by Peter Smith
Maria looked down at the gun she had placed in her lap. Her right hand resting gently upon the grip. She wasn’t sure why she hadn’t used it yet. Maybe it was because even though she hated her mother right now, she didn’t want her to witness such a traumatic act. Maybe that was the reason, but she didn’t know for sure.
She looked to her right, distracted from her thoughts as Toby’s current body sat next to her. She looked away from it and focused again on the gun laying upon her lap, “You going to stop me?”
“Your life is your own, it is not my place to dictate what you do with it.”
She laughed, shaking her head, “Why couldn’t you have been my father instead, life would have been so much better.”
The fingertip of her index finger traced the surface of the pistol’s slide, “Toby” She swallowed and then looked at the horizon, “There’s nothing left,” she wanted to say more but couldn’t, her voice catching as she tired. Tears fell onto the dull grey of the weapon.
Sobbing, she forced herself to continue, “How do I keep going without Alex?”
Toby’s hand rested gently between her shoulder blades, “I cannot fault you for your logic Maria. If you were to die, I too would cease my functions immediately.”
She looked up at him, anguish overflowing through her thoughts, “Toby, you can’t put that on me!”
It looked directly into her eyes, her reflection displayed for her to see in its visor, “Would Alex feel the same as you do now?”
She paused, stunned by the thought of what her little boy would say if he knew she was considering killing herself because of his death. Toby continued, “Would Sean?”
She swallowed and looked away, her hand resting on the handle of the pistol again, not wanting to lose the nerve she’d been slowly building since she had arrived here. The weapon against her skin, its cold and unforgiving metal reminded her it was there, that all she had to do was lift it into the air and pull the trigger and all the pain would go away. She would achieve the release from pain that she so desperately wanted.
“Sean has been asking for you.” Toby stated.
She looked away, “How long has he been awake?”
“I removed him from the growth tank at the same time you were, it took him longer to regain consciousness. He is distraught at learning about Alex and losing his father. He has wanted to see you and has been regularly calling your name. He is in pain Maria, he needs you.”
Her jaw and eyes squeezed shut as sobs ripped from her.
Toby looked out toward the sun on the horizon, “He is not the only one that needs you. The world is without its leaders now. They need someone to create stability again. With the Marines devastated from the fighting and the other Spire families nearly all dead from your father’s return, there is no one here to do that. They are looking to you.”
“Mom, can save them” She said, her voice barely above a whisper.
Toby’s hand returned to its side, “Do you think your mother loves you less than you love Alex?”
She knew where he was going with that line of questioning and she refused to take the bait this time, “I’m not responsible for the choices she makes with her life, any more than I am with yours or Sean’s or the people of this world.”
As the words left her mouth, she desperately wanted to believe them. To be so cold and callous, but she knew it was a lie. Toby, mother and Sean being dead tore at her and to know that she might have been a part in that decision filled her with guilt. Alex though, the thought of how he would beg her not to do it took the strongest grasp of her heart.
She closed her eyes. Alex, the light of her life, was dead.
Conflicting emotions of guilt and despair waged an all out war within her and she didn’t know which would win.
She took a deep breath. Feeling the wind flow over her, moving her clothes and hair. The sun bathing her skin.
She loved her son so much.
She wrapped her hand around the handle of the pistol, but didn’t raise it from her lap.
Her eyes opened, the sight of the sun filling her vision.
She made her decision.
The End
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