Jisu: Yeah...I can imagine how they felt.
Changmin: But you’re so chill. I bet if you did come to Cambridge, we’d be friends. And I bet you and Margaret would get along.
Jisu: Margaret?
Changmin: My girlfriend.
Jisu: Riiight. Oh, look at that. I just got an urgent text from my friend. I think she needs me.
Changmin: I drove here. Want me to give you a ride?
Jisu: That’s not necessary! I’m just gonna go right now.
Changmin: Okay. Well, if you ever end up in Cambridge, feel free to hit me up!
10
“What are you so nervous about?” Mandy asked.
Jisu had plenty to be nervous about. It was Wednesday, 4:26 p.m. It was balmy outside—a perfect 77⁰F September day. Austin was going to drive down the street any minute now to take Jisu surfing, something she had never done before.
Jisu had two swimsuits—a simple black one-piece and a cute pink gingham bikini—but she had changed in and out of them multiple times before opting for the sensible one-piece. They were going to the beach to surf and not to lounge idly and tan after all.
She had been sitting at the top of the staircase, tapping her foot and watching the grandfather clock inch slowly toward 4:30 p.m., when Mandy emerged from her room and inserted her nosy self.
“I’m not nervous. What are you talking about?” Jisu tucked her hair behind her ears and cupped her hands around her shins, as if to calm her restless legs.
“You’re shaking like Mom does when she has too much coffee in the morning.” Mandy stared at Jisu suspiciously. “You’re going to see a boy, aren’t you?”
Jisu rolled her eyes. Mandy was incredibly skilled in the art of taking something you were avoiding and forcing you to confront it head-on.
“I’m hanging out with Austin. We’re going to the beach to surf,” Jisu said. “But that’s not why I’m nervous. I’m nervous because I don’t know how to surf.”
Jisu’s phone dinged and a car honked outside. Her heart jumped, but not because she was startled. It felt like she had just sprinted up and down the stairs. He was right on time. She placed a hand on her chest to signal her heart to calm down.
“Oookay. If you say so. Have fun on your second date!” Mandy retreated to her room before Jisu could reiterate that it wasn’t a date. And that the first time they had hung out, it wasn’t a date either. They were just hanging out. That was it.
Silly Mandy. What does she know?
Jisu made her way down the stairs and checked her reflection in the hallway mirror. She practiced a few different smiles, each one feeling more fake and manic than the last. Why were her nerves acting up all of a sudden? Jisu pinched her cheeks so she could both snap out of it and also attain a natural rosy complexion. Jisu Kim, why do you care what your hair looks like? It’s going to get wet anyway. Does my hair look okay when it’s wet? What if I look like a scary gwisin? Should I tie it in a bun? She twisted her hair into a topknot and stepped into the bright afternoon sunshine.
“Jisu!” Austin shouted out the car window. She caught his eye and waved at him. He was blasting some hip-hop track that she didn’t recognize. But the beat was catchy and she couldn’t help smiling and bopping her head. Thank god for music. It filled in the spaces in between and made Jisu feel a little less like a bundle of nerves. She opened the passenger door and slid into the car.
“What song is this?” Jisu put her seat belt on.
“It’s Migos. You don’t recognize it?” Austin turned up the volume and hit the gas. The combination of the music blasting, the wind blowing through the windows and Austin at the wheel, driving them at high speed toward the beach, left Jisu feeling giddy and lightheaded.
“So, where exactly are we going?” she asked, not recognizing any of the streets they were whizzing past.
“Pacifica. No one’s taken you there yet, right?”
“No, I haven’t been.” Jisu had yet to explore this part of the city.
“Good.” Austin’s excitement to show her a new part of town excited Jisu.
She thought of the quizzes she had read in magazines.
Non-date: You both hang out and do the same boring things.
Date: You both go exploring and try something new.
None of this was new to Austin, but he knew it was new for her and had taken it upon himself to take her out. The tide of nervous energy returned, but Jisu didn’t mind and let it wash over her.
“I didn’t realize people in the Bay Area went surfing. I always thought of it as a more LA thing.”
“All of California goes surfing. But there are probably more people who go in LA. The few who surf here all year-round are the real ones though. I’ve been surfing since I was a kid. You know I’m from Torrance, right?”
“Where?”
“It’s outside LA. I used to surf all the time, and then my mom moved us up here to be with her sisters, after my dad died.” Austin kept both hands on the wheel and stared intently at the road ahead. On the radio, there was a heavy layer of silence in between tracks.
“Austin, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” It was hard for Jisu to be away from her dad, but she messaged him on Kakao every day and had her weekly video chats with her parents. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to lose one of her parents.
“It was a long time ago. It sounds super cheesy, but ever since he died, I’ve learned to live life to the fullest and do what I want.” Austin parked the car. He switched back and smiled at Jisu. “Like going surfing at Pacifica in September. But first we’re going to make one stop.”
They were practically under the Golden Gate Bridge. Jisu stared in awe at the iconic red bridge.
“You didn’t tell me we’d be stopping by the bridge!” she exclaimed. Jisu hopped out of the car and immediately started snapping away with her digital camera.
“Do you always have a camera on you?” Austin asked.
“You never know when the perfect photo opportunity will present itself.” Jisu pointed her DSLR at him and snapped a few more photos.
“There’s a good photo op over there. Do you recognize that corner?” Austin pointed to an old military building perched underneath the bridge. “There’s a scene from an old movie...a famous movie...”
“I know some American shows and movies, but I don’t really know the old stuff. Except Titanic or Gone with the Wind. But Titanic was in the Atlantic Ocean and Gone with the Wind was in the South, right?”
“Jimmy Stewart... Kim Novak... Hitchcock?” Austin looked at Jisu expectantly.
“Sounds familiar...” Jisu lied. “Austin, I’m not a film buff.”
“Okay, you don’t need me to be your English tutor. What you need is a pop-culture tutor. Today when you go home, you’re going to watch this movie called Vertigo. I think it’s on Netflix.” Austin’s attentiveness made Jisu’s stomach do another tiny flip. Whatever remaining guilt she felt for canceling on Dave disappeared entirely. Yes, this is a real date, Jisu decided. And it was already better than any seon she had ever been on.
Once Austin convinced Jisu that she had taken more than enough photos, they got back into his car to drive down to Pacifica State Beach. Jisu eased right into the passenger seat. She no longer felt as hyperaware of every movement—she could easily reach over Austin’s arm to grab the aux cord and play music without overthinking it. She leaned back and marveled at the ocean view to the right as they drove down Cabrillo Highway.
“You didn’t bring a wet suit by any chance, did you?” Austin asked as he grabbed his out of the trunk. Jisu didn’t have to answer because the look of confusion on her face indicated enough to him.
“Lucky for you, I conjured one up.” Austin grabbed another. “Here, this should fit.”
“Thanks!” Jisu said, but she immediately wondered where the suit came from. Did the last g
irl he took to the beach to surf use this suit? How many girls did he take surfing? Maybe he just bought one and this was his thing—showing girls his surfing spots before he made a move.
Was he going to make a move?
Jisu quickly put the wet suit on and was quietly relieved it didn’t take too much effort or require an embarrassing amount of help from Austin. The two of them ran into the water. Jisu shivered with excitement but also because the water was freezing. Austin somehow seemed unfazed. She couldn’t get over the sensation of being covered in water but not entirely wet. Was this how it felt to be a dolphin? Jisu had not surfed a day in her life, but the simple act of putting the wet suit on made her feel like she could get up on the board and do anything.
Austin showed her how to paddle and hop up onto the board, repeating the motions over and over again. Jisu watched intently. She did want to get it down. Austin repeated the motions for Jisu once more, but she couldn’t concentrate.
Can’t. Stop. Shivering. At least I put my hair up and I don’t look like a gwisin.
The cold water, the incessant wind, the wet suits outlining their entire bodies like a second layer of skin—it was all too distracting. How did she look? What was he thinking about her?
The ocean swayed them out and Jisu could see a wave forming on the horizon.
Okay, I’m going to get it right this time.
She plunged her arms into the water and paddled forward. She let the wave carry her up, and at the right moment she hopped onto her board.
“I did it!” she yelled. “I’m doing it!”
The exhilaration lasted for only a few seconds before Jisu lost her balance and fell into the water. But it didn’t matter. She had done it! She’d gotten herself on that board and skimmed the surface of the water like she was Jesus.
Jisu resurfaced and Austin pulled her out of the ocean and onto her board. Her body was completely drained of energy and her limbs felt like rubber, but adrenaline was gushing through her veins and her heart was racing so fast she could hear it beating in her ears.
“Are you okay?” Austin asked. Jisu was still freezing, but a warmth radiated inside her when she saw the look of concern in his face.
“Yeah,” Jisu huffed. She was still trying to catch her breath. “I feel amazing. I can’t believe I did that!”
Austin and Jisu swam back to shore. They walked around the beach to dry themselves off. Jisu marveled at the palm trees. She could never get sick of looking at them. The high from her small but still totally major accomplishment still hadn’t worn off, and she couldn’t stop smiling. Euni and Min would never believe her. Surfing? You? No way. Jisu even wanted to tell them about Austin. Her new friend, who happened to be a boy. A really cute boy.
The sun was starting to set and a warm glow washed over everything. Jisu and Austin stood silently side by side and drank in the view. Today really was a perfect day.
Jisu stared beyond the ocean. Somewhere far across the Pacific, past several time zones, was home. Her chest tightened and she felt a twinge of pain.
“You all right?” Austin asked, seeming to have detected the shift in her mood.
“How long do you think it would take for me to swim all the way back to Seoul?”
“There’s probably an easier way to get back. Like a plane.” Austin put his arm around her and drew her into him.
Jisu tensed. All of a sudden, she was aware of every cell and atom in her body. She tried to calm her nerves by directing her sensory awareness away from the placement of Austin’s arm on her shoulder to the ocean in front of them. Jisu took a deep breath and gazed at the waves. But her nerves didn’t relent. So she let them flutter about in her stomach. She leaned her head on his shoulder.
“I remember being homesick for LA when I first got here,” Austin said. “But it’ll go away. This place will grow on you.”
“No, it already has,” Jisu said. “I just feel guilty.”
“Guilty about what?”
“I actually feel happy, and I didn’t think I would. And I shouldn’t. Going to Wick for one year was supposed to be all cramming. No fun. But I have independence here. I’m working on my photography more. I’m making new, real friends. I learned how to surf today. And I’m somehow not flunking any of my classes.”
“So what are you guilty of? Living your life?”
“Things are too good. And I could always study harder. You know, I flaked on a group project to come out here with you.”
“Can I be honest?” Austin asked. Jisu motioned him to continue. “I think you need to loosen up. Why are you always stressing yourself out so much?” The question hung in the space in between them. She had no answer. The pressure to do well, to sacrifice her present for her future—whatever that looked like—had always been a part of her life.
“I’m not saying it’s the same, but I think I know what you mean. My mom’s a single mom, and I’m the oldest of four kids. Everyone’s looking to me to be the ‘man of the family,’ whatever that means. My uncles want me to take over the family restaurant, but I want to go to college and do my own thing. I decided a long time ago that I could please my family as best as I can, but I still need to be happy.”
Jisu let his words sink in. He was brave to put himself first. It felt against nature and against her inherent self to do such a thing. But she wanted to be more like him.
Austin stared far across the Pacific, looking deep in thought. She wanted to take a photo of him. Of his strong profile against the soft pink sky. She wanted to show him how she saw him in this moment. But Jisu held her gaze and recorded it in her memory. This wasn’t something she’d forget.
“Are you hungry?” Austin checked the time. “’Cuz I’m starving.”
“I could eat anything right now.” Jisu’s stomach growled at the thought of food. She clutched her belly, embarrassed at how loud it was. They walked to the parking lot.
“You go to El Farolito yet?”
All these names, movies and places she didn’t know. Everything felt new around Austin. “No, but I don’t care. I’m so hungry, I’ll eat literally anything.”
“It’s going to be the best burrito you’ve ever had,” he said.
“Ooh, burritos! I had one at a Mexican restaurant in Seoul—”
“No, no. This is a real proper California-Mexican burrito.” Austin pulled out of the parking spot and maneuvered onto the road. “I’m gonna give you a whole list of spots you need to try. For your pop-culture homework.”
“Pop-culture homework? Really?”
“It’s what a good tutor does.” Austin smiled. “You’ll thank me for it later.”
* * *
El Farolito was different from some of the Mexican spots Jisu had gone to in Seoul. A handful of them were in Itaewon, where most of the expats in Seoul lived. Jisu had her fair share of tacos and burritos with Min and Euni, but they all had some Korean fusion aspect to them, whether the carnitas was replaced with bulgogi or the rice in the burrito was kimchi-fried rice. Now she could have a proper California-Mexican burrito, whatever that meant. El Farolito was simple, casual and crowded. Hungry patrons lined up along the counter to place their orders and then seated themselves in the booths.
Austin and Jisu picked up their orders: carne asada for her, al pastor for him. They grabbed a booth and devoured their burritos. Maybe it was because she was so tired and hungry from all the surfing and walking. And simply staying alert and being on her toes around Austin was exhausting, too. But the steak burrito was unlike anything she’d ever eaten. It was so good, it felt like healing. How water must taste in the middle of the desert. How real food must taste after recovering from a weeklong stomach bug. Nothing was as simple and as good as rice, beans and meat. Austin was right—it was the best burrito she’d ever had.
And just as Jisu took the last bite of the perfect meal to cap off the perfect day, she spotted him
from the corner of her eye.
Was...? Was that...Dave Kang?
Crap. It was him. He was placing his order at the counter. He was with a girl. His girlfriend? She wrapped an arm around Dave and laughed at something he said. She had brown hair, brown eyes and freckles scattered across her pale face. She was wearing the female Bay Area uniform: an oatmeal-colored fleece, blue jeans and worn-out tan boots. Honestly, she was...kinda basic.
Austin turned around to see what Jisu was staring so intently at.
“Yo! Dave Kang!” Austin shouted before Jisu could stop him. She ducked, hoping they would simply wave back, not see her and move along. But no. Austin, being the nice guy that he was, beckoned them over.
“We were just finishing up. You guys should take our table.” Austin slid out of the booth and gave Dave a fist bump.
“Thanks, man,” Dave said. He turned to Jisu, but she couldn’t bear to look at him. She was caught red-handed.
“Sophie! What’s up, girl? You know Jisu, right?” Austin said, pseudo-introducing them.
“Hey, I’m Sophie.” Sophie stuck out her hand and smiled. She did seem like someone Jisu could be friends with. It only made sense that Dave’s girlfriend was equally as warm and inviting as he was. Jisu shook Sophie’s hand.
“I’m Jisu. It’s nice to meet you... I love that necklace!” Sophie was wearing a simple chain, nothing really remarkable. And it certainly wasn’t a necklace Jisu would get for herself, but in the last few weeks of constantly meeting new people, Jisu found that throwing someone a simple compliment helped to break the ice.
Austin’s phone started to ring. “Sorry, guys. It’s my uncle calling from the restaurant. I gotta take this.”
Don’t leave me with them. Take me with you! Jisu looked up slowly and met Dave’s gaze. Her insides curdled and she wanted to hide under the table and never come back out.
“Jisu and I are partnered up for that big IS project and were supposed to meet up today actually.” Dave looked straight into Jisu’s eyes. “But she told me she had something urgent come up.”
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