Monsters & Angels (Cate & Kian Book 7)

by Louise Hall

  When she stepped out of the bedroom, Nate was leaning on the wall opposite. “Is everything OK, Cate?” His pale-blue eyes were too knowing.

  It was going to be almost impossible to keep up this façade that everything was OK while Nate was living with them 24-7.

  “After I’ve taken the children to school, can we have a quick chat?”

  She felt horrible about what she was about to do. Nate had been with them since Cate was pregnant with Sierra and he’d helped her through one of the most difficult periods of her life when she’d suffered from prenatal depression.

  “Sure.”

  “Hi Cate,” Heidi greeted her warmly as they said goodbye to their children just outside the school gates. “What time should I pick Diego up tonight?”

  “Huh?” She’d been distracted worrying about Kian and thinking about what she was going to say to Nate.

  “Wow, you seriously need coffee this morning,” Heidi laughed. “I was just asking what time you wanted me to come and pick Diego up tonight? He and Mateo are having a play-date.”

  Cate winced. The very last thing she wanted was for anybody else to enter into the war zone that was their home at that moment.

  “Is there any way we can take a rain check?” Cate asked. “I’m really sorry but Kian was in a car accident. He’s OK but he only came home from the hospital yesterday.”

  “Oh my goodness,” Heidi gasped, “of course. Is there anything I can do?”

  Cate still felt bad about lying to her friend but it seemed that with every lie she told, it became a little easier.

  When she got back home, Kian was still asleep and Nate was in the kitchen making a fresh pot of coffee. “You want one?” he picked up a 2nd mug.

  “Yeah, that’d be great, thanks.”

  She took a seat at the kitchen counter. “I’ve been thinking…”

  “Uh oh, that doesn’t sound good,” Nate joked, trying to lighten the mood.

  Cate toyed with the eternity ring on her finger. She was angry with Kian for putting her in such an awkward position. She didn’t want to let go of Nate – he’d become more than just a nanny, he was a big part of their family – but she didn’t have any other choice. If she was going to get through this, she needed to know that when the children weren’t around, she didn’t have to put on her happy face and pretend that everything was OK.

  “Apart from the holidays, you haven’t used up any of your vacation time since you’ve been with us.”

  Nate looked really hurt. “Are you trying to get rid of me, Cate? Because if you are, I’d rather you just told me.”

  “No,” Cate said quickly, “we love you, Nate. You know that. But things are really difficult around here at the moment, with Kian’s accident and everything. I just think it might be best for all of us if you take some of that paid vacation time we owe you. You could spend more time with Eric or go back to Sacramento and see your family?”

  “Isn’t this when you’re supposed to need me the most? Between taking care of Kian and the children, you’re going to run yourself ragged, Cate. Why won’t you let me help you?”

  Cate looked up at him, “I need to do this, Nate. I can’t do it if you’re here all the time.”

  Nate seemed to understand what she wasn’t telling him. “OK,” he nodded. She was so grateful that he wasn’t making this even more difficult. “How long do you need me gone?”

  “I don’t know,” Cate answered honestly. “A month, maybe?” Could their family really be fixed in just four weeks? “We’ll, um… pay for your accommodation expenses too.” She felt really bad that she was basically kicking him out of the house.

  “Oh, Cate,” Nate sighed. He tugged her into his arms. Even though she was being a total bitch to him, he was still trying to comfort her.

  Later on that afternoon, Cate went and sat on the wooden swing on the back porch. Nate was upstairs packing up his things. He’d decided to go and visit his family in Sacramento for a few days.

  It was really freaking stupid because he was their nanny and it had been Cate who’d asked him to leave but she really couldn’t watch him walk out the door.

  She looked up at the roof of the porch. When she’d gone upstairs to give Kian a fresh ice pack for his ribs, he’d been sat in the same chair as yesterday looking out at Puget Sound. Their bedroom was right above the porch and she wondered if he was sat there right now, looking out at the same view she was?

  Her phone suddenly rang, bouncing up and down on the cushions, making her jump.

  “Cate?” It was Sara. She’d been one of Cate’s fellow WAGS when Kian had played for Manchester Rovers in the Premier League back home in England. Sara and her husband, Yoakey, lived in Australia now with their two children, Noah and Alicia.

  Cate quickly put on her happy voice. “Hey, what time is it over there? It’s either really early or really late. I can never remember which.”

  “I’m not in Melbourne, hun. I’m in Manchester. Yoakey and I came back for Liam Barrett’s funeral. I really thought that you and Kian would be here.”

  “His funeral?” Cate gasped. “Oh my goodness, I didn’t even know that he’d passed away.” Liam had been one of Kian’s team-mates at the Rovers Academy. He’d suffered a serious leg injury when he was fifteen and so even though he’d had a lot of potential, he hadn’t made the step up to the 1st team at Rovers and after a couple of seasons in the reserves, he’d been transferred to West Ham, which was where Yoakey had started his career.

  “If we’d known, we definitely would have been there.” Kian and Liam had grown up together – he’d been Liam’s captain on the youth teams at Rovers. “Will you please pass on our condolences to his family?”

  “That’s strange,” Sara’s voice was harsh, “because Yoakey said he called to let Kian know about it last week.”

  Another jigsaw puzzle fell into place. “When exactly did he talk to Kian?”

  “It was February 14th; it must have been about 5pm because I remember I was helping Noah with his History homework.”

  “I promise I really didn’t know, Sara,” Cate insisted. “Have you got his mum’s address, I’d like to send flowers.”

  After they’d hung up – Sara had promised to text Cate with Liam’s mum’s address – Cate did a quick calculation on her phone. If it was 5pm on Valentine’s Day in Australia, it was about 10pm on February 13th here in Seattle. That must have been the call Kian took during their pre-Valentine’s Day meal at Labyrinth.

  But why didn’t he tell her that Liam had died?

  She typed Liam’s name into Google and scrolled through the news stories about his death. He’d never married and had been living on his own when he’d jumped to his death from the balcony of his apartment in Salford Quays. After leaving Rovers, he’d spent a couple of seasons at West Ham and after that he’d dropped down the leagues, playing a couple of seasons each in the Championship, League One and Two, the Conference and then the last couple of seasons with a semi-professional side in Sheffield.

  Was that why Kian was so upset? Did he believe that he’d let him down in some way? But as far as Cate knew, they’d drifted apart when Liam left Rovers and joined West Ham.

  Apparently, Liam had left a note behind but the contents weren’t being disclosed to the media because of an ongoing police investigation.

  She switched off her phone and walked upstairs. She needed to talk to Kian.

  “Stupid fucking thing,” he tossed the bottle of pain pills onto the bed.

  Cate popped open the cap and handed him a couple of tablets. “I just talked to Sara,” she said quietly. He was still healing and she didn’t want to make him angry. “She told me about Liam.”

  Kian’s head spun around so fast, “what did she tell you?” He looked really panicked.

  “She and Yoakey went to the funeral today. She wanted to know why we weren’t there.”

  She sat down on the end of the bed and clasped her hands together. “I want to send his mum some flowers.”
<
br />   “I don’t want you getting involved in this, Cate.”

  Cate looked up at him in surprise, “I’m not getting involved in anything, Kian. But that poor lady has just lost her son. I want to do something nice for her. I feel bad that we didn’t go to the funeral. You were his captain at Rovers.”

  “So fucking what?” Kian snarled.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Cate asked. “Is it because you feel responsible somehow?”

  “What?” Kian raged and Cate was really scared that he was going to make his injuries worse.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered, “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  “I haven’t seen Barrett for nearly 20 fucking years, Cate. Why the fuck would I be responsible for him jumping off a balcony and killing himself?”

  “I didn’t say that I thought you were responsible for his death. I don’t. I just thought that you might be feeling like that. I know you were his captain on the youth teams at Rovers and you took that role very seriously, that’s all.”

  “Yeah, well I’m not.” He turned his back on her, looking at the Sound again. “Fuck off and leave me alone.”

  Cate stood up, “I love you but sometimes like right now, I really hate you.”

  “I wanted to stay at a hotel. You were the one who insisted I come back here.”

  “Maybe I made a mistake,” she muttered under her breath, turning to leave the room.

  “I don’t want my fucking name on those flowers, Cate.”

  “Where’s Uncle Nate?” Sierra asked as she clambered into the back of the car that afternoon.

  “He’s having a holiday, sweetheart.”

  Mateo climbed in next to his sister, “why did you cancel my play-date with Diego?”

  “Your Dad’s only just back from the hospital, Mats,” Cate sighed. “We’ll reschedule it for a couple of weeks, OK?”

  Mats looked around, “I thought Uncle Nate picked us up from school on Wednesdays?”

  “He’s gone on holiday,” Sierra explained.

  “But when will he be back?” Mats asked. “He said he’d help me with my Geography project this weekend. It’s due on Tuesday.”

  “I can help you with that,” Cate tried to avoid the question of how long Nate would be gone.

  “But I don’t want you to help me with it,” Mats pouted, “I want Uncle Nate.”

  “Yes, well,” Cate snapped. She felt like a rubber band which had been stretched way too thin. “We can’t always get what we want.”

  “Where are we going?” Mats leaned forward. “You missed the turning back there.”

  “No, I didn’t,” Cate insisted. “We’re going to Lola’s school.”

  “But Lola gets the bus home from school with Luke,” Sierra said.

  “Yeah but that was before she said a bad word to me this morning and got grounded for two weeks.”

  “She’s not going to like that,” Sierra giggled.

  “Ugh, Mum,” Lola opened the passenger door. “What are you doing here?”

  “I’m picking you up from school, baby girl,” Cate plastered a fake smile on her face. “Did you have fun at school today?”

  “I’m not your baby girl,” Lola said through gritted teeth. She slung her backpack into the foot well, “and I don’t need you to pick me up, I get the bus home with my friends.”

  “Correction, you used to get the bus home with your friends. That was when I thought that you were mature enough that you didn’t need your mummy to come and pick you up from school every day but after your behaviour this morning, I’ve changed my mind. If you want to act like a spoiled child, I’m going to treat you like one. So I’ll ask you again. Did you have fun at school today?”

  “Nate will let me get the bus,” Lola grumbled.

  “Uncle Nate has gone on holiday,” Sierra interjected from the backseat.

  “What?” Lola roared.

  “It’s just a holiday, Lo. You don’t need to look as if your eyes are going to pop out of your head.”

  “Mats,” Sierra nudged her brother, “look at Lola, her face is bright red.”

  “Sierra,” Cate locked eyes with her youngest daughter through the rear-view mirror. “You’re not helping. Leave your sister alone.”

  Lola slumped back against the seat, “this family is seriously whacked.”

  Cate was just finishing drying the dishes when Kian came into the kitchen, looking for a fresh ice pack for his ribs.

  “I’m thinking we should get a parrot,” she said without looking at him.

  It was such a random comment that it stopped Kian thinking about the pain in his ribs for a second. It had been fucking exhausting playing happy families for the last couple of hours in front of the children.

  “Yeah,” she continued, “today I’ve been told to eff off by both my husband and my eldest daughter. I think the reason that it hurt so much is because it was so shocking to me.”

  Kian reached out to touch her shoulder but she shrugged him away. “If we got a parrot, I could train it to tell me to eff off every day and then I’d slowly become desensitised to it.”

  “You shouldn’t have to get used to something like that,” Kian said softly. As much as he might want to push her away, he couldn’t ignore her pain. “I’m sorry, angel.”

  “Don’t,” Cate moved away from him, “don’t call me that. My husband calls me that.”

  “Do you want me to talk to Lola?”

  “That’s just perfect,” Cate laughed bitterly. When she turned around, he could see the tears trickling down her cheeks. “No, I don’t want you to talk to Lola. I want you to talk to me. I want you to tell me why I found you unconscious and bleeding in an alleyway on Monday night.”

  “I knew it!” They both spun around to see Lola stood in the doorway to the kitchen. She looked so young and yet so horribly grown up both at the same time. “You weren’t in L.A. last weekend and you weren’t in a car accident, were you, Dad?”

  Kian took a step towards his daughter, “Lola, please…”

  “What’s the point?” Lola threw her hands up in the air. “You’re just going to lie to me again, aren’t you? I hate you, both of you.”

  She ran upstairs and slammed her bedroom door.

  Cate sank down to the kitchen floor, her tired, aching limbs couldn’t keep her upright any longer.

  Kian noticed a notebook lying open on the kitchen counter. She’d been trying to work out what she wanted to say on the card which would go with the flowers she was sending to Liam’s family. Even though he’d asked her not to, she’d included Kian’s name at the bottom.

  “What’s this?” he demanded angrily, tearing the top sheet from the notebook.

  Cate didn’t answer.

  “I told you not to put my name on the fucking card, Cate.”

  “What am I supposed to do? He was your friend. It will look bad if your name isn’t on there.”

  “Then don’t send the fucking flowers.” Kian ripped up the sheet of paper and tossed the tiny shreds on the floor around Cate.

  Cate dragged herself up off the floor and after she’d cleaned up the mess Kian had made, she went upstairs to talk to Lola.

  Her bedroom door was closed. “Sweetheart,” she gently rapped her knuckles against the wood. “Can I come in? I need to talk to you.”

  There was no answer. She knocked again, a little harder this time. “Lola?” She pressed her ear to the door but she couldn’t hear anything.

  She tried the handle and it wasn’t locked. It looked like Lola was asleep and Cate was about to close the door again when she noticed that the curtains hadn’t been closed. Her daughter always closed the curtains in her bedroom before she went to sleep because she said the early morning sunlight woke her up.

  She tiptoed across to the bed. When she gently placed her hand on the covers, it sank down almost as if she was pushing down on a cushion? Her breath stuck in her throat but she forced herself to peel back the duvet and when she looked underneath, her worst fear
s were confirmed. Lola wasn’t there. It was just a row of pillows designed to look like a sleeping body.

  “Kian?” Cate yelled.

  “What is it?” he clutched his side. He’d been brooding in his office but he’d run up the stairs as soon as he’d heard Cate’s scream.

  She turned to him and she was ghostly-white. She gestured towards the bed, “Lola’s gone.”

  “It’s OK,” he put a hand on her shoulder. “We’ll find her. She can’t have gone far.”

  He led Cate out into the hallway. Mateo and Sierra must have heard her yelling because they were both stood in the doorways of their bedrooms. “Mommy, what’s wrong?” Sierra asked, her bottom lip quivering.

  “Nothing’s wrong, baby girl,” Kian tried to reassure her. “Have you seen your sister?”

  Sierra shook her head, “not since dinner.”

  “OK,” he walked her back into her bedroom, “let’s get you back to bed.”

  “Where’s Nate?” he asked Cate. She’d been searching the rooms upstairs.

  “He’s…” she looked over at Mateo, who was still watching them. “He’s on holiday.”

  While Kian struggled to reassure Mateo that everything was OK, Cate frantically checked each of the rooms downstairs but Lola wasn’t there either.

  She ran out into the back garden, calling her daughter’s name. Puget Sound looked so black and ominous that night.

  “Cate, is that you?” Eric had come out on to his back porch. “Is everything OK?”

  “Lola’s missing,” she gasped.

  “I’ll ask Luke if he knows anything,” Eric promised.

  While she waited for Eric to come back, Kian said that he’d checked with the guard’s station and a taxi had stopped in front of the house about an hour ago. “What the hell were they thinking?” she yelled, “picking up a young girl on her own like that. Did you get the name of the taxi company?”

  Kian gestured to his phone, “I’m already on it, angel.”

  While he walked to the end of the garden to talk to the taxi company, Cate hugged her arms tightly across her chest. Her little girl could almost be in the city by now.