So Long As There's Verona

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So Long As There's Verona Page 3

by Peter Stephenson

it were marvellous food.

  (beat)

  Plus - you'd have to have really big hands, to throw it all at once, and I don't have big hands. Look. They're quite dainty.

  Paris looks, but is not interested

  CAPULET

  But they can still clap.

  Paris shakes his head in disbelief

  CAPULET

  Listen.

  Capulet claps his hands

  Enter SERVANT, immediately, rushing

  SERVANT

  Yes, my liege?

  CAPULET

  (taken by surprise)

  Oh, right, um...

  Capulet looks around for a sheet of paper, finds it

  CAPULET

  Now that you're here, I mean, now that I've summoned you: here is a list of people that I'm going to invite to a most marvellous supper.

  Capulet hands folded-up paper to Servant

  CAPULET

  I want you to find each person named therein and tell them the news.

  SERVANT

  All of them?

  Servant lets paper flop down - it's a long list

  CAPULET

  Yes.

  SERVANT

  Can't we email them?

  CAPULET

  No. The personal touch is better.

  SERVANT

  (sotto)

  Not for me, it isn't.

  CAPULET

  So. Tis done.

  Exeunt

  SCENE THREE

  Enter Benvolio and Romeo

  BENVOLIO

  What ho! Again.

  ROMEO

  Hello.

  BENVOLIO

  You need to cheer up.

  ROMEO

  Yeah, thanks. Brilliant advice.

  Enter Servant

  SERVANT

  Ah, gentlemen two.

  BENVOLIO

  Yes?

  SERVANT

  I am a servant of Lord Capulet.

  ROMEO

  Never mind.

  SERVANT

  And here be a list.

  ROMEO

  So?

  SERVANT

  Upon which your names appear.

  BENVOLIO

  Where? Let me see.

  Benvolio takes the list

  ROMEO

  Why are our names on a list?

  SERVANT

  (to Benvolio)

  Read the bit at the top. Go on, read it.

  Benvolio reads, mumbling indistinctly; smiles

  ROMEO

  What is it?

  BENVOLIO

  Par-tay!

  SERVANT

  Tis a most marvellous supper.

  BENVOLIO

  Everyone's invited, it seems.

  ROMEO

  Will Rosaline be there?

  BENVOLIO

  It would seem so, yes.

  ROMEO

  (cheering up)

  Excellent.

  (sad again)

  But then again, if it's at the Capulets place..?

  SERVANT

  All are welcome, sir.

  BENVOLIO

  It's true. It says so here.

  SERVANT

  Montague or not.

  BENVOLIO

  And we can wear masks.

  ROMEO

  It says that too, does it?

  BENVOLIO

  Well, it implies that.

  SERVANT

  What fortune! My cousins Del-Boy and Rodney have just acquired a consignment of masks. They will gladly sell to you, I know it.

  Romeo warms to the idea

  ROMEO

  So Rosaline will be there.

  BENVOLIO

  Along with - and this is the important bit,

  (emphasising)

  All the beauties of Verona.

  SERVANT

  Tis going to be a right old knees up, and no mistake.

  BENVOLIO

  Thank you, slightly-out-of-place character. You may go.

  Benvolio hands Servant the list

  Exit Servant, taking list

  ROMEO

  Then we shall go.

  BENVOLIO

  That we shall.

  Exeunt

  SCENE FOUR

  Enter NURSE with embroidery

  Nurse sits, resumes her embroidery, humming and periodically licking her lips

  Enter Lady Capulet

  Nurse stops humming

  LADY CAPULET

  Have you seen a fly?

  NURSE

  No, madam.

  LADY CAPULET

  I thought I heard a fly.

  (beat)

  Anyway - where's what's-her-name?

  NURSE

  Juliet, you mean.

  LADY CAPULET

  Yes.

  NURSE

  Online. Probably.

  LADY CAPULET

  Again? I hope you've told her that we don't have unlimited broadband usage.

  NURSE

  I have, madam.

  Nurse starts humming again

  LADY CAPULET

  It's you!

  NURSE

  P'dann?

  LADY CAPULET

  Buzzing away like a bee trapped in a Jeroboam bottle.

  (beat)

  What are you doing, anyway?

  NURSE

  I'm fashioning the prettiest of designs from the finest of threads.

  LADY CAPULET

  (sarcastically)

  That's all right, then.

  NURSE

  (holding cloth)

  Behold! The facsimile of a ladybird.

  LADY CAPULET

  Wonderful.

  Nurse starts humming again, to Lady Capulet's displeasure

  LADY CAPULET

  I want to see Juliet. Bid her come.

  Nurse gets up to leave

  LADY CAPULET

  Oh, nurse..?

  NURSE

  Yes, madam?

  LADY CAPULET

  How old is she again?

  NURSE

  Who, madam, your only daughter?

  LADY CAPULET

  Yes. Her.

  NURSE

  Almost fourteen.

  LADY CAPULET

  Right. Just checking.

  Exit Nurse

  Enter Nurse and JULIET

  JULIET

  Hello, mum. What's for tea?

  LADY CAPULET

  No idea. What do you think about getting married?

  JULIET

  But, mama, you are already married.

  LADY CAPULET

  Not me.

  JULIET

  I know. I jest.

  LADY CAPULET

  Then jest not.

  (beat)

  I'm talking about you getting married.

  JULIET

  I know as much. I was merely playing for time, so that I might think of an answer.

  LADY CAPULET

  And your answer is..?

  JULIET

  I'm only just getting used to being a teenager.

  LADY CAPULET

  (disapprovingly)

  Hmmmm...

  Nurse sits

  LADY CAPULET

  (to Nurse)

  No buzzing.

  NURSE

  Okey-dokey.

  JULIET

  I hadn't even thought to begin to dream of marriage.

  NURSE

  Do you like the look of Paris?

  JULIET

  Ooh, I'd love to go to Paris for my honeymoon.

  LADY CAPULET

  Not Paris the city. Count Paris, of the House of Verona.

  JULIET

  Ah.

  NURSE

  Oo, now I like him. He's really nice.

  Enter Servant, hurrying

  SERVANT

  Madam, madam! Mistress!

  LADY CAPULET

  Calm down.

  SERVANT

  The most marvellous supper is ready.
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  JULIET

  (really pleased)

  Wow! Food!

  LADY CAPULET

  Your dad's idea.

  JULIET

  Great. I am starving.

  Juliet gets up to leave

  LADY CAPULET

  I hope you haven't left that computer on, streaming pop videos or anything.

  JULIET

  No, no, mama.

  LADY CAPULET

  Right then. Let's go.

  Exeunt

  SCENE FIVE

  Enter Gregory, Sampson, Citizen 1 and Citizen 2

  Enter Romeo, Benvolio and MERCUTIO, all wearing masks. Mercutio has his mask on top of his head [because over his face it prevents him talking properly]

  MERCUTIO

  This is the place.

  ROMEO

  I'm nervous.

  MERCUTIO

  Don't be a wuss. We're wearing masks.

  BENVOLIO

  And "all are welcome."

  MERCUTIO

  Right. Let's go check out the women folk.

  Enter Capulet, Juliet, Tybalt, Nurse, GIRL and others

  All mingle, Capulet eating snacks, Juliet has her back to Romeo etc., as:

  Enter Benvolio, Mercutio and Romeo

  Mercutio pulls his mask over his face and approaches the pretty Girl

  MERCUTIO

  (muffled, New York accent)

  How you doin'?

  GIRL

  P'dann?

  Mercutio pulls his mask away from his face

  MERCUTIO

  I was inquiring: how are you doing, only with a terrible accent.

  GIRL

  And through a terrible mask.

  MERCUTIO

  (re: mask)

  Market. Bloke with a suitcase. What can I say.

  Mercutio replaces his mask, as:

  Romeo begins to do embarrassing, "dad" dancing

  GIRL

  (re: Romeo)

  Who's that?

  Mercutio lifts his mask away again

  MERCUTIO

  No idea. Now, then. Something you might want to know about me: I have just purchased a horse.

  GIRL

  I need the loo.

  Exit Girl

  ROMEO

  (still dancing, to Mercutio)

  Have you seen Rosaline?

  MERCUTIO

  Nope.

  Exit Mercutio [in search of Girl]

  ROMEO

  (still dancing, to Benvolio)

  Have you seen Rosaline?

  BENVOLIO

  No, but I did see a pair of size-nine stilettos abandoned by the curtain, so she must be here somewhere.

  ROMEO

  But where?

  (sighs)

  I feel so lonely. I feel so sad, and...

  (sees Juliet as she turns)

  Hello! Who's that?

  BENVOLIO

  Where?

  ROMEO

  Over there! A snowy dove among the crows.

  BENVOLIO

  Oh dearie me.

  ROMEO

  Such a girl! Such a beauty! Too beautiful for me to comprehend, as yet, in any other context.

  TYBALT

  Hang on. I recognise that voice.

  Tybalt crosses to Capulet, as:

  BENVOLIO

  (looking across the room)

  I don't know who she is.

  ROMEO

  But I must know her.

  BENVOLIO

  What I do know, though - Romeo, my dearest friend, is that she is not Rosaline.

  ROMEO

  Not Rosaline. And I truly have not loved until now.

  BENVOLIO

  Told you.

  Romeo slowly makes his away across to Juliet, as:

  TYBALT

  (to Capulet)

  You know that's Romeo, don't you.

  (pointing)

  Over there.

  CAPULET

  P'dann?

  TYBALT

  The maskéd one who has been dancing like a silly girl.

  SERVANT

  (to self)

  "Maskéd"?

  CAPULET

  Oh, him.

  TYBALT

  You do know who I mean, don't you? Romeo Montague.

  (emphasising the syllables)

  Mon-ta-gue.

  CAPULET

  Yes. Got it.

  TYBALT

  I must fight him.

  CAPULET

  Oh, not now. Later. If you must.

  TYBALT

  I will not endure him, uncle.

  CAPULET

  I'm hungry. Let's get some trifle.

  Tybalt is initially reluctant to leave the room

  CAPULET

  Come.

  Exeunt Capulet and Tybalt

  TYBALT

  A trifle.

  (looking across at Romeo)

  A trifle, indeed.

  ROMEO

  (shy, to Juliet)

  Hello.

  JULIET

  Hello.

  (beat)

  I saw you dancing.

  ROMEO

  I've stopped now.

  JULIET

  Good.

  ROMEO

  I danced to attract attention.

  JULIET

  I would not have you dance for me.

  ROMEO

  That's a relief.

  JULIET

  There's no need, you see.

  ROMEO

  You flatter me.

  Juliet offers her hand

  ROMEO

  Wow! Such a beautiful hand.

  JULIET

  (embarrassed)

  Silly!

  Romeo kisses Juliet's hand

  JULIET

  I'm Juliet.

  ROMEO

  I'm Romeo.

  Nurse approaches

  NURSE

  Your mum wants a word.

  Nurse returns to mingling

  ROMEO

  Let's exchange numbers.

  JULIET

  OK.

  Romeo and Juliet write down their mobile phone numbers, and exchange them

  ROMEO

  We're engaged now.

  JULIET

  Oh yes! How sweet that sounds./

  NURSE

  (sternly, calling, to Juliet)

  Your mother./

  JULIET

  Unlike that awful voice.

  ROMEO

  Is your mother here, then? At this most marvellous supper.

  JULIET

  Yes.

  ROMEO

  Who is your mother?

  JULIET

  Lady Capulet.

  Romeo looks shocked, Nurse drags Juliet away

  NURSE

  You know who that is, don't you? Romeo Montague.

  JULIET

  Oh, no.

  NURSE

  The only son of your family's great enemy.

  JULIET

  And so my only love lies within my only hate. What irony. But then, what do I know of hate, other than what I'm told to hate? And what should I know of love, other than the love that I feel?

  NURSE

  You're in trouble over the computer, you know. Justin Bieber wallpaper. Ring a bell?

  JULIET

  Ah, yes.

  Exeunt Juliet and Nurse

  Exeunt all

  SCENE SIX

  Enter Romeo, waits in the garden

  Enter Juliet, looks out over the garden [she cannot see Romeo]

  ROMEO

  (to self)

  I know that it's night time, but here day already dawns at the window.

  Juliet gets out a mobile phone, which lights up

  ROMEO

  Oh! The beauty of Juliet's light.

  JULIET

  I must text my Romeo.

  ROMEO

  (to self)

  She calls me "my Romeo."

  JULIET

&n
bsp; Let's see... a hundred and sixty characters, or less. Here we go.

  (reading as she types in her message)

  "Oh Romeo!"

  (looks puzzled)

  Where's the exclamation mark? Oh, there it is.

  (continuing to read)

  "Deny your father's name, coz your name is the enemy of my family. Be my true love and I will no longer be a Capulet."

  (finished)

  Now. Send.

  Juliet presses a button on the phone, tries to send the message

  JULIET

  (reading mobile)

  "Not sent." Oh, for goodness sake. "No network." Oh Romeo! Where are you?

  Enter Nurse

  Juliet hides her mobile

  NURSE

  Juliet! You should be in bed.

  JULIET

  OK. In a minute.

  NURSE

  Make sure that it is just a minute.

  Juliet smiles

  Exit Nurse

  ROMEO

  No need to text me - I'm here.

  JULIET

  (looking down)

  Where?

  ROMEO

  Here. And un-masked.

  JULIET

  Oh Romeo! You are even more handsome than I imagined.

  ROMEO

  Shall we be married?

  JULIET

  Yes! Let's be married.

  ROMEO

  I must go shortly, but - don't worry. I'll sort everything out. Leave all the arrangements to me.

  JULIET

  At what hour shall I send for word of your news, and whither?

  ROMEO

  P'dann?

  JULIET

  When and where shall you be found?

  ROMEO

  Nine o'clock. After my jog. Friar Lawrence's place.

  JULIET

  OK. Go, then, sweet Romeo.

  ROMEO

  No. You go first.

  JULIET

  No, you.

  NURSE (O.S.)

  (shouts)

  Juliet!

  ROMEO

  We'll both go at the same time.

  JULIET

  OK.

  ROMEO

  After three. One, two, three.

  Exit Romeo and Juliet

  SCENE SEVEN

  Enter Friar Lawrence carrying a potted plant

  Enter Romeo, slightly out of breath

  FRIAR LAWRENCE

  Greetings, Romeo.

  ROMEO

  Good morning, Friar Lawrence.

  FRIAR LAWRENCE

  Woman trouble?

  ROMEO

  Yes! But of a different kind than before.

  FRIAR LAWRENCE

  Does it involve Rosaline?

  ROMEO

  Yes. And no.

  FRIAR LAWRENCE

  How so?

  ROMEO

  I've forgotten all about Rosaline.

  FRIAR LAWRENCE

  That'll be the "no" part.

  ROMEO

  Yes, you see, I've found someone to take her place.

  FRIAR LAWRENCE

  Who is it now? It's been Rosaline this and Rosaline that for such a long time.

  ROMEO

  Her name is Juliet. Juliet Capulet.

  FRIAR LAWRENCE

  "Ooh dear" is my first thought, but, hey, I can't fault your choice this time.

  ROMEO

  This time?

  FRIAR LAWRENCE

  Well, you know - Rosaline.

  (imitating little-dog bark)

  Uff, uff.

  ROMEO

  You must marry us today.

  FRIAR LAWRENCE

  Wow, that's quick.

  ROMEO

  I cannot wait. I know it.

  Friar Lawrence potters for a second or two

  FRIAR LAWRENCE

  Very well.

  ROMEO

  Oh, thank you.

  FRIAR LAWRENCE

  Don't mention it.

  ROMEO

  I'll send Juliet a text.

  FRIAR LAWRENCE

  Better do it in the courtyard. No signal in here.

  Exeunt

  SCENE EIGHT

  Enter Benvolio and Mercutio

  MERCUTIO

  Can Romeo be serious about Juliet?

  BENVOLIO

  Oh, he's always serious, and that's part of the problem. Let's hope that Juliet is "the one."

  MERCUTIO

  But a Montague and a Capulet? Can it ever be so?

  Enter Romeo

  BENVOLIO

  What ho! We were just talking about you.

  MERCUTIO

  And how mad you are.

  BENVOLIO

  I never said you were mad.

  ROMEO

  (carefree, happy)

  Well... perhaps I am! Mad in love.

  Enter Nurse and PETER [who is holding a knitting bag]

  NURSE

  Hello gents.

  PETER

  Hello, gents.

  BENVOLIO

  Right. We'll be off then, Romeo.

  ROMEO

  OK, Benvo.

  Exit Benvolio and Mercutio

  NURSE

  I'm glad I've bumped into you.

  PETER

  Yes, we are glad.

  NURSE

  I'm Juliet's nurse. She's asked me to find you. You have some word for her, I believe.

  ROMEO

  Yes! Please tell her to visit with Friar Lawrence this afternoon. She and I are to be married.

  PETER

  Ooh. Nice. Has she picked out a dress yet?

  Nurse looks upset

  ROMEO

  What is it? Surely I haven't offended you?

  NURSE

  Quite the reverse. I can't remember the last time that somebody said the word "please" when they wanted me to do something.

  Romeo looks embarrassed by the compliment

  PETER

  No we can't remember, can we.

  NURSE

  I will take your message. And I will keep your secret.

  ROMEO

  Thank you.

  NURSE

  (to Peter)

  Come servant. Time to crochet.

  PETER

  Oh, goody.

  Exeunt

  SCENE NINE

  Enter Benvolio and Mercutio

  MERCUTIO

  Where is Romeo?

  BENVOLIO

  No idea.

  MERCUTIO

  Ever since Juliet, we hardly see him any more.

  BENVOLIO

  You don't think they're together now, do you?

  MERCUTIO

  How could they be? Where could they be?

  Enter Tybalt, and others

  BENVOLIO

  Oh-oh. It's Tybalt.

  TYBALT

  Oh. Look. It's Mercutio. Of the House of Verona and friend of Romeo.

  MERCUTIO

  You say that like it's a bad thing.

  BENVOLIO

  He means it to be taken as a paradox, methinks.

  MERCUTIO

  I wouldn't bet on it.

  TYBALT

  (to Benvolio)

  You keep your "thinks" to yourself.

  (to Mercutio)

  And you - you are dooméd.

  BENVOLIO

  "Dooméd"?

  MERCUTIO

  All right, Tibbles.

  TYBALT

  Don't call me Tibbles.

  Enter Romeo

  TYBALT

  (to Romeo)

  And you. "Poetry Boy." Did you get my powerfully-worded email?

  ROMEO

  Er, yes. I did. It went into spam initially./

  TYBALT

  Whatever.

  ROMEO

  But I retrieved it.

  TYBALT

  I take it you noticed how I rhymed the word "head" with "dead."

  MERCUTIO

  So
that's what you were doing all day.

  ROMEO

  (to Tybalt)

  I did.

  TYBALT

  (to Romeo)

  And you read the bit about having a fight.

  ROMEO

  You made a few typos, but - yes - I got the gist.

  TYBALT

  Good.

  ROMEO

  It's not good. We have no need to fight, now.

  MERCUTIO

  (to Romeo)

  What are you talking about?

  TYBALT

  (mocking)

  No need to fight now? And now being such a good time.

  ROMEO

  I have no quarrel with you.

  TYBALT

  You are a Montague.

  ROMEO

  We are bonded.

  TYBALT

  Never.

  ROMEO

  I will not fight you.

  MERCUTIO

  Not going to fight?

  BENVOLIO

  He doesn't have to. Let us speak of peace.

  Tybalt draws his sword

  TYBALT

  A piece of metal, maybe. And a piece of you.

  MERCUTIO

  (to Romeo)

  What is wrong with you?

  Tybalt brandishes his sword

  MERCUTIO

  (to Tybalt)

  Cool it, Tibbles.

  Mercutio draws his sword

  MERCUTIO

  I will fight you.

  ROMEO

  No one needs to fight. That's the amazing thing.

  MERCUTIO

  (to Romeo)

  Do you submit to this man?

  Fight begins

  ROMEO

  I'm in love with Juliet.

  BENVOLIO

  Not now, Romeo.

  ROMEO

  And she with me.

  Romeo tries to stop the fight, during which Tybalt drops a ribbon that he is wearing

  Mercutio is wounded, falls down

  Enter PERSON IN BLACK, bringing on a chair, places it at the side of the stage

  TYBALT

  Job done.

  Person in Black dusts off the chair's seat

  TYBALT

  I need to run

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