But Killian’s kisses ignited every spark of passion I had buried away. I pushed all thoughts of my ex out of my mind as he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his embrace.
After a moment, we came up for air, my heart beating a mile a minute. I looked into his eyes—he wasn’t much taller than I was—and he smiled.
“I’ve wanted to do that since the first night we met,” he said. “There’s something about you, January Jaxson—something that…feels so right.” And then, he kissed me again.
The second time we pulled apart, he reached up and stroked a loose strand of hair out of my eyes. “You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful, and witty, and I love the way you smile.” He bopped me on the nose. “And you’re hungry—and so am I. Let’s eat.”
As he slowly let go of me, my mind was reeling. It felt like years since any man had looked at me the way Killian was.
“I… I’m not sure what to say,” I managed to stammer out. I almost blurted out a “Thank you,” but thank gods, I caught myself before I did.
“How about, Would you like some pizza, Killian? To which I would answer, Yes, please.”
If Ellison had said something like that to me, he would have been mocking me, but Killian was laughing, and there was nothing sarcastic about it. He was teasing me. I swatted him lightly on the arm.
“If you’re hungry, get a plate. You don’t have to stand on ceremony,” I added. I pointed to the cupboard.
He pulled out two plates, handing one to me. We loaded up on pizza and carried our food and wine over to the table, where he sat down kitty-corner from me, close enough to take my hand, yet still able to see me without turning his head.
I wasn’t sure what to say. The kisses had been wonderful, and I wanted him to know that. I didn’t want to leave him wondering. But how did you say that, especially to a man you barely knew? How did you approach the subject? “Hey, plant your lips on me again” seemed a bit too casual, even though it was what I was thinking.
Actually, if I admitted it to myself, I was already beyond the kissing stage in my thoughts. I was thinking about how his hands would feel on my body, how he would feel pressed up against me, with both of us very naked. But I didn’t want to say that, either.
So I settled for, “I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while, too.” It felt almost too coy, but I meant it. And it was a way to break the ice. Kissing someone new was a huge move for me, given I’d been married eighteen years.
“I thought I felt a spark between us,” he said. “At least, I was hoping I did—because I’ve been sparking around you for a while.”
I grinned. “Ever see Hotel Transylvania?” The movie was one of my favorites.
He laughed, knowing the reference. “So, did we zing?” And that answered that.
I nodded. “I think…so. I only know that you’re the first man I’ve kissed since I left Ellison, and for eighteen years, he was the only one I kissed—at least with tongue. The group we hung out with did a lot of air kissing, but that’s more of a social nicety than anything.” I paused. “Do you mind if I ask you some questions?”
He shrugged, biting into another piece of pizza. “Go right ahead.”
“Have you ever been married?” I hated that I wanted to grill him now, but I needed to know what I was walking into before I allowed myself to go any further. Maybe he just wanted a casual affair, or maybe he was a serial monogamist. I couldn’t let myself get too wrapped up in daydreams until I knew the playing field.
He shook his head. “No, actually. I came close, once, but I couldn’t go through with it. I didn’t love her the way she loved me, and I only asked her to marry me because…I thought I should be married, and my parents were pressuring me, and she was pressuring me. I regret ever proposing—I hate letting people down. But I was a lot younger and more easily manipulated.”
“What was her name?”
“Brindle, actually. Her parents were horse freaks. She was also a wolf shifter, but her pack was very strict on how members were allowed to date. Her mother acted as a chaperone until we were engaged. Only then was she allowed to date me without having her mother or her brother around.” He grimaced. “I can’t begin to tell you the shit that hit the fan when I broke our engagement. I’m glad I didn’t sleep with her, or it would have led to a shotgun wedding.”
I snorted. “Do those still exist?”
“You’d better believe it, though this was quite awhile ago. I’m a lot older than you are.”
I cocked my head. “I’m going on forty-one next month. I’m not a spring chicken.”
“I’m a shifter—we’re longer-lived, remember? I’m 120. I was engaged to Brindle back in the late 1960s. Since then, I’ve only dated. And yes, I’ve dated a lot and had several serious relationships, but I never again proposed. While I’ve been in love several times…well…I’ve never found someone who made me fall so hard that I couldn’t think of being without them. And usually, they moved on before I did.”
I nodded, wondering if he was averse to the thought of marriage. Immediately, I felt conflicted. I was averse to the thought of marrying again. I’d told Ari that. But now I wondered how much of that was because of Ellison, and how much of that was just because of the way I felt about marriage in general. My thoughts were spinning as I bit into my slice of pizza.
“Next question?” he asked, his eyes still gleaming.
I swallowed the pepperoni and cheese, giving myself time to think. “When was the last time you were seriously involved with anybody?”
He shrugged. “Two years ago. We broke up near the holidays, actually, two years back. Or rather, she broke up with me, and before you ask why, it’s because I wouldn’t ask her to marry me. I cared about her a lot, but I learned my lesson. We had been going out for three years, and I wanted to fall in love with her, but it just wasn’t happening. I never told her I loved her—and no woman wants to hear ‘I care about you’ after three years. So when she gave me an ultimatum—either we get engaged or she walked—I let her go. I didn’t blame her. I’ve barely dated the past two years. I just decided to put my head down and focus on work.”
I nodded. That made sense, and at least he hadn’t strung her along. I finished the slice and reached for another. “Do you have a specific type you go for?”
He laughed. “Yeah. I do. I go for the type of woman who makes me laugh, who makes me feel at ease, and who’s smart as a whip.”
I snorted. “Okay, smart ass. Actually, I can’t picture you with a bimbo. I meant…”
“Physically? I usually find myself attracted to tall women, though I’ve dated women of all heights. I like my women with some meat on their bones. I like…curves,” he added, grinning impishly. “Do you need me to be more specific?” he asked, his gaze flickering down to my chest.
“Apparently not.” I leaned back in my chair, slowly eating my way through two more pieces of pizza as we sat there in silence. Finally, I asked, “What about you? Any questions?”
“Why did you marry Ellison?”
I shrugged. “I was in love. He asked me. It was…what you did when you were in love. And…” I smiled, “there was the kitten.”
“Kitten?”
“Ellison and I both went to Western Washington University. We were walking along the path and all of a sudden, we heard a mewing. I looked up in a nearby tree, and there was a kitten stuck there, on a branch too high to reach. The poor baby was cold and hungry—I have a special connection with cats, they’re my familiar animal. Anyway, I couldn’t reach it. Nobody else seemed to give a fuck, and Ellison saw how upset I was. He climbed up in the tree, snagging his new pants, to catch the kitten. I tried but even back then, I wasn’t all that athletic.”
Killian smiled, reaching out to take my hand. “What happened to the kitten?”
“I wanted to keep it, but Ellison told me he was allergic. We found a home for it. I didn’t find out till some years later, after we were married, that he had lied. He wasn’t allergic to cats—he just d
idn’t like them. He only rescued the kitten to win points with me. But regardless of that fact, he saved the kitten’s life. I guess that counts for something. Anyway, it made up my mind. He had already proposed and I was thinking it over.”
“When did you get married?”
“The day after we both graduated. We got married in Bellingham, where his parents live, and then moved to Seattle. We were so full of dreams. I was already daydreaming about starting an arts journal. We scraped and scrimped the first few years, but we were happy back then. Except for me wanting a cat and Ellison refusing—by then I knew he wasn’t really allergic. But then as time went on and we started the magazine, well…things changed.” I shook my head. “Sometimes success builds character, and other times it reveals character.”
“And with Ellison—it revealed his true nature?”
I nodded. It had revealed it, all right. “We were heavily involved in the Seattle art and theater scene. Our magazine took off. We started going to cocktail parties and fundraisers and dinner parties that were actual sit-down affairs instead of hors d’oeuvres. Ellison grew to love that world and I grew to loathe it. I hated making small talk and doing the air-kiss thang, and…you know.” I licked my fingers and dabbed at my lips with a napkin. “I didn’t fit in. I fit in when we were younger and we hung out with other bohemian types, sharing poems and drinking wine and eating chips. But that only lasted a few years.”
Killian leaned close, searching my eyes. “You’re not a socialite by nature.”
“No, I’m not,” I whispered, staring into those dazzling pools of green. “I can manage a formal party and even enjoy it now and then, but week after week of unending snarkiness hidden beneath an oh-so-genteel demeanor? I can’t do it.” I was barely breathing as he moved in, wrapping me in his arms again.
I moaned, softly, as his lips explored mine. He slid his hands beneath my sweater, his fingers gliding up my back. I could feel his desire as the heat between us continued to build. All I could think about was how much I wanted him, about how much I needed a man’s touch—a man who wanted me, a man who needed me.
He tugged me out of my chair, bringing me over to straddle his lap. Now I was looking him directly in the eye, and I could feel how much he wanted me—how hard he was against me. My stomach was in knots as I took the initiative, going in for another kiss, and yet another.
Moments later, I broke away, dizzy with lust. “I would ask you to stay, but I’m exhausted,” I said. I wanted him in my bed, but my body was giving me the signal that if I didn’t get to bed, I’d end up with a migraine.
“We have time enough for that,” he said, stroking my hair back as he kissed me again, this time on the cheek. “I’d love to stay, but you’ve already had one hell of a day.”
I reluctantly slid off his lap, wondering if this was actually happening. Had I really just made out with my new neighbor, who happened to be a gorgeous wolf shifter? And where was this leading? But those questions would keep for another day.
“I’ll walk you out,” I said, feeling disappointment that he hadn’t pressed me to stay. And yet, I was relieved that he hadn’t once overstepped the line.
I boxed up one of the pizzas for him. “Take this—you can snack on it tomorrow.”
“You have to go into work?” he asked.
“Oh, yes. I need to be there by nine.” I looped my arm through his.
“That’s pretty,” he said, pointing to the dining room table as we passed by.
I glanced at the rose. Once again, it was glowing, and I thought I could hear the faint tinkling of teacups and the thinly veiled sound of laughter. The Ladies seemed to approve of him, and that—I suspected—meant a great deal.
“That’s…from a relative,” I said. “I’ll explain later.”
As he headed down the sidewalk back to his house, I glanced up at the sky. The storm had broken and we could see the stars glistening through the diminishing clouds, icy studs against the black of night. I shivered, folding my arms over my chest. Everything felt pristine, like a frozen world—so incredibly beautiful. And yet, below that beauty, I knew only too well that danger was waiting, and that tomorrow I’d be back facing an enemy that scared the hell out of me.
But we’re here now, Esmara’s voice echoed in the back of my mind. And now that we’ve summoned you, your life will change, and you’ll learn to cope with both fear—and joy. Because the two often come married together, and you can’t find your joy if you let the fear stop you.
With that, I waved at Killian one last time as he vanished into his house, and I turned back inside, feeling oddly content in a way that I hadn’t for years.
Chapter Fifteen
I had nightmares of creatures chasing me, and I could hear Tad screaming, and then everything felt muffled, and then I sensed Esmara there, soothing my nerves. I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep for the rest of the night.
When I woke, the sun was shining, though a quick check of the weather app told me it was twenty-six degrees out. Old man winter wasn’t kidding around this year.
I hopped out of bed and suddenly remembered Killian, and I began to blush as I remembered how he had kissed me. Warmth flooded my body as I headed to the shower and, even though I was in a hurry, I took some me-time to relieve the pressure that I was feeling. I brought out my friend, Mr. Big-D—what I called my very pink, very robust waterproof vibrator—and we had a high old time together. Feeling rosy cheeked and glowing, I dried my hair, put on my makeup, and then, I paused, staring at myself in the mirror.
I had big boobs and gravity wasn’t being all that kind to them. There was a perkiness that came with youth, and that ship had long sailed. But I gently rubbed my hands across my breasts, stroking the smooth skin, thinking about Killian. I was about to take a second round with Mr. Big-D when my phone beeped. Someone was texting me. Sighing, I glanced at the screen, and immediately grinned.
i loved the preview i got last night. hoping for more than kisses soon. xoxo killian.
Grinning, I texted back, you’ll just have to wait! but i want more than kisses, too.
I had no sooner texted him back than a text from Caitlin came through. meet me at the office. tad called me this morning.
will be there asap. dressing now, I texted back.
Throwing myself into high gear, I dressed in jeans and yet another V-neck sweater—I had them in a few different colors, I liked the style so much—and then pulled on ankle boots that had skid-proof rubber soles. I dashed downstairs, grabbed my purse and coat, and headed out the door.
Ten minutes later, I was pulling out of the drive-thru espresso stand with a triple-shot latte, a sausage muffin, and a bag of peppermint brownies. Another five minutes and I arrived at Conjure Ink. Caitlin was waiting for me, her own latte in hand. She was sitting at the table where we brainstormed.
“Hey, sorry it took me so long. I slept in,” I said.
“Something about you looks different today,” Caitlin said, squinting at me. “You’re positively springy.”
I suppressed the urge to tell her Killian had kissed me—I’d save that for Ari—but just shrugged and slid into a chair. “I feel good. You said Tad called you?”
“Yeah. He definitely wants us to call Rowan Firesong. He says that there’s no way we can handle clearing this out without her help, and if she says it’s a no-go, then we tell the developers to nix the idea, and we’ll talk to the cops about cordoning off the place.”
“I wonder if that creature can grow. I mean, can it absorb more land? Maybe Rowan can tell us.” I pulled out the card from my purse. “Did Tad say when he’s getting out of the hospital?”
“Today. He insists on coming to work this afternoon. Hank’s going to be fine, by the way, and he should be here, too. They’re lucky, though. They could both have ended up as dead as Arabella if we had waited much longer.” She frowned, shaking her head. “I vote to just forget about it. But Tad’s determined to see if there’s anything we can do.”
I paused,
about to punch in Rowan’s number. “Caitlin…” I wanted to ask if she had talked to Tad about her feelings, but when I glanced up, she was giving me a wary look, and I could tell she wasn’t ready to talk about the matter.
“What?” she asked, her voice flat.
“Nothing, never mind.” I went back to calling Rowan.
“Hello?” The woman’s voice was gravelly, and she answered on the second ring.
“Hi, my name’s January Jaxson and I work for Conjure Ink,” I said. “Is this Rowan Firesong?”
“Yes, this is she. What can I do for you?”
“I got your number from Dr. Fairsight. She recommended you for a problem we’ve stumbled over.” I paused, wondering how to dive into the whole mess.
“Oh?”
“Would you mind coming down to our office? It would be so much simpler to explain the problem in person,” I said.
She laughed. “You want my help? You come to me. I can see you in an hour—at eleven. 3854 Whitehorse Road. I’ll see you then.” And with that, she hung up.
I stared at my phone, blinking. “Well. We apparently go to see her. She’ll see us at eleven. Where’s Whitehorse Road?”
“Let me pull it up,” Caitlin said. “It doesn’t really jog my memory either.” She typed in the address onto Map-Finder and boom, there it was. Rowan lived less than ten blocks from here, on a small side road. “We can be there in five minutes.”
I glanced outside. The sky had clouded over and it looked like snow was on the menu again. “I’d give it ten, at least. If it starts to snow, the roads are going to get very slick, very fast.”
“I hope the snow doesn’t go away before the carnival,” Caitlin said. “Though I have to admit, I’m not that excited over the dance.”
“You’ll be going with your fiancé, correct?”
She nodded, then set her coffee down and stared at me. “Can I tell you something?”
I glanced over at Tad’s desk. “I know about your feelings for Tad.”
She blushed. “How did you find out?”
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