by Zane Menzy
“Here you go,” Matt said, extending a freshly poured glass of wine across to Damon. He went and sat on his own chair on the other side of the lounge.
Damon chuckled. “What are you doing all the way over there?”
“Just sitting.” Matt’s eyes flickered.
“I can see that, but why don’t you come sit here…with me.” Damon patted a free space of couch in front of his crotch.
Matt hesitated before climbing out of the seat and crossing the lounge to join him. He sat nearer Damon’s feet, looking rigid.
Damon brought his legs up and swung his feet to the floor to sit up right. He reached over and grabbed Matt’s shoulder, rubbing him affectionately. “How come you’re so nervous?”
“I’m not nervous,” Matt muttered into his glass.
Damon grinned, giving Matt a look that said he didn’t believe him.
“Okay, I’m nervous,” Matt confessed.
Damon kept rubbing Matt’s shoulder. “Loosen up, Matty. You don’t have to be nervous with me.” He lowered his hand down Matt’s back, slipping a finger into the tip of Matt’s arse crack. “I think we are well past nervous.”
“I guess so.” Matt forced a smile. “It’s just kind of weird.”
“What’s weird is waking up and finding your best mate has done a cum n run.”
Matt laughed. “I wouldn’t put it quite like that.”
“Well, you weren’t there when I woke up.” Damon pulled his hand from Matt’s pants and placed it on his mate’s bare knee. “I call that a cum n run.”
“I can assure you it wasn’t that.” Matt placed his drink down beside Damon’s. “I just had heaps to do today.”
Damon rubbed his fingers further up Matt’s leg, slipping them under the hem of his shorts. “I see.” He could feel how tense Matt was; his muscles stiff and locked. “Do you not like me touching you?”
“No. it’s nice.”
“Just nice?” Damon arched his brows, grinning.
“It’s more than nice.”
“Then how come it feels like I’m making your skin crawl?”
Matt heaved a sigh and dropped his shoulders. “I’m scared, Damon. Really fucking scared.”
“You don’t have to be scared of me.”
“I do though, Damon. I don’t think you understand.” Matt flicked him a sad stare. “I really enjoyed last night. I never thought we would ever go down that path again ya know.”
“I know what you mean,” Damon agreed. “It just sort of happened. I didn’t plan it,” he lied. “But I’m glad it did happen.”
“Are you?”
Damon nodded. “Of course.”
“It’s just that,” Matt started, “last time we fooled around like this, I got a little attached if you recall?” Matt laughed to himself. “I don’t wanna do that again. I know for you it’s just fun and I agree it is good fun but I have to be careful with fun like that… fun like that seems to come with feelings for me.”
Damon felt bad seeing his friend’s vulnerability peel open like a skinned orange. “You know I’d never hurt you, Matty?”
“I know you would never hurt me on purpose but that doesn’t stop it happening.”
“Are you saying that you could—” The words suddenly got stuck as if his throat was made of mud. Damon coughed and tried again. “Are you saying that you could fall in love with me?”
It felt like a small forever waiting for Matt to answer. “Maybe.”
“Wow,” Damon whispered.
Matt ran a hand through his hair, avoiding Damon’s eyes. “I already love you as a mate and I don’t think it would take much to love as more than that.”
“Are you saying that you could date a guy?” Damon asked, intrigued. “That you could be with a man the rest of your life? No pussy? Just cock?”
“Said like a real Casanova.”
“No. I am genuinely curious.”
Matt turned and looked him right in the eyes. “Yes, Damon. If I loved the person then I could quite easily only ever have sex with another man the rest of my life.”
Yes! Yes! Yes! Damon felt like the cure for lonely was within his grasp.
Matt took a sip on his drink and elaborated on his admission, “Until last night I had always thought what we did at eighteen was just some phase. A fucked-up scenario that I got carried away with, but now I think maybe it wasn’t.” Matt took a deep breath. “When I woke up and saw you in my arms this morning it hurt just looking at you. I literally wanted you so bad I ached. I’d be kidding myself if I tried saying I didn’t find you physically attractive. Because you are. You are perfect. Inside and out.”
Damon blinked. Stunned.
Matt covered his face and groaned. “See, this is why I should keep my fucking mouth shut. I didn’t mean to freak you out.”
Damon clasped his hands either side of Matt’s face and planted a kiss on his lips. “I’m not freaked out, Matty. I think all of that is pretty fucking awesome.” He grinned ear to ear. “Seriously. That is one of the best things I have ever heard.”
“It is?”
“Yes.” Damon nodded. “You have my full permission to get attached as you like?”
“Are you saying that you could do this—you and me—more than just for fun?”
“All I know is that when I woke up and saw that you were gone this morning I felt like you’d ripped my heart out. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you all day. You’ve got me feeling things I’ve never felt before. And I fucking love it!”
Matt looked dizzy from Damon’s confession. “I—I don’t know what to say.”
“Don’t say anything,” Damon breathed into Matt’s ear. “Just fucking kiss me.”
Matt’s body let go of its rigidness, surrendering to the emotion in the room. He poured himself atop of Damon, melting into his open arms.
Damon ripped at the back of Matt’s t-shirt, hungry to force his mate’s body into his own as hard as possible. Matt’s stubble rubbed against his face but instead of being put off it made him want more of the manly body melting into him. He spread his legs apart so Matt could slip between them as they continued sucking each other’s air.
Matt ripped his mouth away for a split second only to say, “Fuck you’re hot.”
“You too, babe,” Damon sputtered, rewarding Matt’s compliment with the word he adored.
They promptly locked lips again and returned to spitting groans in one another’s mouths. They were so wrapped up in each other they didn’t hear the front door open, they didn’t hear the footsteps coming down the hall or even walk into the lounge. It was only when they heard a voice cry, “What the hell,” that they knew they had been caught.
Chapter Thirty
Keegan pushed the rattling trolley with its wonky wheel through the colourful confectionery aisle of the supermarket. The wheel had a fit, spinning the trolley out of control and nearly hitting a young girl stacking shelves.
“Sorry,” he mumbled.
She shot him a customer-service smile weighed down from her menial drudgery. Keegan quickly rustled the menacing food wagon back into a straight line and continued on with his junk food jaunt.
He and Garth had grown tired of the swanky viaduct bar they had chosen as their Saturday night watering hole. When Keegan declared he was bored and wanted to go home, Garth hadn’t questioned him. Keegan wondered if Garth would have been quite so keen to agree to culling the evening short had he known Keegan’s motivation for bailing; to take Garth home and strip him of all his clothing and fuck him senseless.
After the bar, they had stumbled past the supermarket on their way to the bus station. It was Garth who had suggested they nip inside and buy some goodies. Keegan agreed. Garth would be needing some treats to keep his energy up with what Keegan had planned.
“What about these?” Garth said, pointing at a jumbo-sized bag of Maltesers.
“Throw them in.” Keegan looked down at the growing pile of candy they had. Chocolate bars, sour lemon lollie
s, tubs of ice-cream, chips and dips. “Grab four bags.”
Garth gave him a hesitant look.
“Go on,” Keegan urged.
Garth frowned but quickly hid it. “We already have a tonne of crap in here.”
“And?”
Garth fidgeted. “And, I don’t know if I can afford to go halves if we put much more in.”
“Who said you were even paying a cent?” Keegan saw Garth about to respond. “Nope. Don’t worry about it. It’s my treat.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yep. I still have heaps of Dad’s loan he gave me.”
“I like how you say loan.”
“I know right.” Keegan grinned. “It’s not like I’ll ever be able to pay him back. Well, not anytime soon.”
“I don’t think he minds, though.” Garth threw the Maltesers into the trolley.
Keegan eyed the expensive pile of food they had. “I’m guessing we have enough now. Anything else you wanted?”
“Just one more thing,” Garth grabbed the end of the trolley, tugging just for a second to let Keegan know which direction he was headed. They went past all the food aisles ‘till they got to the health and beauty section.
“I didn’t realise you wanted to eat soap,” Keegan joked.
Garth ignored him, scanning the aisle looking for whatever it was he was searching for. “Ahh, here we go.” He reached out and grabbed a box of condoms from the shelf. Kegan felt embarrassed, wondering if anybody passing by would make the connection they were using them together. Garth read the label then glanced at Keegan’s crotch. “Yep. Extra-large. These are the babies we need.” He threw them in the trolley then grabbed a bottle of lubricant to go with the packet of shaft shielders.
They pushed the wonky trolley to the checkouts where a middle-aged woman scanned and packed their items at lightning speed. After coughing up nearly $130, Keegan went to grab the four bags she had filled.
Garth stepped in front of him, pushing his hand away. “Nope. I’ll carry them.” He swooped in and plucked the four bags up.
Keegan tapped Garth on the shoulder. “Come on, let me carry at least one. They look heavy.”
Garth shook his head. “Me, strong man. You, sexy weakling.” Garth flexed his biceps as he let out a masculine grunt for show.
Keegan laughed. “You idiot. Me not.”
They made their way outside and footslogged to the bus stop. A sweet air of affection hummed between them. The connection they shared still felt light and innocent. But it wouldn’t be for long. Garth was on a one-way ticket to Keegan’s dark places, a state of mind that had no room for sweetness. Tonight, Garth would become his. Just like Damon had.
∞
The moon hung in the sky like a hard disc; its lunar rays shimmered across the calm waters of Port Jackson’s sheltered harbour. In the distance, Keegan spotted the orange glow of Auckland City. It seemed strange to now be surrounded by such tranquillity, when an hour before they had been amongst the noisy mayhem going on under the source of the far-off lights.
He could see why his father liked living here. It was close enough to the city centre to be handy but far enough away to be peaceful. Keegan imagined himself staying here. It would be easier to find a job than back home and his father seemed laid back enough to live with.
I wonder if Garth would hang around if I wanted to stay?
The question seemed a bit rash to ask a guy who was still just a mate. A mate who may or may not be keen on something more. A mate who was yet to find out if he could handle the sex that came with anything more. Keegan’s mind drifted ahead of him to the bedroom, wondering if Garth would love or hate what was about to be done to him.
Before they even were in front of the house, Keegan recognised Damon’s car parked on the street. He found himself slightly apprehensive at running into the only notch under his sex belt. When he had driven up with Garth last week, Keegan had been desperate to see Damon, wanting to touch base with the person floating in the same doomed raft as he was. But things had changed. Changed quickly. Now he wasn’t sure he even wanted to see Damon just to be reminded about the whole thing.
Garth could tell something was up. “Are you okay?”
“Uh yeah.” Keegan flicked his eyes towards Damon’s vehicle. “Damon is here by the looks.”
“The guy you hooked up with?”
Keegan nodded.
“I can’t wait to see what he looks like,” Garth said cockily. “See who my competition is.”
Keegan chuckled. “He isn’t your competition. And for god sake don’t say a word about it.”
“Why you gotta spoil my fun?” Garth teased.
“I’m warning you. Don’t say a single word.”
“Settle down, blondie. I ain’t gonna say anything in front of ya daddy about how his best mate porked his baby boy.”
“Thank you for saying one of the creepiest sentences ever,” Keegan grumbled. “And for the record, I porked him.”
Garth sniggered. “Sorry, I forgot about you being the man in these things.”
They climbed the steps. The rustling of the grocery bags in Garth’s hands were louder than the fidgeting of the key. Keegan took a deep breath and pushed the door open, ready to pretend he was catching up with a family friend and not a former lover.
“Fuck, I can’t wait to put these bitches down,” Garth said, swinging the heavy bags. “I swear had we walked much further my fingers were gonna rip out.”
“I offered to help carry one but nope you—” Keegan lost his words as he stepped into the lounge, barging in on a scene that could only be described as fucked-up-to-the-extreme. “What the hell,” he cried, locking eyes on his father and Damon kissing on the couch.
His father leapt off of Damon, doing a full 360 spin and facing Keegan with the most frightened face he had ever seen. “Keegan. I-I wasn’t expecting you home so soon.”
“Evidently.” Keegan flicked accusing eyes at Damon who brought his feet forward to sit on the edge of the couch.
“Hey, K dog,” Damon said in a guilty voice.
“Look, Keegan. I am so sorry you had to see that,” His father prattled. “But it isn’t what it looks like.”
“It looks like exactly what I saw,” Keegan huffed. “You two were making out!”
His father’s face was bright red. “Okay. Yes, we were kissing but…”
Damon got to his feet, standing beside Keegan’s father in an almost protective stance. “I know seeing your old man make out with me probably isn’t something you wanted to ever see, K dog, but we’re all adults here.” He made his eyes glow, encouraging Keegan to be calm. “You’re cool with things like this, right?”
Keegan felt a rumbling of rage in the pit of his stomach. Instead of a man he had started to trust and confide in, he saw nothing but a fucking rat. A cunning, sexy rat that was up to no good. “When did you two being together start to become a thing?” Keegan asked, regarding Damon with suspicion.
“Nothing’s started. We were just goofing around,” his father pleaded. “One too many drinks.” He pointed at empty wine bottles on the table. “I really am sorry.”
Damon held Keegan’s shitty gaze, touching his father’s shoulder. “Don’t be sorry Matty. We haven’t done anything wrong here. Two grown men having consensual fun. Keegan knows that.”
You fucker! Keegan bit the tail of the nasty words that wanted to fly out of his mouth and stab Damon in his handsome face. It was clear to see his father was only one insult away from breaking into nervous tears. He took a soothing breath and nodded. “Yeah, Dad. Don’t stress. It’s a free world.”
“See Matty,” Damon said. “Keegan doesn’t care.”
His father ignored the pacifying words being given. “Maybe you should go, Damon.”
“No, Matty,” Damon said hastily, “Keegan just told you it’s fine.”
The room felt like it was spinning. Keegan knew he was losing control of an interaction that felt like a battle. He resorted to the only we
apon he had. “Cactus balls,” he whispered like he was casting a spell.
Garth dropped the groceries to the floor, causing a dull thud. He grabbed the back of Keegan’s head and reeled him in for a hard, messy kiss.
When they finally plied their lips apart, Keegan turned to see his father and Damon with dropped jaws.
“What was that?” Damon stated more than asked.
“Are you two… together?” His father stammered.
Keegan wiped his face, which was wet from the slippery kiss. “Like I said, Dad. I’m cool with it.”
His father’s face went from panicked to softly curious. “Are you gay?”
“I am. That’s why Damon knew I would be cool with it.”
“You knew he was gay?” His father’s voice warbled.
Damon scratched the back of his neck, his previous calm starting to unravel. “Umm yeah… like I knew maybe but…”
“I told Damon when me and him went away for my birthday weekend and stayed in a cabin up at the lakes.” Keegan’s throat burned from the recklessness of what he was saying, his words walking an edge of danger.
“So you did know!” His father’s eyes remained fixed on Damon.
“Don’t be annoyed, Dad. Damon was actually really cool about it. I wasn’t even sure if I was gay or not, but he helped me understand that this is who I am.” Keegan smiled facetiously, enjoying seeing Damon sweat. “Anyway, me and Garth are off to bed.”
Garth had a silly smile on his face. He waved goodnight to the older men. “It looks like I’ve been given my orders. It was nice meeting you, Damon. And sorry about the interruption. Real blue balls material.” He laughed and groped his crotch. “Night.”
Keegan had to hold in a laugh at his mate’s wacky version of goodnight. Garth picked up the grocery bags and followed him back into the hallway.
“Good to see you got yaself a real charmer there, K dog,” Damon spat out bitterly.
As they got to the stairs, Keegan could faintly hear his father pleading for Damon to be quiet. He lapped up the snotty tone in Damon’s voice. Normally he hated conflict and loathed drama, but it felt like drama and conflict stalked him these days. Rather than run scared he would meet it head-on.