by N. N. Britt
My senses were shattered when the film came to an end. I was lost and disoriented and my heart was too full.
The front rows buzzed. There was handshaking, hugging, and even some tears. My mother gave us a shy wave. A few eager fans lingered in my peripheral. Their eyes settled on our seats, wide, bright, and curious.
We waited until the guests began to leave.
“I think I should probably talk to some of these people.” Frank braved a smile and rose to his feet. Soft yellow overhead light illuminated his features. Our hands were linked, fingers threaded together, gazes connected. The moment was charged with the gravity of what we were. Whole.
I stood and followed him along the line of empty chairs.
The second we reached the general admission section, we were separated again.
Surrounded by a group of fans, Frank made his way through the auditorium to join Isabella. There was half an hour to go until the performance and everyone poured back into the lobby for another photo op, snacks, and drinks.
Linda met up with me and took me to the VIP lounge, where Levi was accepting congratulations. My memories of his father weren’t particularly pleasant. Old-school, business-minded Adam Bernstein never missed a chance to remind his only son that real estate was a far better career choice than a rock ’n’ roll magazine. But right now, the man’s face sparkled like a ten-carat diamond. I could swear this was the first time I’d seen Adam smile since I met him seven years ago when Levi took me over to his parents’ garage, which served as the original Rewired office.
Caught up in the chaos, we circled the lounge until there were no more hands to shake. I stared at the door, waiting for Frank. My feelings were bigger than everyone and everything. They swelled in my chest and filled me with an anxious tremor. I needed a minute alone with him. To ask questions and to share how I felt about what I’d just seen. I needed to get all these things out of me before he got on that stage. To make room for more.
“So what’s it like, partner?” Levi chuckled. “Being a producer?” He hooked his arm through mine and maneuvered me to a quiet corner, away from the crowd. Although I didn’t think we were going to stay unnoticed long.
“Your dad looks chipper,” I said, surveying the crowd.
“He thinks I’m about to make millions, ha!”
“Maybe he’s not wrong. Did you check the stats?”
“I’ve been glancing at them, but we’ll have to take a better look tomorrow.”
He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. “I fucking love how it turned out, Cass.”
I gave him a light punch on the shoulder. “I’m still a little mad. Why the hell didn’t you tell me Frank was going to be part of it?”
“He asked me not to.”
“When did you record all this?”
“Why do you think I’m going to sleep for a week starting tomorrow?”
My mind raced. I needed to hear everything. I needed details.
“Look.” Levi grabbed my arm and shook me out of my daze. “It doesn’t matter now, okay? It’s done. He didn’t want you to know, because you wouldn’t have agreed to this after what happened with ‘Afterburn.’ Just enjoy. The biggest rock star on the planet has professed his love for you in front of millions of people. And I’m not kidding when I say millions. This film is going to be seen by millions. It’s the kind of film that needs to be seen by millions. It’s the best fucking thing we’ve created together in all the seven years we’ve been doing this.”
Emotions clogged my throat. I swallowed past the developing lump and nodded. In my peripheral vision, I caught Frank’s silhouette across the room. People clung to him as he started his approach. His presence was the epicenter of everything, the epicenter that moved in my direction like a comet, burning all its obstructions.
Enthralled, I stood in my spot and tried to breathe through my panic. We were being seen together in public for the first time since the meltdown and it was both real yet unreal. The closeness of our bodies made me nervous when Frank moved to stand by my side.
“Impressive work.” He gave Levi a pat on the back.
“I had a great cast.”
They exchanged glances and shared a covert smile.
The chatter inside the lounge intensified. I recognized Isabella’s voice as Ashton steered her toward our group, the crowd around them thickening and clamping on to us. It was in the air, the invisible power she had.
Frank’s hand lay on the small of my back, his other one was in his pocket.
I heard a jingle.
“Ash?” He turned to my brother and held out his palm.
A gasp of surprise left my lungs. “No, you didn’t?” My gaze darted from Ashton to Frank and back. Apparently, this conspiracy was bigger than I had initially thought.
“He totally did,” Levi croaked. “Your own brother sold you out for a car.”
A low rumble of laughter erupted. Face smug, Ashton grabbed the keys and shoved them in his pocket.
“Was there anyone who didn’t know about this?” I cried out.
“Not really.” Frank shook his head. Others joined in.
“Did you bribe everyone with a car?”
“It was technically already my car!” Ashton countered. “You kidnapped it.”
More laughter.
The lounge was too hot. Clusters of people grew together into one huge human mass. It was almost impossible to breathe or speak and I felt like the world had started to close in on me. Frank’s hand on my back slid to my side, his fingers wrapping around my waist with a tight grip. A touch of distress. It hit me then. This was an open bar. He was surrounded by hundreds of drinks and waiters floating around with trays.
“Excuse us for a second?” I snaked my arm through his and maneuvered him toward the emergency exit.
Other than a couple of event staffers and a security guard, the back hallway was empty and quiet. Just what we needed. The massive door separated us from the rattle inside the lounge. As always, Frank bypassed the warnings. He spun me to the wall and dipped his head for a kiss. His lips neared my cheek and brushed the corner of my mouth.
I placed my palms on his chest in an attempt to keep him at bay, but the truth was, my heart and my head didn’t agree. “You can’t just show up here and kiss all the mental distress you’ve put me through goodbye,” I said firmly.
“That’s not what I’m trying to do.”
“So…Alisha is your sponsor?”
He nodded, circling his hands around my neck and skimming his fingers through my hair. “Are you jealous?” A frown creased his forehead.
“A few weeks ago, someone sent me photos of you and her.”
I noted a smirk of amusement in his eyes.
“It’s not fucking funny.” I shook my head and blinked back the tears that had been slowly building in me ever since I saw Frank’s name on the screen.
“You should know it by now.” His face neared mine. “You’re the only woman in my life.”
My emotions were raging. Drowning in his words completely, I continued to stare and waited for more. Suddenly, all my doubts were replaced by guilt and a treacherous tear fell down my cheek.
“What’s wrong?” His thumb brushed the wet trail on my skin.
“So there’s no other woman?” My voice shook. I believed him the first time, but for some reason, I needed to hear him say it.
“No, there’s no other woman, silly.” He pulled me closer. “Why are you crying?” Our bodies aligned and clicked like two magnets.
“I thought there was someone else… I went on a date with another man and I kissed him.”
“As long as you didn’t like it,” he mumbled against my hair.
“That’s the thing. I wanted to like it, Frank. So I could forget you.”
He was silent. My confession didn’t render any reaction or questions. Having his arms wrapped around me felt nice and familiar.
“You’re not mad? Not even a little bit?” I asked, swallowing down my tear
s.
“Why would I be mad?” He cradled the back of my neck and pressed his lips to the top of my head.
“That I kissed someone else?”
“I don’t think I have a right to be mad at you. At least, not for the things you were doing while I was gone. I pushed you away. I’m here now to correct all my fuckups. You’ll give me a chance, right?”
“You know what?” I slipped my hands underneath his jacket and hugged his body. My chin pressed to his chest. “Yes. I think you deserve it. I’m proud of you for fixing the mess you created. It means a lot to me. The support you’ve given Isabella and the effort you’ve put into making it right. I love how the film turned out and I love this theater. Thank you for talking to Margerie.”
Frank’s palm cradling my head froze. “Cassy.” A shuddered breath escaped his mouth. “When I reached out to Levi, the venue had already been secured.”
Pulling my face from his chest, I gazed up at him. “You didn’t ask her to reconsider?”
“No.” He shook his head. “It wasn’t me.”
Shocked, I stared at him unblinkingly. This fact absolutely didn’t diminish the importance of his heartbreaking confessions about his journey that nearly six hundred people had just witnessed on screen, but my mind scrambled. “Then who was it?”
“I don’t know, doll.”
The door swung open and Brooklyn’s head popped in. “Jesus, you two! This is not a high school reunion.” Rolling her eyes, she hurried over. One of the guards trailed behind. “You need to get ready, Frank. They’re about to start.”
Flushed, we were straightening our clothes when the distant noise of agitated voices and footsteps came from the other end of the hallway.
My head snapped toward the commotion. I noted Roman’s bald head and a loud cluster of people near the employee entrance.
I saw him then, behind the line of security. He looked different. Pale. No flashy clothes. No hat. No women attached to each arm.
Frank didn’t move. He stared down the empty stretch of space between him and Dante and I couldn’t read his eyes.
Brooklyn was first to react. “What the hell is he doing here?” She walked down the hall, heels clacking against the cement floor.
The air thickened. Something was happening. I didn’t know what exactly, but the tension was there, deep, ugly, and undeniable. Atoms were shifting. Voices were clashing.
“You need to leave, Dante,” Brooklyn’s shriek drifted from afar. She stopped in her tracks, hands on hips. “If he doesn’t pick up his goddamn phone, that means he doesn’t want to talk to you. I will file a restraining order if you keep doing this.”
“Stay out of it, huh?” He skirted around her and began his approach. Roman positioned his body at the midpoint between Dante and Frank. He stood tall and menacing. A wall separating the two men.
“Frank,” I whispered. “Maybe you should talk to him.”
“We don’t have anything to talk about.”
“You don’t need to give him your forgiveness.” My mouth neared his ear. “He’s not well. Just hear him out.”
“It’s his own damn fault.”
I took a step back and pressed against the coolness of the wall. My voice was a soft, tremulous murmur. “Don’t be a hypocrite, Frank. You wanted me to give you another chance after you publicly humiliated me, but you won’t give him two minutes of your time? All he wants is to be heard.”
I had no idea why I was siding with Dante. Our phone conversation had gotten under my skin. We were all part of a broken circle, quietly hating each other for the things we’d done to ourselves and the people surrounding us, and it had become tiresome, harboring grudges and animosity.
“Please,” I mouthed.
Frank’s eyes blazed with pain. The tic of his jaw told me he was struggling.
“I’m not here to rain on your parade, Frankie-boy, but I didn’t have a choice,” Dante shouted, his words soft around the edges. “Because you won’t fucking return my calls.” He paused. “I’m not asking for your friendship back. I just want to talk. Face to face.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” Frank turned to look at him. Roman shifted to the side, but the urgency of his movements told me he was combat-ready.
“There’s a whole lot and you know it. Twenty years.”
“You threw twenty years away when you decided to find a replacement for me.”
“You know what?” Dante chuckled. “You haven’t changed a bit. I thought time off may have done you some good, but you’re still a stupid stubborn fuck who thinks he’s invincible. You don’t get it, do you?” A crooked, unfamiliar smile twisted his lips. “You don’t get to drive yourself into a fucking freeway divider and leave everyone to sort the shit you created for seven years and then come back and do the same thing you did in your twenties when you had all your bones. It doesn’t fucking work like that, Frank. You don’t get to start where you left off just to kill yourself for it.”
Frank whipped around and walked down the hallway. A few feet of space separated them.
“There’s no time for this,” Brooklyn tried to intervene. “You need to get ready for the performance.”
“Well, you don’t get to fuck my ex-wife, me, and my band and then pretend it never happened.”
A collective gasp filled the hallway.
“Let’s not make another scene,” I pleaded, rushing over to Frank. “Not today.”
Dante’s gaze swept over to me. “You look very nice, Cassy.”
“You look good too.” I nodded, eyeing his features and searching for something to validate my statement. The slight slant of his left eye told me he wasn’t well. The health issues triggered by his overdose weren’t publicized, but one look at him was enough to see he was a mess.
The door to the lounge flung open, letting the noise of the party spill into the hallway. “We’re about to get started!” a voice shouted. “Izzy’s looking for you, Frank.”
“Okay, I guess if that’s how you want this to end,” Dante mumbled. A small smile tipped up the corners of his lips. “I’m sorry I fucked Heidi. I’m sorry I was a shitty friend. I hope you enjoy the rest of your night. Say hi to Margerie for me.” His words were a confused string of whispers, rolling and tripping.
Frank didn’t move, but I felt the wild thrum of his pulse when I grabbed his wrist.
My mind was a warren of questions and ideas. I couldn’t imagine Dante doing anything remotely nice, except maybe talking about nice. Something as big as persuading the woman who didn’t want to work with us because of everything he represented took guts.
“We really need to get going,” Brooklyn whispered.
“So it was you who talked to Margerie?” I returned my gaze to Dante.
“She’s a tough one, by the way.” He offered a smiled that faded before I could register the full extent of the damage that the overdose had done to his body. “I was seriously considering asking the owners of the Chinese Theater instead, hoping they’d be easier to convince.”
“And you think this gives you a free pass now?” Frank asked, but the bitterness in his voice was gone. Sadness was what I heard. “You think one noble act is going to erase twenty years of wrongs?”
“No, I don’t.” Dante shook his head. His eyes shone under the bright stream of the overhead light. “I think I’m a shitty person and I’m sorry for everything I’ve done. I’m not going to explain why I did it or what motivated me, because it’s fucking obvious. I don’t know and I don’t fucking remember doing half of this shit.” He stopped to catch a breath. There were tears in his eyes. “It doesn’t hurt as much when you’re high, Frankie-boy, but I’m sure you know that. You felt it, didn’t you? When it sweeps you under and when it lies to you and tells you everything is going to be okay, but when you wake up sober, you’re fucking devastated. So you go looking for it again. You go looking for that feel-good that gets you through the day, that keeps you conscious and all your demons at bay.”
He paused a
gain. His labored breaths roared inside my head.
“Dante, why don’t we talk after the panel?” I offered.
He continued to stare at Frank, tears rolling down his cheeks full force now.
“You have what you always wanted, Frankie-boy. Freedom. Don’t let your ego take it away from you.”
“Preaching doesn’t suit you,” Frank said quietly.
“It doesn’t suit you either. Let’s be honest. We both fucked up. We both did things we’re not proud of. I’m not looking for some kind of redemption. I’m just facing the consequences of the shitty choices I made. I never wanted you out of the band. I love you like a brother, but we both knew when you decided to come back it wasn’t going to work out. The only difference was that I saw it and you refused to accept it. Yes, I stood by and watched the label kick you out, but it wasn’t your battle to fight. Not anymore. This, right here”—Dante threw his hands in the air, motioning at the cement walls—“is your battle. This is where you belong. I just wanted you to understand that everything I did was for your own good, even if I did it backwards. That’s all I wanted to tell you. That I love you and I’m sorry. That I’m proud of you and that I want to part ways peacefully. I don’t want to leave any bad blood behind.”
Frank remained mute. My hand still held on to his, but all the signals were mixed. The silence swelled. Even Brooklyn stayed quiet. Behind the door, in the lounge, people screamed and music played.
I felt the uncertainty and the ache. It swirled around us like a cloud of dust above a dirt road that had just been touched by a set of tires.
Tense seconds ticked by as Dante wiped his left cheek with the back of his palm. “It’s good that you’re getting yourself sorted out. The bottle is a bitch. Once she has her claws in you, she’s never going to let go.” The words were slowly dying on his lips. “I know it. I’ve been trying to shake her off for almost two decades. Now I can’t even play a chord I wrote. A lost fucking cause.”