I felt like there were a lot of loose ends between us. But I somehow knew if I started picking at the individual threads, everything between us would unravel.
• • •
“You’re so beautiful, Maureen.”
“You’re the beautiful one, Ronnie.” I responded to my costar’s line with mine as scripted, then ran my tongue along the tendon on his thick neck, and he groaned.
We were in bed together for this scene. The lovemaking stuff had to appear as real as it could be.
“Do that again.” Reginald Dupree, the actor who played my much older love interest in the film, let out another husky groan before lifting my head and cradling my face in his large hands.
I faked a moan as his lips touched mine.
The full production staff, I ignored. The shuffling of the cameraman’s feet on the studio flooring, I tuned out. Perry McNaught, the director, circled his hands for a tighter close-up. But one thing kept bumping me out of the moment.
One person.
Max.
Arms crossed over his chest, he wore his stony expression and his work suit. He was in bodyguard mode, and that was the only reason he was allowed on the closed set. But this was another lovemaking scene, and those bothered him. No matter how stoic his expression, I could feel the displeasure rolling off him.
“Stop,” Perry called, his hand making a slicing motion. “You’re too stiff again, Hollie.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll fix that.”
Perry clapped his hands. “Let’s take five, everyone.”
I climbed out of the bed, threading my arms into the silk robe the wardrobe tech held out for me. I was adjusting the hem to cover the nude bikini bottom I wore when he called me again.
“Miss Wood.”
“Yes?” I turned to find the director beckoning me.
“Could you come in my office a minute? I need to have a word with you.”
Oh no. I nodded and followed him, avoiding Max’s gaze as I padded by him.
“Could you shut the door please?” Perry asked, taking a seat behind a cluttered desk.
“Absolutely.” I closed the glass-paned door carefully.
Everything in the formerly abandoned studio was old and nearly falling apart. The cameras were rented. The techs were doing double duty. The hours were long. But there was a buzz of creativity. An energy. A spirit of cooperation among us all that was contagious.
Part of it was the script. It was snappy and whimsical, a throwback to another era, a lot like the man across from me. He adjusted the thick frames of his horn-rimmed glasses and focused on me through the lenses as I took a seat on a folding chair opposite him.
“You’re doing better than I expected, in a lot of ways.”
“Thank you, I think.”
Perry nodded and swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing above his plaid tie. “But in a lot of ways, you’re doing much worse.”
“I’ll fix whatever needs fixing.”
“Your energy level is low. You need to get more rest, whatever it takes.”
“I’ll double my workouts.” Maybe then I’d be so exhausted, I’d sleep without dreaming.
“You’ve lost a noticeable amount of weight since we started filming. I’d suggest something less strenuous. A form of meditation, perhaps.”
“I do yoga.”
“Maybe do more?”
I hadn’t done any. I’d completely neglected it. “I’ll start doing it tonight.”
“That would be good.”
I started to rise.
“One more thing,” he said, and I froze in midmotion.
“I’m kicking your bodyguard off set.”
Surprised, I dropped back into my seat hard, my eyes wide. “Okay, I guess.”
“No guessing about it. He hinders you. He’s overprotective, intimidates the staff. You bump out of character in your intimate scenes because you keep glancing over at him. I can’t get a decent close-up. So, he’s gone. Today. I’ll send him in here, and you’ll tell him. Are we clear?”
“Yes. Crystal.” Folding my hands tightly together, I nodded once.
“Good.” Perry stood. The storyboard sketches on the brick wall behind him framed his squat body. He hooked his thumbs in his suspenders and slid them up and down reflectively. “I always add a good with the bad, and the good is your comic timing. You’re a natural. You’re stealing the scenes from the other actors with your deadpanning. I’m very excited to see more of what you can do.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
The door rattled as he departed, then rattled again only a few short moments later as Max entered. I stood to face him.
“What’s going on?” His eyes narrowed as they searched mine.
“Perry doesn’t want you on the set anymore.”
“Why not?”
“I can’t focus properly with you around.”
“What a load of crap.”
“It’s true.”
Every muscle in Max’s body seemed to tense. “Don’t do this. Go talk to him. Explain to him. It’s not safe for you to be unprotected.”
“Samuel hasn’t bothered me since the Firelight premiere.”
“That doesn’t mean he’s not planning anything.”
“I don’t want you being my bodyguard anymore. It’s too awkward.” Things that I’d been bottling up inside spilled out. “I just want you to be my boyfriend. Boyfriends don’t come to their girlfriend’s work.”
“All right.” The crease in Max’s brow deepened. “But I’ll need to find other employment. I’m not the type of guy to sit around and do nothing.”
“I know you’re not.”
“I’ll have to go back to LA.” He ran a hand through his hair, looking troubled.
“Can’t you job hunt from here?” I needed him. I might avoid sharing the broken parts of me, but I didn’t want to be alone with them without him as a buffer.
“No. Word will get back that I’m not working for you. I’ll need to, um, strike while the iron’s hot. Interview in person with interested parties right away. That kind of thing.”
Another job. Max could end up working 24/7 for someone else like he had for me.
I didn’t see the knife’s edge to our relationship coming. But it hadn’t just come. It was already here. The ties that bound us were poised to be cut.
“I’ll be careful.” I was so scared, my pulse was thrumming beneath my skin. But I couldn’t keep him by clinging, otherwise I might as well end everything right now. “I’ll use the car service to get around.”
I licked my dry lips, and his gaze dipped to my mouth. My stomach flipped from his heated regard, but I powered through it to focus on setting him free.
“Hotel to work and back until filming is complete.”
I nodded my agreement but dropped my gaze, unable to look him straight in the eyes. He’d see my fear. My desperation for him to stay.
“Hollie, I’m worried about you.”
“Don’t worry. Do what you need to do. I’ll be fine by myself until filming wraps up.”
I didn’t want him feeling sorry for me—I wanted him to love me. To continue loving me. Even though I was falling apart. I needed to know I had him, even if it had to be long distance.
Without Max in my life, I was afraid the foundation of my entire world would crumble.
“I’m fine.” I twisted the belt of my dressing robe, pretending I was okay long distance, just like I’d pretended I was okay when Max was right beside me.
“Anything interesting happen since I left?” he asked.
I heard the ocean in the background. Today was his swimming day. Longing for him, for the beach, for Fanny, Ernie, all I’d given up, it all hit me, and my knees went weak from the pain of the loneliness.
In the director’s office, I sank onto the folding chair. I’d sneaked away for privacy. On the other side of the door, the crew was rearranging the set for a music trailer. The clanging and banging grated my a
lready raw nerves.
“Same old, same old here.” In other words, more nightmares and continued running from my past. But without Max, everything was far worse than I could have imagined. “Did you decide to take the job with Lori Morgan?”
“Yes. She doubled her offer.”
My heart sank. Lori was a beautiful up-and-coming actress with a tragic past. By all accounts, she was a really nice person. Without an evil stepfather. Without all my hang-ups.
“Oh, that’s great.” Dullness in my tone belied my words. Now I understood how he’d felt about me working closely with my male costars.
“It is great. When you get done with filming, we can pick up and resume where we left off, only with me working for someone else. It’ll be an adjustment, but it’ll be okay. Right?” He sounded as though he needed as much reassurance as I did.
“Yes.” I gnawed my lip. “If we keep on schedule here in Chicago, I’ll have a little extra time to come out to LA to see you before I go to Switzerland for Cedric’s project.”
“I’d like that. The condo’s too empty without you in it.”
Tears pricked my eyes. “Same here. I mean, the bed’s too big without you.”
Max cleared his throat. “So, nothing notable with filming?”
“No. Just that a band’s coming in today to shoot a music video for the trailer.”
“Finally.”
“What?” That didn’t make any sense.
“I meant, is there any finalizing of things with the lawyers and the case against Samuel?”
“Yes. They want me to come in again. Give more details.” I crushed the belt in my hand.
“Why do they need you to do that?”
“Do you remember me mentioning Maria Castel, our housekeeper?”
“Yes. Did they find her?” He sounded incredibly alert.
“Yes, they did. She’s in Venezuela. She went to stay with a friend of her family. She’s scared of Samuel, and she should be, of course. Hart’s team is working on getting her back to LA. They’re promising to put her in a secret safe location until the trial is over.”
“Good plan.”
A knock rattled the glass pane on the door. “‘Miss Wood?” I recognized the voice of one of the interns.
“Yeah?” I said, covering up the receiver.
“There’s a woman with the band asking for you. She says she’s your sister.”
I dropped the phone.
“Hollie?”
I heard Max’s voice at my feet. My hands shaking, I scooped up the phone and returned it to my ear.
“I’ve gotta go. Fanny’s here.” I ended the call and yanked open the door.
“Don’t be mad.” My sister’s big silver eyes filled as she took me in.
“I’m not mad.” I was in shock. “How—”
“Max mostly. He called Olivia. She called Ash. Ash made the director an offer he couldn’t refuse.”
“The Dirt Dogs are doing the video for free.”
“Yeah, good guess.”
“Anything else I should know?”
“Um . . .” Her lips flattened and her auburn brows rose.
“What, Fanny?” I hugged my arms around myself to keep from throwing them around her.
I shouldn’t have bothered. She launched herself at me and threw hers around me. I started to shake in her embrace. I was going to lose it. Totally lose it.
“Fanny.” I choked up, trying and failing not to cry.
“I missed you so much,” she said, squeezing me so tight I could barely breathe.
Through my sobs, and hers, I heard a familiar voice.
“Hey, darling.”
My best friend stepped up behind Fanny. His compelling brown eyes met my tear-filled gray ones.
“Ernie!”
“Otherwise known as the best music-video stylist in the business. Yes, that’s me.”
He moved behind me, and I became the peanut butter in a sister-and-best-friend sandwich.
“How?” I gasped between short sobbing breaths, and I certainly wasn’t the only one. “How can you be here? I pushed you both away. I was afraid Samuel would hurt you, but I was horrible. How can you forgive me?”
“Oh my!” Ernie said. “That explains a lot.”
“Maximillian called us, Hols.” Fanny pulled back to look at me, her face as wet as mine. “All he said was that you were hurting, and he thought you needed us. So here we are.”
The studio abuzz with excitement, I sat on a folding chair with one of my hands in Fanny’s and the other in Ernie’s, my heart lighter than it had been in months.
“We can go one of two ways with the video.” Perry, the director, peered over his glasses at me first before turning his gaze to the band. They were ready to play. Linc at center, Ramon on his right with a guitar, Diesel on his left with his bass, and Ash behind them with his drums. “We can do the song for real all the way through and splice in a montage of scenes from the movie, or we can have you do the song with Hollie in character, interacting with the band.”
“Interacting,” Ash said.
“I’ll do whatever.” I tugged my hands free and stood. “I’m just grateful to you guys for doing this. And I want to apologize for the way things went down at my party. I thought I was doing the right thing cutting you guys out, and maybe I was. But I went about it the wrong way, and I let too much time pass without saying that afterward. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Ramon said.
“Forgiven.” Linc threw a palm up and swished it back and forth as if he were erasing marks on a chalkboard. “You’re part of the family. We’ve all made mistakes.”
“We’ll continue to make mistakes,” Ash said.
“For sure, some more than others.” Ramon gave Diesel a look.
“Speak for yourself, asshole.” The bassist smirked, and I tried to ignore how the curl of his lips and the crescents that formed on either side of his mouth continued to intrigue me. “Let’s stop the bullshit and play some fucking music. I’ve got shit to do after this.”
“So, how do you want us?” Linc asked Perry, gesturing to the men who flanked him. “This okay?”
“Be yourselves.”
“Rowdy and proud. Can do.” Ramon flashed a big smile.
“Sexy as hell. I’ve got that covered.” Diesel released his hair from his elastic ponytail holder, and my stomach fluttered as his waves of his glossy black curls settled around his wide shoulders. Catching me staring, his dark brown eyes sparkled, and the crescents around his mouth deepened.
“Best of the bunch.” Linc shifted to smile at his cousin.
“Co-best.” Ash returned the smile, threw his muscular arms in the air, and clacked his sticks. “Let’s do this.”
As Ash counted, Linc turned to face forward, and the band launched into a song I recognized because Fanny had played it so often over the years.
I unbelted my robe and shrugged the cool silk off my shoulders. The cameras were already running. I preened for them in the seductive lingerie I wore from the movie.
But though I posed for the cameras and swayed my hips in time to the Dirt Dogs’ beat, there was more than a little part of me that did those things as seductively as possible because I knew Diesel was watching me.
• • •
“We gotta head back on the road.” Fanny tilted her head toward the tour bus idling a few feet away in the parking lot.
“I know.” I shuffled my feet. I had on Uggs and a long coat over the lingerie, but even so, I was cold.
“I can stay longer if you need me.” She searched my eyes.
I held her gaze, forcing mine to be steady. “I’ve got this.”
“Max is worried. He said you’re having really bad nightmares.”
“I’m under a lot of stress. I’ll meditate on it and release it, then I’m going to give him an earful for scaring you.”
“He loves you, Hols.”
“I know he does. Not sure exactly why.” I gnawed on my lip.
“Because you two work together. Because he knows a good thing when he sees it. Because you’re you. Sweet. Self-sacrificing. And far too easy on others and too hard on yourself.”
“She’s right.”
The studio door slamming behind him, Ernie joined us.
“No more shutting us out. You have a cell phone. Use it.” Frowning at me, he shuffled his feet in his beige chukkas. “Damn, this Chicago wind is cold. I love you, Hollie-girl. But you need to get your sexy ass back to LA pronto.”
“I will. I miss you.” I hugged him, and he hugged me.
“See you soon, bestie.” Ernie waved his hand in the air.
My brow creased as I watched him jog toward the bus.
“I don’t deserve his friendship,” I said, turning back to Fanny. “I don’t deserve Max either. He’s going to get tired of my crap. I’m going to lose him.”
“Maybe. But the happiness he brings you is worth taking that risk, don’t you think?”
I nodded. “How’d you get so wise?”
“I played it too safe. Lost years I could’ve already been with Ash. Learned from my mistakes. Learned from Mom’s too,” she said, her expression turning reflective. “Don’t let love slip away and settle for something less because you’re scared.”
“Do you think that’s what Mom did?”
Fanny shook her head. “I’m not sure. I’m starting to remember little bits and pieces, or at least what I think are memories. The strongest one is of a man and me walking to the end of dock and sitting on the end of it together. He seems sad, like he’s telling me good-bye. Maybe he regretted letting Mom go. We’ll probably never get the answers we’d like about what happened back then. But mainly, I know how bad life can be when you choose wrong. Promise me you won’t do that.”
Later that evening, I paced the floor of my hotel suite. Pick up. Pick up.
“You’ve reached the voice mail of Maximillian Cash.” The sound of his recorded voice made my heart melt. “Leave a message, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”
I opened my mouth to speak, then shut it. What he had done for me today and how I felt about it was too big for a recorded message. I would try to call him again later.
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