by R. E. Bond
I missed him, despite him breaking my fucking heart.
Hot tears pooled at the memories and I reached both arms up at him like a child.
I needed him to tell me it would be okay, despite everything that had happened.
Relief washed through me as he moved onto the couch beside Caden and let me crawl into his lap, his arms wrapping around me tightly but not tight enough to hurt me, as I buried my face in his neck and clung to him.
We didn’t speak, he just held me as we waited for Skeeter’s doctor to arrive, placing me safely between himself and Caden when Skeeter led him in.
The guy frowned as he glanced at me but spoke to Skeeter.
“I’m unsure which damage I’m meant to be looking at, Skeet.”
Skeeter scowled. “All of her. I mean, the cuts are all probably from me, but…”
“Yeah, alright man. Chill,” he replied, his eyes softening as he looked into my traumatized ones.
I hated being so weak and helpless.
I’d fought too hard to claw my way out last time, so there was no way in hell that Tristan was going to destroy me completely.
I’d never give him that.
“Okay, babe. I know you won’t want to, but I need you to part your legs for me.”
Fuck.
I hadn’t thought that through.
My body stiffened, even though I knew I needed to show him, but Jensen kissed my shoulder to show he was there for support.
“It’s okay. Do you want everyone to leave, or…”
“Why? Everyone except the doctor’s basically seen my fucking pussy before,” I snapped, but he ignored my tone.
Everyone could see I was shitting my fucking pants.
His voice was gentle as he spoke again, calming me the slightest amount.
“Alright. Give me and Caden your hands.”
I hesitated before placing my shaking hands in theirs, and Jensen gave me a small smile.
“I’m going to hold your leg to the side, okay? Nice and slow.”
His other hand went to my knee and gently moved it from the other, my eyes clamping shut as tears threatened to spill.
The familiar feeling of Caden’s hand rested on my other leg, which somehow calmed me a little bit more.
The doctor was gentle and patient with me, giving me small breaks when I became close to a complete breakdown, and once he was done, he gave Skeeter a satisfied nod.
“Most damage appears to be emotional, but the burn mark on her thigh needs to be cleaned to stop infection. Maybe stop cutting her up, too. You’re scarring her body,” he scolded, but Skeeter smirked.
“I like them damaged. Thanks for coming around, I’ll get Slash to pay you later.”
He nodded, saying goodbye to us before leaving, and Skeeter instantly turned to Caden with a stern expression.
“I’ve got some shit to deal with. If anything happens to her, I’ll fucking kill you.”
I jolted up from my spot on the couch with wide eyes, panic in my voice at the thought of him going anywhere.
“You’re leaving? You can’t fucking leave me!”
“Babe, I’ve gotta deal with this amongst my guys,” he replied with a sigh, but I knew he wasn’t being impatient with me, he’d just known my reaction was going to happen.
I shook my head, my voice breaking as I kept begging him.
I didn’t give a shit how pathetic I looked.
“You can’t leave me with them, Skeet. Fuck no.”
“Of course I can.”
“But…”
He gave me a small smile, unfamiliar kindness in his eyes as he stroked my cheek affectionately.
“They aren’t playing games, baby girl. I’d kill them if they even thought about it, but they love you, I promise you’re safe,” then he walked out, already on the phone to round up his crew.
I just wished he’d taken me with him.
Jensen
“I should have stopped her leaving that night. It’s all my fucking fault,” Lukas choked out as he paced in the kitchen later that night.
Rory had crashed pretty quickly once she’d had a long soak in the bath and Caden had tucked her into bed.
She surprisingly wanted to be left alone, so we let her be.
I grabbed Lukas’s arm and tugged him in for a hug, his body tensing at my touch as I spoke.
“It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have stopped her from going, remember? She’s home now, so…”
“Yeah, but she was fucking raped and abused for days, Jense. She’s a fucking mess, and it’s all because I let her leave the party with a random guy,” he replied, trying to shake me off, but I grabbed his face in my hands and held his gaze, keeping my voice firm but gentle.
“Luke, it’s not your fault.”
He seemed ready to swing at me, but he finally nodded, allowing me to pull him in for a hug again.
He wrapped his arms around me, clinging to me as the guilt ate away at him.
I wasn’t going to let him bury himself in hate over this.
I’d always have his back.
“Hey, head up to bed. I’ll be up soon and crash on the couch, alright?”
“Thanks,” he mumbled, giving me a small smile before heading off to bed, leaving me alone for a moment.
Caden and Tyler had already gone to bed, but I knew they wouldn’t be asleep.
I doubted any of us would get much sleep to be honest.
Rory
“It’s okay, babe. I’ve got you,” Tyler soothed as I woke up covered in sweat at some ungodly hour in the morning.
I instantly grabbed his arm to anchor myself, he sat beside me, pulling my body against his to stroke my back in a calming motion.
I needed to get out of my own fucking head.
He rocked us gently until I peered up at him, desperation in my gaze.
“Do you have any cocaine stashed?”
He hesitated before nodding.
“Some. Come down to the den and we’ll sit down there for a while. You want a shower?”
I noticed just how drenched I was and cringed, letting him lead me into the bathroom.
He turned to leave, causing panic to roll through me as I grabbed hold of his arm tightly.
“No, don’t leave me!”
“Want me to sit on the sink then?” he offered cautiously, my grip on his arm tightening.
I took a breath before answering him.
“Come in with me?”
“Can I call Skeet first, so I don’t get shot?” he asked with a small smile, but I knew he was serious.
I nodded and waited for him to be told it was okay, then he helped peel my damp clothes from my sweaty body, before stripping himself.
He led me over to the massive shower, turning the water on full blast and waiting for it to warm up enough for steam to fill the room.
I climbed under the hot spray and tensed as he stepped in behind me, worry taking over his handsome face.
“Rory, I can sit…”
“I need you in here with me,” I shook my head as I moved closer, wrapping my arms around his bare middle and pressing my cheek against his chest.
He sighed, putting his arms around me gently, just holding me as we stood under the spray together.
“I’m sorry I hurt you. It was stupid,” he murmured into my hair after a few minutes of silence, making me lean into him even more and close my eyes.
The memory of that day rushed back to me as I replied in a shaky voice, hating to admit the truth to him.
“You ruined me, Ty.”
“I know, baby,” he whispered into my hair just as there was a knock on the door and Lukas’s muffled voice came through it.
“Yo, Ty. You in there?”
“Yeah.”
“Have you seen Rory? Caden’s freaking out because she’s not in bed,” he called out, my body going tense.
I didn’t want them all barging in there.
Tyler’s hand gently caressed my spine to soothe me.
/> “She’s okay.”
Lukas was quiet for a moment before speaking again, confusion lingering in his tone.
“She’s in there with you?”
“Bad nightmare. She’s okay, so let him know I’ve got her.”
Once Lukas’s footsteps walked away from the door, I peered up at Tyler with a frown.
“They’re gonna think we’re up to no good, you know?”
“Doubt it, but I don’t give a shit. You need me right now, so I’m here,” he said honestly, kissing the top of my head as if to prove his point.
I was too fragile to not believe his words, so I pushed the doubt down and nodded.
The water went cold after a while, so we climbed out and he helped dry me off before handing me one of his shirts and some boxers, then we wandered down to the den.
They all seemed to have their own clothes at each other’s houses, lucky for me.
Caden was sitting behind a desk, looking lost in thought when we entered, his gaze running over me before he spoke.
“Lukas said you had a nightmare. You okay?”
I gave him a nod, curling up on Tyler’s lap as he sat down.
“I’m okay.”
“You can go back to bed if you’d like? Nothing else planned for today for you.”
“Nah, I got out of bed for a line, and to be honest, a cigarette would be nice.”
He shot Tyler an unimpressed glance but stood and placed his cigarettes in front of me before turning to leave, but I grabbed his hand to stop him.
“I loved you too, Caden. Just as much as I loved Jensen. I never had a favourite with any of you. I just wanted you to know that.”
Why did I tell him that?
His expression softened and he sighed, sitting beside me and absently pulling me onto his lap while Tyler lined up for me.
“And now?” he asked almost timidly, meeting my gaze.
I’d never seen those green eyes look so vulnerable before, but big bad Caden Holloway looked ready to fucking crumble as my hand rested on his cheek.
“The only reason I haven’t killed you myself is because I still love you, but I can’t do any of that again. I’m with Skeet now, so you’ll just have to deal with the fact that you let me go.”
He looked ready to argue but nodded, letting me up to do a line before I curled up against him again.
Jensen and Lukas joined us after a few minutes, and for a little while, I was okay again.
Skeeter
They were all curled up on the couch talking when I wandered into Jensen’s place.
Slash seemed pissed off that Rory was on Holloway’s lap, her legs sprawled across Tyler, but I put a hand out to calm him.
I watched as Caden spoke softly to her, the tiniest smile forming on her beautiful face in response.
She seemed so fragile, but at the same time, she was so fucking strong.
It was at that moment that I knew without a doubt, I was fucking poison to her.
I’d protect her with my fucking life, but I knew it was time to keep my dick out of what I didn’t deserve.
I couldn’t give her the life that she needed, and the way she’d always looked at Caden was back on her face.
She was right where she fucking belonged.
“Hey,” I spoke up, startling them all at the sudden voice.
When Rory realized it was me, she moved to climb off Caden with a timid smile on her face.
She didn’t look at me with the same love as she’d always looked at Caden’s guys, she looked to me for safety and protection.
I’d never admit to her how badly it hurt to let her fucking go.
“Stay with Holloway, baby girl. I’ve come over to say a temporary goodbye. I’m pulling a vanishing act for a while.”
Panic flashed across her face, but I gave her a small smile, grateful that Slash didn’t say anything about my bullshit lie.
“You don’t love me like you think you do, Rory, even you can admit that to yourself. Stay with the guys, alright? I’ll be around keeping an eye out for trouble but let them look after you so you can heal.”
“But…,” she whimpered, hating myself as I forced a wider smile, pretending that I wasn’t stabbing myself in the heart as I spoke.
It had been nice while it had lasted.
“I’d say it’s not you, it’s me, but that’s a lie. It is you. I won’t let you drown with me, you’re too good for this life,” then I ran my gaze over her once more, turning and walking off with Slash behind me, leaving her staring after me.
I almost turned back.
Almost.
Rory
Tyler gently removed my legs from his lap and jogged after Skeeter and Slash the moment they walked out, but Caden stayed where he was, sensing the emotions washing through me as I stared at the door.
I finally glanced at Jensen, suddenly feeling the need for conversation.
I never got to ask him the important questions, and I needed a fucking distraction before I lost my shit all over again.
“Do you have your dick pierced, or does Lukas?”
He smirked, stretching out on the couch like the cocky sex god that he was.
“Why on earth would you think one of us has a piercing like that?”
“Skeet made some crack when I first started fucking him because I’d never seen one before. He said something about knowing which one of you guys I obviously hadn’t fucked. So, is it you, or Lukas?”
“Both, but he’d be talking about me. Luke doesn’t wave his dick around as publicly as I do,” he chuckled, making me roll my eyes.
“So I’ve noticed.”
“Any other weird questions?”
“Yeah, which is the ass man? Apparently one of you likes ass more than pussy, but I’ve never been able to figure out which one,” I frowned.
Guess it was hard to pick a habit like that when I hadn’t actually slept with them all.
“You’re sitting on him,” he winked, and I glanced up to see Caden smirking at me.
I winced, deciding to never let him try that shit with me.
Not that I’d actually forgiven him for all the bullshit he’d put me through.
“You fit your fucking dick in those tiny holes?”
He laughed with pure amusement at the horrified look I must have had on my face.
“Trust me, babe, it feels good when it’s done right. Skeet never fucked you in the ass?”
“No,” I scrunched my nose up, watching him shrug.
“Maybe one day you could ask him to. You might like it, you never know.”
I gave him a dirty look, speaking flatly at his stupid idea.
“He just fucking dumped me, Holloway.”
“Ask me any day then,” he grinned, an unsure expression crossing my face as It suddenly became awkward.
It had taken a long time to build up to the idea of sex after last time I’d been assaulted, so I wasn’t going to be climbing into bed with anyone in the near future.
Jensen instantly scowled, jumping to my defence like he always had, Lukas giving Caden a similar expression.
“Damnit, Caden. Don’t fucking scare her. Why the fuck would she want butt sex right now?”
Caden’s face fell, but I waved it off, pretending I was alright with it.
“It’s fine, it’s just not something I’m really into.”
He didn’t seem convinced as he assessed my face and sighed.
“Either way, I’m sorry. I didn’t think. We have a few things to do this morning, so will you be okay if we leave you here with Jense?”
I nodded, letting Caden up to stretch before he and Lukas headed off to find Tyler.
Jensen led me up to his room and put a movie on, curling up with me so we could relax.
I appreciated it to be honest, but I had other things on my mind.
Like his piercing.
“Can I see your piercing?”
He looked amused, not seeming to believe my request.
“You want me to g
et my fucking dick out?”
“Yes.”
He hesitated before unzipping his pants and popping the button on his silk boxers to pull himself free, my eyes going wide.
He was a similar size to Caden, but I didn’t think he’d be hard.
He raised an eyebrow when I stayed quiet, his voice full of teasing.
“What?”
“Your dicks fucking huge!” I blurted out, my face heating with embarrassment.
I fucking sucked.
I was so awkward when I wanted to be.
“Thanks, babe,” he chuckled, moving to put his dick away but I stopped him, speaking quietly.
“Can I touch it?”
He groaned, halting all movement without argument.
“You never ever have to ask me if you can touch my dick, Rory. Like, ever.”
I rolled my eyes but reached out, grasping him and gently running my thumb over the tip, hearing him suck in a sharp breath through his teeth at the contact.
Pre-come beaded near the piercing, and I lowered my head to lick it, his hands fisting by his sides.
“Fucking hell, Rory.”
I held his gaze as I licked along his length, sucking the tip into my mouth slowly.
I was gentle, but after swallowing him whole a few times I picked the pace up, his fingers running through my hair gently.
I knew he wanted to grab my head and control it, but he was too worried about scaring me.
He was always the gentler one out of the four guys when it came to me, so I gave myself an internal pep-talk before moving back and smiling.
“You don’t have to hold back so much, Jense. I can feel you fighting with yourself.”
“I’ll scare you, and I can’t do that to you. Fuck, I shouldn’t be letting you do this either,” he murmured, his fingers running through my hair absently as confliction crossed his face.
He hissed out a breath as I lowered my head again to swallow him, one of my hands moving between his legs to gently squeeze his balls.
I’d seen it in porn before, so I figured it was worth a shot.