by Sharon Dunn
“I’m so sorry I didn’t stay in touch after she died. You just get busy with life and you lose sight of what matters.” A moment of silence passed, as though Elizabeth were processing an abundance of memories. A laugh escaped her lips. “I’ll tell you one thing. Your mother was a wild one in high school.”
The revelation surprised Julia. “Dad never said anything about that.”
“William met Hannah after she calmed down and found the Lord.”
Elizabeth let out a sigh. “Your mother loved to dive off high cliffs into deep water. She loved horses. I had such a hard time keeping up with her when we went horseback riding.”
“My mom rode horses?”
“Child, your mother was a champion barrel racer.”
This was a side of her mother that Julia knew nothing about.
“You know, I think I still have some of the photographs from high school in our store room. It wouldn’t take me but a minute to find them.” Elizabeth stood up.
“I’d like that.” Her curiosity piqued, the trepidation she had felt about learning more about her mother was gone.
Elizabeth pulled herself out of the springs. “You’re going to want to get out in a few minutes to cool down. We can look at the photos then. I’ll go find them.” She grabbed her robe and walked to the sliding glass door.
Julia closed her eyes and rested her head against the back of the pool. She could hear the water from the underground spring feeding into the pool and the creaking of the trees as the wind stirred. When she opened her eyes, the fog on the water’s surface made it hard to see even a foot in front of her. Her heart beat a little faster. Gavin probably wouldn’t be happy to know she was out here by herself. Elizabeth had only left for a minute.
Julia dove under, allowing the warm water to envelope her. She came up on the other side of the pool. She thought she heard something that sounded like a footstep. She turned, unable to see more than a few inches in front of her through the fog. She wasn’t even sure what direction the sound had come from. She had the sensation that someone was watching her.
She shook her head. She just wasn’t used to being alone like this: that was why she was panicked. Unbidden, images crashed through her mind. The memory of being shoved into a dark, small cubbyhole, of the door slamming and locking, invaded her thoughts. Elijah would leave her in there for hours until she heard the bolt slide and saw the pinhole light from a flashlight. Then Marlena would finally gather her into her arms.
Still unable to shake off the anxiety the vivid memories produced, Julia turned a half circle in the pool as the water rippled around her. She still couldn’t see much through the fog. She swam to the edge and pulled herself out.
She stared into the empty lobby. Where was Elizabeth? Something crashed to the ground behind her. Her heart raced. Unable to detect what had made the noise, she whirled around. She turned to go back into the lodge and crashed into hard muscle. She screamed.
She took a step back and looked up. “Gavin.”
He gripped her forearms, steadying her. “What’s going on? Where is Elizabeth? What are you doing out here alone?”
“Don’t be mad at her. She just went inside…to…to find some photos.” She turned sideways. A brick had fallen from the unfinished wall. That was the crashing noise she had heard. “We thought it would be better if we let you sleep.”
He cupped a hand on her bare shoulder. “You’re shaking. What happened?”
It was just so easy for her to fall back into a fearful place. She skirted past him. “Nothing, nothing.”
He grabbed her arm. “Something is going on.” He squared his shoulders, taking on that protective stance. “Did you hear something out here? Maybe I should check the perimeter.”
“No, it was just my imagination.” And that was the problem; the smallest thing triggered the memories of confinement. After two years of work with the counselor, she thought she was past this. She’d been lying to herself. Elijah would have a hold on her no matter what. He would be in her head forever.
He moved back toward her. “I can see you’re upset. If there was no one out there, what is it?”
She couldn’t bring herself to tell him. Here she had pushed so hard to be alone, to not feel as though she was under guard all the time, and it was obvious that she wasn’t ready for that. She couldn’t handle being alone. Normal would never happen.
Elizabeth emerged from a side room, holding a stack of photo albums. “What’s going on?”
Julia’s throat felt tight. They wouldn’t understand. “You’ll have to excuse me.” She ran up the stairs into her room and slumped down on the floor. For the first time since the trial date had been set, she began to doubt if she could face Elijah. She’d been driven by a desire to find justice for Marlena, and now she wasn’t sure she could do that. A sense of hopelessness filled her. Julia ran her hands through her short, red hair. She was dripping water everywhere.
She rose to her feet and grabbed a towel from the bath.
Someone rapped gently on the door. “Julia, it’s Gavin. If you want to go back out in the pool, I’d be glad to sit out there with you.”
She didn’t want to face Gavin after all her talk about wanting to be free of the constant watch. “No, I think I’ll—” She turned slightly and noticed the perfume on the dresser. As she walked over to it, her heart swelled with affection and her mood elevated. It was the perfume she had intended to buy at the department store. She picked up the bottle and swung the door open. “Did you…?”
“I asked Elizabeth to go into town and get it for you.”
Overwhelmed with gratitude and forgetting that she was dripping wet, she reached up and hugged his neck. “Thank you.” He had understood how much it meant to her.
At first, his arms wrapped around her waist and he welcomed the hug, but then he stepped back and lifted her arms off his shoulders. As he studied her, his Adam’s apple moved up and down. “I know it’s not quite the same thing as buying it yourself, but I thought maybe it would give you hope…about the future.”
The tone of his voice was all business, and she knew she had made a mistake in gushing over the gift. His kindness had so moved her that once again, she had blundered. She hadn’t read the signals he gave her clearly. “I’m glad that both you and Elizabeth did that for me.” Her cheeks flushed, and she struggled to keep the hurt out of her voice.
“Are you sure you don’t want to get back in the pool?” Gavin asked. “I would be happy to stand watch.”
Of course—standing watch was his job. “No, I think I’ll just study for a while and turn in early.” The embarrassment she felt was so intense, she just needed to hide. She slipped back into the room and closed the door, then leaned against it, staring at the ceiling and taking in gulps of air. Though she resisted it, the tears rimmed again. She needed to do something to beat back the encroaching despair. She wasn’t moving forward in her life. She couldn’t be alone without Elijah getting into her head and paralyzing her. Gavin probably thought she acted like a teenager.
Julia spent several hours doing practice tests, and then she read a book she’d found in Elizabeth’s library. By the time she crawled into bed, it was after nine. She was bone weary and her leg still hurt a little.
She lay in bed staring at the ceiling. Outside her door, she heard Gavin scoot his chair across the floor. The embarrassment she felt over her impulsive hug made it hard to keep her voice neutral. “Good night, Gavin.”
“Night. Big day tomorrow. We’ll drive over to Billings for the trial prep with the lawyers.”
“I know.” She fought to keep her voice steady as apprehension invaded her thoughts. The plan to meet the lawyers at a larger hotel had been set up the minute a trial date was established, long before they had decided to move her to the hot springs. She squeezed her eyes shut. Could she even do this?
The next morning, Julia went through the motions of getting ready—putting on slacks and a blouse, applying makeup, yet all the time feeling
numb. As if the only way she could face this was to pretend as though it wasn’t happening. She’d had dreams the night before about seeing Elijah’s sneering face in a crowd.
She gripped her chest where it felt tight and then took in a deep breath. She had to do this. She had to find the strength.
Help me, Lord.
She looked up at the auburn-headed woman in the mirror. Sunset red made her pale skin look even more porcelain. She darkened her eyeliner and intensified the brows. That was a little better. She picked up the perfume bottle and sprayed some on her wrists and behind her ears.
When she came down the stairs, Gavin was waiting for her at the bottom. He wore a T-shirt, leather jacket and khakis with the big pockets in the legs. He held up a plastic container. “Elizabeth made us some food for the road.”
“That was nice of her.” The photo albums Elizabeth had dug up rested on one of the couches in the lobby. They’d have to go through them another time.
He leaned toward her as concern washed over his face. “You doing okay?”
She nodded and managed a plastic smile. What a liar she was. She couldn’t burden him even more, and she wasn’t sure she was even ready to open up about the memories. She certainly wasn’t ready to talk about stepping over a line with the hug. Gavin’s job wasn’t to be her emotional babysitter.
“I know you said you thought you were just hearing things, but I walked the grounds last night just to be sure.”
Though she still felt anxious about leaving the springs, knowing that he was with her calmed her. “You just never go off duty, do you?”
“It’s what I’m getting paid for.”
Of course, his protectiveness of her wasn’t because he had feelings for her. He was getting a paycheck. He was just a man who did his job and did it well. She had to keep reminding herself that.
“Let’s go. Let’s get this done.”
NINE
Gavin escorted Julia outside. She’d taken his breath away when he had seen her at the top of the stairs. It was hard to keep his voice casual now. “Your leg seems a lot better. You’re not limping as much.”
“I suppose.” She clipped her words.
No surprise that she was short with him. He’d hurt her feelings. It had taken all his strength to step free of her hug last night. Elizabeth had been right. No matter what the reason for giving a gift like perfume, women would always assume romantic intent. He’d hurt her. Sometimes he could be such a dumb clod.
Julia climbed into the SUV, and Gavin took the wheel. Would he be breaking his word to her father if he simply explained why he had pulled back? Maybe on some unconscious level, he’d wanted her to see the gift of perfume as a romantic overture. From the first time he had seen her, he had felt the smolder of attraction.
Neither one of them needed romantic complications in their lives right now. Julia had to get through this trial and on with her life. He needed to decide if he was even going to continue to be a bodyguard. He glanced over at her as she ran her fingers through her red hair. Would she have so much confidence in him if she knew his choices as a bodyguard had ended his friend’s driving career in Florida?
There was something else going on with her, though; he’d seen it last night when she’d run out of the pool. She’d held it together when they were actually being chased, but then fell apart when she imagined noises. Maybe this was the frailty that her father had referenced.
As the car rolled down the road, he found himself wanting to help her work through whatever had upset her while she was in the hot springs. It probably had something to do with her time in captivity. “What was it like, in the cult?”
A look of shock defined her features, and for a moment, he feared he had been too blunt. She rubbed her fingers on her pant legs and took in a breath. “Elijah wanted me to stay in the house because he was afraid an outsider would see me and recognize me. People from town came sometimes to buy produce or deliver things.” Her voice had a slight lilt to it. “Marlena found ways to keep me busy even though I was mostly inside. We would bake and work on quilts.” She looked out the window and then back at him. “All the curtains were drawn. The windows were nailed shut. I craved sunshine.
“Even when Elijah was gone, there was always this tension in the air. Because you feared he would come back and…” She shook her head. “You never knew what would upset him, what would set him off.”
As he listened, his throat went dry. Anger coursed through him for what she had endured, what had been done to her. He shook his head. “I’m so sorry.”
“There were some good moments. Once in a while, when Elijah went to town, Marlena would sneak me out. The cult members grew really beautiful gardens with tall sunflowers.” She stared at her hands as her voice wavered. “I loved looking at those sunflowers, the way they follow the sun. Something about that gave me hope.”
Her resilience and her survival instinct never ceased to amaze him. “Last night, in the hot springs, something bothered you.”
She turned her head away and stared out the window. “It’s hard to explain. But Elijah’s beliefs and lies were like snakes crawling around in my brain. He’d tell me things to upset me.” She turned to look at him. “Once he told me my father was dead.”
Gavin’s breath hitched. “So it’s like you still hear his voice sometimes.”
She touched her finger to her head. “The past two years, I learned how to keep that voice from having power over me, but…”
He completed her thought. “But every once in a while, the voice gets in.”
“Yes, exactly.”
“So that’s what last night was about.” Gavin turned out on to the main road and hit his turn signal as he contemplated what she had told him.
“It’ll be good to have this trial prep over and done with,” she said.
The lawyers thought they could get the prep done in two days if they worked around the clock. Hopefully, Julia was strong enough to relive the events surrounding the murder that the trial prep would bring up. After last night, he had concerns. “Are you sure you feel ready for this?”
She spoke without hesitating. “I have to be ready.”
He checked the rearview mirror.
Julia sighed. “Here we go again.” Her comment was spoken lightheartedly.
“I’m sure we’ll be fine.” He hoped his expression was reassuring. The least he could do was make her feel physically safe, even if he couldn’t stop what she would have to face emotionally with the trial prep.
The closer they got to Billings, the tighter the knot of tension in Julia’s stomach became. She pulled her beads out of her purse, but could only stare at them.
Gavin veered the car over to an exit. When the tall towers of three hotels, clustered together in the distance, came into view, her anxiety shot through the roof.
Gavin glanced over at her. “You going to make it?”
Talking with him about the effect Elijah had on her, seeing how accepting he was, had only made her trust him more. She’d seen right from the start that he would do everything in his power to keep her physically safe, but now she knew she could share the details about her captivity, and he would understand.
Julia sat up straighter in her seat. “Thanks for worrying about me so much. I’m going to be okay.”
Billings was two hundred miles from the town where the trial would take place in Thornburg. They weren’t likely to run into followers. Arranging for the lawyers to come to the larger city would give them a degree of anonymity. In a small town, everyone knew when strangers showed up. They pulled into the parking lot, which was only half-full of cars.
“The lawyers are waiting in the conference room. I’ll take you there and then get your stuff moved to your room. I need to get a sense of how this place is laid out. Before you’re finished, I’ll be right outside the conference-room door.” He cupped his hand on her shoulder. “Okay?”
She managed a nod. There was a part of her that wanted to ask him to be in the confere
nce room with her. Trial prep would be easier to face with him there. But that really went beyond his job description.
“You can do this, Julia?”
“I will do this.” She sounded more confident than she felt. She pushed the door open and planted her feet on the ground.
Gavin walked behind her. He turned his head side to side, probably taking note of each make and model of the cars in the lot. Gavin held the door for her as they entered the lobby. There was no one behind the checkout counter.
An older man who had more age spots than hair sat on one of the lobby couches with his laptop open. “You folks here for the big orchid show?”
“No, we’re just…sightseeing.” As more people whirled through the lobby, Gavin placed a protective hand on the small of Julia’s back. Fear had clamored to the surface as she searched the face of each person who passed by her, and he had tuned into her emotional state. The warmth of his hand sank through to her skin.
The old man clicked away on his computer. “You’re lucky to get a room. All the hotels in town are full. If you get some time, you should head down to the main auditorium and have a look at the flowers.”
“We’ll try to work that into our schedule.” Julia leaned a little closer to Gavin. The man had assumed they were husband and wife. She could play that role if it kept her safe. It didn’t mean anything.
“I wonder where the help has gone?” Gavin bent his head toward the empty checkout counter. He glanced at a poster-size map of the hotel on the wall. “The conference room is just up the stairs on the third floor and around the corner. Maybe I should take you there and come back for the keys once you’re safe with the lawyers.”
Gavin led Julia down a hallway toward an elevator. They stood several feet apart while they waited for the elevator to open up. A man with a yellow briefcase came and stood by Julia.
Attraction flashed through his eyes as he assessed her head to toe. “Well, hello there.”
The man had leered more than he had looked at her. She’d seen that gleam before in the eyes of the men at the cult. Gavin moved toward her and wrapped an arm around her waist as if to say “she’s with me.”