I got too anxious waiting. When a person is your entire world, and you know you’re about to lose all that means anything to you in one fell swoop, like you’ve been afraid would happen all along, well, I just couldn’t sit still anymore. I needed to let off a little excess energy before you left me. I think better in the water. More positively. I told you that once. I know you remember.
I remember everything about you . . .
The chiming sound of your laughter. The creamy softness of your skin. The sweet taste of your lips. The way your hair looks like spun gold when the sun shines on it, or it did before you bleached the color out of it. The sparkle of your eyes when you’re happy. The dullness in them when you’re sad.
I never wanted to make you sad. I wanted to show you how love could be. How I could love you. How we could be together.
I thought love could make a difference. That a wish and reality could intersect, and inside that frame could be a happily ever after for us. But I’m afraid now that you may have had it right all along.
I tried. I tried so hard to make the wrongs in my life right for you. I repaid the gambling debts. It took Samuel’s money and my salary from you to do it. I went to Biloxi, then I tried to stay away from you afterward. To cut all ties between us. You remember? But I came back. And you gave me a pass without asking anything in return. Just wanting me. And I just wanted you.
The paper shook as I crinkled it in my trembling hands. Someone to want me for me? It was what I’d always wanted.
I swiped aside my tears and refocused to read the rest. There wasn’t much more.
This fakery with Lori was my last chance to try to redirect Samuel. I thought if I could fool him into believing you weren’t my world, he wouldn’t be able to pressure me anymore. But he didn’t buy it. He just keeps hammering at me. Threatening to expose me to you. He knows my worst fear is losing you. He slices at that fear again and again, cutting into it, cutting me down. Probably like he kept cutting you down year after year when you lived with him.
He made you think so little of yourself, when the reality is that you are so much better than all of us. So worthy of love. Worthy of better than mine, for sure. But mine, you have. Mine you will always have. I told you so many times. Do you remember?
Love always,
Max
Crushing the paper to my chest, I stood. The little boy was gone, but remembering the direction he’d come from, I moved that way.
Tears blinding me, I had to sidestep out of the way to avoid paramedics rushing toward the water with a stretcher in their hands. But though I was clumsy, the important thing was I remembered everything Max said.
He’d tried for me. It had been me for him. I’d mattered to him. And maybe, just maybe, there was a way forward without any more secrets between us.
My hand low over my stomach, I stumbled. I noticed the men with the stretcher beside a lifeguard vehicle parked by the water’s edge. They had stopped because there was a stretcher already there and a figure lying on it.
Prone.
Unmoving.
A man.
“No.” I shook my head, but I knew it was Max. There was no denying it, though there were no vertical grooves on his cheeks and no air lifting his chest to fill his lungs.
My eyes burning, I watched the paramedic draw up the blanket, covering his handsome face and his familiar golden hair.
My cell rang in my pocket. I ignored it. From behind me, Olivia called my name. I ignored her.
With all that I had in me, I willed Max to move, to sit up on the stretcher.
But my will wasn’t strong enough.
I wasn’t enough.
“No,” I whispered, dropping to my knees in the sand, my possibility for love swept out from under me like the tide.
The world was only so big a place. I’d run to the farthest edges of it and come back to the beginning. But in the end, there was no running away from myself and the truth I’d always known.
To be continued in Island Side . . .
My husband who encourages and lifts me up when I am down. He is my inspiration for romance. Plus, he let me go to Ocean Beach again, and took me to Hawaii for this duet. That’s pretty cool. I heart you, hubby.
My boys who understand my wandering mind and enjoy taking adventure trips with me that we call research.
My best friend, Lisa Anthony. To know her is to love her.
Teresa Marsh-Jensen, my musical muse.
MJ Fryer, my literary muse.
Binah from Ocean Beach.
Luis at the Ocean Beach Hotel.
Dr. Diane Klein. Critical reading. She makes sure my words are cool.
My Rock All Stars encouragers and support group.
Book love book bloggers.
And you my readers. The stories are for you.
A special thank you to Heidi the designer owner of Blondstone jewelry studio on Newport Avenue in Ocean Beach, California. If you go to OB, visit her shop. It is magical. She designed the wave necklace the model is wearing on the cover for Island Side. It is so beautiful, I have one of my own and incorporated the piece into the story. It is the necklace Hollie gives to Diesel.
If you would like to order one of your own you can link to it here.
Michelle Mankin is the New York Times bestselling author of the Black Cat Records series of novels.
Fall in love with a rock star.
Love Evolution, Love Revolution, and Love Resolution are a BRUTAL STRENGTH centered trilogy, combining the plot underpinnings of Shakespeare with the drama, excitement, and indisputable sexiness of the rock 'n roll industry.
Things take a bit of an edgier, once upon a time turn with the TEMPEST series. These pierced, tatted, and troubled Seattle rockers are young and on the cusp of making it big, but with serious obstacles to overcome that may prevent them from ever getting there.
Rock stars, myths, and legends collide with paranormal romance in a totally mesmerizing way in the MAGIC series.
Get swept away by temptation in the ROCK STARS, SURF AND SECOND CHANCES series.
Romance and self-discovery, the FINDING ME series is a Tempest spin off with a more experienced but familiar cast of characters.
The ROCK F*CK CLUB series is a girl-power fueled reality show with the groupies choosing the rock stars.
When Michelle is not prowling the streets of her Texas town listening to her rock or NOLA funk music much too loud, she is putting her daydreams down on paper or traveling the world with her family and friends, sometimes for real, and sometimes just for pretend.
BRUTAL STRENGTH series:
Love Evolution
Love Revolution
Love Resolution
Love Rock’ollection
TEMPEST series (also available in audio):
Irresistible Refrain
Enticing Interlude
Captivating Bridge
Relentless Rhythm
Tempest Raging
Tempting Tempo
Scandalous Beat
The Complete Tempest Rock Star Series, books 1-6
The MAGIC series (also available in audio):
Strange Magic
Dream Magic
Twisted Magic
ROCK STARS, SURF AND SECOND CHANCES series (also available in audio):
Outside
Riptide
Oceanside
High Tide
Island Side
FINDING ME series (also available in audio):
Find Me
Remember Me
Keep Me
Rock F*ck Club series (also available in audio):
Rock F*ck Club #1
Rock F*ck Club #2, A Postseason One Novella, Book 2
Rock F*ck Club #3, Book 3
I love rock star romance readers. Stay connected.For cover reveal and release alerts: text ROCK BOOK to 345345 (US only) or follow Michelle Mankin on Bookbub
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