The first scar that I touched was a large prominent one that sat right in the middle of her back; it was long and straight. Then my fingers found the small circular burns that went right along her spine, making my heart rate speed up in anger at the purposeful scars. I then touched some small, jagged lines that had no real uniformity to them, those led me back up to her shoulder where several puffed-up small scars sat at the edge of her dress. They all mockingly poked out as the dress shifted, barely letting me touch them without losing propriety.
Without thinking I took a step towards her, my front almost touching her back. I was so close that I could feel the heat radiating off of her as she stood very still.
“Whatever happened to you. I want you to know you can tell me,” I whispered softly into her ear, leaving goose bumps. “Maybe not now, not yet, but someday. Someday, when you’re ready, you can tell me, and I’ll listen.”
I could smell the liquor that wafted between the two of us. It was a heavy feeling, being so close to her with my fingers still on the marks that flawed her beautiful skin. I blame that feeling for my next action. I leaned down slowly, giving her plenty of time to pull away, and gently kissed the scar that decorated her shoulder.
Her breath hitched, and my fingers finally left her burning skin.
“When you’re ready,” I whispered again before grabbing her hand and leading her into the living room where my family still was.
Well . . . maybe that display showed her that I was interested in much more than friendship.
***
By nine o’clock, she was insisting that it was time for her to take her leave. To me, it was far too early for her departure. I wanted to keep her there with me, but no one was changing her mind. She was in one of her particularly annoying, stubborn moods.
She walked out of Briana’s room in her normal clothes which consisted of sweatpants and a sweatshirt. I smiled at that. She looked much more like her. Though, her hair and makeup were the same, meaning that she still had on that taunting red lipstick.
She shrugged on her winter coat and hugged everyone goodbye gently. Everyone looked sad that she was going. I was so glad that everyone liked her so much—even Linda, Brandon’s mom, and his sisters were enamored with her.
“Thank you, Dana, this was the most amazing Christmas!” she said with such an innocent and genuine smile to my mother.
That smile, that genuine one that actually reaches her eyes, was probably one of my most favorite sights to see. It was absolutely gorgeous.
“You are welcome over here anytime, sweetheart,” Mom said smiling, she really likes her. “Keep my boy in line, please!” she added jovially, making everyone laugh.
We both walked towards the front door. I couldn’t help the disappointment that I felt at leaving her.
“Are you sure that you don’t want me to drive you home? Because it is absolutely no problem. I would really prefer it than you walking,.” I asked again. It was far too cold for her to be walking all the way to her house, wherever it was.
“No, you know I like to walk. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” she said, reassuring me nicely.
I nodded and forced a smile out even though I was totally against her walking home. She was going to do whatever she wanted anyways. There was no stopping her when she was determined to do something.
“Thank you, Aiden!” she said with a big hug. “This has been absolutely wonderful. You’ll never understand how much this means to me.”
She sighed and put her head on my shoulder, still holding me for just a few more moments. I could have stayed right there all night long with no complaints. However, far too quickly, she picked her head up and dropped her arms from around me. Suddenly, she rose up on her tippy toes and placed a soft kiss right on my cheek.
I was speechless for a moment in surprise, but before it seemed too weird, I nodded and said, “You’re welcome, Aubry. Merry Christmas.” I hoped that she felt how genuine my words really were.
With that, she walked off of my front porch and into the dark night. I watched her for a moment as she walked away from me, and I suddenly felt cold, and it wasn’t due to the chilly temperature.
Her smell still lingered softly, and I took a deep breath to try and breathe her in. I was turning into such a weirdo for her. I shook my head at myself and went back inside and into the living room.
“She’s amazing you know,” Uncle Chris said to me as soon as I got back to the living room. “I always thought your first girl to bring home was going to be one that we made fun of for the rest of our lives, but she’s great. You really out did yourself, kid.”
“Yeah, she was delightful, and she pulled you out of that depressed state that you were stuck in,” Grams said sweetly.
Being reminded of Dad, or the time after he died made my chest ache and breathing get knocked out of me. She was right though; Aubry made it better. She made practically everything better and was consuming my life little by little. I used to not come out of my room for weeks straight, much less talk and visit with my family. She made me start to realize that it is okay to move on somewhat.
“Y’all know we aren’t together, right?” I reminded them though begrudgingly, I’d admit.
“Yet,” Briana said, walking in from the kitchen with Brandon following suit.
“Yeah, you two are practically made for each other. It’s kind of sickening, actually. Plus, no one can miss how y’all look at each other,” Brandon added.
“Whatever happened to you liking her and saying how hot she is?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Ehhh, she’s not really my type,” he said, shrugging his shoulders.
“What do you mean? I thought the girl was your type,” Tommy asked, laughing.
“I’ve changed, okay? Can y’all just understand that please?” Brandon said seriously, making Tommy stop laughing incredibly quickly.
“Okay man, sorry,” I said while Tommy was nodding in agreement
It was weird, but we all had changed recently. I guess Brandon was too.
Chapter Twenty-Six
What Are You Thinking About
Aubry
So far, the new year had been pretty crappy. I spent New Year’s Eve in a rundown bar on the west side of town. It was the one that I knew my father wouldn‘t be at. I went there so I could be warm and rang in the new year with a bunch of drunk assholes.
Aiden had invited me to some party with him and the guys. Even Bri went with them. I, however, didn’t. I couldn’t. I know it sounds shallow, but I didn’t think that I could show up to a cool New Year’s party with the coolest guy in school in sweatpants and a T-shirt. It would have been a dead ass give away for my predicament, plus, everyone would have been staring.
Instead, I let them go without me and made up an excuse like usual. Besides, everyone probably had much more fun without me than they would have had with me. Also, I didn’t think that I could handle seeing Aiden make-out with some chick at midnight; just the thought made my insides hurt. That was how I knew that I really did need to distance myself from him. I was too attached.
Then I spent New Year’s Day just wandering around town because the guys were too hungover for training. I didn’t have anything else to do, so I just walked around town and tried to find places that were opened to keep warm in.
On the bright side though, I got my stitches out a few days after Christmas! My fingers were stiff at first, but I quickly got myself back to normal and was able to fight better.
Due to the newer and harder training regimen that I put myself on, my ribs were killing me. It hurt to just breathe and do little movements at most instances. I was getting good at hiding and ignoring the pain though. I was good at simply just working through it.
My harder training over the almost two weeks proved to pay off because I did end up winning my fights that Saturday by knockouts. My pay at the underground was steadily climbing, and Trey was becoming even more impressed and intrigued by me, although, I could do without the latter, he was just pla
in creepy.
That brought me all the way to the first day back to school. That day, I showed up at the gym earlier than normal. It had to be like three-ish in the morning. The temperature was hovering right above freezing, and my body was shaking violently.
The bus station had apparently adopted a strict “no homeless” policy. Although, it really did depend on which of the employees were there and if they enforced it or not. Some nights I got lucky and was allowed to sleep in their vacant chairs, while other nights, I was out of luck. I had nowhere to really go except to the gym, so that was where I went. I was going to go back to the small park that I’d stayed at a few times before to sleep a bit in the tunnel, but it seemed like such a long walk, and I was already so tired. So instead, I just ended up at the gym.
We were going back to regular hours, and I would have had to have been there at five-thirty anyways. I just showed up early; it was a bit of a habit of mine.
It was at least a couple of hours before Aiden showed up. It was an extremely long and excruciating couple of hours. My body was shaking like crazy. With every shake, my ribs ached more and more. He made his way up to the door from the parking lot and visibly sped up as soon as he saw me huddled up by the door.
“Jesus Christ, Aubry! How long have you been here?!“ he asked while trying to get the key in the door. Moments later, the door opened but my body didn’t want to move, it was shaking too violently.
“Dammit!” he huffed and bent down to help me stand up. After a split-second, he had me painfully, but effectively up on my feet. He let me lean against him as he closed the door firmly. I was shaking and chattering too much to form any coherent words with my mouth.
Aiden quickly pulled me into him, wrapping me up in a warm hug while flinging his jacket over me. I could feel my legs shaking as he led me to the training room while supporting most of my weight. Still, it felt as if my body was getting ready to give out.
Aiden quickly had me sitting on the medical chair in the room and a blanket wrapped securely around me. After a while and Aiden’s warm cup of tea that he let me have, my insides soon began to thaw out and my shivers subsided substantially. Aiden still didn’t speak until my breathing got back to normal.
“Aubry, you can’t keep doing this. I’m picking you up from your house tomorrow,” Aiden said seriously.
I went into panic mode. There was no way that he could pick me up from a house that I did not have, so I said the first thing that came to my mind.
“No it’s fine!” I said abruptly, jostling my body and hurting my ribs at the same time. My mind didn’t even register the hurt due to my panic. “My dad doesn’t go into work until six o’clock tomorrow morning, so I can probably just have him drop me off.”
He opened his mouth to argue, but I cut him off before he spoke.
“It’s fine, I don’t want you to go out of your way. Thanks though!” I was trying to sound super convincing.
Aiden looked at me for a few seconds and then nodded. “Okay, I guess . . . I just don’t want you to freeze. I’m going to take you home tonight though.”
I nodded and smiled putting on my best, you-don’t-have-to-worry-about-me face. However, I was so freaking nervous. I didn’t want to tip him off.
“Okay then, let’s get to work!” I said, eager to get out of the tense room. I wasn’t sure if I convinced him. In fact, I kind of had the feeling that he was even more skeptical of me than before.
Aiden let it go for the moment and indulged me in some harsh training. He was impressed with my increasing strength, and he had absolutely no idea how badly I was hurting. The pain didn’t matter though. I just had to improve. I was sure if Aiden knew the extent of my pain, he’d make me chill for a little while and rest, and God forbid Tommy finding out.
“Okay, we need to shower up and get ready for school. Its already seven,” Aiden told me while we both caught our breath. “Aub, you’re doing really good.”
“However,” I continued for him. I knew that there was going to be a however in there.
“I can tell you’re hurting.”
“What? Nah. I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not,” he said, getting closer to me.
I shifted painfully but held my expression blankly.
“I can see it in your eyes just like now.” He touched my cheek and smoothed out the lines next to my eyes. “You needed to give yourself time to rest.”
“I don’t have time to rest!” I said in frustration.
“You need to make time then!” he said back to me. “Or eventually, your body is going to force you to.”
I sighed and nodded. “I’ll relent a little.” Still, I really couldn’t afford it.
Aiden smiled at me and nodded as we both made our way to the showers.
We both got ready for school silently. I was lost in my own little world, thinking about how much time I had left and how much harder I needed to push myself.
It was the first day of the new semester, my last semester of high school. Normal people would have been excited about it, after all, it should’ve been the doorway to a new adventure. I, however, was not excited. I was terrified. All I could think about was the money that I still owed and about how dead I’d probably be when the end of May rolled around.
I couldn’t help but think: What if that were not such a bad thing? Death, I mean . . . How bad could it possibly be? I had already been through all of the crap that I had been through. How bad could dying really be?
Granted, Daniel was supposed to be the one administering the death sentence, so in reality . . . bad. My death at the hands of him would be bad. Dying at the hands of him would probably be the worst thing that could possibly happen to a person.
“Aubry?” I heard Aiden’s voice say seemingly from far away. “Au . . . bry?” he said, dragging out the A in my name. “Earth to Aubry,” he said again, finally pulling me out of my deep thoughts.
“Sorry, I got lost in thought,” I answered, shaking my head and trying to get away from the very non helpful thoughts about my death.
“It’s okay, want to talk about it?” he asked hopefully.
How the hell was I supposed to tell him that I was more than likely going to die right after graduation? I couldn’t, obviously. So, I just shook my head and smiled slightly trying to be okay. “Just really not wanting to go back to school,” I said, shrugging.
I could tell he didn’t buy it, but he did not press it on any further.
Soon enough, we were in the car on the way to school in silence. I was in a funk, and we both knew it. My depression was coming in full force that day. I had plenty of dark things going on to fuel the dark fire in my mind, so I was having a hard time not getting swept away in it.
He kept looking over at me, making me feel self-conscious and flustered.
I couldn’t help but to berate myself over my stupid feelings for him. How could I even think that someone like him could ever like someone like me? I was just being an idiot getting close to him. I was setting myself up for failure. I mean, I had already caused him and his family so much pain, and they don’t even know it.
“Hey,” he said, pulling me out of my mind. “What are you thinking so hard about over there?” he asked while grabbing my hand and cradling it carefully.
I took a deep breath, knowing that I had to ask. “Why do you do this? I mean this with me . . . Why do you care about me and go out of your way to do things for me? Especially when this whole thing started out with me blackmailing you. This whole thing was simply supposed to be more of a business transaction and now look at us.” I gestured to our entwined hands. “I mean, look at you and then look at me. It just . . . it just doesn’t make any sense.”
The question caught him off guard. He looked at me for a split-second and then looked back to the road while frowning.
“Aubry, I-I . . . y-you’re . . .” He paused and took a deep breath. “Aubry, I’ve never met someone like you before. You’re so strong, yet so gentle and real. You’re
mean and feisty, yet you are the most caring person that I know. You’re so small and fragile, yet I’ve seen you knock out grown men. You’ve shown me something in these couple of months that I can’t even explain. Aubry, I care about you, and it’s not just for you, it’s for me too. I need you. I need to learn more about you and what you’ve been through. I need to learn from you. I see how strong you are despite everything that you’ve obviously been through. That’s how I want to be. I care about you because . . . I need to. Please let me.” He looked at me for a second and then looked back on the road, trying to avoid my eyes.
I don’t know what answer I was expecting, but that certainly wasn’t it. I was thinking more along the lines of him laughing in my face for believing that he could care about me.
“I um . . . thank you. Thank you for caring,” I said awkwardly.
I saw him frown deeply and heard him sigh at my words.
“Okay, look. I’m not good at any of this stuff. I’ve never even had a friend before, and all of my life, I’ve had to push anything away with emotions and feelings. But thank you, Aiden. Thank you for inviting me into your life and in turn, your friends’s and family’s lives too. I’ve never seen or felt so much love before. I need to learn from you too. Not only the fighting stuff but also to be brave and let people in like you have. I mean, you have these amazing people around you that would fight the whole world for you. I had no idea that even existed before meeting you. It’s going to take a while for me to let you in and trust you because I’ve been taught that everyone leaves me eventually; but just know that I’m trying. It’s just that I have a lot of baggage that comes along with me. I’m afraid that when I start to unload it on you. You’re going to decide that it’s too much and leave me stranded to pick the pieces back up by myself. I promise that I really am trying. I’ve been conditioned my whole life to run away from people and feelings, so it truly will take time. Just . . . thank you for being patient with me,” I said, looking at him and breathing hard at my monologue. I looked around and realized we were actually at school.
Fighting For Life Page 28