by Rhonda Bowen
I took a slow steady breath and tried to act like it was not a big deal, like I hadn’t gotten used to seeing him every day.
“When will you be back?”
He looked down at his shoes. My stomach twisted anxiously.
“I won’t be here when you hand over the house. I’m sorry.”
I nodded as if it was okay – even though I was dying inside. He saw right through me.
“I really wish I could be here, P’. Heck I’d cancel this thing if I could. I’ll try,” he rubbed his hands over his face in frustration. “I can’t believe I’m doing this to you…”
“There’s something I need to tell you.”
He reached for my hands again. “Okay.”
I couldn’t believe I was saying this.
“Things were not as great in New York as I made them sound.”
His face remained expressionless. “Okay.”
“There were times that I didn’t have enough money to make my rent or to eat. Philip was in college, and I didn’t want to burden Grams. Sometimes I would try and pick up extra jobs to cover my expenses.” I closed my eyes. “There was one time, I met this woman. Her name was Cordelia. She offered me the chance to make a lot of money if I...”
Jackson’s finger on my lips cut me short.
“It’s okay.”
My eyes flew open. “What?”
“Whatever it was, it’s okay.”
“But I haven’t even told you...”
He shook his head. “And you don’t need to. I already told you, I know who you are in here.” He touched the spot where my heart should be with our entwined hands. “Nothing else matters.”
I opened my mouth to protest. “Jackson, that’s not practical...”
“I know,” he said with a smile. “But God’s not practical. His forgiveness is not practical. The way He forgets our past and takes us as new people when we surrender to Him is not practical. But I am so glad He does, and that’s what I try to do too. Especially with the people I care about.”
I stared at him for a long moment, not quite sure that I had heard right. Not quite sure that this was real. How was it possible for someone to be so trusting? So forgiving?
“I love you.”
The words shocked me, especially because I was the one saying them. I wanted to take them back almost instantly. Jackson opened and closed his mouth several times but remained speechless.
“I’m sorry. It’s just that I miss you and I can’t believe that you’re going to be gone, and then I’m going to be gone, and I wish I could be here with you all the time…”
I knew my words were coming too fast then to make sense to either of us. I threw my arms around him, and buried my face into his chest so he couldn’t see me crying.
“It’s okay. Don’t cry,” he wrapped his arm around me, and stroked my hair. “It’s going to be okay.”
But he was wrong. It wouldn’t be okay. Just like it hadn’t been before he sat beside me on my grandmother’s porch. And the words he said, the way he was accepting me completely without me having to prove myself to him reminded me of everything I was missing.
The cool night air whipped around us through the quiet darkness, but I felt safe wrapped in Jackson’s embrace. It took everything in me to pull away.
“Thank you for being here with me – for helping me with all this,” I said as he wiped the remaining tears from my cheek with his thumb.
“Where else would I be?”
I couldn’t help myself and I didn’t want to. I pulled his face down to me and reminded myself of what his lips felt like. I suspected that the memory is all I would have from now on. He embraced me once more, and then kissed my forehead and promised to stop by in the morning before he left. As I trudged up the stairs into the cold empty house, I wondered if I would survive the next few days.
Chapter 6
When Celia arrived on the morning of the sale, I was already prepared. I had decided to make this as painless for myself as I could by ensuring it went as quickly as possible. It had been hard enough saying goodbye to Jackson in person several days earlier when he left. Though I wanted to believe there was a way to make me and him work, the reality of life kept getting in the way. It was just best for both of us if we cut our losses and went our own way. No matter what happened, I would have the memory of his friendship and that would have to be enough.
I did one last walk-through of the empty house on my way out to the front porch. Everything was packed into storage until either Philip or I had time to go through it all and decide what would happen to what. I had packed all my things and put them on the porch. The taxi had been already called with the instructions to be here at 11am sharp – the same time the buyer promised to be here. When Celia finally arrived, I was sitting on the porch with my purse.
“Looks like you’re ready,” she said.
I wasn’t in the mood for small talk so I took out my pen and motioned for the folder in her hands.
“Yeah,” I mumbled. “Let’s just get this over with.”
Celia’s eyebrows went up in surprise for a moment, but she didn’t comment.
“Okay,” she sat down on the porch swing beside me. “All you need to do is sign here, here and here.”
I quickly signed beside the sticky notes shaped like arrows, not bothering to read the document I had pretty much memorized.
“That’s it then,” Celia said brightly. “Keys?”
I glanced at her outstretched hand but didn’t move.
“I already told you, Celia, only I hand the keys over to the owner.”
She wrinkled her nose self-consciously.
“You looked so ready,” she fumbled. “I thought you would want to be out of here.”
“Well, you thought wrong.”
I purposefully crossed my legs and sat back in the patio chair. I had a right to see the person who was planning to tear down my grandmother’s house.
It didn’t take long before a sleek black town car pulled up to the gate. It was a strange site in our little town full of Buicks and Chevys. After a few minutes, the driver’s door opened and a short balding Caucasian man in an uncomfortable looking suit stepped out.
This was the guy?
“Mr. Cragg, where’s your client?” Celia walked towards the steps to meet him.
Mr. Cragg took off his sunglasses and looked up at us in surprise. “What? He’s not here? He was supposed to meet us here at 11am.”
I looked down at my watch. It was closer to 11:30. My taxi had come not long after Celia, and patiently waited near the gate. It’s a good thing the driver used to be a friend of Grams, or the meter would be running.
“Mr. Johnson, I’ll be right there,” I called down to him.
“No worries, Miss Piper,” he called back from the driver’s seat where he was taking a nap. “I ain’t got nowhere to be.”
But I did. I tapped my foot impatiently against the porch already annoyed at this anonymous buyer who was interfering with my life in more ways than he knew.
“Mr. Cragg, maybe you should give him a call,” Celia said impatiently. No doubt she was ready to get on to her next sale. I guess that’s what I got for finding an agent off the internet.
“Maybe I will.”
I watched him take out his phone. But before he could put it to his ear, another taxi pulled up to the gate.
“For heaven’s sake, it’s about time you got here,” Mr. Cragg said walking towards the barely open taxi door.
“Sorry, I had to tie up some final details before I got here.”
My mouth fell open as the figure emerged from the car.
Jackson.
“You’re the buyer?” Celia exclaimed in surprise looking back and forth between Jackson and I. “Well, I’ll be.”
“So, now that he’s here, I guess we can sign and get this done with.”
Mr. Cragg held out the folder to Jackson, but he ignored it. He was too busy walking towards me.
“What’s going
on?” I could barely hear anything over the hammering of my heart in my chest.
Jackson smiled and took my hands. “I’m buying your grandmother’s house.” He said it as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
I felt for the back of the porch swing. Lowered myself down into it, and waited for the world to stop spinning and my eyes and ears to stop deceiving me. I blinked several times, but he was still there, smiling, and holding my hand.
This was real. He was buying the house.
“Why?”
He bit his bottom lip nervously. “Because we’re going to need somewhere to live after we get married – that is, if you still love me and want to be with me.”
It’s a good thing I was sitting down, because with that last bit all the strength left my limbs. But he wasn’t done.
He kneeled in front of me, and took something from his pocket. It still felt like my head was spinning. This couldn’t be real.
“Piper Jasmine Blake, I think I have loved you from the first day you threw dirt at me in third grade,” he started nervously.
I laughed, realizing at the same time that tears rolled down my cheeks.
“I know what life has been like without you, and I don’t ever want to go back to that. If everything you told me our last night together was true, I know you feel the same way.”
He held up a beautiful white gold ring set with tiny emerald cut diamonds. I knew that ring. It belonged to a grandmother – his.
“Will you marry me?”
My head was spinning. I closed my eyes briefly to concentrate. “Jackson, this is crazy. We haven’t seen each other for a decade. We live on different sides of the country. This is not practical.”
He grinned. “I told you, I’m not really big on practical.”
I sniffled. “So you really want to marry me?”
“Yes.”
“And buy my grandmother’s house?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re not going to tear it down to build a parking lot?”
He laughed. “No.”
“Even though I have faulty wiring and a leaky basement?”
“I can fix that. I’m a contractor, remember?”
“And I get to keep my heavy old archaic furniture?”
“Woman! Are you going to leave me hanging?”
I shook my head laughing. “No.”
“What!”
“No! I meant, no, I’m not gonna …” I sighed and shoved my left hand into his.
“Yes, Jackson Joseph Crawford. You’re my best friend and always have been. Of course, I will marry you.”
Grinning wildly, I watched as he slipped the ring onto my finger. Then all of a sudden, he pulled me into his arms and swung me around the porch. Dizzy with delight, I couldn’t help but giggle.
“So you had to go buy Grams’ house to get your way, huh,” I teased when he finally put me down and I got to wrap my arms around his neck.
“Well, you were taking too long to make up your mind,” he murmured against my lips.
I laughed. “So bossy.”
He grinned and kissed me slowly and sweetly, waking every nerve and igniting new sensations all over me. “Well, I am still older than you.”
I laughed and pulled him closer to me. It was good to be home.
- END -
Author’s Note
I have a slick mouth. It has been the source of countless problems and the death of several relationships for me. In fact for a while there I would spend a lot of time apologizing for things that I said that I shouldn’t have. But you know what they say about words spoken - you can never take them back.
A couple years ago the man I was involved with went all out for me for my birthday. Even though he had been exhausted after working a 12 hour day he planned a really special afternoon to celebrate my special day. However, halfway through it something went awry and I - again - skipped past appreciating his effort to say something that ended up being really hurtful. I realized it after and tried to apologize but it was unrecoverable and became the start of the end of that relationship. I have regretted my actions on that day ever since.
Sometimes we do things we regret. We are sorry and we may even apologize to the people involved but they might not choose to forgive us. Even when they do we might find it even more difficult to forgive ourselves. The wonderful news however is that God is not like that. Whatever we have done, no matter how bad we think it is, God is ready to forgive us and free us from the guilt of our past. Only he has the power to forgive us our wrongs and His forgiveness is complete.
And he does not just stop at forgiving, he also heals us from the past. He invites us to come to Him with all our pieces. He is willing to put us back together, stronger and better than before. When we are put together by his hands, even with our cracks and bruises, we are stronger and more beautiful than we ever were before. He has done it for me over and over again. He can do it for you. If you have not yet, I invite you to get to know Him.
Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea. - Micah 7:18,19 NIV
Go Deeper...
Get to know Jesus
https://www.amazingfacts.org/bible-study/get-to-know-jesus
Learn about God’s promises to you
https://www.amazingfacts.org/bible-study/gods-promises
About the Author
Rhonda Bowen knew she would be a writer as early as eighth grade when she wrote her first novel with a classmate in a dollar notebook. While waiting for the day to come she completed a degree in Communications and spent a few years working in Public Relations and Event Planning. Throughout this time however, her desire to write stayed alive. She eventually completed her first novel, Man Enough for Me, which was released under Kensington Books’ Dafina imprint in February 2011.
Several years, a stint in Asia and a career change to youth work finds her still writing. She has written six romance novels and her books have been featured in PUBLISHERS WEEKLY and LIBRARY JOURNAL. When not writing or engaging her youth, she enjoys spending time with her family, trying on shoes she can’t afford and enjoying the great outdoors. Visit her online at www.rhondabowen.com , www.facebook.com/RhondaBowenBooks or drop her a note at [email protected].
Other Books by Rhonda Bowen
City Girls Series
Under Covers
March 2015
Naomi Savoy is five days away from marrying Jordan Lennox, the man of her dreams, when she is faced with her worst nightmare. Her sister is missing. When her search for her sister sets her on a path into her past, she is forced to ask for help from the last person on earth she ever wished to see again - Garth Duhaney - a man she has both loved and hated for most of her life and whose power over her she has never been able to break.
Jordan Lennox knows his wife-to-be is hiding things in her past. But his love for her keeps him believing that one day she will come clean. But when the secrets force him on a trip across the ocean only days before their wedding, he begins to question whether love is really enough.
Will love keep them together or will it all fall apart when everything is uncovered?
Under My Skin
June 2015
The moment Image Consultant Morgan Cox walked into the conference room Derek Wynters knew he had a problem. There was no way he would be able to work with this over-styled, overconfident, over-involved woman. Leaving her in charge of the image of his million-dollar footwear company was definitely out of the question. But the instant she slipped one of her gorgeous feet into his custom designed high tops he knew his real problem wasn't that she was shaking up his company, but that she was shaking up his heart and he was falling hard.
Morgan’s only goal is to help Derek and his company have the best image as they prepare to go public. But
when their attraction pushes their relationship past the professional boundaries the company is not the only thing up for public inspection.
As their lives go on display for the world to see Derek and Morgan must both make important decisions about how committed they are to the new relationship growing between them. Are the emotions that keep pulling them back to each other real or are their feelings only skin deep?
Isaacs Family Series
Get You Good
March 2013
Sydney Isaacs has two priorities: her family, and Decadent, the gourmet pastry business they founded almost three generations ago. But both are in jeopardy when her brother, Dean, marries conniving Sheree Vern. Worse, when Dean inherits ownership of Decadent he and Sheree decide to sell it to finance his dreams of becoming a music producer—or so Dean believes…
Thanks to Sheree, Dean’s plans, the business, and his marriage, soon implode in ways he never expected—leaving Sydney determined to salvage whatever she can. Her only solace is her romance with Hayden Windsor. But Hayden is Sheree’s half brother, and Sydney can’t help wondering if Hayden knew about Sheree’s scheming all along? Soon Sydney carries out a deception of her own to discover the truth—until the consequences threaten to destroy everything she values most—including her faith. Overcome with guilt, can she make things right with her brother, with Hayden, and with God?...
Hitting the Right Note
March 2014
JJ Isaacs' dream of becoming an R&B star has come true, and it's all thanks to Rayshawn, her amazing producer--and secret lover. But as JJ enters the spotlight, the relationship gets harder to disguise. And the more she hides the truth, the more distant she feels from her faith, and from her family's approval. But support may come from an unexpected place...
When JJ finds herself helping her estranged sister-in law, Sheree, through a difficult pregnancy, she discovers a surprising ally. But she also becomes enthralled with Sheree's doctor. Simon Massri is world renowned--and scheduled to leave the country. The more time JJ spends with Simon, the more she questions her choices--in love and in work. Now she'll have to face some tough decisions. Can she make peace with an uncertain future--if her heart is in the right place?...