Chapter 9
Before I could focus too much on Neva’s overly positive demeanor, I sensed someone watching us. The air was heavier, and based on the ominous feeling in my gut, I knew it wasn’t the little boy I’d spoken with earlier.
My wings expanded and hardened as I took a step back from Finn and pushed out my magic. Teal swirls escaped my hands and blew through the trees, searching for whoever might be hiding away. I heard Finn hissing at the others to leave, but I didn’t catch their replies.
The only thing that mattered was finding whoever lurked in the shadows before they got the chance to tell King Zephyr I was there. If I let the fae get away, I’d lose the advantage of surprise, and things would get much more complicated.
“Lucinda, what is it?” he asked, but I didn’t answer as I focused on finding the direction of the intruder. For me, that was most important, but apparently, Finn didn’t agree with my methods. “Damn it. This isn’t just about you.”
I ignored the pang in my chest as my feet moved of their own accord, further from those who could get hurt if the fae decided to attack. I was more than capable of taking care of this on my own, and that was the way I preferred it anyway.
Once I was further into the forest, my power latched on to the fae who was currently flying away from me, but he wouldn’t be quick enough to get away. I pushed off into the air and stayed low, ignoring the shouts from Finn as I disappeared into the dying land.
Branches of the dead trees snapped off from the wind I was creating with my wings as I dashed in and out of the trees, but nothing fell fast enough to hit me. My wings extended and retracted in quick succession between obstacles. I was getting closer to the fae, but we were also nearing the edge of the forest.
If the fae made it beyond the tree line, I wasn’t sure what we’d find, and it could mean trouble for me. I pushed another wave of power through my wings and finally had him in my sights. His wings were leather like Finn’s, but tan in color. He wore the blue garb of a guard, and the memory of it gave me the last thrust of motivation I needed to catch up.
My arms wrapped around the fae, and we tumbled to the ground. His right wing made a cracking sound, telling me he wasn’t experienced enough to have the reflexes entry guards should have. The king must have been getting desperate with his new hires.
The fae grunted beneath me. I threw a punch filled with magic, connecting with his jaw. “This is what happens when you put your nose where it doesn’t belong.”
“I didn’t see anything. I don’t even know who you are,” he cried, but I didn’t believe the pitiful quiver of his lower lip as I slammed another fist into his face, bruises forming before I even pulled away.
“Bullshit. Does King Zephyr know I’m here?” I hissed, trying to remain quiet since we were nearly at the edge of the forest.
He shook his head, but fury was consuming me, and I didn’t trust him. The fae had to die. It was me or him, and he proved my point by bucking underneath me and nearly knocking me over. His left arm swung and missed my jaw by only a centimeter.
At least he wasn’t pathetic enough to give up without a fight.
The fae tried to roll over on his right side, but his wing snapped again. “You probably shouldn’t do that,” I sneered and jabbed my elbow into his ribs, sending another shock of power through him at the same time.
He cried out and tried to hit me again, but I used my knee to pin down his arm. I wasn’t in the mood to play with my catch.
My hands filled with dark magic and teal sparks flew from my palms as the center of them turned black. I brought my wings in, scraping the tips along his cheeks. “Your king is a selfish piece of shit, and you never should have taken his side,” I sneered, lifting my hand to smash it into his chest.
“Lucinda, don’t,” Finn roared, and I glanced back at him. His silver eyes were all charcoal, and his wings were nearly black instead of the deep olive I was used to. “You don’t have to kill him.”
I shrugged, not understanding why he didn’t see my side. “Yes, I do.”
Turning back to the fae beneath me, he was sniveling like an idiot, and I didn’t hesitate. My hand drove into his chest and I let my magic take over, sending it straight to his heart.
The fae’s russet eyes widened as he choked, his mouth opening and closing, but no words came out, not even a final scream. I remained seated on top of him with my hand over his heart until I was satisfied that he wasn’t going to get up again.
When I stood and turned around, Finn glowered at me. “You need to leave and never come back. There is something wrong with you, and we don’t need your kind of help. We’ll figure out another way.”
He reached for Neva who was only a few paces behind him, but she shook her head. Finn nodded stiffly, then spread his wings and disappeared.
I glanced back down at the body and then at Neva. “What’s his problem?”
Neva sighed and waved me over. “Come on, Lucy.” She walked back toward the inner forest and I followed, seriously confused. My chest tightened again, but not as severe as before. When Finn had calmed me down, I thought we’d formed some sort of truce. Like maybe he was realizing I wasn’t as bad as he perceived, but whatever had been there, even briefly, wasn’t real if he could just walk away and not understand my intentions.
I caught up to her and asked again. “What is wrong with him?”
“I know it’s hard for you to understand some emotions, but there’s this thing called compassion. A lot of people have it, especially light fae. Finn didn’t want you to kill that fae.”
“But he was a guard. He would have gone back to the king and told him I was here. Then it would put Ivy at even more of a risk. Doesn’t he understand I just did him a favor?”
Neva smiled softly, like she was speaking to a child. I tried not to be insulted but failed. “He would rather die himself than be the reason another innocent person is killed.”
“That’s the most absurd thing. Does he have no self-preservation?” There was something seriously wrong with these fae, and they were making my chest constrict with unknown emotions. If they weren’t going to appreciate the fact that I just saved their asses, then they could piss off. I wasn’t going to hang around so they could try and make me feel guilty for being the same person they sought out. Finn came to me for a reason, and he seemed to be forgetting that.
“Lucy, you were brought up by parents who did the king’s bidding. They may not have worked directly for him, but they worshipped the ground he walked on. They cared for nothing but themselves and did whatever it took to increase their power and standing within the islands.”
I snorted. “You talk like you know them. That’s a pretty accurate description of my birth-givers. They were never parents to me.”
“I don’t need to know them. I only need to know you. I’ve listened to every word you’ve ever spoken. Little pieces of your life that you’ve mentioned. All of them I remember, and I put each fact together on my own to really understand who you are, even if you don’t.”
My eyes narrowed. This conversation was headed in the wrong direction. We were supposed to be plotting the king’s death and celebrating the fact that there was one less guard for us to worry about, not trying to dissect the inner workings of my mind.
“Lucy, this is not your fault,” she said, and I laughed hysterically.
“I know that. Why would you even say that? I’ve done nothing wrong. Killing that guard was the right thing to do.”
She raised a brow and stopped walking. “Then why do you keep grabbing at your chest?”
I peered down and, sure enough, my fingers were rubbing my chest, just above my still-unbuttoned corset.
“You may not recognize it, but I do. A part of you, even if it’s the smallest bit, is feeling guilty for killing that fae.”
My head shook. That wasn’t possible. Guilt was for the weak, and I was anything but that. I was the perfect predator, and the choices I’d made kept me safe. How could that be so wr
ong?
Neva reached for me and took my hand. “Listen to me, Lucy.” I hadn’t missed all the times she’d called me Lucy, like she thought that would make her words get through to me easier. I wished I’d never asked her to, because it was actually working. “Whether you realize it or not, you’ve been searching for a reason to be different ever since you saved me in that alleyway.”
My response was immediate and defensive. “No, that’s just part of what I do. I punish those who prey on the weak, but what I’m best at is hunting down anyone for a price and I love it. Every part of it, but mostly when I get to watch them suffer.”
“Yes, you do protect those who are too weak to do so themselves, but you don’t normally take them into your home and give them a new life like you did with me. How about the last time you made someone truly suffer? Do you remember when that was?”
My fingers pressed to my temples. She was making me think too much, and my chest was getting tighter, so I focused on my breathing like Finn had told me to do until the pain eased. Once I was calm enough, I thought back and realized Dante the bloodsucker was the first one I’d attempted to toy with in more than a while, and I hadn’t even really succeeded in that.
“What’s your point, Neva? None of this changes who I am,” I snapped.
She sighed. “I know you don’t get it now, but I have hope you will soon. My words won’t change who you are, because you’ve already been changing on your own. You’re just too afraid to admit it because it might make you vulnerable, and I accept that about you. It’s why I’ve stuck around for so long.”
“Bullshit. You had nowhere else to go,” I replied, instantly feeling guilty for snapping at someone I considered a friend, but she was pushing me beyond my comfort level, and I didn’t know how else to act.
“That’s where you’re wrong, Lucy. You might have saved me, but just because I was alone at the time, it doesn’t mean I had no one in my life. I chose to stay with you, because you were alone, not the other way around.”
I was done with talking, done with feeling, and, most importantly, done with people.
“I need to go. I’ve changed my mind and don’t need to kill the king.” Agony tore through me at the thought of leaving Neva in the forest by herself, making me hesitate before I left.
“Then go,” Neva challenged.
“Do you want to come back to LA?” I asked, hoping she’d say yes.
She sighed again, something I’d caused her to do a lot as of late. “No. I’m going to go back to Finn and Ivy. They need help, and even if I’m not all powerful, I don’t intend to let them fight either the poison or the king by themselves.”
“You don’t even know them.”
“This is what makes the world go around. People helping people merely because it’s the right thing to do. It’s what I’ve been trying to do for you, and I’ll keep doing so, but right now, they need me more. I hope you’ll stick around to see that as well.”
She disappeared, leaving me alone, and for the first time since I was a child, I didn’t like it one damn bit.
Chapter 10
This was bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit.
At some point after I’d chased after the guard, Ivy and the guy she was with had disappeared as well. So, I paced in the forest, moving away from the dead body I shouldn’t care about. After seeing the upset from Finn and the disappointment from Neva, though, I didn’t know how I felt.
I knew I wasn’t okay. I had issues beyond comprehension, but for a while now, I’d believed as long as I didn’t care about my problems or anyone else, then I could avoid the heavy stuff. Maybe I was wrong, or maybe I was just losing it.
Though, the stronger emotions were beginning to suffocate me. I kept trying to stuff it down, but they came back with a vengeance every time, partly in thanks to the people around me.
Just because I wasn’t warm and fuzzy, didn’t make me a bad person. I had good intentions. Well, most of the time.
Didn’t that count for anything? Especially when their version of good seemed to be warped into some fairytale story that didn’t actually exist.
The tortured look on Finn’s face when I killed the guard made me want to prove him wrong. Sure, I knew I wasn’t good, but what I’d done had been right. Good and right didn’t always mean the same thing, and I was perfectly fine with merely being right.
They all expected me to leave.
Then, do it. You know it will be easier. You only need yourself to be happy. We can come back when you’ve forgotten about them. My inner voice said what I wanted to hear, but I knew it was wrong.
I had to stop King Zephyr. Even if it meant Ivy died in the process. Again, good versus right. Even Ivy had seemed to understand at least that.
Without overthinking my decision, I was determined this would be the final one, regardless of what happened next. I’d spent too much time over the last couple days being unsure about myself. It needed to end.
Instead of continuing to walk, I spread my wings and soared between the dying tree trunks until I saw water, then arced around and flew back onto North Island. I could have teleported myself back, but I spent this time with leisure, taking in the landscape.
On North Island, a creek wound between the farms and their crops were thriving, unlike the lands I’d just left behind on South Island. King Zephyr at least wasn’t a complete idiot and knew he needed the fae on this island more than they needed him. He could afford to lose one food source, but not two.
The landscape varied from freshly turned ground to colorful crops and orchards. I found some more pomegranate trees and swooped down to snag another. They weren’t common enough among the humans, and I was enjoying having them at my disposal.
My house growing up had one, and I remembered sitting underneath it with the animals and sharing the seeds. Well, until the falcon had come along. He’d poked holes in all of the fruit and tortured the animals until I’d decided enough was enough.
My birth-givers were just another example of people who didn’t understand me. I didn’t murder the stupid bird; I killed him in defense of the other animals and in preservation of my fruit tree. There was nothing wrong with that. If they’d only listened, they might have understood, too.
I hadn’t seen them in over a decade, and I briefly wondered if I passed by them, if they’d even recognize me or I them. My face twisted. Gods, I hoped not.
When I arrived back at the Barlow farm, there wasn’t anyone outside. I glided down to the dirt driveway and walked gingerly toward the house. Shouts could be heard, so I took my time and listened in.
“Even if we could convince her to come back, she’s more likely to get you killed than save you,” Finn grumbled.
“No, the king is going to get me killed. Whatever Lucinda does can only help. I’m pretty much dead already, so I’m prepared for the worst-case scenario. You need to go find her,” Ivy responded.
“You’re telling me you’d rather trust your life to someone who just killed a guard for no reason rather than your own brother?” His voice was even, but without needing to see his face, I could tell those words hurt him deeply to say.
Ivy sighed. “Listen, Finn. I love you and I appreciate you, but I am your older sister. Just because you’re bigger than me doesn’t mean you always know what is best. I know Lucinda is dangerous, but your judgement is clouded by the junk between your legs. I paid attention to her while she was here. The healer part of me tells me there is something good about her.”
Oh, how I wished I could see the look on Finn’s face right then. I imagined it changing from sun-kissed to red, then purple the moment Ivy said anything about him being attracted to me. Served the asshole right. He wasn’t perfect and had no right to judge me for being different than him.
Feet shuffled and Neva spoke next. “Ivy is right. I’ve known Lucinda for two years now. Sure, she has her moments, but anything she does always comes from a good place. Maybe that doesn’t sound like the Lucinda you heard about all thos
e years ago, Finn, but I can assure you she’s different now.”
Ah, my little brownie elf. Always coming to my rescue.
If only she’d quit calling me out on my bullshit, I’d like her even more.
A thud sounded, and feet stomped on the old wood floors. “Both of you are insane, but if this is what you want, Ivy, then I’ll respect your wishes. Just remember when this all blows up in our faces, I tried to warn you.”
Gods, he could be so thick-headed.
I slid around the corner, just in time to watch him storm out the door and fly off. I considered following him, but I was better off sticking with Ivy and Neva, given how erratic my emotions were.
My plans hadn’t once stopped forming while I’d been uncertain about staying. I just needed to get Ivy and Neva on board before Finn returned.
Two hours later, Finn still hadn’t come back, and I’d made no progress with Ivy and Neva. Ivy was all too excited that I’d returned and demanded we celebrate before we spoke about any plans. Except she didn’t know how to handle her liquor and there would be no talk of killing the king until she was sober again.
“Have anutha,” Ivy slurred, then hiccupped between giggles.
She thought with her vampire-like state she couldn’t get drunk but was proved wrong after her third drink. I was on my fifth and only slightly buzzed while Neva was still sipping on her second glass.
I took the cup from Ivy as the fae wine sloshed over the edge. “Better me than you. I’m pretty sure you’ve had enough. Your boyfriend should be here to enjoy the perks.” Drunk sex was the best kind.
Tears flooded her eyes as she sniffled. Oh Gods, no. I didn’t do crying. When she’d told me about her boyfriend Maddox who hadn’t been around much because he runs his own farm―he had been the guy with them earlier―she’d been practically glowing about him. So, I hadn’t expected the mention of him to cause a breakdown.
“He wanna have my babies,” she mumbled, and even though the words didn’t quite go together, I knew what she was trying to say. “But I can’t give ‘em beebees.” She hiccupped again, and Neva glared at me.
Dark Fae Cursed (Broken Court Book 1) Page 8