Deserve? That pissed me off. Who the fuck did she think she was? Besides, she’d hate me if she understood how far I’d gone.
“Get this straight—whatever I did wasn’t for you.” I spewed the words, feeling the rage behind them. “It was for my brothers, my club. I don’t owe you shit.”
“Then there’s no reason not to say it.” She glared at me. “Unless you’re afraid of telling me? Ashamed of your actions?”
Ashamed, hell yes.
Afraid, never.
I’d walked through hell and had the scars to prove it. Maybe it was time to prove to Queenie just how dark my life was—then she’d leave me in peace. No way she’d want to be around me once she knew I was a kid killer. It was for the best she understood just who I was.
“You can’t handle my truth.” I gave her one last out.
“I can handle it far better than you are.”
“Really? Here it is.” I sat up as adrenaline pounded through me. “I killed two kids. Shot them without even knowing I’d killed kids until...until they were fucking dead.”
She sucked in a breath.
“Yeah. And, when we were done, seventeen were dead. I slit every single one of those throats, pinning it all on another gang.” Hatred ran through my veins. “You got something smart to say now?”
“Who were the kids?”
I glanced up, that wasn’t what I’d expected to hear.
“Sons of one of the mob guys. And they were there, so they were popped.”
“And it’s eating you alive.” She stared at me with cold eyes. “If you’re such a badass, why is this even bothering you? Was it the wrong call? What?”
I shook my head, trying to make sense of the shit coming out of Glory. Where was the outrage, the shock, the revulsion? None showed on her face. Just this cold curiosity that fed my anger.
“I didn’t even think about it, just did it. And if I had? If I’d registered they were kids, they would’ve still had to die.”
Chapter 29: Glory
I wanted to cry for him. Pain had carved lines in his face, and I hated seeing it.
“What bothers you most?” I steeled myself and forged ahead. “That you killed them without knowing, or that you couldn’t have done it if you’d known.”
“Fuck!” he bellowed. “All of it! That what you want to hear? It bothers me to have done it, and it bothers me to know that if it hadn’t been me, it would’ve been another brother. And it just eats me up that this scum has ruined the purest thing in my fucking life.”
“What did it ruin?”
“I fucked up! Get me. This was all because I took it too far with fucking Frankie, and I paid, we all fucking paid because I got carried away. Costing people their lives—that’s what I’m fucking good for. That’s all I’m fucking good for.” He ran fingers through his messy hair. “I kill people, get people killed, I’m fucking poison. And now I’m spreading that poison to you.”
“You’re a good man.” I ran a hand over his cheek. “With a conscience and a definite idea of what’s right and what’s not.” I loved him, and I wished I didn’t because every road I saw from here ended with my heart broken and Delta gone. “You are right to feel bad, but destroying yourself isn’t helping anyone. Not you or those kids.”
“What do you know? Death for death—that’s what’s right.”
“Not even.” He was so buried in guilt and I needed him to see light or what he said would come true. I couldn’t bear a world without Delta in it. “You owe those kids a long full life—one you live clean and bright.” I poked his chest. “You should live for not only you but for them.”
“You don’t fucking know anything.” He pushed up and fell back as the whiskey and sex took their toll.
I palmed his cheek and he jerked away.
“I don’t need your fucking advice.”
“But you need my fucking.” I caressed his cock.
He exhaled with eyes closed. He stole my breath with his devastating beauty. I pushed up on my knees and kissed his closed eyes, moving down to his cheek before capturing those perfect lips. With slow deliberation, I moved down his neck to his chest.
“Make me forget again.” The words were a low whisper.
“I can do that.” I caressed his cock and guided him inside me. I moved in slow circles. He had tried to fuck me so hard he’d exorcise his guilt. It hadn’t worked, so this time I’d try soft lovemaking. Each stroke, each soft circle, I felt the need build, the love I felt budding between us.
He groaned and held me tight. “Yes, my Queen. Make me forget.”
We wound each other up with slow, sexy touches. Each one more addicting than the last, and when we climaxed together, I’d given him my heart—he’d tattooed my soul. And if it only comforted him for those minutes, it was worth the price.
* * *
After that night, our relationship changed. Not in the hearts and declarations of love kind of way, but we were one—a unit. He’d come to me with this haunted look and we’d fuck it away. We stayed in that little town another day, just being together.
On the fourth day of our trip, we saw Las Vegas ahead. I’d vowed to end this affair when we reached Vegas, but I couldn’t do it. Delta didn’t have forever in him—at least not the way I wanted forever—but I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. He needed me right now and I didn’t have the strength to end it, yet. I’d just have to ride it out and trust I’d know when it was time to move on. More likely, he’d get tired of me and take care of leaving without me doing anything. I had too much on my plate anyway. The Brotherhood had gotten me rehired at the Starlord, so I’d need to bust my ass to practice so I’d be in performing shape.
We pulled into the apartment complex, and excitement made my pulse race. A new place that was only mine—well, mine and Delta’s for however long that lasted.
“You ready to see the place?” He gave me one of his rare smiles.
“I am. And I’m ready to soak this body. I’m sore from riding today.” Or more likely all the sex we were having.
“I can work those kinks out.”
I grinned. “I thought you liked my kinks.”
“Let’s get a move on, Queen.” He pulled me after him.
The apartment was on the ground floor, a rare find in Vegas. I walked in and squealed. He’d had someone unpack and arrange things. Of course, I’d need to fix it up, but at least there weren’t a thousand boxes. In the middle of the living room five boxes sat still packed. I moved to them and saw an Arizona return address. “My Hopi stuff.” I did a little dance before I ripped into the first box.
It was my pottery pieces. I took out the bright blue vase and circled the room, finding the perfect place for it. Delta plopped into my recliner with a satisfied grin stretched across his face.
I went about placing my treasures while he flipped between channels. He’d give an opinion if I needled him, but I could tell he liked watching me decide where to put everything. I started with one of the smaller Hopi rugs and attached it to the wall, making it the centerpiece of my dining room. I put two rugs in my bedroom. One by my side of the bed and one at the end of it. I loved the color. Then I hung one of the paintings on the wall in the bedroom. I placed a couple small pieces of pottery on a shelf I hung in the bathroom.
The rest of the pottery went in the kitchen. The big bowl went on my table and the other pieces decorated the bar between the kitchen and dining area. The apartment only had one bedroom, but the living area was spacious. I loved it.
Eventually, the last Hopi box was empty and the place had character. It was home.
“I’m going to take a bath.”
He gave a nod.
The tub was a huge whirlpool affair. I began running the water and undressing. Delta had taken care of everything, and that should rub my feminist bone the wrong way, but it didn’t. He’d needed to do it, I
think. And I needed him to feel better. I loved the way light flooded the space from the glass block wall beside the tub.
I slid into the steaming, sudsy water and shut my brain off, just letting the aches wash away. The door opened and Delta stood staring at me. The hunger in his gaze ignited my need, not that it took much.
“You joining me?”
He pulled off his tee in answer and soon padded toward me naked. Water sloshed over the edge when he joined me. I should care, but I couldn’t look away from the heat of his stare.
He pulled me to him and settled me on top of his lap before he lavished kisses on my neck and breasts, stealing my breath and feeding the crazy addiction I had for him. When I couldn’t stand the touches another minute, I moved up until I was centered over his cock and slowly I lowered myself, taking him in inch by inch. The water caressed us, our bodies moved, and I fell harder. How was that even possible?
* * *
Without ever talking about it, Delta just stayed. He didn’t tell me why or how long, but he was there when I got home from work most nights, and when he wasn’t he texted. I liked having him near because I felt safe and strong with him in my life. I could almost ignore the seed of fear lodged deep inside me. Pretend I didn’t flinch when a man who wasn’t Delta walked too near me. Pretend I hadn’t woken up in a hospital just a few months ago.
In Delta, a darkness lurked, and it was growing stronger as days passed. It didn’t scare me because that darkness wasn’t aimed at me, but at himself. Whiskey bottles began to pile up in my trash and I needed to do something, say something, but what did you say to a man whose demons you understood, whose love you needed, but whose heart was locked away?
Nothing. I just used my body to give comfort and my smile to give him a bit of cheer. I was the worst kind of coward.
After a hard night dancing, I came home after midnight and wanted a bath, my man and sleep, in that order. The place was dark and I worried Delta was gone again. He’d been away a lot more recently.
I unlocked the door, dropped my bag and kicked off my heels inside the door. Delta sat in the recliner—two empty bottles of Southern Comfort on the floor and a third to his lips. That was ten bottles in the trash this week and it was only Wednesday. This couldn’t fucking continue—he’d kill himself.
I stalked forward trying to figure out what to say. What to do?
“Hey, sexy, you partying alone again?” That was lame and weak.
He didn’t even look my way.
I climbed up on his lap and bent for a kiss. He latched on and kissed me like I was his only hope of salvation. And my heart broke for him. Killing those teens was eating him up.
“Thought you’d never come home.” His words slurred, he clumsily pulled me close. “You make it stop.”
“Make what stop?”
“The thoughts—the voices telling me how bad I fucked up. The faces, I see their dead faces all the fucking time.” He drew me down in another kiss.
I broke the kiss and tugged his hand. “Let’s go to bed, love.”
With a lopsided smile he struggled out of the chair. Damn, he was drunk, more so than I’d ever seen before. We made it down the hall and he flopped into bed, fully clothed. I pulled off his boots and undressed before heading to the bathroom to remove my makeup and get ready for bed. The bath would have to wait. Delta needed me. Honestly, he needed so much more than I could give him.
When I came back into the bedroom, his eyes were closed. I lay down next to him and he drew me to him, holding me so tight I could barely breathe. His grip loosened and I stretched out to grab my phone. I hit Avery’s contact to text her.
Send me Thorn’s number.
A second later, she replied. Why?
I typed furiously. Delta is fucked up about shit that went down in Vegas, and I’m scared. He needs more help than I can give him. Do you think Thorn could help?
My thumb hovered over send, instead I deleted it. Delta would’ve reached out if he wanted the club to know, and my message felt like a betrayal.
Instead I typed back a simple response. I need it.
The baby kicked today! I am sooooooo excited!
You will be a wonderful mama!
Avery sent the number and told me goodnight. I stared at the number and tried to decide what to type to Thorn.
Have you called Delta? Too little.
He’s killing himself. Help Delta. Too dramatic.
How can I help Delta? He’s hurting. Wrong too.
I slipped out from under his arm and moved into the living room. Before I lost my nerve, I hit call on my phone screen.
“Yeah? Glory, you okay?” Thorn’s deep rumble answered.
How did he know it was me? “I am, but he isn’t.”
“How’s he doing? He hasn’t talked to me in weeks.”
“He’s finished off ten bottles of whiskey in four days, and that’s been going on awhile now.”
“Fuck me. I warned him. I’ll take care of him.”
He clicked off.
That was one of the strangest conversations I’d ever had, yet I was relieved. I had no idea how to help Delta through this mess, but my intuition said Thorn knew a whole lot about surviving shit. The weight I’d been carrying the past few weeks eased some as I walked back to bed. I curled up next to my broken man and willed sleep to come.
The next morning, Delta woke me with kisses to my breasts before he moved low between my legs. He knew my body so much better than he did when we met, and he built my need to new heights today, showing me just how intimately he understood me, body and soul. He ravaged me with orgasms, stealing my breath and making my body shake with ecstasy.
“Please, need you, now.” I all but wept the words as he began another campaign on my overstimulated sex.
He glanced up at me with suppressed need of his own. “When I say you’re done.”
Moans, gasps and screams came from me as he played my body with absolute expertise. I held on to him, and prayed for more, for the release I wanted most of all.
But he pushed my body higher and higher until it crashed with yet another orgasm. As I shook with the power of it, he plunged inside me, hard and rough.
“Yes!” I chanted over and over, digging fingers into his shoulders.
He met my eyes and fierceness possessed him. I gave every bit of that back, moving to meet him with my own frantic thrusts. Orgasms fell one after another as he finally gave me what I’d begged for. I loved him. Needed him. Reveled in the fierce way we fucked.
“Ass up,” he growled and turned me over.
I scrambled to comply. He smacked my ass hard, and a thrill chased through me, revving me up yet again. I’d never met a man who understood me like Delta did.
“That’s it. Fuck, I love you.” He pushed into me.
He’d said it. Then he consumed me and thoughts escaped, thinking gone, I soared with him and we both came together. His bellow of release matched my own and we collapsed down to the bed with him lying atop me.
Panting to regain my breath, I lay sweating and spent. He’d possessed me so completely, I barely knew my name, but I understood one thing—we loved each other. I should tell him that I loved him. Did he even remember telling me?
Seconds ticked past, my breathing slowed, and the window to share my heart closed. We lay wrapped together until my alarm sounded and reminded me it was time to start my day. With one last kiss, I rolled off the bed, giving Delta my attention. The heavens moved when we were together today, yet words were always hard for us. Not having any words to say, I padded quietly into the bathroom to shower and get ready for dance practice.
When I came back out almost an hour later, he was gone. I hoped he was making food for us. I dressed in my yoga pants and top before exploring the rest of the condo. Delta was gone. When had he left? I checked my phone, but he hadn’t messaged me
and he rarely did.
I grabbed my bag and decided to have breakfast at the casino. As I opened my door, my phone pinged. I clicked the message from Delta. Heading back to Barden. It’s been fun.
A laugh escaped at the message I’d received. Of all the ways I imagined our affair ending, this hadn’t occurred to me. A fucking text? A tear slid down my face as I dropped my phone back into my purse. There was no response needed—none I was capable of anyway.
Chapter 30: Delta
The wind blowing on my face and the sun hot as hell did nothing to improve the hangover raging through me. I was heading back to the one place I had no desire to go—the clubhouse. But Thorn had sent out a call for help, and I would never ignore that, despite the fact I’d ignored his calls for the last three weeks.
My last morning with Queen replayed through my mind. She embodied perfection to me—strong, sexy, and she gave no quarter. I loved her fire and it was all that had kept me halfway sane the past few months. This morning I’d tried to show her how much she’d meant to me, to thank her in the only way I knew how, and I think she understood me. The woman could fuck like no other, and she’d given me every ounce of her passion, even when she didn’t want to. She’d tried to hold some of herself back, but I’d kept after her until every bit in her was mine.
When the call came from Thorn, she’d been in the shower. It would’ve been easy to walk in the bathroom, but I’d been a chickenshit pussy who’d bailed without seeing her. Hell, she was probably glad I was gone. I’d seen the worry and the way she hurt for me, and it only made me want to drink deeper. Hell, she probably had felt too sorry for me to kick my drunk ass out. No. A clean break was best, and I promised myself I would not go back. I could never go back to her because if I did, I wouldn’t be able to leave her again. She deserved a helluva lot better than me.
The trip back to the Brotherhood was nothing like our trip out to Vegas. I drove straight through, hitting Barden sixteen hours after I left. Glory and I had taken four days traveling to Vegas—magical days I’d always remember. But that was my past, and this was now.
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