Might as well be, I thought on my own.
I spotted Maddox exiting the front of the house. He nodded toward me, and I pushed away from Finn, something I knew I should have done sooner, but hadn’t.
“Maddox is done. Let’s go check on Ivy,” I said, backing up several paces.
“Do you really want to check on my sister, or would you rather not be alone with me anymore?” he countered.
I didn’t like to lie, but I also hated showing weakness even more, and to me, love was just that. So, instead of answering, I rolled my eyes and played the situation off as if I didn’t have any cares by walking away without him.
Finn followed behind, his steps getting closer by the second, so I lengthened my stride as much as I could without appearing like I was running.
Just as I reached for the door, he spun me around to him. “It’s only been a few days, and I know that I wasn’t very… accepting of who you are at first.”
Ha, that was an understatement.
“But I see you now, Lucy. Every moment, every choice. It all becomes a little more clear, and I’m tired of pretending like the moment I saw you back in LA didn’t take my breath away. After everything that has happened, I’m very aware of how short life is. My sister has exactly what she wants right in front of her, but she can’t have it—or doesn’t believe she can, anyway. I don’t want to make the same mistake of denying myself what I want.”
His words slammed into me. If he’d been going for a shock factor, he’d nailed it, because I wasn’t sure how to respond. There was no witty reply ready to come out. There was no rejection I wanted to give. Instead, I pretended to have no idea what he was talking about, because that seemed easiest. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I waved a hand between us. “I thought we were just having fun.”
My chest constricted at the lie, the words hurting more than they should have.
“Don’t play dumb, Lucy. It’s not attractive on you. There is something between us, and I’m not convinced it has anything to do with the poison I’ve taken on from Ivy. More importantly, I can see you wondering the same things. Quit being so damn stubborn and running from everything that doesn’t involve killing or hurting other people.”
He didn’t allow me to respond. Instead, he pushed past me, and opened the front door. I stood there a moment longer, glad I wasn’t expected to say anything, because I didn’t have any clue what I would have said.
Somehow, within mere days, Finn Barlow had figured me out. He’d seen through my bullshit and called me out on it.
Just kill him and be done with it, that sinister voice in my head snarled.
Piss off, I replied, pushing up a wall between the power I usually relied so heavily on.
It fought back, but I was stronger. I would always be stronger.
Entering the house, I heard Ivy speaking. “Yeah, I’ve checked the email three times now, but nothing from her.”
Assuming they were talking about Neva, I wasn’t worried. She’d only been gone half of a day, and this request wasn’t something anyone would take lightly. Anyone who did wouldn’t be someone we wanted help from.
“She’ll be most successful at night. Even then, she might need to venture outside of LA to find the right person for the task. It could be days before we hear anything,” I said, plopping down into my chair.
Ivy took my words in stride and surprised me by smiling instead of letting disappointment show. “Did you enjoy being me?”
I wasn’t even sure how I was supposed to answer that. I’d nearly mauled her boyfriend and didn’t think she’d be too understanding about that, even if I’d had no control. Instead, I blinked at her, hoping she’d move to a different subject. No such luck.
Her lower lip jutted out. “It couldn’t have been that bad.”
“Well, given the side effects, I’d say it was.” I shuddered, the memory of wanting Maddox for those brief moments not enjoyable whatsoever.
Her eyes widened. “What side effects?”
“Why don’t you ask your fiancé when he comes back?” I smiled in return.
She paled, turning to her brother. “What happened?”
He glared at me. “Lucinda was just confused about what she wanted, but we sorted it out and nothing happened, I promise.”
She narrowed her eyes, clearly not believing him, but managed to let the subject drop. “So, what do we do while we wait for Neva?” she asked.
“We do nothing,” I answered. “I will count on our trip to the castle today being a successful one and then begin dismantling the king’s army, one by one. While I wait for that, I’ll be looking through these trunks for something to kill him with.” My eyes landed on the chests, hopeful such a thing existed.
“You’re not doing this alone,” Finn stated.
I raised a brow and cocked my head. “You think so? Well, sorry to disappoint, but that’s not how asking for my help works. I say yes, and I get the job done with no distractions.”
He raised a brow. “So, I would be a distraction to you?”
Gods, I missed the pissed-at-the-world version of him.
“Yes, you pretending like you know what you’re doing in a fight would only get in my way.” The voice had gotten in my head earlier, and I wouldn’t be responsible for Finn getting himself killed.
“There would be no pretending on my part. I don’t pretend in anything I do, unlike some,” he snarled.
Well played.
Ivy stepped toward the hallway. “I’m just going to go to my room while you two sort this out. Let me know if anything changes.” She took two steps before turning back. “Oh, and please don’t kill each other. I’m pretty sure I need both of you.”
Finn and I initiated some horrid staring contest as Ivy continued down the hall, neither of us willing to look away first. He seemed to suddenly be convinced he knew me. Regardless if he’d been close on some things, I wouldn’t give in to the weaker emotions he was trying to invoke from me.
Caring for other people only created vulnerabilities, and I refused to have a single one of those. Finn could take his full lips, hard abs, and sinful eyes, and shove them right up his perfect ass. I didn’t need or want them.
At least, that was what I would keep repeating until it stuck. I might not like to lie to other people, but apparently, I had no problem doing it to myself.
Chapter 22
The tension from that evening flowed through to the following day. Finn was still convinced he could change me, and I was still trying to make him see how wrong he was.
Unfortunately for me, there was a thin line between attraction and aversion. To top it off, every time I’d been able to bring that twitch back, I realized it only made me want him more, which made trying to push him away even harder.
So, I went with ignoring him as much as I could, but he was a persistent little shit.
“Should I send Dain or Maddox back to the castle and find out if the spell worked?” he’d asked after following me out to the orchards when all I’d wanted was to be left alone.
Still, I didn’t answer him. Even though I knew it was something that needed to be done, I’d ask Maddox myself as soon as I saw him.
“I could go myself, but Maddox has more connections than me, so he’d be quicker at finding the information,” Finn continued and piqued my curiosity.
While I’d done my best to not think about Maddox being a spy for the king because he had been rather helpful, I still hadn’t forgotten my initial reservations about him. He made the perfect mole by being close to Ivy, running a neighboring farm, and getting along with Finn. It was almost too good to be acceptable.
“He’s supposed to be here this morning, so I’ll ask him when he arrives,” Finn added.
Morning? It was already past lunch time. Maddox was late. How had Finn not seen that as something to be concerned with? I almost broke the silence by pointing that out, but the snap of a twig caught my attention.
My wings unfurled without notice,
nearly knocking Finn to the ground. He was slower to respond, but he, too, released his wings and stood beside me.
I held my hand up, so he would be quiet as I searched the area. Running footsteps were coming from our left, but given how far I’d walked into the orchard, I had no idea what direction that actually was. It could have been from the house, the neighboring fields, or even the beaches.
Either way, I pooled magic into my palms, ready to fire at first sight and going with my motto that it was better to act first and ask questions later.
“Finn!” Ivy’s voice called out before we could see her.
He stepped in front of me, protecting his sister from my potential actions. “Over here.”
The direction of her steps curved to the right, and she came barreling through the trees, tears streaking down her face. My shoulders tensed. Tears made me uncomfortable.
“He’s gone,” she cried, falling into her brother’s open arms.
“Who’s gone?” Finn asked.
“Maddox. He never showed up, and since I couldn’t find either of you, I went to his house, but he wasn’t there, either.”
Finn growled. “You went by yourself?”
She stepped back and jabbed him in the stomach. “Yes, I’m not a prisoner in our home. I’m perfectly capable of popping over to his farm on my own.”
“Had anyone seen him?” I asked, and Finn raised a brow at me.
“No, not since last night,” Ivy answered while wiping the tears from her cheeks and finding her resolve.
Finn wrapped an arm around her. “Don’t worry. I’m sure he’ll be back before nightfall and will tell us what happened.”
She shuddered and nodded as Finn led her back to the house.
Finally, I was alone.
Only it didn’t bring the solace I had expected.
I was at war with myself and, without Finn there to annoy me, had no choice left but to face the things I could no longer ignore.
For a long time, I’d been alone. Even when I lived with my parents, they’d never really loved me the way I’d seen other fae parents with their kids. While friends had birthday parties, I had more responsibilities. The older I got, the more that was expected of me, until I was old enough to understand right from wrong. Well, my version of it, anyway.
The king had an easy mark in me when he’d taken me in. I had so badly wanted someone to love me that I’d taken his twisted version of parental care and held on to it with all I had. Any attention was better than none at all was what I’d believed.
“Your wings are magnificent, Lucinda.” King Zephyr was running his hand along my feathers. “You’re such a special girl. I hope you know that. I will always take care of you, and I know in return you’ll always make me proud.”
My smile grew wide. “Of course, I will, Zephy. I would do anything for you.”
His fingers grasped my chin, a spark of something in his eye I hadn’t understood at the age of ten. “You have the potential for greatness. Don’t disappoint me, or it will be your fault for the actions I must take in order to ensure the fae people are safe. I need you strong. Weakness will not be tolerated.”
Tears pricked at my eyes as his grip tightened.
“Don’t cry, Lucinda. It does nothing but make you weak. You are of no use to me if you can’t be what I need—what the fae need. You wouldn’t want that, would you? We have something special.”
My lip quivered as I sucked in a breath, keeping the tears from falling. “Of course not, King Zephyr. I never want to disappoint you.”
The memory made me shudder in disgust. When I’d truly understood what he’d done and how wrong the grooming was, a large part of me shut down, and a new side came to life. A side that had kept me safe and gave the king exactly what he wanted. Though, my actions had also protected me, so it took a lot longer to see through his manipulations.
Then, I thought about Finn, the emotions he’d stirred in me and how he’d come along just when I’d been feeling like I needed a change.
Was he the change I was searching for? Was he worth the risk of getting hurt again?
I didn’t have the answer to either of those questions. As I traversed the orchard, I tried to list the pros and cons of what it would mean to open my heart to the possibility that I didn’t have to be alone for the rest of my life just to stay safe. Maybe I could trust someone to stand by my side without completely losing who I was.
Over the last few days, Finn had seemed to be more accepting of my thought process and how I viewed the world. If we could meet in the middle…
Gods, why was this so hard?
Because you know it’s wrong, the voice I thought I’d blocked out murmured.
Did I, though? The darkness no longer gave me the relief I normally craved. Instead, I’d begun to resent that part of me a little more each day as it continued to grow stronger. What would happen if I could no longer control what resided within me? That wasn’t something I wanted to visualize.
Regardless of how strong the darkness was getting, thoughts of Finn couldn’t be suppressed. Nothing I had done as of late made me feel like I did when I’d been wrapped in Finn’s arms. Even if I’d refused to acknowledge it until now, there had been comfort and excitement.
Those were things I hadn’t had in many years—if ever—and with that thought, I had my answer.
If I was going to stay true to who I was, I couldn’t run from what was happening. I needed to own the new feelings and face them head on. If I got hurt in the process, well, then so would a lot of other people and I would have to deal with that. I didn’t want to be afraid of anything, not even something that could potentially ruin me.
Without realizing it, I’d already begun to make my way toward the house. I quickened my pace and was just coming out of the trees when Dain came running toward me from the back side of the house.
He skidded to a stop. “They’re coming.” His breathing was heavy, and I had no idea why he’d been running when he could have flown.
“Who’s coming?” I asked.
“The Renegades. They’re bringing an army right here as retaliation for the people they lost since King Zephyr thought they were the ones to poison the food and water on West Island.”
Shit. I wasn’t ready for a fight, but I wouldn’t back down, either.
“How soon until they get here?” I asked, wishing Neva was around. She would already be grabbing what I needed for a battle.
“Five, maybe ten minutes?” Dain was finally breathing normal again and straightened. “What can I do?”
The door to the house opened as we came out of the trees. Finn stepped out, eyes tired. “What’s going on?”
“The Renegades are coming back with a small army,” Dain replied.
Finn’s eyes found mine, and instead of the resentment I expected for bringing trouble to his home, there was determination. “I’m going to send out a call. The Renegades might have their army, but they’re not the only ones fighting for a better life.”
I raised a brow, impressed he hadn’t been standing idly by while the fae world went to shit. Also, curious as to why he hadn’t mentioned anything about another group of people.
Ivy came out as soon as Finn slipped back inside. “What’s going on?”
Dain began to fill her in, but I cut him off. “Dain, you should take Ivy off the farm. If she can’t fight, then we don’t need the liability.”
I needed Finn to be at his best. If he was worried about his sister, I wouldn’t get that.
“Are you sure? Wouldn’t it be better if I stayed to help? I won’t make it back before they arrive,” he replied.
Ivy crossed her arms and leaned toward me, a fierce determination set in her eyes. “I’m not going anywhere without Maddox or my brother.”
“Well, I hate to state the obvious, but Maddox isn’t here, and I don’t think he’s coming back. I had a suspicion before, and now it’s been confirmed. It can’t be a coincidence that he is gone the moment we need him most.�
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She growled at me, getting into my personal space. “Maddox is not a traitor, and I’m going to prove it.”
“Well, you can’t do that if you’re dead, so go with Dain and you can convince me of all the things after I kill a few dozen fae.”
She took a step back, turning for the house. “Finn isn’t going to agree with you.”
Dain followed Ivy, but I didn’t. She could go tell Finn whatever she wanted, and he could make his choice. I needed to prepare, and there wasn’t much time left.
I went to the trunks, not exactly sure what I was searching for. There would be no need for spells when I could openly use my magic, but I knew I needed something special for Edgar. If that bastard really did have someone more powerful on his side that was keeping him alive, I wanted to test just how strong this unknown was.
Magically enhanced swords and spears came out first. Those wouldn’t be necessary. I would be going for stealth instead of show. My fingers traced over a couple of daggers that could come in handy in a pinch, so I set those aside.
Further down was a ton of witchy stuff. Apparently, I did a lot more work for them than I realized. Then, I found something that might work. Palming the grenade, I tried to recall where I’d acquired it from. It could have been another gift from the witches, or maybe from the shifters.
Either way, I had no idea what kind of boom it would make, and I was curious to find out. Especially if the boom happened in the center of Edgar’s chest.
“Ivy, don’t make me force you. I don’t have time to deal with one of your fits right now,” Finn grumbled as she trailed behind him.
“It’s not fair. You can’t just send me away. I’m not a child,” she whined.
Finn whirled around on her. “You could have fooled me.” Then, he turned to me. “Did you find anything useful?”
“For me, yes. Take whatever you want as well,” I replied before stepping back to change my clothes. My regular jeans and t-shirt weren’t going to work for battle.
Dark Fae Cursed (Broken Court Book 1) Page 17