by Laura Pavlov
I took my time, tasting and exploring. Teasing and taunting. Bringing her just to the edge and keeping her there until she begged for more. And that’s exactly what I gave her. She cried out her release, and I swear to fucking God it was the best feeling in the world.
“Oh my, I, I…” was all she said, and I chuckled against her sweet spot and she tugged my head up and I met her gaze. “Wow.”
“I guess Ole Thyme wasn’t much of a lover. And you’ve only had my hands and mouth on you so far. I haven’t even pulled out my best feature yet,” I said, raising a brow as I sat back on my heels and she watched me.
She reached up and tugged at the hem of my shirt and I yanked it over my head, tossing it to the side before she pulled at the waistband of my pants as she took in the large erection straining against my zipper. “I want to see you.”
“Not yet, Blue Jay.” I dropped down beside her and turned her on her side to face me.
“Why?”
“Because I’ve had a wicked case of blue balls for weeks, and to say I’m hard as a rock right now would be a fucking understatement. And we’re not having sex tonight. Not yet. I’m going to prove to you that I’m all in, so if that means a little more discomfort, so fucking be it. I want to do this right.”
She smiled and my fucking chest squeezed. What the hell was that about? There was just enough moonlight coming in through the windows in my bedroom to illuminate her gorgeous face. Large indigo eyes, plump lips, and porcelain skin.
“Well, there are things I can do without us having sex, right?” she said, stroking me over the fabric of my jeans.
I reached down and wrapped my hand around her wrist. “No. If you unleash him, I won’t be able to restrain myself. Trust me when I say, it’s taking all the restraint I have.”
I released her hand and she moved it to my face, running it along my jaw gently, and I loved the feel of her soft skin against mine. Her fingers moved up and tangled in my hair, running back and forth along my head. The sensation so great I almost forgot about my angry dick still throwing a temper tantrum beneath my zipper.
“You’re full of surprises,” she said.
“Yeah? Well, I’m just getting started.”
Her cheek settled on my chest, and her fingers continued to move through my hair, soothing me in ways I couldn’t explain. She was naked aside from her lace panties, and I wrapped my arm around her, running my hand up and down her back. Her perfect tits were pressed to my chest, and it took everything I had not to flip her on her back and take her the way I wanted to. The way she wanted me to. Monroe was different.
Special.
And I needed to remember that.
“Okay. Well, I guess this is a good time to ask you questions. I mean, we’ve already fake dated, broken up, you’re my brother’s best friend, and now I’m practically naked in your arms—seems like as good a time as any to find out more about you.”
“Ask away,” I said, kissing the top of her head because I couldn’t stop myself. This was new. This need to take it slow and do things right. I was a fucking kick-ass lover—no doubt about it. Tender and sweet weren’t really my thing. But everything about this girl had me reacting differently and I didn’t mind it. Didn’t mind waiting for her either. Somehow, I knew she was worth the wait.
She pushed up just a little, resting her elbow on my chest and looking at me. Her hair was a wild mess from writhing beneath me just minutes ago. Her face was relaxed and sated and fucking glowing. Her indigo blue eyes sparkled in the moonlight and she studied me. “It really wasn’t hard for you to walk away from football? Everyone thought you would go pro, right?”
“That was the plan. But honestly, no. It wasn’t even an option after my dad died. I’ve never been someone who struggled with making decisions. I know what I want, and I make it happen. It’s that simple. I never waver. And I was done with football. My family needed me, and I didn’t struggle with the decision like everyone thinks I did.”
She nodded like she understood. “Yeah. It was big news when you walked away. I remember wondering if it was hard for you to hear them talk about it for months after you left.”
“Not at all. Everyone wanted to dissect that shit, but it was much simpler for me than everyone thought. I wasn’t under any sort of obligation to my family. Not one person pressured me. I struggled to return to USC after my father died because I knew my family needed me. But I also knew that my father would want me to finish school, and I wanted to have that degree under my belt too. I didn’t need people acting like I just got a free ride at the family business, I’m not about that. Yes, I was born into an affluent family and I’m grateful for everything I have. But I’ve worked hard to get where I am and I’m proud of that. And attending school in Los Angeles made it easy to commute home to Napa often. But the minute I graduated, I knew it was time to come home and help my brothers.”
“Good answer,” she said with a smirk. Her hair falling all around her shoulders as she bit down on that juicy bottom lip of hers.
“What I want to know is how you know so much about this? Were you keeping tabs on me back then? I thought you hated me?”
Her cheeks pinked and she dropped down on her back. I rolled over, propping myself above her while I waited for her to respond.
“So, I may have had a little crush on you back then which is why I may have hated you for sleeping with my nemesis.” She covered her face with her hands as she spoke, as if this were the most sinister secret.
Fucking adorable.
I tugged her hands away and waited for her to look up at me. “I would never have done that if I’d known.”
“I know you wouldn’t. It was kid stuff. But I’d told my friend Gwen about my ridiculous crush and I guess Tiffany overheard. She couldn’t wait to flaunt your sexcapades in my face the next day.” She shook her head and laughed.
“Sexcapades? Is that even a word?” I chuckled. “Well, that makes sense. She came on strong. And I was young and stupid. I never would have looked at you back then, being Buck’s little sister. I always thought you were hot as hell, but you know, you were off-limits. But I wish I’d known Tiffany was playing games, because I wouldn’t have let her do that to you. Did you beat her at every race from there on out?” I asked, pushing a loose piece of hair away from her pretty face as I ran my knuckles back and forth along her cheek.
“I certainly did. I stopped feeling bad about it after that too,” she said through her laughter.
I rolled over to lie on my back and pulled her across my chest again, running my fingers through her silky hair. “Well, I’m glad we’re here now and you forgave me for being a stupid, horny, young prick.”
“Who said you’re completely forgiven?” she teased, and her tongue swiped out to wet her bottom lip. “So, what’s different now? You said you wouldn’t have even looked at me that way back then because of Miles. But now you can?”
I sucked in a long breath. I was in a battle with myself. Loyalty meant something to me, and Buck was my best friend. “I don’t have a choice. Now that I see you, I can’t seem to look anywhere else.”
It was the fucking truth. I don’t know when it happened or how it happened. But she was all I could see now. She was everything I never knew I wanted.
She nodded. “When was your last relationship?”
I used the pad of my thumb to run it along her pouty lip. “Before my dad died. I had a girl I was seeing for a few months, nothing serious. After that, I just kept it casual, you know, that way no one gets hurt.”
“Were you protecting them or you?” she asked, studying me like she needed to know the answers to her questions. Like the journalist she was deep in her core.
“Probably both, if I’m being honest.”
She nodded. “Losing your dad was a big loss. I’m sure you still miss him every day.”
“I do. Always will. It’s been six
years, but I swear I still feel like it was yesterday. Never want to hurt like that again. It’s a deep to your soul kind of hurt. I already love my mom and my brothers, so I can’t change that. But I definitely think I intentionally stayed detached from the women I saw over the last few years. Until you walked through the door.”
I could feel her heartbeat racing against my chest. “Why?”
“No fucking idea. But I can’t stop it and I’ve learned to trust my gut. And my gut says that this is something. Something worth fighting for.”
“Fighting what?” she whispered, her gaze searching mine.
“Fighting every fucking fear I have about letting someone in. Fighting my best friend. Fighting the feeling that I could fail and fuck it all up.”
“That’s a lot of fighting, Montgomery,” she said, laying her head back down on my chest and hugging me tight. “I don’t know that I’m worth all that.”
“You’re worth it all, Little Bird.”
“How are you always so sure of everything?” she asked, her breath tickling my chest.
“It’s a gut feeling. Something I don’t feel often. But I feel it with you. No doubt about it. I wouldn’t risk all this if I didn’t.”
She nodded, her fingers running along my chest. This was definitely the most intimate moment I’d ever shared with a woman. Hell, usually I just had sex and tapped out. Left. We hadn’t had sex and I was telling her things I never told anyone.
“I don’t know that I’m worth that risk.” She pushed up to look at me, and her eyes welled with emotion.
“Why would you say that?”
“I don’t know,” she said, biting down on her lip and shaking her head.
“Hey, I just told you my secrets. Tell me. Did that fucking asshole ex-boyfriend of yours make you feel small? Where is this coming from?” I asked, studying her.
She settled her head on my chest again, as if looking at me was too much. “No. He wasn’t great, but he was fine. I guess I settled when I chose to date him. What you and I have—well, it feels too good to be true, you know?”
“In what way?” I continued to run my fingers through her hair. I wanted to know. Needed to know what I was up against.
“I guess I never thought I deserved to be completely happy.”
I slipped my fingers beneath her chin and tipped her face up, forcing her to look at me. “Explain.”
She sucked in a long breath, and anxiety rolled off her gorgeous body. “I don’t know. I mean, when you enter the world the way I did, you sort of feel cursed. My mother died giving birth to me. Not exactly the best way to make your debut.” She chuckled, but it was forced and laced with hurt. “My father lost the love of his life. My brother lost his mother. All for me. I’ve taken enough already, haven’t I? So, I’ve always just sort of felt like I had something to prove.”
A sharp pain settled in my chest. The brutality of the situation was hard to swallow. “None of that was your fault. You didn’t take anything. It was a horrible tragedy. That’s not on you. What do you have to prove?”
She shrugged as two tears streaked down her cheeks and my chest tightened. “Maybe that I was worth it. Worth my mom giving up her life in exchange for mine. So, I’ve worked hard at everything from as early as I can remember. I wanted to be the best runner I could be. The best student. The best journalist. But even when I achieve my goals, it still feels—like it’s not enough. And sometimes I just feel so tired.”
“It’s enough, Blue Jay. It’s more than enough. You’re just finding your way. And your father and brother, yeah, they lost someone special but they both gained you. They could never blame you for what happened. And I can speak for Buck because the dude has been my best friend for years. He adores you. Worships you even.” I used my thumb to swipe away the liquid beneath her eyes. “I think he and your dad see you as a miracle. The angel that arrived during a dark time. And what about what you lost? You grew up without a mother. That couldn’t have been easy. No one blames you for what happened—well, aside from yourself maybe. And that’s something you need to let go of. That’s why it feels like it’s never enough when you achieve all of these amazing things.”
“Why?” she whispered, looking up at me with big trusting eyes. I swore in that moment that I would spend every day of my life proving to her that she was enough. More than enough.
“Because you’re holding on to something that isn’t your fault. You need to let that shit go. Accept that you are the light that came out of something dark. And your mom would do it again over and over for you. So, be the best at everything because you’re a fucking rock star, not because you think you owe it to anyone.” I’d learned a lot about this in therapy after my father died. Ford carried unnecessary guilt and I think we all tried to live up to unattainable expectations that first year. Ford, Harrison, and I dealt with our grief differently, but therapy had been helpful to all three of us. I was thankful my mom had insisted on it.
She nodded. “I can’t believe I’m telling you all of this. I’ve never told anyone these things.”
She settled back on my chest and I could feel her body relax against mine. “I like you telling me things.”
“Yeah? What else do you want to know?”
“Why don’t you want me to tell your brother about us?”
She pushed up to face me again. “Because it will complicate things. He has nothing to do with it. I love Miles, but he’s almost too protective. I also don’t want to risk hurting your friendship, and if this doesn’t end well, he won’t forgive you, trust me. And that’s not fair to you.” She settled back down against my chest, her fingers running softly up and down my arm. “I want this to just be our thing. Just you and me for now. See where it goes. The whole world was in our business when it wasn’t real, but now that it’s, er, something, I don’t want to share it. I want to give it a chance.”
“So, you finally agree there’s something here, huh?” I teased her and pulled her up so I could taste her sweet mouth.
“I agree there’s something, but I don’t know what it is. It’s foreign to me. It also terrifies me. I don’t usually put myself in positions to be hurt,” she said, her words breathless and raspy.
“I won’t hurt you. I’m afraid you’re the one in the position to do all the hurting.”
She tilted her head to the side, lips swollen where I’d kissed her hard, and eyes narrowed and questioning. “How do you figure?”
“Because you’re the one that keeps trying to fly away, Little Bird.”
Chapter Twenty
Monroe
I’d spent the past six nights at Jack’s house. In his bed. He insisted I come to his place because he claimed Pussy liked me better than him—which was definitely true. The cat appeared to favor women over men and was slowly warming up to Jack. We’d publicly fake dated and now we were secretly seeing one another, but I was fairly certain Big Tony and Jack’s brothers were aware of what was going on. I just wasn’t ready to make it public. I feared once Miles found out, Jack would feel trapped with me, as dumping me would be the end of their friendship, and I didn’t want to risk that. I needed to know if this was real without any outside factors adding pressure to either of us.
He still hadn’t let me touch him, while he brought me to blissful orgasm night after night, and I was itching to return the favor. I didn’t know what we were waiting for. He wanted to prove to me that this was something special, not just some sexual conquest. I knew he cared for me, there was no doubt about it. And I wasn’t completely against being his sexual conquest at this point, because I’d never wanted anyone the way I wanted him. Did I think he would lose interest in me shortly after we did the deed? Probably. And I didn’t want him sticking around out of obligation, which is why my brother didn’t need to know what was going on. I didn’t believe in fairy tales or happily ever after. Hell, I’d never seen one that actually worked out.
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We’d spent the past few months together, and it was going to hurt like hell when this ended. He’d become a constant in my day—in my life. But nothing lasts forever, and I was the poster child for that slogan.
I stepped off the elevator and Pussy greeted me at the door. The name was horrifying, but the kitty was spectacular. He was an oversized cat, with the heart of a teddy bear. Sort of like his owner. Me and Pussy had a lot in common when it came to trusting others. But once he did, he was as sweet as they came. I scooped him up and craned my neck to see where Jack was.
“Hello?” I called out, looking down to see rose petals on the floor. What the heck. “Montgomery?”
“Follow the trail, Blue Jay,” he shouted, and I didn’t miss the humor in his voice.
Pink and white petals led a path to the dining room where the table was set, candles were lit, and a pizza box sat in the middle. My heart raced way too fast, and I set Pussy down to take it all in. Jack came around the corner wearing his navy suit pants and a white dress shirt with a few buttons undone sans his tie. His hair was a disheveled mess and he’d never looked sexier.
“What’s all this?” I asked, noticing that the trail continued on in another path toward his bedroom.
“First we eat, and then we bathe.” He pulled me onto his lap and rested his chin on my shoulder. Cedar and citrus had become my kryptonite, and I closed my eyes and breathed him in.
“Did you say bathe?” My voice rasped as he reached over and opened the pizza box.
“You heard me. Tonight, I thought we’d try taking our first bath together.”
My head fell back in laughter. “What? Why in the world would we do that?”
He reached up, placing his thumb and forefinger on each side of my jaw and turned me to face him. “I want to do everything together. This is how I’m going to show you that I’m all in.”