It felt as if a flood gate of feeling opened inside her when she said those words. She’d held it in for so long, and now she was letting it out. She felt so many things at once—anger, fear, hate, despair, embarrassment. And relief. That one was a surprise.
“He hit you? Once? More than once?”
Chloe closed her eyes. “More than once. Travis James is an abuser. And I was dumb enough to let it happen.”
Nine
Hot fury rolled through Ryan, scalding his insides and filling him with the need to find Travis James and hit the motherfucker until he couldn’t get up for a month. He’d already disliked James for the things he’d learned. Now he actively hated him.
Chloe’s bowed head did things to Ryan’s heart that he couldn’t quite analyze. He was angry, but he was hurt too. For her. She was still holding his hand, still squeezing it softly, and everything inside him ached.
“You weren’t dumb, Chloe.” His voice sounded rusty, like he hadn’t used it in a week.
Her head came up slowly, her liquid eyes searching his. Jesus he wanted to kiss her. Probably not the right time for it, though.
“The first time he hit me, I should have left. But he swore he wouldn’t do it again. Begged me to forgive him.” She dashed her fingers beneath her eyes. “It’s what they all say, right? Every single account you read about a battered woman and there’s this pattern the men follow. I always thought no way in hell would I put up with a guy who did that. The first time he hit me, I’d be out of there. But oh man, they are so good at making you believe them. At making you question just what you did to make it happen. You think it’s your fault and then you let them back in.”
She shook her head, her eyes closing. “I feel like such an idiot. I’ve never told anyone this, but it sounds just as bad when I say it aloud as it did in my head. I let a man hit me. And I stayed with him after the first time. I stayed until I was trapped and I couldn’t get out without running away.”
“You aren’t an idiot. You aren’t dumb. Men like that—they’re manipulative and smart. You aren’t the first woman to think she’d never fall victim to an abuser. I imagine most people in abusive relationships never thought it could happen to them either.”
Chloe leaned back on the couch and sighed. “By the time he hit me the first time, I was dealing with my sick mother and trying to keep my life together. Travis was so good to her. She loved him. Thought he was perfect. It would have broken her heart if I’d ended the relationship. I should have, though. I shouldn’t have accepted his excuses.”
“Hindsight is always 20/20, Chloe.” He squeezed her hand again. She hadn’t let go and he was encouraged by that. “It wasn’t your fault. You aren’t dumb. It’s time you stopped thinking those things. He hit you. He’s the one at fault.”
She sighed. “I know. It’s just so hard not to think about what I could have done differently. To blame myself for not acting sooner.”
“I think you did what you had to do. And I’m sorry he hit you. Really, truly sorry.” He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it. She didn’t flinch, didn’t try to stop him. “I get why you’re wary now—but hitting a woman is not something I would ever do. Okay, strike that—I would hit a woman in combat if we’re on equal footing. Enemy fighters coming for me, I’m doing what it takes to survive. But hitting a woman in any other circumstance? No, not happening.”
She was staring at him with a slightly surprised expression. “I don’t think I expected you to say that—the part where you would hit a woman, I mean. But thank you for being honest. And it makes perfect sense in that situation, of course.”
“We’re friends, Chloe. We already decided that—and that means I’m going to tell you the truth. I’m a warrior, and while I haven’t actually encountered a female enemy fighter yet, if I do, I’m treating her the same as I’d treat a male. That’s how I keep myself and my team alive.”
He hated discussing violence with her after what she’d said, but he also knew he had to make it clear that he had a difficult job to do. She might not like that after what she’d been through with Travis James, but he’d rather she figure it out now. He didn’t want to start something with her and then have her decide she couldn’t handle his life. It was always a danger, of course—but far better she know up front what she was dealing with.
“I understand. I already know you’re nothing like Travis.”
She smiled, and it nearly broke his heart. “You do? How?”
She shrugged. “Your friends. They said glowing things about you, and everyone was so happy together. Travis and his friends weren’t like that at all.”
“What if my friends are lying?”
“They aren’t. I spent five months around Travis and his so-called friends. Just a bunch of mean assholes like him who’re all convinced the government is coming to take away their guns, among other things. Yet another reason I should have avoided him—but he didn’t act like they did. He made it seem like he was a great friend because he wouldn’t cut them loose for believing crazy shit. Turned out he believed it too.”
“I’m glad you think well of me and my guys. We’re tight because our lives depend on it, but we’d be tight even without that. These guys—and the women too—are my soul brothers and sisters.”
“I don’t know what that’s like, but I know it’s special. I could tell just in those few hours with y’all.”
“You’ve got all of us at your back now, Chloe. There’s not a man or woman there who wouldn’t help you. I know you’re scared right now but I promise that I’m not letting anything happen. Neither are my guys. We’re going to find who left the threat and we’re going to make sure he understands that his life is about to be fucked up if he doesn’t leave you alone.”
“Thank you.”
“You said you didn’t think it was Travis because he’d force you to go with him instead of threaten you. Are you sure about that?”
She worried her lower lip between her teeth. His groin tightened. Damn he wanted to kiss her. “I thought I was. But I guess it’s possible he’d try to intimidate me first.”
“He and Pruitt are the most likely culprits. It could be one of the other two you mentioned, but it doesn’t seem likely. Most people who’re unstable enough to make threats do it when they’re still offended. And those two could have sent you messages at the salon instead of finding your new address months after the fact.”
“That makes sense. But they’re the only other possibilities. There is no one else.”
“How about I stay on the couch again tonight? That work for you?”
She was still nibbling her lip. Torturing him. “I should say no. You’d be more comfortable in your own bed, and you’d just be across the street if anything happened—but I have to admit I probably won’t sleep if I’m here alone.”
“Then I’m staying.”
Chloe shouldn’t be relieved that he offered to stay, but she was. She’d been trying to figure out how to ask him without seeming like she wanted to sleep with him, but she should have known that Ryan wouldn’t take it that far. At least not until she made it clear she wanted him to.
And she did want him to, but she was also scared about going too far too fast. She’d known him for two weeks. She liked him. He made her feel safe. But sex seemed as if it would change things between them too much. How could she do that when she was just starting to know him as a friend?
She’d never jumped into bed with anyone in her life, never wanted to—but Ryan made her want to.
It had taken Travis a month to get her there, and the first time she still hadn’t been certain. He’d pushed though, and she’d caved. She’d been too heartsick over Mama and she’d mistaken lust for comfort. She wasn’t making that mistake again.
“I gotta go back and get some things. Do you want to come with me? Or are you okay staying here for a few minutes?” Ryan asked.
“I think I’ll be okay. I have a gun, you know.”
He arched an eye
brow. “Do you? What kind?”
“It was my dad’s. It’s a .45 Colt revolver. I keep it loaded.”
“Damn, girl. How often do you shoot it?”
Chloe dropped her gaze. “Um, once. When I was sixteen.”
“Okay. Don’t take this the wrong way, babe, but you probably couldn’t hit your target if you were under stress. And you might end up getting hurt if you started shooting without a plan.”
“I don’t want to shoot it unless I have to.”
He scratched the back of his neck. “Well, you see, that’s a problem. You really need to know what you’re doing before you have to shoot it. But don’t worry, I’ll be your security tonight. And then I’m taking you to the range as soon as possible so we can get you up to speed, all right?”
He made her warm inside. “All right.”
“I’m going across the street. Don’t shoot anything, okay?”
“I won’t.”
“I’ll call you when I come back so you don’t draw down on me.”
Chloe rolled her eyes. “I’m not drawing down on you, Ryan. Promise.”
He went out the front door and she locked it behind him. Then she drew all the blinds and turned on the lights. She even turned on the exterior floodlights. There was nothing in the backyard, not even a raccoon. Chloe rubbed her arms to ward off a chill, then went into the bedroom and fished out a soft fleece jacket from one of the boxes. She slipped it on and returned to the living room, picking up her glass of wine and taking a sip.
Her phone rang and she jumped, squeaking in surprise. But it was Ryan. “Hey, coming back now. Don’t shoot.”
For some reason, he made her want to laugh. “I’m sorry I ever told you about the gun.”
“I’m not. Probably should have asked you the other night if you had a weapon, but I didn’t think of it.” There was a soft knock on the door. “It’s me.”
“Okay, bye.” She got up and opened the door. He was standing there with his phone still up to his ear.
“You hung up on me. I can’t believe you did that.”
Chloe did laugh this time. “You’re goofy.”
He grinned. “Sometimes.” He came inside and she locked the door behind him. He dropped his backpack on the floor beside the couch. “Can I see this weapon of yours?”
“Sure. I’ll get it.”
“How about I come with you?”
She frowned. “Are you nervous or something?”
“Chloe, you just told me you possess a loaded cannon and you don’t know how to use it. Yeah, it’s my job to be nervous about that.”
She rolled her eyes. “Fine. Come on.” He followed her into the bedroom and she motioned to the drawer in her bedside table. “It’s in there.”
He pulled the drawer open. Then he whistled as he reached in and took the gun out. “Now this is a beauty. Your dad had taste.”
“He did. He had some shotguns and rifles too, but Travis took those. Well, Mama gave them to him. But this one—I hid it so he couldn’t get ahold of it. It made me sick to think of him with my daddy’s favorite gun.”
Ryan opened the cylinder and unloaded the weapon. Then he clicked something and the cylinder came off. She gasped. “What did you do?”
He glanced at her. “You never saw your dad clean it? This is how you take it apart. It’s not broken.”
“Oh.” She shook her head. “I know I’m Southern and all, but no, I didn’t really learn to shoot or anything. I was a bit of a girly girl. I didn’t want to shoot. So Daddy made me do it when I was sixteen, but unfortunately I cried and complained and he didn’t take me again. I wish I’d gone with him as often as he wanted me to. I wish I’d learned how to nail a target dead center. Maybe I’d have shot Travis if I hadn’t been so scared I’d miss.”
Ryan came over and put an arm around her, pulled her in close to his side. “I’m sorry, Chloe. Sorry for everything you’ve been through—but I’m kinda glad you didn’t shoot Travis James. Even in Alabama, I think you’d have had a hard time convincing a jury you did it in self-defense. Not after dating him first.”
She put an arm around his waist. It was nice to stand so close to him. “You’re right. I know you are. But if he comes for me here, I want to know how to defend myself. Can you teach me that?”
He looked dead serious. “I can do that. But I’ll defend you for now. I’ve got years of practice—and I won’t freeze during a critical moment.”
“You’re saying I might.”
“You might, but that’s why we’re going to train.”
“When can we start?”
“As soon as you let me know your schedule. We’ll set something up. And if I’m gone, Miranda or Ivy can probably help out.”
Her stomach turned upside down. “Gone?”
“I’m a SEAL, Chloe. We go on missions. There’ll be times when Neo and I are gone, sometimes for weeks. We don’t have anything in the immediate future, but I’ll make sure Miranda and Ivy know just in case. I won’t leave you unprotected.”
Chloe lay her head against his side. “Thank you. So much. For everything.”
His voice was rough above her. “You’re welcome.”
He pressed his lips to the top of her head. A shiver raced through her as her body responded to that simple touch. She bit her lip—and then she tipped her head back to gaze up at him. His dark eyes flared with heat, but she knew he wouldn’t act on it. Not without a signal from her.
Her throat tightened. Her nipples budded into hard little points. Her pussy grew slick.
She wanted him to kiss her. So damned much. But she was scared. Scared this would get out of control and she’d make a mistake. Scared that he’d push her too far, not because he was a bad guy, but because she didn’t want to say no to him. Not after all he’d done for her.
His gaze fell to her mouth. Lingered. She felt his muscles tighten. Thought he was about to drop his mouth to hers.
But he didn’t. He let her go with a small smile. “Not until you’re ready, Chloe.”
“How do you know I’m not?”
His gaze dropped over her body. Her nipples. Heat flared in her cheeks. He met her gaze again. “Your body wants me. Your mind isn’t there yet. But I can wait, baby. I can wait because you’re worth it. And if your mind never gets there, well, I’ll be disappointed but I won’t stop being your friend. Okay?”
“You’re too good to be true,” she choked out.
“Nah, not really. I just know that if you do get there, it’s going to be fantastic. But you want to know something else?”
“What?”
“You’re going to get there, Chloe. I’m certain of it.”
Ten
Ryan lay back on the couch, hand behind his head, and scrolled through the news on his phone. He’d helped Chloe hook up her television, but he wasn’t in the mood to watch anything. They’d talked while unpacking some boxes, and he’d ordered a pizza because he wasn’t eating one of those Lean Cuisine things she’d said were so good. He’d even managed to get her to eat a slice, though she’d claimed she was full from that tiny frozen meal. But she’d taken a bite, cheese stretching into long strings that she’d had to hurry up and eat before it stuck to her chin. He swore he’d heard her moan as she did so.
“How do you eat this stuff and not get fat?” she’d asked.
He’d patted his belly. “I burn a helluva lot of calories every day. Training, missions, work outs. I could eat three pizzas and not gain weight.”
“I hate you,” she’d said, and then she’d laughed.
He liked her laugh. Liked the way her eyes gleamed as she giggled, the way her cheeks reddened and her mouth opened to reveal white teeth. She seemed so care free when she laughed. He got the idea she hadn’t done a lot of it over the past few months.
He’d asked about her job, about her hometown, about how she’d ended up in Maryland instead of anywhere else. He’d learned she had a cousin named Christopher Evans who worked in construction, and that he’d been th
e one who’d given her a place to stay when she got here.
There was Avery McCarthy, her boss over at Hair Affair, and JoJo Porter, the other stylist who worked with them. Chloe liked them both and enjoyed working with them. Avery had a boyfriend named Jimmy, and JoJo was single but looking.
They’d sat on the couch together and turned on her television to make sure her streaming services were working. She liked home shows and light comedy according to her lineup of shows. He’d selected one about people flipping houses and been surprised when she had definite opinions on how they were doing the work.
“Daddy was a construction manager for nearly thirty years. I picked up a thing or two,” she’d said when he’d asked.
“Seriously? I thought you said you were a girly girl?”
She’d shrugged. “I am—but I can tile a bathroom and knock out walls. Seemed like a useful skill to have.”
Chloe was full of surprises, apparently. When she’d started yawning, he’d suggested she go to bed. She kept swearing she wasn’t tired, but then she fell asleep slouched against him. About an hour later, she woke with a start.
“Think I’ll go to bed now,” she said.
That was nearly an hour ago and he’d been lying here since, thinking about the way she’d looked in her bedroom earlier with her nipples poking through her shirt and her mouth slack as she’d stared up at him. He could have kissed her then, and she’d have melted beneath his touch. At least for a few moments.
That was why he hadn’t done it. He wasn’t sure those few moments would last, and he didn’t want to push her into something she wasn’t ready for. He’d make it good for her, so damned good, but that wasn’t the point. Women got more emotional about sex than men did—well, than he did—and he didn’t want her to feel anything other than pleasure. No guilt, no regret.
HOT SEAL Hero: HOT SEAL Team - Book 7 Page 8