Jisu: Yeah, I hate it when that happens.
JimOON: So, how was the show—at The Lab?
Jisu: It was good! Though I couldn’t see too much of the works—it was the opening night.
JimOON: Yeah, no one actually looks at the art on opening night. Too crowded. Everyone goes back the next day.
Jisu: Exactly! And I was taking photos, so I couldn’t take the time to really look.
JimOON: You’re into photography?
Jisu: Self-taught. Nothing fancy.
JimOON: I don’t know if you’ve been, but the Ansel Adams show that’s on at the SF MOMA is really good.
Jisu: Sorry, which show?
JimOON: Ansel Adams... You do know who he is, right?
Jisu: Hmm? Yeah, totally. The...photographer.
JimOON: Yeah exactly! He’s the photographer.
Jisu: So, who else are your favorite photographers?
JimOON: The obvious ones like Ansel, Diane Arbus, Lewis Wickes Hine. My mom actually has a few Arbus pieces. Who do you like?
Jisu: Oh...uh the same. Arbus, Hine, all of them. Yup. What do you like about their photos?
JimOON: I love nature, so Adams’s black-and-white photographs are probably among my favorite. With Arbus—this probably sounds too obvious, but she just captures people in a way no one else really can. Ordinary people, dwarfs, gangsters, children, singers, body contortionists. She treats them all the same.
Jisu: That’s what I like best about photography. When you can capture the honesty of the person in front of you.
JimOON: What’s your favorite work?
Jisu: Like work of photography?
JimOON: Yeah, just like your favorite one.
Jisu: Hmm... I don’t think I have a favorite one. And I really don’t know all that much about it, to be honest. I just recently picked up a camera and played around with it.
JimOON: Gotcha. Well, if you’re a real photographer, you gotta know the works of the masters.
Jisu: I guess. I’m still learning, taking it one photo at a time.
17
“Aigoo, why does our daughter sound so sad?” Jisu’s father asked.
“No reason, Appa. I’m just tired.” There was only one week left before winter vacation. One week before she submitted the last of her college applications. Just a week before she would hop on a plane back to Seoul. Back home.
“Make sure you get lots of sleep. And drink water!” Her father’s voice trailed off. Mrs. Kim was taking the phone from him, Jisu could tell.
“Jisu-ya, are you sick? Why are you feeling tired? Everything okay?”
Jisu sighed. “Yes, Umma, I was just up a little later than usual studying.” She knew exactly which lines to use and when to use them.
“Aigoo, working so hard. But it’ll be Christmas soon.”
“I know! I can’t wait to be back. I miss everyone so much.” Jisu thought about all the proper catching up she had to do with Euni and Min. Euni had texted a little with Jisu on Kakao, but the conversations were sparse and she wasn’t quite well enough yet to video chat with her.
“Actually, your dad and I have a surprise,” Mrs. Kim said.
Surprise? Were they going to fly her out early? Or transferring her back to Daewon?
“Your father and I—and your grandfather—are going to come to you for Christmas! We just booked the tickets the other day.”
Jisu’s heart dropped. No. No, no, no. Ever since she had gotten that devastating phone call from Min, the promise of returning home but for a short week and half was the only thing that had kept Jisu going.
“Umma...that sounds great and all but—”
“So great, right? You can show us all your favorite places. And we’ll take pictures by the Golden Gate Bridge...”
“You can’t come here,” Jisu blurted out.
Silence.
“Why? What’s wrong? Did something happen?” Her mother sounded genuinely worried.
“I need to go to back to Seoul.”
“Jisu-ya, I know you are homesick. But we are bringing the home to you! And then you don’t have to deal with the terrible jet lag when you go back to school.”
Of course. Of course her mother’s reasoning was tied with Jisu and her academics. It always was. It was always this way.
“No, you don’t understand,” Jisu said, her voice shaking. “Euni is sick. She was just in the hospital. I need to see her.”
“Oh... I heard about Eunice,” Mrs. Kim said.
Then why hadn’t she told Jisu about it?
She’d probably thought that she shouldn’t distract her daughter with such news. Such news regarding her best friend. That was exactly what had happened.
“Jisu-ya, I’m really sorry. Eunice is a lovely, smart girl. But you know how weak she is. Even all the mothers joke that gym class is the only class where she’s not in first place.”
“This isn’t a joke, Umma.” Jisu was seething. How could she dare to talk about Euni like this?
“I know it’s not a joke. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry,” Mrs. Kim said. “But we’ve already booked the flights, Jisu. You can video chat with Euni when she’s fully recovered. Min can keep you updated. But the plan is set, my dear.”
Jisu wanted to scream. She wanted to scream so loudly that everyone in the Bay Area, across the Pacific Ocean and in Seoul would hear her. But she was tired of fighting, tired of resisting. And so she quietly hung up the phone.
She collapsed onto the bed, feeling helpless. Like a tiny, anchorless boat lost at sea. She wanted to call Dave and vent. You won’t believe what my mother just did. But he was probably busy with Sophie, and she didn’t want to burden him. Hiba? Jamie and Tiffany? Everyone was busy right now.
Jisu hovered a finger over her phone above Austin’s name and number. All she had to do was press the screen.
She tossed her phone aside and wandered into Mandy’s room.
“Oh, my god, I love the green dress. Wear the green dress!” Mandy was busy FaceTiming with a friend. “Oh, hey, Jisu. What’s up?” Mandy pointed her phone at Jisu. “That’s Jisu. I told you about her. She’s an exchange student from Korea. She’s in high school.”
Jisu waved to the phone awkwardly.
“I’m helping Dana pick out a dress to wear to Eliza’s bat mitzvah next weekend. Wanna help?”
“I’ll leave you guys alone,” Jisu said. She closed Mandy’s door shut and walked back to her room.
I shouldn’t text him. I shouldn’t be the first one to text. Jisu’s hand lingered over her phone. Ugh, I don’t care. She did, but not enough to stop her from texting Austin. Hey.
Her finger hovered over the Send button. Jisu closed her eyes and pressed down. Then she threw her phone onto the carpeted floor and hid underneath her covers. Why did texting boys have to be so excruciating?
She was prepared to fall asleep underneath those covers, wake up the next morning and see no text from Austin. But only a moment later, her phone dinged. Her ears perked up and she sat straight up in bed.
Yooooo.
It was her turn to write back. Part of her wished she hadn’t texted him at all.
What are you doing?
Right now? At Tito’s. On a smoke break.
You smoke?
Nah. But the other guys do. Smoking is gross, btw.
Jisu didn’t know how to continue the conversation. She knew what she wanted—to see Austin—but she didn’t know how to do that anymore at the expense of her pride. She’d texted him first. It was his move next!
What are you doing?
Just in my room. Bored.
Wanna hang out? I can come over.
Hang out. Ugh. Jisu’s least favorite American phrase.
Yeah, I’m not doing anything.
She felt herself getting roped back in. Like
she was slipping into a quickly moving pile of quicksand. But she didn’t care.
* * *
“He can come over, but you have to keep the door open,” Linda said. Jisu was prepared to give a whole explanation as to who Austin was and make up a project they had to work on, but none of that was necessary. When Austin arrived, Linda didn’t even linger and hover over them after saying hello. Jisu and Austin walked up the stairs and to her room, with the door left open.
Only fifteen minutes ago, they had been texting, and now he was here, in her room, sitting at the edge of her bed. Fifteen minutes! Jisu felt thrilled, like she was exercising a new superpower. She also felt nervous all over again. Sure, they had been on top of each other and making out in his car, but that was a major leap for Jisu. And having Austin here in her bedroom felt like another exhilarating leap.
Austin leaned in for a kiss and most of Jisu’s nerves melted away. It felt familiar and comforting. Like falling into a big, comfy couch and never wanting to emerge from it.
“Want me to close the door?” he asked. He must have noticed her eyeing it since he got here.
“No, Linda explicitly told me to keep it open. It’s the one rule she has when boys are over.” Jisu leaned back on the headboard, still nervous and somewhat grateful for Linda’s house rule. There was nothing wrong with pacing oneself.
Austin crawled up next to Jisu and also rested his head against the headboard.
“So, what are you doing for Christmas? You flying back to Seoul?” he asked.
“No, actually,” she started. Jisu wished she could tell him about everything that was going on. With Euni, with her parents, all of it. But a part of her knew that she wasn’t going to be happy with whatever response or reaction she got out of him. “They’re flying to San Francisco.”
“That’s awesome! You can show ’em all the cool spots I’ve been showing you.” Austin looked at her and smiled.
“What are you doing over break?” Jisu asked.
“Just working at the restaurant. It gets crazy busy this time of the year.” He put his hand on her knee. “I probably shouldn’t have left my shift, but then you texted.” Austin moved his hand up Jisu’s thigh. She moved it back down to her knee. She didn’t push him away completely.
“I want you to meet them.”
“Who?”
“My parents. I want you to meet them.”
Austin stilled. Jisu let the silence between them expand. She was going to let him talk first.
“Jisu... I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Austin sighed and shook his head. Like he’d known this moment was going to come. As if he’d been here before.
“Why not? We’ve been hanging out, we like each other—”
“I know. And that’s all true. But your parents? That’s like kinda serious.”
“I met your uncles!”
“Okay, that’s different.”
“How is that different?”
“I’m not one of those fancy Korean guys who’s going to inherit a company or whatever kinda person that your parents are trying to set you up with. You think they’d really want to meet me?”
Jisu couldn’t believe herself. She was practically begging Austin at this point.
“Well, what if they do?”
“Jisu, I’m not going to meet your parents.”
Jisu felt like an idiot. Austin Velasco never did anything he didn’t want to do. She never should have texted him.
“I think you should leave,” she said.
“What?” Austin didn’t budge from the bed. “Are you serious?”
“Yes. I am.” Jisu got up and pushed her door open even wider.
“Fine.” Austin snatched his jacket from her bed. “They probably need me back at the restaurant anyway.”
He stormed off. Jisu let out a deep sigh and fell back onto her bed. The pillow he’d been leaning on smelled like him. Like a mixture of the ocean, frying oil and expensive shampoo. Jisu groaned and pushed the pillow off her bed. She hadn’t thought it was possible, but she felt even worse now.
She took her phone out and pulled up Austin’s name. So much for go-with-the-flow. She scrolled all the way down his contact page. She didn’t hover for even one moment. Delete Contact.
DECEMBER 16, SAN FRANCISCO
DATE NO. 17
NAME: Han Samuel
* * *
INTERESTS:
Rugby, Lacrosse, Middle Eastern Studies
* * *
Goals:
UN Translator
* * *
Jisu: Hold up. How many languages do you speak?
SAMUEL: Three fluently. Working on the fourth. But I can read and write easily in all four. And this semester I’m going to try to learn a fifth.
Jisu: That’s insane!
SAMUEL: It’s literally the only talent I have. I’m completely useless otherwise.
Jisu: Okay, well, it’s a very impressive and rare gift. What are the four that you speak?
SAMUEL: English, Korean, Spanish and French. I’m trying to tack on Italian, which is a lot easier than I thought.
Jisu: Adding on a fifth language. Sooo casual.
SAMUEL: No really! I’m not even faking any modesty here. Once you master one Romance language, the others come to you really easily. So after Italian, I want to try to learn Portuguese.
Jisu: You are like the ultimate overachiever. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who spoke more than three, at most. So, you want to work in linguistics or translation?
SAMUEL: I’m not completely sure yet, to be honest. But I think I want to work in the UN.
Jisu: That makes a lot of sense!
SAMUEL: Yeah, and I’ll get to travel to all the countries.
Jisu: Have you been to France, Italy or any of those other countries?
SAMUEL: Oh, yeah, plenty of times.
Jisu: Plenty?
SAMUEL: My family likes to travel. It’s how I got a knack for languages in the first place. I was born in New York and then spent a few years in Paris when my dad used to work there. We moved to San Francisco when I was ten. So by then I was pretty comfortable with English, Korean and French.
Jisu: Wow, are you traveling then for the holidays?
SAMUEL: No, that’s actually the one time we stay put in the Bay Area. Everyone else is flying on the holidays, so we just avoid it and stay put.
Jisu: So not only do you travel often, you travel when others usually don’t. That must be so nice! And there’s no better way to learn a language than to be surrounded by it.
SAMUEL: That’s so true. Pretty much all my nannies taught me how to speak a different language.
Jisu: All your nannies? How many did you have growing up?
SAMUEL: One for each time we moved until I didn’t need one anymore. So just like three or four. Are nannies not a thing in Korea?
Jisu: I don’t think so? I certainly didn’t have one and didn’t really need one either. I was just an only child, so—
SAMUEL: I’m an only child, too! But both my parents were working, so...
Jisu: Both my parents work, too. I guess they have very different jobs.
SAMUEL: I’m gonna grab the check—I got this.
Jisu: Oh, thanks! Should we split it?
SAMUEL: Please. Don’t worry about this. Or any of the ones after. I got this.
Jisu: Thanks, Samuel! Wait. Is tip included?
SAMUEL: Hmm? No, I left a tip.
Jisu: This is just a dollar. I should have some extra bills on me if we want to leave a cash tip.
SAMUEL: No, no, it’s fine. We just got coffee. Literally all they’re doing is just pouring drinks.
Jisu: Um, I got a fancy cappuccino and you got a flat white.
SAMUEL: Yeah, exactly, it’s just coffee. What, are you feeling generous be
cause it’s the holidays? C’mon, let’s go! I’ll give you a ride home.
Jisu: Wanna meet me outside? I’m going to go to the bathroom real quick.
SAMUEL: Okay! Sounds good.
Jisu: (To herself at the table) Two, three, four, five. I wish I had more singles. This should cover it.
18
Mr. and Mrs. Kim had rented an entire house at the top of the hills for their two-week stay in San Francisco. The view overlooking the city was stunning, and the air was good for Haraboji. With his physical condition, they wouldn’t be able to get around the city much, so at the very least they could enjoy all of San Francisco from above.
Jisu rang the doorbell to the Airbnb. The owners of the house had decked it all out in holiday gear. The front lawn was covered in lights and a beautiful ornate wreath was hanging on the front door. Mr. and Mrs. Kim swung the door wide-open and embraced their daughter immediately. Jisu nearly burst into a fit of tears.
Crying? Why am I crying? It hasn’t been that long.
She’d been away from Seoul for only a few months, the equivalent of any summer camp, but it had been a difficult few months.
“Aigoo, my Jisu! Don’t cry!” Mrs. Kim exclaimed, getting a bit emotional herself. She took the corner of her apron and dabbed Jisu’s face first and then her own. Mr. Kim hurried them both inside, away from the brisk winter winds.
Hers were bittersweet tears. Although Jisu was relieved and thrilled to see her family, thoughts of Euni and Min lingered in her mind. How were her dear friends spending their holidays in Seoul? Euni had sent her a few messages and photos, letting her know she was recuperating at home. But it wasn’t the same as sitting next to her, talking face-to-face. Being there for her.
“Haraboji!” Jisu shouted and embraced her grandfather. She’d missed her parents dearly, but it was clear which of the three she’d missed the most.
“Careful, Jisu! You’re going to knock Haraboji down!” Mrs. Kim chided as she ushered her father-in-law to the couch in the living room.
“That’s all right.” Haraboji waved Mrs. Kim off. He beamed at Jisu. “I’m just glad to see my granddaughter.”
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