I let out a sigh.
“You okay?” he asks.
“I feel like an idiot.”
“Why?” he starts to turn around.
“Hey!” I yell, wrapping my arms over my body, trying to cover myself. “I never said you could turn around!”
But it’s too late he’s already seen me.
“Turn back around!” I yell.
“Bunny, I’ve seen you now, so what does it matter. And if you want my help, I’m kind of going to need to be able to see you to do that. You’re not the first woman I’ve seen half-naked, and I’m pretty sure you won’t be the last. Why don’t you just think of it like we’re on a beach and you’re wearing your bikini.” One thing he does do is give me the courtesy of looking at my face and no place lower.
I glance around at the trees and the earth beneath my feet.
“But it’s not a beach and my underwear most definitely is not my bikini.” And honestly I’m really embarrassed of the underwear I’m wearing. I don’t exactly go for sexy and expensive nowadays. Just my basic white T-shirt bra and plain white knickers. Not that I want to impress him in any way, but, you know what I mean.
“Just use your imagination,” he coaxes, resting up against the tree, a grin spreading across his beautiful face like a wildfire.
Using my imagination too much is what I’m currently worried about. It’s vivid and runaway. A little irrational at times. And he is seriously handsome.
I cross my arms over my chest, covering my boobs up, “Fine.”
There’s a huge silence between us. I’m staring at him. He’s staring at me. My skin starts to tingle and something starts to flicker and flare in my stomach.
His eyes move down to my scar. I instantly feel self-conscious. Even more than I already was. But this time for a different reason.
“Erm...” I put my hand over it. It doesn’t cover it fully, but I just need to do something. I can feel my face reddening. I cast my eyes to the floor and start to shift uncomfortably on my feet.
“Is that– ”
“Yes.”
I hear him start to move toward me. My whole body tenses up.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you.” His voice is soft, soothing. “I just wish – ” A sigh. “I just wish I could have done something to stop it.”
I lift my eyes to his. The intensity there surprises me.
“You couldn’t have done anything. You didn’t even know me then.”
His lips turn down at the corners. He lifts his shoulders slightly, shrugging. “You just deserve better than this, Bunny.”
He lifts his hand, and for a moment I think he’s going to touch me, but he corrects himself and shoves his hands in his pockets.
The level of disappointment I feel surprises me.
“So … ” He purses his lips and I see the Zeff glint back in his eyes. “Not that I don’t enjoy being in the woods with you in your underwear, but shall we get this show on the road?”
“Sure.” I shrug. “I’m just not really sure how to – start the show.” I give him a helpless look.
Releasing his hands from his pockets he holds them out for me to take. I stare down at them for a moment, then place my hands in his.
He holds them out loosely between us. “Okay, so just close your eyes and relax, just like you did when we were doing Tai Chi.”
Oh God. I don’t want to feel like I did when I was doing Tai Chi with him. Especially not while I’m stood here in my undies.
Seeing my hesitation and reading it wrong, he gives me a ‘humour me’ look.
I close my eyes, squeezing them tightly shut. I think of anything but this situation I now find myself in.
“Okay, so try and let your body go. Drift into your mind. Find your wolf in there. Your other self that you’ve locked tightly away into that cage in your mind.”
A thought occurs to me. I flick open my eyes.
“I won’t attack you or anything when I change – will I?”
He gives me a sly grin. “I hope not.”
“Okay, I’m not doing this.” I step back.
He pulls on my hands, keeping me there. “I’m winding you up. You’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. Now close your eyes.”
“Not funny,” I mumble. I close my eyes again.
“Find her again. Go to that cage.” His voice is soft, deep, flowing through me, as I move through my mind, trying to find her. And then I see her.
“Let her out, Bunny. Just reach out and unlock the cage. That’s all you need to do …”
I can see her, titling her head at me in silent contemplation. She looks so beautiful, yet so terrifyingly dangerous. I reach out a tentative hand to the lock on the cage.
With shaking fingers, I slowly slide the bolt across, unlocking it.I take hold of the handle and start to open the door. I’m expecting her to barge her way out. I can see her frustration. Smell it. Taste it.
The door is wide open. She hasn’t moved yet.
I step back, giving her space.
Then very slowly, she starts to walk toward me…
I feel a tingling through my body; it quickly turns to an ache.
Then discomfort.
Nathan said it would feel uncomfortable, odd, the first time I shifted.
My heart starts to pump faster.
Faster.
Almost beating out of my chest.
I can feel my body moving in the worst kind of way.
Where’s Zeff? I can’t feel him anymore. I don’t even know if he’s holding my hands any longer.
I start to panic. It's hurting. I want it stopped. But I can’t make it stop. She’s free now and she’s not going back in that cage for anyone.
I try to open my eyes but I can’t. They’re stuck. Glued tightly shut. My mind blurring. Changing in contest somehow. I try to conjure up an image in my mind. Something safe.
Nathan.
But I can’t find him. If I just find him, my anchor, I’ll feel safe.
But he’s nowhere in my mind.
Zeff. Where is he?
I try to find my voice. I try to speak.
I hear a sound. I growl. A snuffle.
And that’s when I realise the sound is me. It’s coming from me.
I force open heavy eyes, blinking hazily, and everything looks different. I’m seeing the world through different eyes. New eyes. Her eyes.
Then I feel a hand on me, touching face, stroking me. I turn my head. The sensation odd, off.
I see Zeff crouch down beside me, smiling at me, awe and wonder on his face. “You look beautiful,” he murmurs.
I try to speak, but it comes out a snuffle.
“Go,” he whispers. “Hunt. I’ll be waiting right here for you when you’re done.”
I press my face into his hand, nuzzling him, inhaling his scent.
Then I feel the lure, taking me away, and then I take off, in my new body, running at a speed that even my human legs wouldn’t take me to.
Chapter 15: Passport Control
I stretch my well rested limbs out. Oh my God, I’m so comfy and cosy. I don’t want to move ever. I can’t remember the last time I slept so well.
Easing my eyes open I rub them free of sleep with my palms, stretch my arms out over my head linking my hands, and let them fall back onto the fluffy pillow. Its early morning. I can tell from the scent of the rising sun in the air.
I’m in the guest bed in Zeff’s lodge. I slept the night at his again. I spend more time in this bed than I do in mine at the apartment.
But seriously, how did I not appreciate how comfy this bed was when I slept in it the other night? It must have been the block out from the amount of alcohol I’d consumed.
How am I even here? The last thing I remember was shifting, running, hunting, feeding. I can’t believe I finally did it. I turned into my other self. And it was amazing. Exhilarating. And it felt so natural being that way. The most natural thing in the world,
Then I remember after what seemed like hours
and the dark was rolling in, I started feeling tired so I stopped to rest for a while. I must have fallen asleep in the woods.
I’m guessing Zeff found me and brought me back.
Hang on. Had I shifted back to me, when he found me? If I had then that means…
Oh God.
I reach my hand down under the duvet. Yep, I’m naked. Zeff saw me naked. And presumably carried me back here to the lodge – naked. And put me in this bed – naked.
I pull the duvet over my face, trying to conceal my own embarrassment. I really really hope he had the good grace to at least have covered me with something. Knowing him as I think I do, I’m sure he will have.
God, I hope so.
Relieving my face of the duvet, I sit up, tucking it around my chest and under my arms and spy my clothes set out on the chair at the dressing table.
Climbing out of bed, I retrieve them and take them into the en-suite bathroom with me. Tying my hair up into a bun, I have a shower. When I’m done, I brush my teeth using the new toothbrush I found in the cabinet. I’ll replace it for him; I just really need to brush my teeth.
I get dressed into yesterday’s clothes and head out to the living room. Zeff is at the breakfast bar eating breakfast, reading the newspaper.
Lifting his eyes, he smiles and indicates the pot of coffee in front of him.
Trying to repress the blush I can feel rising in my cheeks, I say, “Yes, please.”
I walk over and sit on the stool opposite him.
He hands me the cup. I take it, then rest it down on the counter and start to add cream.
“You sleep okay?” he asks.
“Really well, thanks.” I curl my fingers around the cup and lift it to my lips.
“So that was kind of crazy yesterday,” Zeff says, picking his own coffee up and taking a drink.
“Yeah it was,” I murmur.
Putting the cup down I pick a croissant from the plate laden with them, and start nibbling the edge.
“It was impressive stuff though. You changing like that – it was amazing.”
Meeting his eyes, I feel a glow in my cheeks. “Really?”
He smiles, warm. “Really.”
I pull a piece of the pastry off and pop it in my mouth.
“Zeff …” I start, readying myself to ask him the one question that’s burning my brain. The main one. “What did I look like?”
He stares at me for a long moment, his dark eyes softening around the edges, liking melting chocolate over the stove.
“Stunning. You looked stunning.”
I grin, like an idiot. I can’t help it. “Stunning’s pretty cool.”
“I’d say so.”
“What colour is my fur?”
“Grey.”
“Grey. Hmm…” I ponder. I wonder why grey? Cool though.
I take another bite of croissant.
“So how did I end up back here?”
He takes a bite of his toast and turns the page of his paper. “I brought you.”
It drives me crazy when he does that. Answers a simple question with a simple answer, making me sound dumb.
“I gathered that, dopey,” I chide, good-naturedly. “I meant did I come back or …”
Without looking up from his paper, he says, “No. You’d been gone a long time. It was getting late. So I went looking for you.”
“How in the world did you even find me in the dark, in the woods?”
He drags his eyes from the paper to give me a curious stare. “I’m a hunter, Bunny. I track things for a living.”
“Oh.” Pause. “So was I still a wolf or …”
“You were back to you.” A grin.
“You saw me naked.” I cringe as the words leave my mouth.
He closes his paper. I see the smile flicker over his features. “Do you really want me to answer that?”
I put my croissant down, instantly losing my appetite. “Actually, thinking about it, no I don’t.”
“Well, if it’s any consolation, I was a complete gentleman. I didn’t see anything … well, just that mole on your left bum cheek, but that was it.”
“I don’t have a mole on my left bum cheek!” I screech, wondering if I actually might have. I’m sorely tempted to check.
His face breaks and he starts to laugh.
“You’re such an arsehole.” I reach over and give him a playful punch on the arm.
“Hey, there’s no need to get physical, Bunny. If you want to touch me, you only have to ask.” A cheeky wink. When I shake my head at him, he says, “No seriously, when you hadn’t come back I went looking for you and found you curled up asleep at the foot of a tree, exhausted from the whole shifting business, I guessed. And well, you looked so peaceful sleeping, I didn’t want to wake you, so I covered you up best I could with your clothes and carried you back to the lodge, and I put you straight into bed.”
I feel instantly touched. “That was really nice of you, thanks.”
“Well, I couldn’t just leave you sleeping out there, alone.”
Alone. I used to feel so alone. Now here with him, not so much.
Then almost in a reflex reaction to that thought, the words are spilling out of my mouth before I even realise I’m speaking, “So have you heard anything from your friend about my passport?”
I see the flicker of surprise in his eyes, which he quickly conceals.
“Yes.” He puts his toast back down. “I was just going to tell you. He called late last night while you were sleeping. Your passport will be ready tomorrow.”
“Oh. Cool. Brilliant. That’s really, really excellent news.” I don’t think I could have used anymore synonyms if I’d tried. But even though I’m saying those brilliant words, for some reason, it doesn’t feel quite so – brilliant.
He flickers a look my way, then says, “I said I’d pick it up from his place tomorrow morning. So I’ll swing it by yours straight after if you want?”
“Oh cool. Sure. Thanks.” I pick my coffee up just for something to do with my suddenly fidgety hands. “I guess I best let Joe know I’m leaving the café and apartment tomorrow. I don’t think he’ll be too gutted about the apartment as I paid up front for the lease and there’s a while left on it. But he might be a bit pissed at having to find another Barista at such short notice.”
“Or you could just stay a while longer.” The air freezes into blocks of little tension all around us. “I mean you could just give Joe notice now and leave then when your lease has run out. You know, so you don’t lose any money.”
I don’t think I’ve wanted to agree to something more than I do that statement right now. But I can’t.
Shaking my head, but not meeting his eyes, I utter, “I’ve stayed too long already. It’s time I moved on.”
That’s not strictly true. And apart from the vampire attack, there has been no danger since. I’m safe here as anywhere.
But, I have to leave for another reason.
Because I’m getting too attached to him. Way too attached. More than I ever should have allowed.
I care about him. A lot.
And because that very fact puts him in danger. The very danger I put Nathan and the rest of them in.
Sol.
I’m not losing anyone else. I made myself that promise when I left Nathan. I’m not breaking it now.
I allow myself a look at him, meeting his dark eyes. It’s intense. There’s something in his stare I’m not willing to see yet, or maybe ever.
I press my lips together and look away, shifting in my seat, I pick my half-eaten croissant up and tear a piece off, forcing myself to chew on it.
“So … seen as though it’s your last day with me,” he says in a brighter voice. I can tell it’s forced. “I thought we should go out for dinner – you know a good-bye dinner.”
“Dinner?” I echo, offering him a glance.
“Yes, Bunny, dinner. No sex though.” He grins. And the atmosphere is instantly back to easy.
But it still doesn’t
stop my insides from flipping over like an acrobat performing in the circus, the instant the word ‘sex’ left his lips.
I tense my stomach tight, alleviating the fuelling sensation. “You mean to tell me they don’t serve sex at restaurants nowadays? Shocking.” I flash him a wide-eyed look.
“I know.” He nods seriously. “I can’t believe it either. I’ve been considering setting up my own restaurant. You know, two hookers for the price of one – free blow job with your slam, that type of thing.”
“Slam?” I snort out a laugh.
“Sorry – shag.” He sounds all British when he says it. And kind of sexy. Fuck. No, not fuck –shit, yeah shit is a much better word to use.
I raise an eyebrow. “Don’t they just call those places brothels?”
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