by E. M. Moore
His mouth pulls into a smirk. “I mean I told my dad to clear my schedule. It’s just us two.”
“Us two and your favorite guard?” I ask, motioning toward Magnum.
He’s in the corner of the warehouse, sucking down water. I’m still trying to get my breath under control from our last sparring session. Sweat has slicked my hair back until it’s matted to my face. I’m in desperate need of a shower and a massage. Something Oscar’s been happy to oblige me with lately. As long as no one else is around, of course.
“Some things just have to be,” Johnny says. “You can just ignore him when we’re together.”
I’d love to be able to, but the truth is, Magnum is always staring at me. So much so that I’m surprised Johnny hasn’t noticed. “Right,” I say, taking a bottle of water and cracking the top, so I can chug it down. Its icy cool temperature does wonders to cool me off. “And what will we be doing tonight?”
“Something…normal,” he says.
My brows pull together. Normal? Johnny is so abnormal I’m not sure he knows what normal is. Does he realize training for a fight against a guy that could probably snap me in half isn’t normal? Does he realize having a guy follow us around all the time isn’t normal?
He lowers his voice. “I just want to show you that we can still be normal,” he says again, his voice trailing off. “I feel like you need that, like you’ve been missing out on that.”
Honestly, this conversation is probably the most surprising one I’ve ever had. But the fact that Johnny recognizes it is even more of a surprise. “What’s your idea of normal, Johnny Rocket?” I tease.
He opened up to me just yesterday, explaining to me why his Heights Crew nickname is Rocket. Apparently, the guy has a penchant for explosives, which is scary as fuck. A silent killer. You can take out anybody with an explosive and not even be anywhere near them to have to clean up the mess. Ever since he’s told me, I can’t seem to stop asking myself how many people he’s killed. Or if he’s done it at all. Does Big Daddy K even allow his son to get his hands dirty?
I can’t make myself form the words to ask him. I’d rather not know.
“Dinner and a movie. And I think I can help with your Magnum problem.”
Magnum looks our way, no doubt hearing his name. The back of my neck burns.
“We’ll just do everything in my apartment.”
“Oh,” I say, nerves reaching up to bite me. Being alone with Johnny still isn’t on my to-do list. I don’t know how he’ll act. He says dinner and a movie, but does he really mean foreplay before hitting the sheets?
“Come on,” he says, oblivious to the war I’m having with myself. He stands from the bench first and offers me his hand. “You can take a shower at my place.”
Brawler, Oscar, and Magnum glare at us. Their heated gazes chip away at my armor. I can’t even look back at them because I’m afraid all the feelings I have will show on my face and all Johnny has to do is look.
Brawler speaks up. “Didn’t you want to get your wrist checked out?” he throws out there.
“What happened to your wrist?” Johnny asks, concern twisting his features.
I lick my lips, still avoiding the gazes of the other guys in the room. “I may have bruised it, that’s all.”
“I’ll make sure you ice it.”
“I thought we were going over last-minute shit,” Oscar says, agitation lacing his voice.
They’re trying their damndest to get me out of this.
Johnny stills. Oscar’s question makes the soft, approachable Johnny leave. In its place stands the guy who’s not to be second-guessed. “Big Daddy K prepped me earlier, Bat.” He spits out Oscar’s nickname like it’s a curse.
I don’t dare look, but whatever motion Oscar makes seems to appease Johnny for the moment. He puts his hand around me and guides me toward the side entrance.
“Mag,” he calls out, his voice slicing through the tension in the air. But Magnum already understood what was happening. He reaches the exit door before us and holds it open. He goes from sparring partner to guard at the drop of a hat.
Johnny draws lines over my fingers and knuckles the whole time we’re in the car. Drenched in my own sweat, I’m acutely aware of what I must look and feel like, but I don’t move away. Training again has me feeling on top of the world. Like I can conquer anything. This is why I love to fight. It’s having power within yourself. Faith in yourself that you could protect yourself if it came right down to it.
There were so many times I wished my parents had taken a self-defense class or something. Maybe things would’ve ended differently if they had. Bullets win over fists every time, and you can’t stop madness, but at least you can try. At least there might be a flicker of hope.
“What are you thinking about?” Johnny asks.
My parents. The ones your father killed.
For a moment, I imagine what would happen if I actually said that. Johnny can be so sweet. At first, I see him caring and loving, but the second he puts two and two together, that I’m not here to worship his father like everyone else but to take him out, I’m done for. For Johnny, it’s the Crew all the way.
“The fight,” I lie. I turn in my seat to face him. “Do you think I can win?”
Uncertainty crosses his features, but his stare is steadfast. It’s such a mixed message that I don’t know how to take it.
I start to pull away from him, but he stops me with a steady grip on my fingers. “I do,” he says.
“Good,” I tell him, still trying to get a gauge on his reaction. It’s not what I expected. “Because I’m going to.”
“I don’t want to talk about the fight tonight.” Johnny leans back in the seat to look out the window. “I just want this to be about you and me.”
“Dinner and a movie?”
He nods tightly, and it’s obvious something has affected him. Whether it was my question or if he’s distracted about something, I’m not sure.
Magnum pulls the car into the lower parking level and parks near the same door we did last time. I don’t like being here. As soon as I get out of the car, my stomach tightens. I place my palm over it, worried I’m going to be sick the whole time.
Johnny puts his hand on my back and steers me toward the elevator. We get in with Magnum who turns the other way to give us privacy. The sweat marks on his back dip low and a feeling of pride washes over me. I’m glad I can give someone like Magnum a workout.
“Do you think I can win?” I ask Magnum.
Magnum’s shoulders bunch. He peeks over at us, gaze hard. He reaches up to scratch his scruff, but whatever he was going to say is cut off by Johnny.
“I told you I don’t want to talk about the damn fight.”
His fingers cut into my wrist. I pull it away, yanking it to my chest. Magnum turns fully now, watching us both. His gaze keeps flicking between Johnny and me, like he’s waiting for the former to explode.
“So, I can’t talk now? Is that what you’re saying?”
Johnny’s lips thin.
“I wasn’t making you talk about it. I was asking Mag.”
“It doesn’t matter what Magnum thinks. He’s here for one reason and one reason only: make sure no one gets killed. We don’t care what he thinks.”
I don’t know what’s crawled up Johnny’s ass, but he sounds like a petulant child. Magnum makes no reaction. He just keeps staring ahead, his glare settling above mine and Johnny’s heads now. He doesn’t even act as if he heard Johnny’s cutting remarks.
I turn away from the Rocket. Not for the first time, I wonder why I get so confused around him. He’ll always come back to this guy. This one who thinks he’s better than everyone else because of who his dad is. Someone who’s used to getting their own way.
Johnny curses under his breath. He tries to move closer to me, but in a moment of serendipity, the elevator doors open, and I walk quickly out, avoiding him. I’m not sure what I’m going to do when we’re in his place alone together, but for righ
t now, at least he knows that shit isn’t going to fly with me. He really shouldn’t have been a dick just after I got done training. I’m never in the mood to put up with shit after beating the shit out of things.
Magnum stops me in the hallway. He goes over to the table to pick up the wand, and I stand there, arms and legs wide so he can run it over me.
Johnny stands to the side, head shaking the whole time.
“She’s good,” Magnum says.
“I should hope so,” I tell him. “You’ve been training with me for the past few hours. I think you’d be able to tell if I had a weapon on me.”
Johnny turns, moving toward the door on the left. Magnum’s upper lip quirks up as I walk past him. Johnny opens the door into a suite that is much like his father’s, only smaller. Everyone in this city would be drooling over this place. It’s three times the size of mine with new furniture, sleek lines, and that feeling when something is just clean. It’s barely lived in.
As soon as the door closes behind me, Johnny whirls. “Don’t talk back to me in front of anyone,” he spits. He’s in my face, nose-to-nose. “Don’t fucking back talk me at all. Who the fuck do you think you are?”
I blink at him, swallowing. This is the moment where I don’t know if I should push Johnny or not. I sure as fuck don’t want to be his punching bag—verbally or otherwise—but what kind of options do I have? The thing is, Johnny can be better than this. He just doesn’t know any better.
I move in closer, the tips of our noses touching. “You claimed me because of the way I fight. It’s not just in the ring that I’m feisty,” I tell him, making it clear I will not fucking take shit from him either. “I get who you are, and I’ve accepted that. But that doesn’t mean you disrespect me in front of other people either. It was a simple goddamn question.”
“I told you I didn’t want to talk about it.”
“Well, I do. Your wants aren’t any more important than mine. Deal with it.”
I move past him. I search the room for a bathroom. Only a couple of doors lead off from the main living area, so I choose the one to the left, only it opens up into a bedroom, the sheets a pile at the foot of the bed. Luckily, there’s a door ajar inside Johnny’s room, a towel lying on the floor, so I know it must be a bathroom.
Johnny grabs for me. “You are infuriating.”
“Me? Try dealing with you.”
His pale blue eyes flash. It’s sexy as hell, not going to lie. But hot or not, I won’t put up with this. Not when I’m going to fight for his Crew. There’s no way he should be treating me the way he is. Even he should realize that.
He backs me up. I walk backward until my legs hit the side of the bed. “You think so, huh?”
I nod.
He pushes my shoulders, and I fall back. A nice, comfortable mattress waits for me, and I bounce a few times before he hovers over me. “No one’s ever said that to me before.”
I try to wiggle out of his cage, moving up the bed, but he keeps following me. Finally, I stop because I have nowhere to go unless I want to fall off the side. “Probably because they’re all scared of you.”
His nostrils flare.
I look around. The twisted sheets turn my stomach. “When’s the last time you fucked someone in this bed? Are these soiled sheets? Don’t ever bring me into a dirty fucking bed,” I growl.
He quirks his head, licking his lips. “I don’t fuck girls here. You think I bring skanks into this place? This place is for family only.”
The way he says family, I know he doesn’t just mean him and his dad. He means the gang itself. That’s all he has. All he knows.
“I didn’t make the bed this morning because I got up early to run with you. Then I watched you train for hours.” He presses his body into mine. “Then I get your smart mouth the moment I get alone time with you.”
I suck in a breath. Johnny’s as hard as a rock. My workout clothes are skintight, and his joggers leave nothing to the imagination as he presses into me. My body responds to him, licking flames through my core, my muscles tightening. At the same time, my head just doesn’t know what to think.
I grip his hips to stop him from pressing into me.
“I want you.” His words come out on an exhale.
I take a deep breath, my chest pressing into his. “I can’t, Johnny.”
He closes his eyes and swallows. “My dad won’t find out.”
“It’s not that,” I say. Johnny needs some hard truths. It’s better for me if I give them to him because I need to understand who he is. Is he the rough and tough gang guy? Or is he something more? Is there any hope for him at all? “I don’t know you,” I say, pushing his hips away from me.
His eyes open. His first instinct is to lash out, but I watch as he reins it back in.
I sit up, forcing him to move even further back. “You give out conflicting images of yourself. One minute you say pretty words to me, and the next, you’re fucking a dress store worker in a back fitting room. I mean, fuck, Johnny. Does that sound fair to you? I don’t know which guy you are.”
His response is automatic. “I’m both. I won’t make any apologies for who I am.”
I slide off the bed, getting to my feet. “I don’t want you to.”
“But you’re still pissed about the girl at the shop?”
“Pissed is an understatement. Ever felt betrayal? White hot rage and embarrassment? That’s what it felt like.”
“I can’t have you yet,” Johnny seethes, like it’s his reason for everything.
“Then have you ever heard of self-restraint. Fuck, am I allowed to go out and fuck someone?”
“No,” Johnny growls. He gets in my face again. “No.”
My heart thumps, remembering that perfect moment with Brawler. Here I am being altruistic when I’ve done the same thing Johnny has. The only difference is, I’m not allowed to get upset if Johnny puts his dick inside someone else. But if I have sex, my partner and I will both end up dead.
I close my eyes. What am I doing? There’s no use trying to make him see reason. This is all he knows.
Maybe he isn’t salvageable. And even if he was, he won’t be when he finds out I killed his father.
28
This is my biggest fight yet. Not only does it have the most at stake, but it’s my biggest challenge.
I sit next to Johnny in the car on the way to the abandoned mall where the fight is being held. He’s holding my hand, but ever since the evening in his apartment, things have been strained between us. Honestly, I don’t think he knows what to do with me. Or maybe he’s just pissed I turned him down or the fact that Magnum showed up five minutes into the movie we put in and told him he had to come to the meeting after all.
Whatever his reasons for the sour look on his face, I can’t worry about it. I need to worry about what’s in front of me, and the only thing currently in my way, is taking Evan out. Once I take Evan out, I’m in Big Daddy K’s good graces. I’ll have the access I need.
Brawler and Oscar are in another car God knows where. Or maybe they’re even here already, prepping the space. I attended a meeting yesterday with more members of the Crew than I’ve seen in one place before. They all looked at me skeptically, but no one outright said anything. Big Daddy K had already made his choice, but he ordered everyone to be on hand during the fight in case they needed anything. In case this went sour. I don’t know if he’s making contingency plans if I win the fight. Or if I lose.
If I win, maybe I can even save some bloodshed.
The car pulls into the parking lot. It’s dark out, so I can’t see much through the tinted glass other than a few streetlights in the distance.
“Give us a minute?” Johnny asks Magnum.
Magnum gets out of the car, leaving us alone. Johnny sighs. He turns toward me, so I turn to him, watching him grapple with his emotions.
“I didn’t express myself well the other day,” he says. “I was angry because you’re in this fight at all. That’s why I didn’t want
to talk about it. That’s why I didn’t want to hear anyone else’s opinion on whether you were going to win or not. I don’t want you to even be fucking fighting, Kyla. I’m so fucking pissed at my father for getting you in this mess.” His hands ball to fists, and he looks straight into my eyes. “I’ve never expressed that before. Never. My dad makes an order. I follow through. That’s how this works. I’ve never once questioned anything he did, but I did this time. And it’s because of you.”
My mouth slips open. Right when I decided to harden myself against anything Johnny Rocket had to say or do, he does this. It’s not fucking fair, but if anyone knows life isn’t fucking fair, it’s me.
“Fuck, Kyla,” he says, staring at me, his gaze wandering down my clothes. I’m dressed in a tank top and capris, my hair pulled up and out of my face. I wound it into a tight bun, so it couldn’t be used against me in the fight. “I only fucked that one girl since I’ve been with you, and after I did, I didn’t feel better. I thought it would, but then I realized who I really wanted was you. So no, it made me feel like shit. Especially when you walked in. Seeing your reaction... I could tell I hurt you.”
A knock comes on the car door.
Johnny growls. “Another fucking minute!”
I squeeze his hand. “Thank you for telling me all that.”
Johnny’s eyes swim with emotion. “Be careful out there tonight. Stick with Magnum after the fight.”
I nod, about to turn around to exit the car, but Johnny cups my face. His intense blue eyes soften for a fraction, but then he moves forward, capturing my lips in a kiss. He stokes a fire in my stomach, turning it from nerves to heat. Considering I wasn’t able to see Oscar or Brawler this morning like I thought I was, I soak this up like a woman dying of thirst.
Afterward, he pulls away, throws the door open, and then holds his hand out for me. I get out, and as soon as I do, I forget about everything Johnny just said. I peek at my surroundings, taking in every little nuance as I prep for the fight in my head.