by E Kathryn
Out of all the Shadows, she was the freest. Nothing bound her to the ground and she—more or less—did whatever she wanted. But still, she was unsure what exactly she was trying to escape from. She hated the ASH, of course. But what on the outside did she truly want, if she indeed hated her mother as much as she thought she did?
There was a great excitement in the hall on the way down to dinner, and Mark couldn’t help but gaze at Sil with a new understanding of him. Just because Sil had shown him his memory of the Recluse didn’t change the fact Sil was still angry at him for burning him.
Mark figured a little news had made it around the ASH. Quietly through the Realm, they knew their hope for the Exodus was coming soon, and Mark was greeted with smiles. In the halls, Keller walked beside the Shadows, blissfully oblivious to the excitement as he worked his way towards Sil.
Keller spoke in a friendly manner. “How is your project coming along?”
Sil’s expression remained neutral. “I’m almost done,” he muttered, disinterested in humoring Keller. In spite of the civil conversation Mark and Kip had shared with Keller, he couldn’t help but feel the muted disdain Sil had for the man.
Watching Sil, Mark couldn’t help but remember the young, lonely Sil he saw in the memory. Sil was more than alone in the Shadows, he was a child who had never seen his parents or the outside world. Sil was so close to leaving the ASH and his anger was misunderstood. It was so confusing. Why didn’t all the Shadows envy Sil?
Keller continued, his voice seeming to grate on Sil’s nerves. “You know, Winter has been at our doors all day. Why didn’t you go outside today?” he wondered as if trying to empathize with Sil.
With a snide smirk, Sil merely spat, “We have doors?”
Abruptly, only a second later, Keller grabbed Sil’s arm and forced him to look into his eyes. When Mark caught sight of Sil’s face through the whirl, the icy Shadow glared at Keller with smug satisfaction.
Keller’s shoulders arched, enraged, as he signaled two ASOs to come over to him. “I warned you!”
Mark’s heart dropped as he watched this happen. The two guards hurried over, taking Sil by the arms, holding his hands behind his back while Keller clenched his fists. “The next time I hear you say that, it’ll be the detention room.”
Keller’s gaze slowly became tender and his voice softened. “Sil, I built this place to bring the Shadows together, to harness your abilities, and to not abuse them. Your powers far exceed the others, and you know it, but I need you above all to not lose hope. A time will come, and when it does our doors will be open forever.”
Sil arrogantly snickered at Keller’s plan despite how the ASOs restrained him. He smirked haughtily and froze his arms. The guards held tighter despite the cold, which was what Sil wanted. The ice formed over their hands freezing them to him. Suddenly, before Mark’s eyes, Sil spread his arms out, spraying ice over the two guards. With ample opportunity to spring free, Sil ducked and dashed out, vanishing into the Realm as he assimilated with the other Shadows.
“Stop him!” Keller shouted for more ASOs. Sil was already gone. There were enough Shadows in the hall that they could never find him by his shadow on the floor. No one could see Sil, but Mark could feel him in the Realm, laughing.
Sil reappeared in the line for food without any further trouble, even when Keller saw him. Mark found a seat among the Shadows, hiding his amusement when Sil sat alone at the end of one of the far tables.
Angering Keller put Sil in a good mood, but Mark did not dare to attempt to straighten things out with Sil now. Kip plopped down next to Mark, and smiled at him. None of their voices could be heard over the talk and chatter filled and overwhelmed the room.
At the very least, he was thankful that dinner didn’t include the sour taste of his worry and guilt. He sat back in his chair restlessly touching the soft point of his left ear and sighed cheerfully. To his great surprise this day had gone well.
He had learned a lot about the Shadows, and he felt a great deal more comfortable around these people. As much as he wanted to be home, and for things to be normal, figuring out how to use his Shadow had been the most fun he had had outside of video games in months.
Still, his mind lingered on the thoughts of the Exodus, and the spark of hope in the Shadows. Maybe they were getting at something when they talked about Shadow Hope. Mark didn’t want to think about it, but he got the feeling he was under the veil of some kind of destiny.
Hope was an Orchestrator, after all. Maybe it had some kind of control over outcomes and it was using him as a means to an end. He didn’t know if he felt violated by that thought. He did like the idea of having the power to get out of here within himself.
They had to come up with a plan of sorts soon. Emilie had seemed so keen on getting out, and yet she had barely shown herself today. She wanted the Exodus to happen, and it was clear enough to Mark that she liked to use Sil. So why wasn’t she trying to use Mark.
Maybe Emilie was Shadow Hope. Maybe she had a hand in all this. Mark frowned over his dinner and slumped in the hardbacked chair. He wanted to be home so badly, but now he was too curious. More was going on behind the scenes in the ASH, things that affected him, the Shadows, Shadow Hope and maybe even the Recluse.
He had gotten a feel for his surroundings now, if he played it safe, maybe he wouldn’t screw up anymore. He had Kip to show him around, and he guessed Sil was on his side now, or at least not trying to kill him. Sil had gone through something terrible because of a Shadow of Fire. All at once he didn’t blame Sil for hating him.
As they had last night, Kimberly and Keller sat near to each other and oversaw the Shadows. Keller watched Sil closely to make sure he wasn’t doing anything mischievous. He looked to Kimberly, murmuring, “How has your day gone, concerning Mark…”
Kimberly grimaced, lying, “Fine.”
Keller acknowledged she had no desire to talk about it, but he pushed the conversation. “Mark has two Shadows. I and a few Shadows are under the impression that Mark is Shadow Hope. No one is sure, but it’s stirring the Shadows.” Keller looked back to Sil. “Even Sil isn’t one to act up like that.”
“Mark is changing everything around here…” Kimberly murmured. “What if it is time for the Shadows to be free?”
Keller shook his head. “Not until we find Hope. We’ve been searching for that Shadow for almost twenty years. You were the one who told me how important Hope is. Until I can confirm Mark is Shadow Hope, the Shadows must stay within the ASH.”
Protesting, Kimberly’s tone doubted Keller. “But have you forgotten why? Hope is a leader in the Shadows, not the turning factor,” she insisted. “Hope can lead the Shadows where you can’t, and there’s multiple Shadows at play each time the Exodus has occurred. Even if Mark’s not Hope, he’s still as much a part of this as any of them are.”
Eyeing her, Keller smirked. “And exactly how many times have you seen the Exodus happen?”
Kimberly fell silent, and looking down at her plate, she muttered softly, “Three times…”
Scoffing, Keller did the math in is head piecing together just how old Kimberly was. “When do you plan on sharing your vast knowledge?”
Pushing herself, Kimberly folded her hands together. “I can only help so much without my Shadows.”
Seeing her distress, Keller finally let off and let her eat. She had stood by him in the early development of the ASH. She was among the first to come to the ASH, and unlike many Shadows, she needed a home and she came willingly.
She knew better than most Shadows, the need they had for a home, and what the world was like for Shadows outside the ASH. Humans rejected them, and she had constantly been in hiding. She believed at least by doing this, some families would long desperately to see their children, the Shadows, again.
Kimberly believed in Keller’s goal, but frankly his motives were growing increasingly impulsive. He was blind of how the Shadows felt. Early on, many Shadows supported him. Twenty years of this had cha
nged the man. She was starting to doubt him.
It was only a matter of time before Mark would take matters into his own hands, or worse would happen.
Emilie expected to see Sil in the lobby, working on his project as always, but when he wasn’t there, she stopped. Her feet touched the floor, and she sank against the crescent shaped desk. As inviting as the entire lobby appeared, it felt dark. Sil was in pain, she tried to remind herself. He didn’t want her to bother him right now.
She had skipped dinner, stealthily using the Realm to slip out without anyone noticing. She had a lot of freedom to roam the ASH, but she still couldn’t get beyond the ASI. The fading autumn light accentuated the burning glow of the reddish shield surrounding the windows. She never felt so trapped. With Sil’s absence and the taste of the outside world that Mark gave her, her skin crawled.
She was hungry, but wouldn’t admit that to herself, either gorging herself or skipping meals altogether when she felt lost like this. Her knees gave out, and she floated down allowing a subtle gravity to bind her to the stone. She didn’t want to be alone right now. She couldn’t let herself assimilate with the blinded and mindlessly optimistic Shadows. Even Sil was being affected by the hope that Mark had brought into the ASH.
Emilie was sickened by it, scooting into the deep darkness under the desk to hide. She just wanted to be free, convincing herself that was all she needed. If she could feel miles of air on all sides of her, she wouldn’t need anyone else. She wouldn’t need to feel tied to Sil. She wouldn’t need to feel loved by someone, by her mother.
Why did she even care about Hellen? It wasn’t like the woman cared about her. Emilie been given up the moment she was born. She never wanted to see that woman. If anything, she wanted to mess with Hellen’s life, to get under her skin and then reveal herself to be her long-lost daughter.
Emilie cringed, her face burning as she bit back tears. She didn’t care. She didn’t care about anything. But a part of her did. A part of her wanted to spend every waking moment with Sil and leave any idea of family behind. Another part of her wanted to face her mother, look her in the eyes and ask, why?
Emilie couldn’t stop the tears now, thankful for only the darkness in which she could cut herself off from the Realm and prying eyes to cry. She didn’t know any other place she could have such privacy. It was hard enough just to make sure the only thing the Shadows ever saw of her was that she didn’t care.
“Are you all right?” a voice asked, his feet shuffling closer.
Emilie’s hopes rose, seeing him near. It was Sil, she was sure of it. He had sensed her distress, and he did care. Mark’s crimson eyes illuminated the darkness and Emilie glowered. “Of course…” she groaned.
He tensed when he saw her, clearly not expecting to see her, as strong willed as she was, as uncaring as she was, hiding to cry. Emilie scoffed at him. The idiot didn’t have enough mind about him to leave her alone. The others would have known better, but he didn’t even know her.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
Hastily, she dried her face with her jacket to hide her tears and her bright red face, making sure all Mark would be able to see of her was the glow of her lightning green eyes. She was a monster in the darkness. She would eat him alive if he got closer. He ignored every impulse inside him that might have made him afraid of Sil and drew nearer.
Staring at him indignantly, Emilie eyed Mark with thoughts swirling in her mind, and aura in her posture to drive him away. Mark, however, ignored it, mostly oblivious.
Mark confused Emilie beyond all else. He saw Shadows differently than anyone. He might have been a Shadow, but he thought like a human.
Emilie attempted to dry her face skittishly, knowing Mark was trying to empathize with her as a human would. “Just stop.” Shadows wouldn’t understand, so why would a human be able to? “You don’t get it!” Growing increasingly more uncomfortable by the second, no snide look could get him to leave her alone. “Things can’t stay like this…” her tears returned as she tried to explain, “The Exodus can never come!”
Emilie found herself making the mistake of meeting eyes with Mark, and suddenly, at his crimson eyes, she froze in fear. Even with the kind, calm flames flickering within Mark’s irises, even in the fear he wielded, Emilie found a strength and peace while gazing at them. Only perfection could hold those traits in one body.
Her shoulders sank and her whole body drooped closer to the floor in despair. “I could never be good enough… not after spending the day cyber-stalking my mom!”
Stepping out on a limb, Mark reached out and brought an arm around her shoulders. She writhed uncomfortably under his arm, but he held her tightly as he whispered, “If you wanted to know about your mom, you could have asked me.”
Emilie tensed, feeling Mark’s embrace around her shot a shiver up her spine. Mark… cared for her? Emilie’s heart beat faster. She hadn’t known him for a day, and she had done everything in her power to come off as cruel toward him. How could Mark show her kindness now?
“But…” Emilie insisted, “She gave me up. She doesn’t care. Why would she? Why would you! You can be human. There’s no way you could understand both humans and Shadows unless you were somehow a perfect being. Why don’t you get how…” she struggled for a word, “unnatural you are?”
Mark smirked a little sarcastically, only to assure her. “I got that much.”
Emilie ignored him as she grappled over how he could act this way after the way she had treated him. “I just don’t get you…”
Emilie shifted under the dark desk and caught Mark looking her over. She drew her coat tighter to hide her skimpy pink camisole which delved well below her collarbone. Her clothes were in disarray, and it didn’t help that her cheeks were red and puffy.
Mark averted his eyes, the crimson glow of his eyes disappearing for a moment. “You don’t know me, but if it helps, Emilie, I’m your cousin. Your mom is my aunt, and I can tell you. I know she didn’t want to let you go, and that ever since she lost you, she hasn’t been the same. That’s how my mom talks about her anyway. Listen, I’ll do anything for you, I’ll tell you anything. I care for you like this because you are a part of my family.”
Mark moved out into the light on his knees, the cherry shimmer sparkling when he locked his eyes on her. “Now, I admit, I don’t know you that well… but because you are my cousin… I love you.”
Emilie froze completely, shocked to hear him say that. Admittedly, Mark didn’t know her well enough to say that, but his reason for saying it was solid. And, frankly, right now, Emilie was the only family Mark had. “I just don’t get you, Mark,” she whispered, adopting a pleased smile.
A bit of color appeared in Mark’s face as he blushed. With his hands still on her shoulders, he briefly wrapped his arms around her, and embraced her firmly. Emilie sank lower, her Shadow dying inside her as her guard lowered. He scooted a little closer refusing to let go until she pushed away, and she never did. Emilie’s heart steadied, and she laid her head on Mark’s shoulder, relaxed. Sil could never comfort her like this.
“What are you two doing down here?” a sweet voice came. Mark jump up and hit his head on the desk’s underside from around the circle, Kimberly showed herself.
Mark took his arm off Emilie and leapt to his feet. “Emilie was upset,” he said shakily. “I only wanted to help.” He adopted a serious stiffened tone when Kimberly appeared before him.
Kimberly laughed, only a touch of the wariness she usually had around Mark showing. “It’s all right, Mark,” she assured and stepped into the desk area. Turning her attention to Emilie, she observed her state and looked back at Mark, smiling. “I think you’ve done enough.”
Mark nodded, a little scatterbrained, and he stepped out of the desk area to head to his room, but not without looking back as Kimberly helped Emilie up and walked with her. Mark took the stairs and was out of sight by the time Kimberly spoke to Emilie. “I’m assuming you didn’t tell him.”
Emi
lie looked away from Kimberly grimly. “He wouldn’t get it anyway.”
Kimberly stopped outside the infirmary door. “Come with me.”
Emilie’s feet left the ground, floating. “Why?” she beckoned, adopting a sitting position in midair.
With a sly grin, Kimberly gestured Emilie inside. “Let’s talk in private,” she invited. Easily enough, Emilie entered the room with a cautious air as she flew in. Once inside, Kimberly sat on the larger of the two beds in the infirmary. “Tell me, what do you think of Mark?” she asked.
Emilie smirked, amused. “Are you kidding!”
Kimberly’s eyes remained firm. “I’m not kidding, Emilie. You can see Shadows’ abilities before they can see themselves. How is Mark different from the other Shadows?”
Floating higher, Emilie’s humor vanished. “I don’t believe you’re asking me this…” Hesitating, she floated airlessly to the higher bed and sat. “Kimberly…” she whispered desperately, as if a little scared, “you know that power is unrefined. I’m bound to make mistakes… but…” she stammered, distressed in her voice, “the way Mark spoke to me earlier, I’m as sure as I can be…”
With a terrified expression, Emilie met eyes with Kimberly. “I don’t know how else to interpret it.” She couldn’t deny it. “Kimberly… Mark is Shadow Hope. He has to be!”
Kimberly looked down as well. “I see…” She grimaced. “Then it’s only a matter of time.” Kimberly stood and stepped over to the kitchenette across the room. “Hope will show itself in a few days inevitably, then I can prove to Keller that it’s time for the Shadows to be free.”
Kimberly came back to Emilie with a slip of paper and took Emilie’s shoulders tightly. “Please, Emilie, convince Mark that he’s Shadow Hope, and try to get Hope to show itself. Will you do that for me?”