“You could have gotten hurt, Aubry!” He almost sobbed. “Do you honestly think that I could have just left after I saw you talking to that psycho? You know what he’s capable of! I couldn’t just fucking leave you there with him! H-He . . . He! Ugh! I would never leave you there with him! I couldn’t!”
I was taken aback by his franticness. “What? Why?! I was trying to protect you! Besides that, why do you even care?! I was just trying to help you after all the crap that I’ve put you through.” My voice cracked as I looked at him with tears sliding down my face. How had I managed to mess this up too?
“What? Aubry I—” he started, but then he took a deep breath and shook his head hesitantly. “I-I couldn’t have done that. I just . . . I couldn’t! I wouldn’t! I . . . I don’t understand why you would put yourself into harm’s way like that,” he said in a calmer manner, but still looked frayed.
“I didn’t want him to see Bri . . . I . . . if he would have turned a few more inches, then he would have seen you and her. If he saw you two, we all know what you would have done. He would have gone to antagonize you and terrorize her.”
I sighed and leaned my head back on the head rest. “I just . . . I didn’t want her to go through that. I didn’t want her to relapse or anything. She shouldn’t have to go through that.”
He took a deep breath. “I understand that; I even appreciate it. However, why the hell did you use you as a distraction? You could have gotten seriously hurt by him.” He took another deep breath and started to reach towards me. Before he made any contact with me, he caught himself and pulled away looking disgusted.
“Are you okay?” He sighed softly.
I nodded immediately as I tucked my hair behind my ear while trying to look as calm as possible. Unfortunately, I didn’t think about the fact that the hand that I unconsciously used to tuck my hair back was covered in blood and glass. That gave away how messed up I truly was.
He caught sight of my hand and gently grabbed my wrist before I could hide it again.
“What the hell Aubry?! You aren’t fine! Look at your hand!” he exclaimed and examined my hand cautiously. There was blood dripping from my palm and fingers as glass was caked all in the cuts.
“It’s fine. I’m fine,” I said lightly, shaking it off.
“It’s not fine! You are not okay! Fuck! Look at your hand!” He fished his phone out of his pocket and called someone. He had a short conversation and then he paused as he looked at me.
“Does anything else hurt?” he asked softly.
I shrugged silently.
“So, help me, Aubry, if you lie to me again—”
I exhaled slowly and nodded defeatedly. “My ribs hurt, probably from running. I think they’re broken again and my shoulder hurts,” I said calmly as I looked at the grey fabric of my long sleeve shirt that was beginning to turn into a blood red color.
“We’ll meet you at the gym.” I heard Aiden say after relaying what I said to Tom, I was assuming.
He hung up and began driving once again. We were both silent as the vehicle rolled on. I had so much that I wanted to say to him, but nothing would come out, not to mention, he didn’t want to hear anything that I wanted to say.
I was simply happy that he was helping me out. It meant that he still cared about me, at least a little bit. I didn’t want to ruin that by opening my mouth.
When we got to the gym, Tommy came up and helped guide me to the door because I was in crippling pain. Aiden opened the door for us and guided me into the training room with Tommy following close behind. I could practically feel him studying me and looking me over for my injuries.
“Okay, let me see your arm so I can see which one needs my immediate attention,” Tommy said as soon as Aiden got me in a chair.
I looked around wide eyed at the boys and shook my head. “My arm is just fine. Can you please just get the glass out of my hand? It is killing me.”
“Aubry, I can see the blood on your shirt. Just let me see your arm really quick,” he argued back.
“Tom, it’s fine. Just fix my hand pl—”
“Aiden, you can go ahead and wait outside,” Tommy cut me off. “Seeing as how you two are not together or anything right now, it’s inappropriate for you to be in here. I’ll call you when I need ice,” Tommy said to Aiden sternly.
“B-But Tom. I—” he began.
“It wasn’t a question. You need to leave. The more time you spend arguing with me, the more her wounds are going to close up around the glass and then the more it’s going to hurt when I take it out,” he said firmly.
Truthfully, I really wanted Aiden to stay by my side. He always kept me completely calm, even if he did hate me. Even though it was super unhealthy, I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him before he inevitably would come back to his senses to start hating me again. I wanted him to stay, but I knew that Tom wouldn’t give up. Aiden couldn’t see my arms. I didn’t want him to see how truly pathetic I had become.
“Fine. I’ll be out here if you need me, I guess,” Aiden said softly to me.
I nodded as he shot me a concerned look while exiting the room.
The door closed and Tommy turned his focus on me.
“Okay, let me see your cut and your ribs now,” he demanded.
I still didn’t want to reveal all of my self-inflicted cuts to him. I felt exposed and shameful. “Tommy, it’s fine I’m . . . I’m fi—”
“Aubry, don’t you dare tell me that you’re fine! I can see you! I’m not blind! You have glass in your hand that is going to be a bitch to get out. You have a cut that’s bleeding profusely on your shoulder, so who knows how deep that is. On top of all that, you can barely breathe because of your ribs. I can see all of that even without you showing me. So dammit, Aub, show me so I can help!” His tone steadily got louder until he was practically yelling.
I was stunned. I hadn’t really ever seen Tommy get so mad before, especially when it was directed at me. He was actually kind of intimidating.
Instead of arguing more like I wanted to, I obliged his request and finally took off my shirt since the sleeves wouldn’t go that far up my arm. I stood silently in guilt and shame.
His eyes went wide as he looked at me. “Holy Fuck, Aubry!” he said with emotion clogging his throat. “I mean, B and I had talked a couple weeks ago, and we were both worried that you’d start cutting. But damn.” He examined the cuts in silence carefully taking his time to look each cut over.
I knew it looked bad. However, it didn’t even nearly compare to how horrible I felt. I was simply littered with the cuts. I had bunches going up and down both arms, the ones on my left bicep were steadily streaming out blood. Several more were scattered across my torso and waist. There were even more hidden under my pants painted across my hips and thighs because I had run out of room on my arms. I had a serious problem. It was what kept me sane, though.
“Aub . . . this is bad,” he said exasperatedly.
I could tell he wanted to say more and talk to me, but he was in his doctor mode right then. He’d fix me up, then he’d demand the answers that he deserved.
“These cuts should have gotten stitches days ago.”
He was right. However, I wasn’t worried about it because only a few days ago, I was ready to die. I almost died. I wanted to die.
“Now that I know that those cuts aren’t super urgent, I’ll work on the glass first.” He sighed. “This is going to hurt like a bitch. A small lidocaine injection won’t do much to numb this sort of injury. Plus, it would take more time and resources than we have. I’m not going to even bother telling you that the hospital is the best place for you to go because I know you, and you’re annoying as hell . . . almost as bad as Aiden.”
I snorted at his comment.
He balled up my shirt and held it in front of my face. I looked at him as if he were crazy.
“What am I supposed to do with this?” I asked skeptically.
“Put it in your mouth, and bite down to try to
control the pain. Aub, it’s going to hurt. I literally have to rip the glass out of the cuts,” Tommy said seriously.
I breathed out slowly, relishing in the familiar pain of my ribs and hesitantly nodded.
He went to work immediately. To say that it hurt was a complete understatement. The pain made me dizzy and nauseous. It felt like he was seriously picking pieces of my skin off one by one. It was absolute torture.
But you know what? It was real. The pain that I was experiencing was genuine pain. It was not the pain in my mind that I brought upon myself, it was real.
It was a long while later when he was finally done picking glass out and bandaging up the wounds. I breathed a sigh of relief and wiped the pained tears off of my face.
“Aub, you are so amazing. I don’t know how you could sit through that. You definitely make everyone else look like little bitches, that’s for sure!” Tommy said, trying to lighten the mood. It worked because I couldn’t stop the smile from lighting up my face.
“You are so tough, but you don’t have to always be tough,” he said sincerely while looking me directly in the eyes.
Before I could respond, he started talking again, “Now I’m gonna stitch you up. Don’t worry, the numbing shot will work for this.”
He was meticulous as he stitched me up quickly. After the stitches were done, he went to my ribs. Luckily, only one side was damaged, but they hurt incredibly bad, even worse than the last time I broke them.
“Well, the good news is it’s only the left side,” Tom said with a nod. “The bad news is that they broke so easily because your ribs were still not healed from all the previous damage, so basically you’re in the same boat that you have been in. All that progress you made before was . . . pointless.”
I sighed with a nod.
“I don’t understand how you can bear all of this. I mean, all of these injuries; physically and mentally. I’m so sorry, Aubry. You don’t deserve all of this,” he said quietly. “I’ll be right back. Just stay here.” He exited the room with a worried look.
I sat there in silence for what seemed like forever as I thought things over. I examined the room defeatedly. I could see him everywhere in there with me. I missed Aiden.
Tom returned a bit later and held up a green flannel hesitantly. “This all I could find that was long sleeved. It’s Aiden’s,” Tom said, looking at me skeptically.
I sighed but nodded as Tommy helped me sit back up in the chair. I was in a lot of pain after everything. Plus, my adrenaline had completely worn off. I wanted to cry as I buttoned up Aiden’s shirt that was on my body.
“Here, Aub . . .” Tommy said as he handed me two pills and a bottle of water.
I took them thankfully and avoided his eyes. I felt so awful for everything that had happened. I messed everything up!
“Tommy . . .” I sighed as I looked down at my feet. “I just . . . I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry about everything. I’m sorry for coming into your lives, I’m sorry for selling drugs, I’m sorry that Pawpaw died, I’m sorry that y’all have to continuously help me, I’m sorry for screwing everything up. I-I’m just sorry,” I whispered with tears falling freely. I just had to let him know how bad I felt. Though, it changed nothing.
Tommy sighed and wiped some tears off my cheeks. “Aubry, I know,” he whispered as he studied me. “But you know what? I’m not sorry.”
My eyes found his instantly as I looked at him confused.
“You didn’t kill Uncle Jeremy, drugs did . . . he did. Yeah, drug dealing is bad, but I know that you’ve had a screwed-up life. If drug dealing was something that you had to turn to then I know that something even worse made you do it.” He shook his head exasperatedly.
“I’m not sorry . . . Because I know you. I know how you operate. You put everyone else before you, every single time. If selling drugs was how you got out of whatever trouble you were in, then there is no way that I can be mad at you.”
“You might have screwed up by not telling Aiden before he found out the hard way, but everyone screws up now and then. I understand your reasoning. You were scared of exactly this happening, and I can’t be mad at that. I could never wish you out of our lives due to this. I mean, you made things so much better for all of us. You turned Aiden into an actual human being instead of an emotionless fuck boy. You helped us save Bri. I guarantee you that Bri and Brandon would certainly not be together if it weren’t for you. I wouldn’t have had the courage to be brave enough to finally ask Marissa out which she said “yes” to, by the way. You make our lives better, Aub. Aiden is being an idiot right now, and he is going to see that. He’s just . . . hurt. He has a lot of trauma surrounding his dad. Let’s just say . . . He has daddy issues.”
I immediately began laughing at his words and shook my head at the silly guy in front of me.
“Aubry, please believe me when I tell you that he still loves you. I mean, he brought you here, and that boy would have fought to the ends of the earth if Ronnie had done anything to you tonight.”
He sighed and shook his head at his cousin’s actions. “Aiden has always been someone that lets his anger take over his other emotions. I think it’s easier for him to feel the anger than to deal with the hurt and sadness. It’s certainly not healthy, and the guy needs some serious therapy. But . . . so do you.”
I scoffed at him and glared.
“Don’t get mad at me for saying the truth. That’s what I am for all you idiots—the voice of reason and truth,” he defended. “I mean look at you!”
He pointed to my covered arms. “You will destroy yourself to the brink of death because you don’t think that you have a right to live. I get that there is some serious conditioning that had to go on for you to believe that but the fact is, you truly do believe that. You can fight with me to try to convince yourself that your past doesn’t matter, but you carry that shit around like a lead weight. It weighs you down and fucks with your mind.”
I felt tears leak out of my eyes at his true words.
“It doesn’t mean that it’s bad. Your past, I mean, it just means that you need help. Your past is part of what makes you so selfless.” He held up my bandaged hand. “You’ll help others to the detriment of yourself. Helping others and being brave and forgiving are beautiful traits, but you have to find that line to not cross. This . . .” he pointed to my hand. “Was a line that certainly never should have been crossed.”
I looked down to the ground and nodded.
“You two are messed up,” he said with a laugh. “But you compliment each other in weird ways that I didn’t think was even possible.” He shrugged. “You make a really good couple, but you two need to work on yourselves . . . both of you.”
“It doesn’t even matter anymore, Tom. It’s done . . . and it’s my fault. I understand it; I don’t blame him.”
“That is exactly what I’m talking about, Aubry. Blaming only yourself for something like this. You’re right, it wasn’t his fault, but what is his fault is his refusal to listen. Just like it was your fault that you didn’t tell him to begin with to avoid this. What you had to do when you were fifteen or sixteen, wasn’t your fault. So, stop!” Tommy raised his voice making me feel chastised.
“I love you, my little Aub,” he said with a snort and pulled me into a gentle hug. “I’m going to protect and care for you, and there is not a damn thing that you can do about it. In caring for you, I am also caring for Aiden.”
He led me out of the room before I had a chance to argue with him and stopped in front of Aiden. “Okay Aub, it’s so pointless for me to say it, but take it easy.”
I scoffed.
“Pointless,” T muttered as he handed me a bottle of pills. “Take one every four to six hours as needed. Get some rest,” Tom said as he kissed the top of my head and headed out of the gym, leaving Aiden and I alone.
Aiden looked around awkwardly after thoroughly checking to make sure that I wasn’t in too much pain. He led me silently to his truck and we both got
in. He began driving in the heavy silence that surrounded us. I had stuff to say, but I swallowed it all. He didn’t want to hear it. Hell, I didn’t even want to hear it.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” he finally said apprehensively.
I nodded. “Thank you for helping me. I’m sorry that you got dragged into this.”
“No, I should thank you and also apologize. You were just trying to help, and I got all defensive and angry back at the gas station. I’m sorry for that. I-I just hate the thought of him doing anything to you. It’s sickening,” he said, slowly while keeping his eyes on the road.
“Have you talked to B? Is Bri okay?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Yeah, they’re both okay. B said that he just got home. Bri fell asleep after a panic attack. She was shaken up after Brandon told her that he was there, but she’s doing okay. I’ll keep an eye on her.”
An involuntary sigh of relief came from my lips. “Thank God.”
He pulled up to Brandon’s house, and we sat in silence as we stared at each other.
I finally had to say something, “Aiden, I’m sorry . . . I really am. I wish that I could fix this… but I can’t. Still . . . Thank you for taking care of me tonight.” I turned to the door to leave.
“Aubry . . . I-I know, I know that you’re sorry. So am I. I wish . . . I-I wish that I could be better a-and . . . b-but . . .” His voice broke and it broke my heart to know that I was the cause of it. He regained his composure after a moment and sighed with a headshake.
“Thank you, Aubry. For everything that you did tonight, it was incredibly stupid, but your heart was in the right place and you saved my sister from him. Thank you for that. A-And . . . I wish . . . I so wish that I could just . . . just get over it. I wish that I were better—” He stopped and shook his head violently while hitting the wheel in anger. “I-I wish that things could be different, b-but it’s not. I’m sorry. Goodbye Aubry.”
I slid out of the truck and nodded. “I know. I understand. Goodbye Aiden.”
I could feel the tears falling down my cheeks in a steady stream as I walked away from him. I got to the front door and opened it. Aiden was still watching me as I walked in and shut the door. He didn’t drive away until I was in the house with the door shut and locked.
Fighting For Life Page 62