by E. M. Moore
My skin flushes. I don’t like the sound of prize, but I really need to know what the hell he’s talking about. It kills me, but I place my hand on his knee and squeeze. “What do you mean?”
His gaze traces over my hand. “He saw how much I liked you. That it’s more than the other girls. I don’t just want to fuck you,” Johnny says, like that’s all he’s ever wanted. “He’s promised you to me as soon as I move up.”
His attentive gaze makes heat bloom all over my body. At least I know he won’t be trying to seduce me at every chance he gets. I try to steady my heartbeat. “I guess good things are worth the wait.”
“I’ve never been patient.”
His eyes grow dark. For a moment, I’m like a caged animal clawing at the bars of her prison. He’s not happy about waiting. He loathes that he’s waiting, but he doesn’t voice any of that because the car comes to a stop. When the door opens behind me, I all but fall out of it, my ass hitting the pavement.
A hand reaches out for me, and I take it. When the owner of the hand helps me up, I stare into Magnum’s brown eyes. “You okay?” he asks, gaze feathering over my body like he’s looking for anything out of place.
I nod, but it’s Johnny who gets right out of the car and pushes Magnum out of his way. “Hey…” he says, his gaze and voice full of concern. He likes to flit between personalities, like there are two different people living inside him. It’s scary. He’s never been a monster to me, but I’ve seen glimpses under the surface. Of course, that could be me just putting things on him. I know who his father is. I know what he’s done.
Then again, another voice tells me that since Johnny’s in practically the same position, he’s done the same shit. Maybe he’s killed innocent people. Maybe he’s ruined a little girl’s life for the Heights Crew. Decisions, actions, they have consequences. No one thinks how far those consequences might reach while they’re in the thick of it, but it goes far beyond the one action, the one moment in time. One second, I’m just a happy kid without a care in the world. The next, I’m thirsty for vengeance. I uproot my whole life. I worry the fuck out of my aunt and uncle. Those consequences won’t just stay in its place either. Every decision I make—and each of those consequences—is now a consequence of Big Daddy K’s action.
I place my hand over my stomach to keep from overreacting even though in my head, I’m already there. I hate being tethered to him in this way. I just want to end it and be done with it.
Johnny runs his hands through my hair and cups the back of my neck as he rights me. For a blissful moment, I close my eyes and pretend he’s doing this because he really does care about me. For a second, I close my eyes and pretend it’s anyone but him.
Then, his lips touch my forehead, and it’s like being doused with cold water after coming out of a coma. “I’m okay,” I say, my voice scratchy. “Sorry, I don’t know what came over me.”
Magnum’s brows pull together, but it’s Johnny who speaks. “We’re heading in here, Mag. Can you make sure someone brings her a glass of water?”
Magnum’s jaw ticks. For as much power as Johnny has, it always looks like people don’t want to follow his orders. I don’t have the lay of the land yet to draw too many conclusions, but just from the little things I’ve seen. I doubt he has as much power as his father yet. It’s possible he hasn’t proved himself.
Johnny fits his arm around mine, holding me steady. I glance over at him, wishing I could stare into his soul. Not his heart or his brain. Those can be masked. But his soul. The very center of his being. Those are as true, as raw, and as open as anything. Is his tarnished? Has he stained it already?
I don’t know why, but I hope he’s as much of a victim in all this as I am. Maybe everyone tied to the Heights Crew is a victim too. Of their surroundings. Of their circumstances. Of their upbringing.
Oscar’s face drifts into my head.
I take a deep breath and face forward again. “Where are we?”
Clothes hang from mannequins in store shop windows. The style is street chic, I guess it could be called. I look up and down the sidewalk we’re standing on and am struck by how busy it is. Well, comparatively. Instantly, I know we’re not in the Heights. There’s too many people walking around in business attire like they’ve just walked out of their places of employment. People don’t dress like that in the Heights. At least not many.
“Pampering my girl,” Johnny says. He holds the door to the store open for me. When the workers see him, their eyes round and they come right over, calling him Sir and Mister even though they never say a last name to go along with it. “This is Kyla,” he tells them, gripping my shoulders. “She can have whatever she wants.”
I blink up at him. “What?”
He takes my face in his palms. “You’re my girl now, Kyla.” His eyes are bright, almost glittery with excitement. “You can have everything your heart desires.”
I swallow as he brings my hand up to place a kiss on my knuckles, then he passes my hand to one of the women waiting. I look behind my shoulder as I’m dragged away. The girl titters next to me. She’s practically blushing and tripping over herself. She breathes out dreamily like she just saw her favorite actor and wants to melt into a puddle. In the next instant, she’s shaking her head like she needs to clear her mind. “Let’s get you started. I’m Lynette. That’s Ryn. And that’s Glo.”
I give a half-hearted wave to them all. This is the last place I thought I’d find myself in today. I look back to find Johnny taking a seat on a pure white couch in the front area, his arms outstretched over the back cushions like he owns the place. Who knows? Maybe he does. Maybe this is another front for the Crew.
There’s so much I need to learn.
A bottle of water in hand, Magnum strides through the front door. He brings it over to me, gaze on the floor.
I breathe out. “Thanks.”
“God, you must be thrilled,” the girl who Lynette called Glo says. A wishful sigh pushes past her pouty hot pink lips.
“I’m—” I stare at them. I don’t know how to react. This is more than anything I thought would happen. Listen, I’m not immune to clothes. I love clothes. I love girly shit. Just because I like to fight doesn’t mean I can’t do my hair and makeup the next day and still feel as powerful as when I’m slamming someone twice my size into the mats. It’s just I’ve never given into that side of me before. I’ve always been focused on the plan. “I don’t know what to think,” I say honestly. I take a drink from the bottle Magnum got me. The crisp, cool water slides down my throat, cooling off my suddenly flush skin. Afterward, I hold the bottle to my head. It was a mistake not to ice my face last night.
The girls giggle all the way to the back corner. When we arrive, they split off, gathering up different outfits for me after asking what my sizes are. I hardly know. When I was at my aunt and uncle’s, I had to wear a uniform to school, so I didn’t have many other clothes. I had jeans and shirts for lazy days and fancy dresses for when I was forced to attend parties. I’ve grown up since I’ve taken control of my life. The clothes I have on were all bought from Walmart, much to my aunt’s distaste, but I refused to be even more of an expense for them.
It strikes me then that I’ve never picked out new clothes I’ve actually wanted for myself. My parents did it when I was a kid, and after that, my aunt handed over the credit card while I chose whatever was cheapest. I didn’t have much of a choice in anything because I declined to take pleasure in it.
With that thought, I go to the closest rack and pull out a couple of things that catch my eye.
After about twenty minutes, I’m taken to the side of the store, the girls still smiling and laughing next to me. They’ve pulled out many more outfits than I have, some of them gaudy and ridiculous. They take me into a dressing room surrounded by mirrors and hang up all the different outfits. I’m literally in a sea of colorful, revealing, tight-fitting clothes. It blows my mind to see all of them here.
Lynette’s gaze looks around the room
and then she nods. “We’ll be right out there if you need our opinion on anything. Rocket is through that curtain,” she says, pointing to a different way out of the room. She winks at me. “If you want him to see anything.”
I smile, the feeling awkward, but a warmth worms through me anyway despite knowing who I’m here with. When they leave the room, I stare at my reflection in the mirror and just shake my head at myself. Last night and into today has been a whirlwind. I can’t imagine what I would be feeling if I was actually a girl who wanted Johnny. Like one of the three outside the curtain right now who are all whispering and laughing with one another about how hot the gangster is.
Because that’s what he is. A gangster. I can’t forget that important fact.
I try on a bunch of different outfits. Some of them I put right back on the hangers and move them to the side. They’re just not me. They’re not anything I would wear in a million years. All the while, I make sure I’m focused on what I can move well in. Or outfits I can hide shit in. In this life, I’ll never know what’s going to come at me, so I need to be ready for anything. I can’t be wearing anything too skimpy that I can barely hide my private parts let alone a weapon.
The more and more I try on, the guiltier I feel. How am I going to pay for this? And I’m not talking money. By accepting these clothes, does that mean I’ll have to do something for Johnny? He told me his father ruled I was off-limits for now, but he also said he was an impatient man. I want to be off-limits. I want to have my own say in who I get naked with. Is this just a show? A way for him to get in my good graces, so I don’t notice how terrible he is and fall into bed with him?
I sit on the bench in the room, staring at me in a nice, new outfit. If it comes to it, I’ll have to sleep with Johnny. I don’t know why the realization’s hits me just then, but it hits me hard.
In order to keep up appearances, I’ll have to do things I don’t want to do. Things I wouldn’t do in a million years.
But the outcome will be worth it. Right? I can lose a little bit of myself to save my entire self. That has to be worth it.
In a heartbreaking moment, I wish I could leave. I wish none of this ever had to happen, but that isn’t my lot in life. If Johnny demands sex one day, I’ll crawl into the sheets and spread my legs because I’m “his girl” and being his girl gives me access to the real prize.
Taking back my life.
13
In the end, I come out of the dressing room with three outfits. I checked the tags on them first to make sure that they weren’t super expensive. When I walk out with just the three, Lynette and Glo gape at me. “That’s…all you want?” Lynette asks.
My heart clenches when I realize I’ve offended her, but how can I tell her accepting a bunch of clothes means I’m Johnny’s bitch? Hell, I’m already his bitch. I don’t need to press my luck. The only reason I’m taking three is because if I walk out of here with no clothes, Johnny will be the one who’s offended, and I don’t know how that will work out for me.
I’m distracted, so when I walk into the main area, I don’t immediately realize it’s just Magnum there, standing by the main door like he’s making sure no one else comes in. Beside me, the girls blush, but take my garments over to the marble-topped counter to ring them up. I stand in front of them like I know I’m supposed to, but I also have nothing to pay them with. Well, I do, but it’s all in an account I’m saving for when I have to escape overseas to get away from the mess I’ll be leaving in my wake.
Lynette blushes after she’s finished ringing them up and putting them in a bag. Then, we just stare at one another awkwardly. “I’m sure he’ll be back in a minute,” she says.
There’s no reason for her to be as embarrassed as she is. I take another look at her, seeing how red her cheeks are and realize there’s something I’m not getting. I place my empty water bottle on the counter and turn on my heel to approach Magnum. “Where’s Johnny?”
His face remains stoic. “He’s in the back.”
“Okay…” I move that way. Something’s just not sitting right with me.
Magnum sighs. “Where are you going?”
“To get him,” I say. “I’m sure these ladies don’t want to be waiting all day.”
Magnum grabs my wrist. “You can’t do that.”
“Can’t do what?” I pull out of his grip and keep going.
For his part, he doesn’t try very hard to stop me. Either that, or he’s slow, which I highly doubt. The guy is fucking built. I move into the back of the store and turn in the opposite direction of where they set me up with a dressing room. If he was that way, I would’ve seen him.
A muffled noise reaches my ears. I stop. Magnum almost plows into me. My ears perk up when a breathy moan sounds to my left.
Son of a bitch. How many girls were just out there? Just Lynette and Glo. There was another girl, too.
I step forward, but Magnum’s voice stops me. “You shouldn’t do that.”
“Fuck you,” I snap.
I follow the noise to another fitting room and move the curtain aside. Johnny is balls deep inside Ryn who was helping me pick clothes out not fifteen minutes ago. She squeals and moves to a standing position, dropping her palms from the wall.
Johnny’s dick falls out of her. She covers herself, and if Johnny was half the guy he pretends to be, he’d be helping to cover her himself, but he’s not. Instead, he’s smirking. He leans casually against the wall, letting all of him hang out, and trust me, it’s impossible not to see it. “I thought I told you to keep her away,” Johnny muses, staring daggers at Magnum.
“You saw her fight. She’s squirmy.”
I peek at Mag over my shoulder. He lifts his chin in the air. He’s fucking lying. A big guy like that could’ve stopped me if he really wanted to. Hell, he could’ve tackled and pinned me down, but he didn’t. He only made a mediocre attempt to grab my wrist.
He wanted me to see this.
For fuck’s sake, it isn’t as if I thought Johnny and I were actually going to be a thing. I don’t fucking want him. He’s the last person in the world I want. But knowing all that, pricks of anger still heat my skin. He just made me look like a fucking dumbass.
He’s a liar, a fake. What the fuck did I expect?
Apparently, I expected more. I don’t know why. The area behind my eyes heat, and I blink back the threat of tearing up. For a minute, a very short fucking minute, this almost seemed like a fairy tale. I never pegged me as the girl who would get all swoony over a guy who would drop money on me, but I guess I’m not as immune to that as I’d like to be.
I throw the curtain back to hide them both again and turn. I plow through both Lynette and Glo and wonder if they knew all along something like this would happen. I’m sure it’s happened a shitton of times before. Everyone probably knew what was going on but me.
Somehow, Magnum beats me to the front entrance. Thoroughly proving he could’ve stopped me from looking at the scene before. “I can’t let you leave, Kyla.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Are you shitting me?”
He shakes his head and disappointment riddles his features. Why does everyone act differently than I think they’re going to?
He shocks me into a beat of silence, but I can’t stay quiet. I need to get the fuck out of here before I do something really stupid: act like I care. “Please,” I say, gritting my teeth.
He shakes his head then looks over my head like he doesn’t want to look at me anymore.
I turn to Lynette. “Is there a back way out of this building?”
She looks at Magnum like she doesn’t know what to say, which tells me already that there is one. I move toward the back of the building again. I’m almost to the dressing room where I found Johnny and Ryn when Ryn comes out. Her eyes widen, and she tries to get out of my way, but I don’t let her. I grip her shoulders and shove her into the closest wall. “You should have more fucking respect for yourself.” She quivers beneath my touch, matching the anger shaking my wh
ole body. I’m madder at myself than anything else. Getting caught up in this shit was never part of the plan. I lean in close. “You want someone’s dick inside you who’d treat you like that? Someone whose girl is just in the other room? Woman up.”
I push her into the wall one last time and turn, only to be face-to-face with Johnny. Glitter of excitement shines in his eyes, but it looks far more dangerous than it did earlier. He reaches for me, and I shy away. His jaw ticks. I doubt he ever gets rejected, but fucker can’t think I’ll just act like everything’s fine after cozying up to me in the car and then sinking his dick inside someone else not an hour later. That’s not how shit works. I don’t care if you are Johnny Rocket of the Heights Crew.
He sinks his fingers into my forearm and pulls me away from our audience. We step out a back door, and just like I did to Ryn, he pushes me against the concrete block exterior. Rank garbage wafts in the air around us. I almost choke on it.
Johnny gets in my face, his lips thin, practically quivering with anger. “Do not ever fucking reject me.”
I swallow. There’s that rage I would’ve bet was simmering underneath the surface at all times. My own indignation rises. I want to tell him to get fucked, but I’m caught because I can’t do that. I still need to have a way to get to Big Daddy K.
God, I fucking hate this.
Any other guy who would have done this to me could’ve expected to get his ass kicked. But this asshole? I can’t do anything to. I just have to sit back and take it.
I don’t have to play the part of hurt girlfriend for the next words to come out of my mouth. “You said I was your girl.”
“I also said I can’t have you yet,” he seethes. “Do you think I’m just going to sit back and wait?”
Actually, yes. Any girl would fucking think that.
“Yes,” I hiss, holding back about seventy-five percent of what I really want to say.
He laughs in my face, then takes his hands off me. Until he did that, I didn’t realize how much pressure he was putting on me. I’m going to have a bruise on my shoulder from him slamming me into the wall. Asshole.