I couldn't help but laugh. "Layers, huh?"
"And one of those layers has a tattoo artist on speed dial. Another one has a deep love for nineties grunge music."
"Oh, I know all about that layer. Eric might take a swing at you the next time you yell out a Nirvana song request at one of our shows.”
Dad smiled wide. "Not my fault your mate has poor taste in music."
We continued to rib each other until he was parking on a side street in downtown Oxford. As we walked towards Ivory Tower Tattoo, I began to suffer from a touch of nerves. I was one hundred percent sure about my decision, but who loved needles?
As soon as we entered the shop, a man I assumed was Leo came right out to greet us. After Dad introduced us, we immediately began talking about the tattoo I wanted. I lifted my arm and pointed to my left side. "Pretty simple design. Just the quote, 'Where words fail, music speaks.'"
Leo cuts in, “I’ll never forget the look on your dad’s face when you asked if the font could be his handwriting.” Leo puts his hand over his heart. “It almost made me regret never having kids.”
“I didn’t realize that tattoo is in your dad’s handwriting,” Avery says.
I nod as I remember the love and pride that had danced all over Dad's features. I always loved watching him bent over sheet music composing on the fly. His script was somehow refined and free at the same time. It was perfect.
“I had the music notes in Mum’s handwriting added on later,” I tell Avery.
Leo gets back to work, and just like the other times, I can feel the vibrations of the gun as Leo rests his arm against my bare chest for balance. Each time I feel the sting of the needle mark my skin, I breathe a little easier. It’s as if I can feel the negative energy leave through each open pore of my body. Yes, it’s painful, but it’s the good kind of pain. It’s completely my choice.
After he’s finished, his gaze meets mine. “Thanks for sharing that, mate. I feel honored, then and now.”
“I’m glad it’s you,” I say sincerely.
When Leo finishes reminding me of the aftercare instructions, we rejoin the others. Avery takes a picture of us with our matching Brotherhood tattoos, but we decide not to post it on social media since Eric isn’t in the picture. Speaking of Eric, a knot forms in my stomach as my earlier guilt returns. I have a feeling we’re losing him, and I have no idea how to fix it.
Chapter Twenty
Avery
As I approach Liam’s place, the front door of the adjoining townhouse opens. An elderly woman with tight gray curls and dark burgundy lipstick greets me. "Hello, there. Are you here to see the boys?"
“Yes, mam.”
“I’m Lei’s grandmother, Chen Yajun.”
“Avery Miller.” I return her friendly smile but otherwise have no idea what to say. Then, I see the roses to the right of her front door. “Your roses are beautiful.”
She steps further out of her doorway. “Thank you! They need a lot of watering during the summer months, but it gives me something to do.”
Talking about flowers with Lei’s grandmother instantly makes me miss Meme. We’ve emailed and spoken on the phone a few times, but it’s not the same. I miss being right next to her as we eat at the small kitchen table. I even miss being out in the hot sun with her as our hands and knees are stained by rich black soil.
Then it hits me while standing in Liam’s front yard talking to a stranger that Meme has become my entire world. I haven’t allowed myself to believe my move to Georgia was permanent. I also haven’t allowed myself to see Meme as anything other than the grandmother I visited once a year. It took me traveling to another country to understand that she’s become everything to me over the past few years: grandmother, mother, father, and friend.
"Are you alright, dear?" Concern laces Ms. Chen’s tone.
"Sorry." I try to clear my thoughts. "My grandmother loves flowers, too."
Her expression softens as if she can read my mind. "Well, you feel free to come by anytime to talk flowers with me."
"Thanks,” I tell her, really meaning it.
After I knock on Liam’s door, Lei opens it and points to the phone by his ear as he continues to talk to someone. I give him a small wave before making my way towards Liam's bedroom and the sound of his violin.
As I stand in his open doorway, part of his back is to me while he sits on the window seat and looks out towards the street. The song he’s playing sounds melancholy.
Then I notice the cat sitting on the other end of the window seat. The pictures of Beethoven on Liam’s phone do not do him justice as the large panther-like creature stares at me with green eyes the size of quarters. He’s a short-haired solid gray cat except for a small white patch below his neck that reminds me of a bowtie.
I quietly walk further into the room and sit on Liam’s bed, leaning against the headboard.
Liam finally spots me, and his bow pauses mid-note.
"Don't stop," I say quickly.
He smiles and continues playing, but I can tell he transitions the song into a different one. It’s just as slow, but instead of melancholy, it makes me feel warm all over. It feels as if we’re in a movie, and he’s composing the score. His gaze stays on mine, and the music seems to amplify all my feelings for him, even the feelings I really don’t want to face.
Beethoven jumps from the window seat onto the bed with surprising grace.
“He actually looks mildly interested in you,” Liam observes as he puts down his violin.
“Just what every girl wants to hear,” I tease.
“Believe me, when it comes to Beethoven, mildly interested is the same as creepy stalker.”
Beethoven looks over at Liam with an expression I swear screams annoyed. “Does he not like you?”
Liam joins us on his bed and tries to put Beethoven on his lap. “What? He loves me! Don’t you big brother?”
Beethoven immediately walks over and settles in my lap instead which makes me laugh.
“He may be a tad jealous. He was with my parents first. I’m the adorable new baby that showed up and got all the attention.”
I gently pet Beethoven’s soft fur, and his responding purrs sound like a motor. “So, you’re cat-sitting?”
“Just for the weekend while my parents are out of town.” Liam leans over and kisses me. "I missed you. How was Scotland?"
"Amazing! I took this photo of Bow Fiddle Rock that may be my new favorite." Our study-abroad group had spent the past three days in Scotland sightseeing since our trip is quickly coming to an end.
When Beethoven loses interest in us and moves to the end of the bed, Liam pulls me into his arms. "Better than our band photo? Not possible."
I laugh softly. "I'm afraid so." I can hear his heartbeat as I lay my head on his chest.
"Dethroned by a rock," he teases.
“Don’t take it too personally,” I say.
Liam pauses, and then says, "I wanted to talk to you about Juilliard. I have no idea if they’ll even accept me, but I think I'm going to apply for the spring semester."
I tense. "You said before you didn’t want to leave your parents. How has that changed?"
"Well, it hasn't really, but then I met you."
I immediately shake my head. "You can't move to another country for me. What about LSO? Isn't that one of your dreams? To play with your dad?"
"It's not like LSO will turn up their noses at a degree from Juilliard." His tone is patient as usual.
"It would still be long distance."
"We'd be in the same time zone, Avery. It would be completely different."
It was the same thought I had when I first saw the application sitting on his desk. But the more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve realized it wouldn’t be much different. I even Googled it. Atlanta to New York City is a fifteen-hour drive, and neither of us can afford to buy plane tickets on a regular basis. Instead of pointing all that out, I just say, “What about the band?"
He sighs softly
. "I'd have to figure that out."
I lift my head so I can look at him. "You can't uproot your life for me. You'd end up hating me."
Liam meets my gaze. "I could never hate you. And this was my dream before we even met. I just needed a push.”
I lay my head back on his chest. “Let’s just stop talking in the abstract for now.”
Happy endings are for other people—not me. I can’t allow myself to believe there’s a future for us. I’ll just be disappointed in the end.
Chapter Twenty-One
Liam
“Ready?” I ask as Avery lets me in her dorm. The packed bags and bare walls are a devastating reminder it’s her last night in Oxford. The sight of her wearing the Brotherhood shirt I gave her a few days ago makes my chest ache. It’s my favorite band shirt. It’s also the first time I’ve given a girl any of my own clothes.
She shakes her head quickly. “No.”
“I know.” We’re all meeting at Eddie’s. Not only for a show, but for everyone to say their goodbyes.
We walk towards downtown Oxford in comfortable silence. Well, mostly comfortable. Even though I agreed to drop the subject of Juilliard, that doesn’t mean I’ve given up. I concentrate on the feel of her hand in mine and try to ignore the fact she’ll probably be back in the States this time tomorrow.
I hold the wooden door to Eddie’s open for her. It’s the same door that once determined my fate, and I had no idea the girl walking through it would become the first girl I fell in love with.
We sit down with the rest of our group just as Eric says, "We're playing a new song tonight."
I’m tempted to kick him under the table.
Avery turns to me. "Really? One you wrote?"
I internally groan but nod. “Rob and me.”
"What's it called?" Katherine asks.
Eric finishes off the drink in his hand before answering, “‘Another Chance.’ It's brilliant."
Eddie’s is more crowded than usual tonight. I open the show the way I always do, and the energy from the audience is charged. Song after song my gaze keeps going back to Avery, though. I can hear the extra emotion in my voice just knowing these are some of my last moments with her —for now.
The last song is the new one. It isn’t just about her, but she did inspire some of the lyrics. As I start the song, I keep my eyes on her.
The first verse is for Rob. “People say the cycle must repeat, but they don’t know me, do they? There’s always another chance to be a better father.”
Even though Rob usually sings the chorus with me, I convinced him to bring out his falsetto for this one, too. As we repeat the refrain, “Another chance,” with our voices in perfect harmony, I can feel the atmosphere in the pub change as everyone listens. Less beer bottles clank together, less chairs scrape across the floor, and less people try to talk above the noise.
The second verse is for me. “He says he’ll never be loved, but he can’t change fate, can he? There’s always another chance to be someone else’s son.”
As I sing the chorus with Rob again, nerves begin to set in. The next verse is for Avery. “She says she’ll never forgive him, but he’ll wait forever, won’t he? There’s always another chance to be an accepting daughter.”
The second the song is over, Avery pushes out of her chair and walks towards the exit.
I hop off the stage to follow her outside. "Avery, wait." I step in front blocking her path. "Please stay."
She shakes her head. "So, that's what you really think of me? I'm just some stubborn girl who holds a grudge?"
"Of course, not." I try to take her hand, but she snatches it away. "That song isn't just about you. It's about a lot of us. You know we’ve all been through crap, Avery."
"You think I should have already emailed Dad back?”
I sigh and push my fingers through my hair to avoid touching her. "It doesn't matter what I think."
Her gaze is intense as she raises her voice. "I want to know!"
We’re suddenly both quiet as a group of people walking along the sidewalk try to squeeze past us. When we’re alone again, I say, "Yes, I think you should have already emailed him back."
"You just don't get it." She holds her chin up high.
"I'm sorry, Avery, but I think you have it backwards." I try to keep my tone soft.
She crosses her arms. "Is that right?"
I hold my hands out towards her. "Your father is out there in the world, and he wants you. He loves you. I'm not excusing what he did because it was wrong. No question. But he didn't abandon you in your crib at three-years old. He never left bruises that faded on your skin but left permanent marks up here." I point to my temple. "I know you, Avery. You're a good person. He's asking for another chance. You may have lost the last few years with him, but you have the rest of your life!"
Her expression is tight and set in anger. "That's not fair, Liam! Just like I have no idea what it's been like to live through your life, you have no idea what it's been like to live through mine."
"You're absolutely right. I just want you to be happy." On the sidewalk outside a pub is not where I planned on making this declaration, but I’m moments away from losing her. "I'm in love with you." I step closer. "I'm so in love with you, Avery. I just want you to be happy. I need you to be happy."
"I can't stay. You've known all along I can't stay. This feeling right now." She motions in between us. "This feeling is the last thing I wanted."
My stomach drops. "You don't mean that."
"I've got to go. Please, just let me go." But she surprises me by stepping forward and kissing me roughly. Her heartbeat is fast against my chest. The kiss is over before I can put my arms around her.
As I watch her jog around the corner, I know that kiss was goodbye for her. But it wasn’t goodbye for me.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Avery
Even though Katherine tries to be sly about it, I can feel her concerned gaze on me every few minutes as our flight prepares for take-off. I open the shade to our small window and pretend to watch the ground crew make the final checks. But my mind is back in Oxford where I made a complete mess of my final goodbye with Liam.
I just wanted him to admit no matter how good our intentions, a long-distance relationship won’t work. Instead, our final goodbye became an argument over my dad's email —so stupid. But I’m still pissed at him for trying to compare our lives. It just isn’t that simple.
After take-off, I search in my bag for gum as the altitude changes.
Katherine holds out her palm with a few Starbursts. I mumble thanks in her direction before unwrapping the candy. My ears pop as I chew, and the muffled sounds around me become clearer.
"If you need to talk . . . "
I immediately shake my head.
"Okay, okay. It's a long flight is all I'm saying." She pushes her bag underneath the seat in front of her.
"Unless you need to talk?" I ask.
She gives me a confused look. "What would I need to talk about? I certainly didn't leave the love of my life behind in another country."
I scoff. "That's a bit dramatic."
Katherine looks at me as if I’m being ridiculous. "If you say so."
We have an absurd and very short-lived staring contest that results in my looking away and her putting earbuds in. I know I’m the one being dramatic. To my surprise, I’ve really enjoyed Katherine's company for the past two months. I try to imagine myself on the same trip without a single person I know. I just can't picture it without Katherine's take-no-prisoners attitude in any given social situation, not to mention her feeding my addiction to pastries. I still have one left in my bag for an emergency.
I bridge the gap and lay my head on her shoulder in a silent apology.
She tenses for only a second before passing me an earbud.
I can't help but smile as Taylor Swift's voice fills my ear telling me to "Shake It Off." If only lyrics from a song could instantly change reality.
Th
e nine-hour flight to Atlanta gives me too much time alone with my thoughts. Katherine does her best to distract me. She did in fact get her acceptance email from Columbia University yesterday, and that's all she wants to talk about. But Columbia is in New York, and New York makes me think of both Liam and my parents. So, I just nod when appropriate.
When I’m not thinking of Liam, I’m thinking of Dad's email. The one line my mind keeps getting caught on is, “Not one day has gone by when I've loved you any less .” The first time I read it, it made me so angry. If that’s true, his not taking any sort of action is even worse. Then, I think about my feelings for Liam. The fact I know long distance won’t work doesn’t make me feel any less for him.
For the first time, I put myself in Dad's shoes. No matter how ridiculous it seems, if he did think Meme was a better parent or I was happier with her, in his mind he was doing the right thing. And it doesn’t have to change how he feels about me. But in the end, he’s my father. Not a guy I’ve known for two months. There’s still a difference.
Time thankfully speeds up between arrival and baggage claim. When Trinity's car pulls up to the curb, it almost feels as if I never left. I think I may prefer that instead of this hollow feeling in my chest.
Trinity jumps out of the car and runs over very dramatically before pulling me into her arms. "My life is complete again!"
My laugh sounds strange. "Thanks for picking us up." Our flight landed in the evening, and Meme doesn’t drive well at night. I also arranged for Trinity to drive Katherine home since we’re all going to the same town.
"Of course!" Trinity says brightly. "That gives you the three-hour car ride to tell me every single thing I missed."
Katherine gives me a sympathetic look before we both duck into the car. She also does most of the talking on the drive home. Although Trinity definitely notices my muteness as she sends more and more concerned glances my way.
It’s strange to think Katherine knows about a part of my life better than anyone else. Well, anyone other than Liam. I lay my head against the passenger window and try not to see his face as I shut my eyes.
Please Stay for Me (The Brotherhood Series) Page 12