t have plans yet. Other than to change the water filter in my fridge.”
“That’s really on your calendar?” He laughed, and I couldn’t help the smile on my face.
“It is, but it’s not going to take me the whole afternoon. I’d love to have lunch with you.”
“Are you doing okay? You’re usually a lot snarkier before I get you to go out with me.”
“I just woke up. Leave me alone.”
“Now that’s the Meredith I know and love.”
“Asshole,” I said, laughing. I was standing naked in my bathroom, my hair wet, and a smile on my lips.
I wished that Aaron and I had been right for each other. He was such a great friend, and always made me laugh. We weren’t suited. It would’ve been easier if we were.
The fact that Zia’s face filtered through my mind at that instant worried me. But it shouldn’t. Zia and I would end up friends, like Aaron and I had.
That’s what I was good at—making friends after hiding for so long.
I couldn’t let myself fall any more than I already had.
“Where do you want to meet?”
“How about we do a brunch thing instead of lunch? We can go to the Boulder Bean.”
“I love that place. They have great pastries.”
“And sandwiches. We can mix it all up. A friend of a friend owns the place.”
“A friend of a friend?” I asked.
“A friend of a friend of someone in the family, who might also be a friend of the friend. I don’t know. I’m very confused.”
“You have confused me beyond confusion,” I said, laughing.
“Either way, I know the person now, and we’ve adopted her into our family.”
“You can’t just adopt people into your family whenever you feel like it,” I said.
“We adopted you, didn’t we?”
“No, you didn’t.”
“One day, you will be a Montgomery. And you won’t even realize it happened. You’ll only be signing a check, and oh my gosh, where did that new last name come from?”
I laughed, shaking my head. “You’re ridiculous. Why hasn’t anyone caught you yet?”
There was silence on the line for a minute, and I was afraid that I had fucked up.
“You know I don’t like to get pinned down,” he teased.
“Sure, whatever you say.” I knew Aaron wanted love, romance, and a future, only he hadn’t found it yet. Anyone who caught him would be blessed, indeed.
“Anyway, I’ll see you at brunch today?” Aaron said, and I let out a sigh.
“See you then.”
I hung up, looked at myself in the mirror, and figured I should probably take my time to do my hair and makeup since I had a date with Zia tonight, too.
A date with a woman I’d promised myself wouldn’t be serious. And yet, it seemed it was getting too serious.
I was going to brunch with Aaron later, and that wasn’t serious at all. We were only friends. Friends that had slept together once and wouldn’t do it again. And Zia and I were friends that were currently sleeping together, but when that ended, we wouldn’t do it again either, and hopefully, we would remain friends.
I didn’t need serious. Somehow, if I found serious, I knew I would ruin it all.
I always did.
I was dressed and ready to go, my water filter changed. I put all thoughts of seriousness and relationships out of my head. I had other things to worry about than a nonexistent relationship with a woman I enjoyed but didn’t want anything serious with.
Aaron was already seated at a table by the window, talking with a woman with short, spiky, red hair and a woman with dark, glorious, chestnut brown hair.
“Well, we have extra tickets if you’d like to join us,” one of them said, and I held back a snort. Of course. Aaron couldn’t walk around without somebody hitting on him. It was what he was used to, what I was used to with him, for that matter.
Aaron smiled, but there was strain at his eyes, and I didn’t know where it originated from. “Sorry, ladies, my date’s here.” His gaze met mine, willing me to go along with it, and I held back a sigh before going to him, kissing his cheek, and running my hands through his hair. I knew he was grimacing, even if he was smiling at the same time, because I was messing up his hair.
“Hey there, baby boo.”
“Oh. You’re with him?” one of the women asked.
“Yes, but I do loan him out every once in a while. If the price is right.”
“Really?” the redhead purred, and Aaron reached around and gripped my thigh, pinching me just enough to make me swallow a squeal.
“I’m not for sale, ladies. Despite what my woman here says. Isn’t that right, pumpkin ass?”
“Pumpkin ass?” one of the women said before she giggled. They waved goodbye, whispering to each other as they walked off.
“Pumpkin ass?”
“You were trying to sell me to the lowest bidder, I needed a good name for that,” he said.
“I thought it was the highest bidder so I could make some money?” I said, kissing him on the temple for real before taking a seat across from him.
“Well, I assumed you’d want to make me degrade myself completely, so I went with lowest.”
“You’re not wrong there,” I said, laughing. “So, why couldn’t you tell the women you weren’t interested?”
“I tried. But they wouldn’t listen because they thought I was teasing. And I’m pretty sure they both asked me out. Together.”
“Well, they were pretty.”
“And a good decade younger than me.”
“They were in their teens?” I asked.
“Pretty sure they’re barely eighteen but dressed to make themselves look older. I’m not going t
o jail if they’re under eighteen.”
“Oh, wow. I did not catch that.”
“Yeah, but now they’re probably going back to their senior class, or their freshman college class, to tell them about the woman who’s selling off men.”
“It’ll be a story.”
“Sure, but if I meet them again, I’m still not for sale.”
“So you say,” I said with a laugh before changing the subject. “I love it here. I’ve only been here a few times, though. Mostly because I haven’t been back in town for long enough.”
“I’m glad you’re back, Meredith,” Aaron said, turning serious for a minute.
Echoes of the dream washed through me, but I smiled and pretended like nothing was wrong.
“Of course, I’m back. I’ll always come back for my honey boo. That’s what pumpkin asses do,” I said, narrowing my eyes at him. “We really aren’t good at the whole cutesy name thing, are we?”
“Not even a little,” Aaron said, shaking his head.
“Thanks for inviting me out to brunch,” I said. “I’ve been in a funk.”
“Aren’t you dating the delectable Zia? How can you be in a funk with her?”
“We’re not dating. We’re just hanging out.”
“Okay, no need to get testy.”
“Men say that to women to get them to shut up and act like good little females. I don’t appreciate it,” I said.
“I’m saying it to you because I didn’t mean to anger you. And don’t lie and say you’re not angry or worried or whatever the hell is going through your head. Because something’s there, and if you don’t want to talk about it, fine. But don’t lie to me and say that everything is okay.”
“Fine, I won’t lie to you, but I’m also not going to talk about it.”
“Okay, then. I’m here if you need me. You know that.”
“Same here, but I don’t need you.”
“Okay.”
There was an awkward silence, and I didn’t know what to say. I knew I was acting like a bitch, but I didn’t know what to think about Zia. And I didn’t really want to think about her right now, so I wasn’t going to say anything. Even if I hurt one of the only people who actually cared about me.
“Aaron?” a familiar voice said, and I looked up to see his sister Bristol walking towards the table. “I was just coming in for a scone and saw you guys here. Hi there, Meredith. It’s great to see you again.”
“Bristol,” I said, smiling at the other woman.
“I swear we don’t always see each other when we’re out and about,” Aaron said, laughing at the look on my face. “It is only coincidence because we happen to know the woman who owns the Boulder Bean.”
“A friend of a friend,” Bristol said, and I held up my hands.
“Aaron tried to explain earlier, and it gave me a headache. No need to elaborate.”
“Anyway, it’s great to see you.” Bristol bit her lip.
“Is there something you wanted to say?” I asked, worried.
“No, I just…it really is good to see you. And Zia doesn’t tell me anything because she’s so private about certain things, but she’s smiling, and I wanted to thank you for that. And now I’m going to shut up because I don’t want to ruin anything. You guys have a wonderful day.” She waved and then scurried off to the front to order. I looked over at Aaron and blinked.
“Sorry about that.”
“No need. I mean, it’s a small world.”
“We should go order our food, too. I just got here to save the table since I happen to like this spot the best.”
“I get it. Um. Just…is it okay if we don’t talk about Zia?”
“You said that earlier, and I got you. It’s only that Bristol and Zia are best friends, and they used to date. There’s going to be some weirdness no matter what when you see her.”
“Well, you and I went on a date, and we’re not weird.”
“We’re weird naturally, so adding in the dating thing or whatever we want to call what we had because sometimes you refuse to use the D-word, only adds to who we are.”
“Maybe,” I said, shaking my head. “Things are getting far too serious in this conversation right now. Let’s talk about you and your penchant for having women throw themselves at you.”
Aaron laughed. “I am a perfect specimen. What can I say? They can’t help themselves.”
“Dork,” I said, shaking my head before we went up to order our food. Bristol waved at us on her way out, giving me a bright-eyed look, and I had to wonder why Zia didn’t talk to her about me. Was it because I wasn’t serious enough? Or did she think it was more serious than it actually was?
I was giving myself a headache thinking about it and was glad that Aaron steered the conversation to books and his next art piece. It was easier to think about that than what the hell was going on with my life.
By the time we finished our brunch, I felt a little more relaxed, more like myself. Or at least as much as I could be.
I still didn’t know what I was going to do about Zia, but I wasn’t going to cancel tonight. I would head over to her house soon so we could meet and watch a movie.
I frowned, thinking about that.
That seemed awfully homey and cozy now that I thought about it. And not so relaxing and sexy.
People didn’t have stay-at-home dates where they watched movies and painted their nails or whatever the hell we were doing tonight if they weren’t serious, right?
“Fuck,” I whispered to myself. “I’m overreacting.”
I pushed all weird thoughts from my head, slid on comfy black leggings and a tunic top—feeling a little more girly than usual—and headed over to Zia’s. I had picked up cheesecake bites from the Boulder Bean, and I figured that was enough to last the night, Or hopefully, the week. Though I would probably eat them all myself if I could.
Zia answered after the first knock, her hair done up beautifully, and her face clear of makeup. She looked much like she had when I first saw her.
“Hey,” she whispered, leaning forward and kissing me on the lips.
It felt like a normal action, as if we had done it a thousand times. And it scared me. It shouldn’t, but it did.
Zia seemed to catch my thoughts on my face, and her smile fell a bit. I could have kicked myself.
“I brought cheesecake bites,” I said, leaning forward to tug on her hair as I kissed her hard.
She sighed, and I knew I had done the right thing. I couldn’t hurt her. Because we were only having fun, and having fun meant not thinking so hard and hurting people that you liked along the way.
“Are these from the Boulder Bean?” Zia asked.
“Yep. Some of the best stuff I’ve ever had.”
“Oh my God, I’m so excited. Come on in. I have Netflix queued up, though I have no idea what we’re going to watch tonight.”
“Is this a Netflix and chill situation?” I asked.
“Do kids even say that anymore?”
“I don’t know what’s in nowadays. I barely have social media.”
“I know, it’s going to be weird when, in a few years, the music that we loved in high school is on the oldies station.”
“I’m pretty sure some of it already is,” I said seriously, and we both visibly shuddered before she leaned forward and put a smacking kiss on my lips, stealing the cheesecake from me.
“I made guacamole and a veggie tray. The vegetables because I was going to drink wine, and I figured I needed some health food, but now I probably should’ve added more veggies considering how much I’m going to gorge myself on this cheesecake.”
“You’re going to have to save some for me.”
“You say that, but you brought it into my house as a present, so I think it’s mine.” She gave me a wicked grin. “Of course, you could always buy them with sexual favors.”
“You know, I’m pretty sure I have ways to get what I want when it comes to your pussy and that cheesecake.”
She barked out a
laugh, and I joined her, shaking my head.
“I cannot believe you just said that,” she said.
“I can’t believe I did either. But here we are. And I want some fucking cheesecake.”
“I guess you’re going to have to have pussy first.”
I snorted and then wrapped my arms around her waist before lifting her up off her feet. I twirled her around the kitchen, and she laughed, pushing at my shoulders.
“You’re going to drop me.”
“Maybe. But then I’d, you know, kiss you where you fell.”
“Sure. I’d be the one bruised, though.”
I looked at her then, that seriousness washing over me once more, but I ignored it.
Because this was fun.
We were friends.
Friends who joked around and ate cheesecake and talked about eating pussy in the kitchen.
It couldn’t be anything more than that.
I wasn’t going to let it.
As her lips crashed onto mine, and I held her tighter, needing more, I told myself that wasn’t a lie.
I had never been good at lying.
Chapter 7
Meredith
* * *
“I still think it’s fucking hot,” I said, knowing I was blushing.
Zia lifted up her shirt a bit more, the underside of her breast peeking out. I swallowed hard, knowing she needed time to heal, and I shouldn’t pounce on her right then. But damned if I didn’t want to.
“I love the shading that Maya did.” She looked over her shoulder at me. “Thank you for coming down to Denver with me to get it done.”
“Are you kidding me? It was a blast. I miss my old artist, and I’ve heard such amazing things about Montgomery Ink, but I can never get in.”
“And now that you know me, and I happen to know a Montgomery, you are on the list.”
“I could have been on the list since I know Aaron, you know.”
Zia rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I’m your in. Not him. Just saying.”
“I’m on the list with Callie,” I said absently. “Who has the perfect style for me. Did you see that koi fish she had on her back?”
“I did. She had on that tank top that showed so much skin I was afraid you were going to fall right off your stool.” Zia blinked.
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