by J. L. Beck
“Do you think they’ll believe you if you tell them I raped you?” He laughs.
I already know the answer, no one will believe me. A man as powerful as him, with as much money as him. He’ll be able to twist my words.
“I’ll just tell them that you’re a whore...that you begged me for it.” Like a snake moving through thick grass, he stalks toward me. Bile burns up my throat, and I have to swallow down the vomit. He reaches out his hand landing on my shoulder, his fingers sinking into my flesh…
“Emerson.” A soft voice caresses my ear and then I feel it, a hand on my shoulder, burning into my flesh. Marking me. He’s here. He’s got me. My eyes pop open and a scream rips from my throat before I can stop it. I pull away, my gaze colliding with Ava’s concerned one as I stagger backward, tripping over my own feet, and landing hard on the grass.
“Please don’t…” I whisper, my lips trembling my entire body shaking. People are whispering, their words surrounding me. Wrapping my arms around myself, I try and forget where I am. Physically I cannot escape this situation, but mentally, I can. Mentally I can disappear. Holding myself tighter, my teeth sinking into my bottom lip hard enough to draw blood I wish for Clark’s arms to be around me.
I want him. I need him. He’ll never hurt me. But he is. He has. My subconscious reminds. Burrowing deep inside my head, I try and find a place I can hide.
“Em baby… I’m sorry, so sorry…” Clark’s voice penetrates the haze, gripping onto me and pulling me from the shadows of my mind. I cannot escape this man, nor would I want to. A second after his words are spoken, he’s picking me up off the ground, and pulling me into his chest. Unwinding my arms, I grab onto the fabric on his chest and inhale his scent.
Clean, with a hint of citrus.
Mine.
With my eyes still closed, I let him whisk me away, rescuing me from the chaos once again.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Em. I didn’t think. All I did was see red,” he whispers into my hair, cradling me to his chest. I want to tell him he doesn’t have to tell me he’s sorry, that I already know, but I don’t. Instead, I let him hold me. I let him protect me from the fear that still eats away at me, all while wondering if Clark can save me from this…
From the nightmares…
From myself….
59
Clark
Burying my face in Emerson’s hair, I inhale her, letting her sweet scent calm my heated blood. What the fuck is wrong with me? Never in my life have I acted so stupidly. I’m not the type to fight, to throw my fists around, that’s Vance, and yet I just did.
My gaze drops to my knuckles, smudges of blood from that douchebag’s cracked nose lingering there. They’re a stark reminder that I shouldn’t be touching her with his blood on my hands, but I can’t let her go. As soon as her scream pierced the air, my head cleared, the anger, the red hazing my thoughts disappeared.
“I’ve got you,” I whisper into her hair, smoothing a hand down her back. We’re in Vance’s car driving back to the condo now. There was no way I was going to stay there after the scene I had caused. Not only did I embarrass Emerson, but I embarrassed myself too.
Not that I really cared. No way was I letting that asswipe kiss her. It was bad enough that I couldn’t save her from Sarah’s asshole ways. She didn’t deserve to be hurt or attacked by another piece of shit. Clenching my jaw, I feel the need to scream the word mine from the rooftops. I want everyone to know that Emerson belongs to me, that if they fuck with her, they’re fucking with me, but I can’t.
It’s not what she wants, and no matter what, I’ll always go at her pace. I’ll always be here even if she only wants me to be a friend and nothing more.
“What the fuck happened?” Vance asks from the driver’s seat. I can see the anger rippling beneath the surface, his hands squeezing the steering wheel. He wants to kick my ass, but he also knows that asshole deserved to have his face rearranged.
It’s not often I act on impulse, but I couldn’t help myself back there.
Whispering as not to freak Emerson out, I say, “He tried to kiss her. He was going on and on about how I slept with his girlfriend, and how he was going to give me a taste of my own medicine. When he put his hands on Emerson, I lost it. All I saw was red.”
My muscles are still burning, my heart beating wildly in my chest. If it weren’t for Emerson screaming, I probably would’ve done more than broke the bastard’s nose.
“Did you sleep with his girlfriend?” Vance asks, and now I feel like punching him too. He already knows the likely answer to that question.
“I don’t know, and I don’t really care.” I feel Emerson wince in my hold, a low whimper coming from her. “If I did, it was consensual. Emerson didn’t want to be touched. There is a big difference between what I did and what he was going to do.”
I’ve made enemies, done things I shouldn’t but never did I think my actions would have consequences that would come back to hurt those I care about or might love.
“Dude, I’m not saying you shouldn’t protect Emerson…” Vance hisses. “I’m just saying you can’t be throwing fists around like you did.”
“Ha, like you’re one to talk. If I recall, you tried to kick your best friend’s ass because you thought he was hooking up with the girl you secretly wanted.” My eyes collide with his in the rearview mirror.
“Touché,” Vance smirks. “Nonetheless you aren’t me, you’re better. You broke that guy’s nose. That could come back to bite you in the ass. Then again, I doubt he’ll say shit, he did try and assault her.”
Wrapping my arms tighter around Emerson, I say, “I don’t care.” And I don’t. Tonight proved something to me. It showed me that when it comes to her, protecting her, there isn’t a damn thing I won’t do or go through.
Before I know it, we’re pulling up to the condo. Emerson hasn’t moved much until now, but when Vance cuts off the engine, she peeks up at me and I swear I have to force myself to breathe. The girl looking up at me isn’t the Emerson I’ve come to know. She’s broken, frightened, the shell of the girl she’s become. Her blue eyes lack their normal shimmer, light, and are instead red and puffy with a sharp dullness.
Her cheeks are stained with tears and her face though as beautiful as ever is brimming with sadness. In her eyes, the hurt is profound, what happened tonight reminds her all too well of whatever happened in the past. Which only makes me feel better about punching that bastard. Fuck. I have to restrain myself, have to hold back from reacting in anger right at this moment.
She needs you more...
“You’re going to be okay,” I promise her. I don’t care what I have to do to make it happen, I just know I will. “Let’s get you inside.”
She gives me the slightest nod but doesn’t say a word. We climb out of the car together, and I hand Vance my keys. Keeping my arm wrapped around her, holding her tightly into my side, we walk to the door. Vance makes it up the walkway faster than us and unlocks the door with my keys. Ava pushes the door open and keeps it open for us all to walk in. I give her a smile of thanks which she returns.
Once inside, Vance says, “I’m gonna take Ava home. Are you good here? You need anything?” His eyes bore into mine.
“We’re good, thanks for the ride,” I tell them, answering for both of us. Ava gives Emerson a hug, but since I’m not willing to let go of her, it turns into a group hug.
“If you need anything, give me a call,” Ava tells Emerson and then pulls away and suddenly I’m reminded that the best choice I ever made was not sleeping with Ava, not that she ever had eyes for me anyway. I’m glad I became her friend instead, because getting her as friend means Emerson now got her too. Watching Vance and Ava leave, I pull the door shut behind them, leaving Emerson and me alone in the living room.
“Do you want to eat something… or watch a movie?” I ask, unsure of where to go from here. “The night is still young, and I feel like an asshole for taking you to that party.” I let out a frustrated sigh. Ne
ver again. I’m not putting her through that kind of shit again.
“I just want to go to bed,” she whispers into my shirt as her small arms slither around my torso, pulling me closer. Impossibly close, as if she can’t get close enough. “Can I sleep with you?”
Her question catches me off guard. For some reason, I had thought that this incident would push her away from me. That we would have to start all over again. I didn’t expect her to still find comfort in my touch, to need me. She saw a side of me that I never wanted her to see tonight. I have no idea how she can handle being so close to me right now. Then again, the last thing I want is to lose her. Call me selfish, but even after all I did, I’m glad she wants me.
“Of course, always…” If it were up to me, she would sleep in my arms every night.
“I’ll change in my room, but then I’ll come to yours,” she says, her voice stronger now. Dumbfounded, I watch her walk down the hall and into her room. It takes me a few more seconds before I can make my own feet move. She’s still struggling, grappling with her anxiety, her fears, but it’s clear she’s grown from it. If this happened on the first night we met, I can guarantee she would be rocking back and forth in the corner.
Entering my bedroom, I start to strip out of my clothing, pulling my shirt off first. I flick the button on my jeans and grab a pair of sleep pants and shirt from the dresser.
My gaze catches on my hands… fuck. I should wash them. Exiting the bedroom, I head for the bathroom but nearly run into Emerson in the process.
“Sorry,” she mumbles, but her eyes aren’t cast to the floor. No, they’re on me, moving from my open jeans and up and over each of the tight, chiseled from stone muscles that make up my six-pack. She’s checking me out, and I can’t help but smile. Slowly she forces her gaze up to my bare chest before coming to rest on my face. Her pink tongue darts out, wetting her bottom lip.
Fuck me, I can’t stop the indecent thoughts from coming. They race through my mind like it’s a Nascar track.
I want her mouth on me, wrapped around my cock. I want her under me, begging, pleading for me to take her. I want to see her pretty cheeks flush pink with warmth as I bring her to the edge again and again. I feel my dick strain inside my jeans, pushing against the zipper.
Shit. I need to stop. “I-I was about to put on some sweatpants and a shirt.” Just then I realize that she isn’t wearing her typical pajama bottoms.
Holy hell, she’s only wearing a shirt and I assume a pair of panties underneath. The shirt is too large for me to see, covering all the important spots but for fuck’s sake, I really hope she is wearing something beneath that white cotton. Not just for her sake, but for my sanity as well.
As if God is testing my restraint in the worst ways, she says, “You don’t have to put a shirt and sweats on if you don’t want to. You can sleep however you like. I want you to be comfortable.”
I almost snort and tell her what would make me most comfortable is both of us naked with her under me, but I don’t. I don’t want to scare her away, though I’m starting to wonder if saying such a thing would actually scare her anymore? At least not if it was coming from me.
Without waiting for me to say anything back to her, she turns and heads for my bed, pulling back the blankets and climbing in. She’s trying to kill me, or at least see how long it takes me to snap. I decide to take my shirt off but keep my bottoms on. We’re probably both safer with them on.
Prowling toward the bed, I crawl into the vacant spot beside her. This is different, all the other times Emerson and I had shared a bed it was because she was scared, or was coming off a nightmare, but tonight we’re both intentionally going to sleep in the same bed.
“Are you okay?” she whispers as I turn onto my side to face her.
“Yeah, though it should be me asking if you’re okay and not the other way around.”
“I’m a little surprised myself that I didn’t freak out more… and I probably would’ve if it wasn’t for you being there for me tonight. You make me feel safe. Ever since you came into my life, I feel a little bit stronger every day, like there is an actual chance I can be normal.”
Her confession strikes a chord somewhere inside of me. “You’re normal, anyone who tells you differently is the one with a problem.”
I want her to know that there isn’t anything wrong with her. No one told my mother that and often I wonder if she would still be here if they had. If someone has seen her sadness, if someone had forced her to get the help she needed. I was too young to force her to get help, but I’m not too young to help Emerson.
She smiles, showing off her brilliant smile. Even in the dark room, I can see it, it shines brighter than the sun, than a shooting star soaring across the sky.
“I’ve been thinking…” she says, her voice soft. “Since meeting you, I’ve come out of my shell and I know I can’t stay like this forever, suffocating, barely living, so I was thinking… maybe…”
Fuck, I hope she isn’t going to say what I think she’s going to say. I’m holding my breath, waiting for her to continue.
My eyes roam over her face, her lips tremble, apprehension coloring her face. “You are already pretending to be my boyfriend, maybe you can help me overcome my fears even more…” Her small hand reaches out for me, her warm palm pressing against my hard abs. I want to tell her to move her hand lower but fuck. I can’t. I won’t.
Swallowing thickly, I finally let out a puff of strangled air. “Em…” Shit, what am I going to say to that? My dick is so hard it hurts, and I want nothing more than to pull her on top of me and pound into her, but she needs me to take it slow, she needs patience, kindness. I don’t know if I can do that right now. I’m too on edge after all the shit that went down today.
The light in her eyes diminishes, her face falling. “Never mind. I get it. I’m too broken.”
Shit, that stung, and then it hits me, like a ton of bricks falling on my face I realize she thinks I’m rejecting her, pushing her away... no way, no fucking way. She starts to shift, rolling over but I stop her, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her into my chest.
I don’t know if what I’m about to do is taking things too far, but I do it anyway. I have to prove to her that I want her, but that I’m doing this to protect her. Taking her hand while keeping my eyes on her face, I bring it to the hardened bulge between my legs. At the contact of her hand against my cock, I hiss, clenching my teeth together. My nostrils flare and all the blood in my body rushes to my nether region.
Her stare widens, and her mouth pops open.
“I want you. I’ve wanted you from the moment we met, so don’t think for a second that I’m pushing you away, that I don’t want this with you, because I do. I just can’t right now, not tonight. You need slow, kind, patience, and right now if we crossed the line, none of those things would occur.” Her breath hitches and it’s the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard her make. Leaning in, I bring my lips a millimeter from hers. “You believe me, right? That I want you…that I want to bury myself in you, that my heart wants to beat in sync with yours?” I squeeze her hand in mine against my hardened cock, the softest of groans rolling off my tongue.
Breathlessly she says, “Yes.”
“Good, if in the morning you still feel the same, we can talk about it. But tonight I can’t be that guy, the patient, kind one.”
“Okay.” I watch her wet her lips, the need in her eyes diminishing slowly and it takes everything in me to release her hand and let her go. She rolls over, giving me her back and ending the conversation. I adjust my cock and follow suit, pulling her into my chest. Once we’re snuggled in, and my heart rate starts to slow, the blood in my dick rushing outward, she whispers, “You’re a knight, Clark, and you have no idea how good of a person you are. You don’t give yourself enough credit.”
Holding her tighter in my arms, I bask in her words, letting them wrap around my heart. Never in my life have I cared for someone as much as I care for Emerson. The girl with secrets
in her eyes, the girl that I intend to crack wide open. Someday her pain, her fears, her anguish will be mine to bear as well, because someday she will be mine.
Rivulets of sunlight filter in through the blinds in the window signifying that it’s morning. Emerson is still in my arms, and my cock is still hard as steel, obviously having not deflated from the night before. Of course my brain didn’t forget about what she asked me last night either.
Claiming her as my girlfriend wasn’t a pretend thing to me, no matter what she thinks. I want her, all of her, even the broken sharp jagged-edged pieces. But I have to go slow with her, treat her like fine china, like a paper doll. If I do this, if I touch her, there will be no going back for me. I’ll never be able to let her go. After being with my fair share of women, I know being with Emerson will be like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.
Right then she decides to move, snuggling deeper into my side, hitching her leg dangerously close to my cock.
Motherfuckingshitfuck.
My teeth grind together, my jaw clenching. I have to get out of this bed and away from her right now because if I don’t, if she wakes up and tells me she wants me to touch her, then I’ll lose it. Slowly and with more patience than I can believe, I slither out of bed and tiptoe out of the room. Once in the bathroom, I grab onto the sink and squeeze my eyes shut.
Fuck, I want her. It’s all I can think about right now. Her scent surrounds me, it’s under my skin, in my head, inside me. There is no escaping her, no escaping the hold she has on me. Releasing the sink, I open the glass shower door and turn the water on
Shoving my pants down, I kick them away and step into the hot spray of water. Running a hand through my hair, I let the water cascade over and down my back. Leaning against the tile I let my eyes fall closed, the heaviness in my balls doesn’t seem to dissipate though and I know if I don’t rub one out I’m going to be permanently hard all day.