Jisu: Would you have done something sooner if you met someone else?
Hyunwoo: Maybe? I guess I won’t ever know because that’s not what happened.
Jisu: What if your ex had kissed someone while she was still with you? That would still make you mad, right?
Hyunwoo: Of course! If we’re still together, then yeah. Why do you ask?
Jisu: It just happened to a friend of mine, and it’s all our friend group has been talking about.
Hyunwoo: She cheated on her boyfriend?
Jisu: Nooo. She didn’t. She doesn’t have a boyfriend, but this guy who has a girlfriend kissed her. But we think that he and his girlfriend have stayed together so long because they’re “comfortable,” like you said.
Hyunwoo: That’s still cheating.
Jisu: Yeah, I guess that’s true.
Hyunwoo: If he’s going to be so forthcoming about his feelings for your friend, he should be forthcoming about his lack of feelings for his girlfriend first.
Jisu: Yeah...you’re right.
Hyunwoo: You must really want your friend to end up with this guy, huh?
Jisu: Um, not really, no.
Hyunwoo: It kinda seems like you do, the way you’re talking about them.
Jisu: No, it’s not even a big deal. Plus I don’t even know if she’d want that. He’s the one who made the move and surprised her! Anyway...what were we talking about?
Hyunwoo: Dating...burritos...
Jisu: I meant to ask you, a native Bay Area guy. What’s the highest vantage point in the city? I’m trying to take some aerial shots. As much of a bird’s-eye view as I can without using a drone or my feet lifting off the ground.
Hyunwoo: Well, there’s Lombard Street, the obvious one.
Jisu: Already gone there.
Hyunwoo: Then there are the parks. like Mount Davidson, Bernal Heights and DP.
Jisu: I’ve been to Bernal Heights Park! My friend showed me the swing there and my knees got all wobbly because I got scared of the heights. I was nervous, but he was so chill the whole time...
Hyunwoo: Yeah, anyone with a fear of heights won’t do well in this city. You’re either on a steep road or a steep hill in the park.
Jisu: I’ll just go back to those spots and maybe I’ll get over my slight fear of heights.
25
He shouldn’t have kissed her, because he had a girlfriend. He also shouldn’t have kissed her, because she hadn’t known how much she’d like it. And now she knew. She’d liked it. A lot.
It had been a full day since they’d sat together on those bleachers, and Jisu still couldn’t stop thinking about Dave. How right his kiss had felt. Even though she knew it was wrong.
But butterflies in her stomach aside, thinking about it made her mad each time. It was wrong. What he did was wrong. Sophie was still his girlfriend.
And Jisu and Dave were friends. Why did he have to ruin things between them like this? Why now? Now that Austin was fully out of her system and she was well on her way to establishing something consistent and normal with Phil?
Jisu stared at her laptop screen. For the past hour, she had been trying to draft an email to her old teachers at Daewon to ask for recommendation letters. But she was too preoccupied with the events of the last twenty-four hours.
Focus, Jisu. Focus.
She shut her eyes and tried to clear away any and all thoughts of Dave. Getting off the wait list was her priority. Boys were a distraction. She could deal with them later. She opened her eyes and placed her hands on the keyboard, like a pianist about to tackle a concerto.
Dear Mrs. Han,
How are you? I hope you’ve been well. I’m writing from San Francisco, where I’ve been attending Wick-Helmering High School for the last few months since I moved here from Seoul...
She was just a few sentences into drafting the email when her phone dinged. It was Phil.
We still on for Star Wars tomorrow?
Ugh. Boys always seemed to text at the most inconvenient times. It was their extra sense, like they could smell it when you truly wanted to stop thinking about them. Jisu did feel bad for getting so annoyed. Phil had done nothing wrong. But sitting in a theater next to him for two hours and doing nothing was the last thing she wanted to do. He was nice, but that was it. It wasn’t worth getting distracted by nice. She needed to focus. Jisu hadn’t yet heard from UChicago, so the least she could do was try her best to get into Harvard, even if it was by the skin of her teeth.
Hey, Phil, I really liked spending time with you but I’ve been swamped lately with schoolwork and trying to get off wait lists. I think I need to take a break from seons and dating in general. I’m sorry and I hope you understand.
It was a white lie. Jisu knew that she would continue to go on seons as long as Ms. Moon continued to send her parents an invoice. She could withstand an hour or two making small talk with a stranger. But she couldn’t go down the long path with one when she knew in the long run that it wouldn’t work out. She especially couldn’t do that to Phil, who had been nothing but nice. It was better to cut him loose now than to find herself in an emotional gray area several dates later.
Jisu put her phone facedown on her desk. Ever since Dave had kissed her, a messy ball of anxiety had formed in her stomach and grown daily. It expanded every time she thought of the endless seons Ms. Moon had lined up for her. It poked her in the sides whenever she thought of the colleges she had yet to hear from. It kept her up at night when she remembered Dave’s face close to hers, his lips touching hers...and then remembered Sophie immediately after.
But closing the loop on Phil helped chip away at her nerves. It was one less thing to worry about. Jisu turned her attention back to the email she was writing.
I’m excited to share news that I have been wait-listed at Harvard University. My guidance counselor at Wick has advised me to obtain letters of recommendation from past teachers to help me get off the list. I would greatly appreciate if...
Ding. Another notification. Now what? It was an email from Ms. Moon.
Your seon with Shim Bongsoo is confirmed for tomorrow. Just a note that this cannot be pushed like a few of the other ones you have tried to reschedule. Barry is a family friend and your mother has asked me to make sure this seon happens.
Below, you will find the address of the location...
Jisu rolled her eyes and confirmed with Ms. Moon that yes, she would dutifully show up to the seon. She returned to her original email. It was going to take her all day to draft this. Her thoughts wandered briefly again to Dave. What was he up to now? Did he feel guilty? Or regretful? Was he going to tell Sophie that he had kissed someone else? And that it was her?
It didn’t matter what he was thinking. Jisu shouldn’t care.
MARCH 16, SAN FRANCISCO
DATE NO. 25
NAME: Shim Bongsoo
* * *
INTERESTS:
Aviation, Judo, Fishing
* * *
Parent Occupations:
Auctioneer; Realtor
* * *
Bongsoo: Have you had any plastic surgery?
Jisu: Excuse me?!
Bongsoo: Oh. Sorry. I didn’t mean to offend. I thought it was pretty common in Korea.
Jisu: I mean...people get plastic surgery. But you can’t just ask that. We literally just met. And it’s not like nobody here does it. Half of your friends’ moms have gotten Botox. I guarantee you.
Bongsoo: Really?
Jisu: Yes, really. If you can’t tell and they still look young and like they’re aging “gracefully,” that probably means they have a really good doctor.
Bongsoo: But don’t a lot of girls in Korea get procedures done? Like even at a young age? One of my cousins in Seoul got double-eyelid surgery for her high school graduation present.
Jisu: Yeah...that is a thing.
And I know some girls who got that too...but that doesn’t mean that every girl in Korea gets her eyelids done.
Bongsoo: You don’t have monolids though...
Jisu: Not all Koreans have monolids! You don’t! Did you get plastic surgery?
Bongsoo: What? That’s a crazy thing to ask. I’m a dude.
Jisu: You do realize...plenty of guys go under the knife, too, right?
Bongsoo: Really? In Korea? They do that, too?
Jisu: Not just Korea. Look at your own state. Drive down six hours to LA or even right here around San Francisco. More people have had plastic surgery than you think.
Bongsoo: Wow. I had no idea. How do you know so much about this?
Jisu: I don’t know... It’s not like some big secret. You’re the one making grand assumptions without knowing anything.
Bongsoo: To be fair, South Korea is kind of known for plastic surgery. And most Asian countries do uphold certain Western beauty standards.
Jisu: So you just assumed that every girl, including me, fits into that trope and has had surgery? And I know what the Korean beauty standards are, Wonho. I’m a woman who actually grew up there. You don’t have to explain it to me.
Bongsoo: I’m not explaining anything. I’m just saying what I know.
Jisu: Sure.
Bongsoo: Would you ever think about...?
Jisu: Getting plastic surgery? Are you saying that I need it?
Bongsoo: No! No, oh, my god. Not at all. I’m just curious to hear from your perspective. Given all the pressure you and your friends must face whenever someone gets their eyes or their nose or lips done.
Jisu: Let’s...let’s talk about something else.
Bongsoo: Yeah.
Jisu: Umm.
Bongsoo: What do you think about potential reunification of North and South Korea?
Jisu: Really? Of all the topics you could’ve picked to talk about...
Bongsoo: What if both sides just agreed to open up the borders and let families see each other now and then? I really don’t get what all the beef is. Germany got over it. I’m sure they can figure it out... So many families were split up by it, and it’s so tragic. They deserve to see one another before it’s too late.
Jisu: You do realize it’s not that simple...right?
Bongsoo: What?
Jisu: Never mind...
26
“Guess what I just did.” Tiffany sat down on the grass and joined Jamie, Hiba and Jisu for lunch.
“Did you finally figure out how to do a reverse French braid?” Hiba asked.
“What? No. I officially said yes to UC Davis. I’m officially enrolled!”
“Congrats, that’s great, Tiffany!” Jisu said.
“They already have their fall course schedule available and I started looking through it. And I’m thinking about how I want to set up my dorm room—”
“Can we please stop talking about college for once?” Jamie interrupted. “It’s literally all we’ve been talking about every lunch period since school started. I’m so sick of it.”
Jamie had just gotten rejected by NYU, so her resentment was understandable. Jisu knew exactly how she must feel. Remaining static as your friends zipped past you at a hundred miles per hour. In the last few days, she had received acceptances from her safety college choices—Vassar, UMichigan, the New School, UC Riverside. All perfectly reputable and highly respected schools. It had calmed her nerves, but a few important colleges remained MIA, including UChicago. And all she could do about Harvard in the meantime was continue to send whatever glowing reviews and letters she could garner from old tutors and teachers.
“Ooh, I know something we can talk about,” Tiffany said. Her eyes lit up and she leaned in like she was about to tell them a big secret. “Have you guys heard about Sophie Bennett and Dave Kang?” she continued. Jisu froze as her heart skipped a beat. She waited for someone else to inquire further. None of her friends at Wick knew about what happened on the bleachers that day.
“No, what happened?” Jamie asked.
“Apparently, they broke up,” Tiffany said.
Hiba gasped. “But they were together for so long!”
“Jeez,” Jamie said. “Something bad must’ve happened for them to split up.”
Jisu felt like a bus had run over her, backed up and run over her again. She wanted to clutch her stomach and keel over. Nothing good was going to come out of that kiss with Dave. It didn’t matter how much she’d secretly liked it. Jisu was responsible for the end of one of Wick’s most beloved couples.
“So, apparently Sophie was caught making out with a kid from another high school. It was at a Marin party, so it was someone from there.” Hiba and Jamie stared at Tiffany with their mouths agape. Jisu’s breathing became short and little black spots started to cloud her vision.
“What was Sophie doing at a Marin party?” Jamie wondered aloud.
Jisu was dying to ask more questions. Had Sophie gone off to find another boy to make out with for revenge after finding out about Jisu and Dave? Or had it happened completely separately? Jisu clamped down her tongue and tempered her curiosity.
“Poor Dave. How could Sophie do such a thing?” Hiba looked concerned.
If they only knew. Jisu wanted to tell Hiba she had no reason to feel sorry for Dave. That he was just like the rest of the guys. Acting without thinking, without meaning, without restraint.
“But she wasn’t cheating! Apparently, they broke up months ago. Right before Christmas.” Tiffany’s voice rose and fell, and Jisu thought she might actually pass out. This was the biggest bit of gossip all semester and Tiffany was telling it the way an actor would deliver a dramatic monologue. Jisu had to make a real effort to not collapse onto the floor. Her limbs were losing every bit of strength. Keep it together, Jisu! “They were going to pretend they were still together for the rest of the year so that they could win prom king and queen.”
“Yikes, then that makes it really obvious,” Jamie said.
“Makes what really obvious?” Hiba asked.
“That Dave is the one who broke up with her, and it was Sophie’s idea to pretend stay together through prom. Do you really think Dave cares about being prom king?” Tiffany said.
“Yeah, that was definitely not a decision they made together,” Jamie said as she chewed through the last of her baby carrots. Jisu hadn’t even touched her lunch.
“Apparently she practically begged him to pretend they were still a thing,” Tiffany said. “She must really want the prom queen title. But that’s all over. Word’s out.”
Jisu was utterly floored. So Dave hadn’t been acting reckless. He’d been...real. Jisu’s heart beat faster and faster. Her gaze darted around the field searching for him. It felt like a heavy fog had lifted from her feelings. The clarity was overbearing.
She revisited the memory of them on the bleachers. A part of her was relieved that she could now freely and fondly think of that moment. She hadn’t hated the kiss at all, but the circumstances had made her pull away, run off and be cold. Jisu felt awful all over again, but for different reasons now.
“I can’t believe none of you guys knew about this,” Tiffany said. She turned to Jisu. “Especially you.”
“Me? Why me?” The tiny black spots reappeared in her line of vision. Only, they were large blots that threatened to take her out. Did Tiffany know about her and Dave somehow? She really did always have the latest tea on everyone.
“You guys seem like hella close friends, and you’re always hanging out.”
“Oh...no. I had no idea.” Jisu tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, her hand shaking ever so slightly. She packed her untouched lunch back into her bag. She had to find Dave. They hadn’t seen each other since she’d run away from him as fast as she could—it was likely strategic avoidance on his part.
And then she s
potted him leaving the cafeteria. He was alone. This was her chance.
“Dave!” Jisu said as cheerfully as she could, trying not to sound too overexcited or out of breath. Maybe if she pretended nothing drastic and embarrassing happened between them, he would pretend also.
But there was no pretending. Dave didn’t even say hi. He simply stopped walking and stared at Jisu.
“Um, I haven’t seen you around—” she started, feeling a warm glow radiating from her cheeks.
“I’m right here. Do you need something?” Dave said. His tone was entirely devoid of warmth, like a long, cold winter night.
“I wanted to apologize for the other day and how I ran off—”
“Are you all set for the presentation tomorrow?”
“What?”
“For Mrs. French’s class.”
“Oh...yeah, I’m all set.”
“Good. Me, too. I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”
Dave walked around Jisu and continued on down the hallway. Each stride he took was like a dagger to her heart. A wave of dread washed over as her as she watched him walk away and realized that her chance was gone. It had been gone the moment she backed away on those bleachers only two weeks ago.
MARCH 23, SAN FRANCISCO
DATE NO. 26
NAME: Moon Alexander aka Alex
* * *
INTERESTS:
National Honors Society, Architecture, Polo
* * *
ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
3rd Place International Design Competition
* * *
ALEX: On a scale of one to ten, one being the least satisfactory and ten being the most satisfactory, how would you rate your experience with Ms. Moon?
Jisu: Uhh. I don’t really know.
ALEX: How many of these have you been on?
Jisu: I lost count, honestly.
29 Dates Page 25