by Jodi Payne
“Oscar.”
He looked up at Jeffrey, startled out of his own head, and Jeffrey kissed him.
“Relax.”
“I don’t do relaxed all that well.”
“Let me help.” They kissed again, deep and long, Jeffrey running strong, warm fingers over his arms and the back of his neck, soothing away the worry. Distracting him. Jeffrey’s kiss was so different from Russ’s. Russ’s was full of emotion at the forefront and the heat at a constant simmer, ready to be fanned into flames. Jeffrey’s was always roiling, the desire aggressive, but the need was more than physical.
But he needed to think.
He put a hand on Jeffrey’s chest and levered him away, gently but firmly. “Jeffrey.”
“What?” Jeffrey went in for another kiss, but he pulled away. “Oscar?”
“I think it’s time to say good night.”
“Why? Because Granny is upstairs?”
Wow. Jeffrey had gotten a little ramped up. “Rose is not the reason.”
“Come on, Oscar. Let’s work off some of your steam.”
“You’re the one who’s steamed, babe.” He gave Jeffrey a smile and put a little more distance between them. “I’ve really got to get my head around this.”
Jeffrey bristled. “You’re not sure?”
“I know how I feel, babe. I need to figure out how this relationship fits into everything else. My family. I have to think about the girls and… and their future. There are a lot of pieces to this puzzle.”
Jeffrey shouldered past him to the living room to get his jacket.
He followed. “Please, I need you to understand.”
“It’s your family, Oz. I’m… I’m a little thrown. And a little revved up.”
He grinned at Jeffrey. “You called me ‘Oz.’”
Jeffrey froze. “I did. Is that okay? I guess… I mean, I’ve been hanging out with your girls and it just slipped out.”
“It’s fine. I grew up being called Oz. Emmett called me Oz too.”
“Rose doesn’t.”
“Rose doesn’t care to use nicknames. But she likes ‘sweetheart’ and ‘dear.’”
“I did notice that.” Jeffrey smiled and gave him a man-hug. “It’s all good. Call me.”
“I will.” He took Jeffrey’s arm. “I’m not running you off, I promise. But I need a clear head.”
Jeffrey nodded at him. “Okay.”
“I promise.” Their eyes met and they held the gaze for a long moment.
“I believe you. Call me.”
He let his lover go. He hated to do it, but he needed to make a decision, and he couldn’t do that with Jeffrey in his house. “Good night, Jeffrey. Thanks for coming.”
“Yeah.” Jeffrey hurried to his Mercedes, got in, and took off at a speed Oscar was pretty sure wasn’t allowed on a residential road.
Chapter Eighteen
OSCAR NEEDED to think. That was completely fair. Totally understandable. This was the man’s first experience since he’d lost his husband, and that had to be as stressful as it was a relief, right? He had those girls to worry about, after all.
This wasn’t Jeffrey’s first rodeo. He’d been down the poly road before, and it had ended for him as naturally as it had begun. He had all kinds of advantages over Oscar right now, and he understood that.
But fuck if he didn’t have a nearly crippling case of blue balls.
He’d wanted Oscar, really wanted him, and he thought… he’d assumed that Oscar was there with him.
Oscar had been on a different train entirely.
Still half-hard, he shifted in his seat, his prick rubbing against his fly. The clock in his dashboard said it was 9:35 p.m. Not horrible, even if it was a Sunday night.
He was also nearly out of gas.
“Oh. Damn.” He turned around and headed back to the gas station he’d just passed and pulled in. While the tank was filling, he looked at his phone, reflexively flipping Grindr open to check out the grid. Very quickly someone with the handle “BTM4U” caught his eye. The guy had a great body, everything from thighs to a slightly stubbled chin was in the shot, shorts riding low on narrow hips. Assuming it was a real pic, it totally looked worth his time.
His thumb hovered over the picture. Oscar had left him wanting for sure. This early in a relationship wouldn’t necessarily put them in exclusive territory, would it? He hadn’t expressly had that discussion with either of his current lovers.
But….
In this case, he couldn’t have Oscar, but he didn’t need to find a one-night stand either.
Russ.
He shut Grindr down, flipped to Russ’s number, and dialed it as he pulled out of the gas station. It rang three times, but a quiet voice finally answered. “Hello?”
Russ’s raspy, sleepy voice finished what Oscar had started, Jeffrey’s cock swelling to fill his jeans.
“Russ, I’m coming over.”
“Jeff?”
“I’m on my way.”
“Are you okay? Did something happen with Oscar?”
“I want…. Christ, Russ, I need you.”
“Oh. Fuck.” His lover moaned in his ear.
“Yeah? You’re in?”
“I’m in, Jeff. Jesus. How far away are you?”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” It wasn’t a short drive. It would be all he could do to keep his mind on the road.
“Hurry.”
He hung up the phone, let his foot drop heavily on the gas pedal, and drove on.
Jeffrey didn’t remember much of the ride, but he got there in one piece. He slid out of his car, slammed the door, and took the steps two at a time, arm reaching for the doorknob as soon as he hit the porch. He crashed right through the front door, making the hinges creak and the door bang against the entryway wall.
Russ was waiting for him on the couch and stood up as he appeared in the doorway.
“Look at you, all wound up and wild-eyed. Is that for me?”
He nodded and stalked toward Russ, who grinned at him and bolted up the stairs.
“Little shit!” He took off at a run, taking the steps two at a time and caught sight of Russ disappearing through the bedroom door.
They were both breathing hard by the time he caught his lover in the bedroom. He got hold of one wrist and pulled Russ to him, and they stared at each other for a long moment, panting in each other’s faces.
Finally, Russ grinned, breaking the spell. “Come on.”
He grinned back and shoved Russ onto the bed, and they both stripped off, clothing flying, filthy words and grunts filling the air.
Jeffrey pulled a drawer open and covered up, slicked his fingers, and dove after Russ’s erection with his mouth.
“Oh fuck!” Russ shouted, surprised. That was followed by a lovely arch and groan as Jeffrey pressed two fingers inside his lover, also without warning. “Fuck. Fuck, Jeff!”
“Mm.” That was the plan. Russ smelled so good and looked like pure sex to him. He was ready. Now. He hoped Russ was close enough. “Want you. Now.”
“Please. Please!” Russ pulled his knees up, offering that beautiful ass to him, giving him a hell of a view.
He dove in, making Russ gasp and pant as his cock sank deep. Fuck, Russ felt so good. Just right.
“Want you. Fuck, Jeff. Come on.”
He grunted, Russ’s words going right to his balls. The last rational thing he remembered was that he didn’t think either of them was going to last very long.
HOLY MOTHER of God, he’d seen bright green and yellow stars, no lie.
He lay there after with Russ in his arms, sliding fingers over his lover. It was fascinating how rough with outdoor work his lover’s hands were, young face a little weathered, skin with a permanent farmer’s tan, but how pristine and smooth the rest of Russ’s skin was.
Russ shifted and sighed sleepily. Jeffrey let him, enjoying this strange new habit he had of staying in his lovers’ beds until morning and waking up beside them with morning breath and be
dhead and the whole nine yards. Commitment. He was still a little baffled by it, but it was working for him. Jeff wanted Russ and Oscar and enjoyed their attention, their care. It was amazing to him that he returned it so effortlessly, like it was something he was used to when he definitely was not. They just made it easy.
He must have fallen asleep shortly after that because he woke up to kisses and the smell of coffee. Smiling against Russ’s lips, he reluctantly opened his eyes. “Morning.”
“Good morning.” Russ was dressed and already smelled like horses.
“What time is it?”
“Eight. Brought you coffee.”
He sat up slowly, took the coffee, and sipped it. “Mmm. Good. You been working already?”
“Out at the barn at six for turnout, stalls to clean up. It’s what I do.”
He nodded. “I hope I didn’t keep you up too late.”
Russ laughed. “Well, last night’s going to own me for a few more hours I think, but I’m recovering. I just need more coffee.”
“I better get up.” But he pulled Russ in for another quick kiss first. His phone chirped and he reached for it, glancing at the screen. “Oscar.”
“Yeah? House stuff?” Russ peered at his phone.
I’m really sorry about last night.
“What happened?”
“Huh?” Shit. He put his phone facedown on the table again.
“What is he sorry for?”
“Oh, well….”
Dammit. Come on, coffee, kick in.
His phone chirped again, and he reached for it, but Russ snagged it first.
“You know it’s not that I didn’t want you?” Russ said, reading the text. “What? I thought you said you were just dropping off papers?”
“I… uh. Well—”
“You made a move, but he turned you down, so you came for me?”
He blinked. “What? No. It wasn’t like that.” Or was it? Maybe not… entirely?
Russ pinned him with a look. “You wanted Oscar, but he sent you home. Right?”
“Well, I guess. Yeah. I kissed him, and I kind of… I wanted—”
Russ stood up, tossing his phone on the bed. “Right. I get it. So all that ‘Russ I need you’ shit was more like ‘Oscar gave me a boner and you’re the next best thing,’ huh?”
“Russ. No. No, I didn’t mean it that way…. I didn’t intend it to be like that.”
“I need to get back to the barn.”
“Russ, come on. Give me a chance to explain.” Although what was he going to say?
“Go to work, Jeff,” Russ said with a sigh and left the room.
“Fuck.”
His phone chimed again and he looked at it with a sigh.
You there?
I’ll call you later, he texted back and got up out of bed to get dressed.
Chapter Nineteen
GODDAMMIT.
Russ spent the rest of morning in a foul mood. Why did he do this to himself? He knew better.
Fuckbuddies? No problem. Lovers? Dangerous territory. But this? Actually falling for someone? For two someones?
Bad idea.
Bad, bad idea. Stupid. He couldn’t decide who he was more angry with, himself or… them. His… well, his boyfriends. Did he still want to use that word?
Everything he was feeling right now was his own goddamn fault.
Why? Because people sucked. People disappointed him all the damn time. He’d learned that lesson young, really young, and he couldn’t believe he was dealing with this again. The first person he ever met in his adult life who didn’t disappoint him was Jonas. He should never have let himself fall for Oscar, let alone open himself up to Jeff, who… who had snuck into his heart at some point and he hadn’t realized it until this morning, when he figured out the two of them were fucking with him.
Jesus Christ, something about all of this hurt. It hurt real bad.
“There’s a reason that I work with horses and not people.” He was cleaning tack like a fiend, scrubbing and polishing so hard his fingers hurt. He normally would be munching on his PB&J at this hour, but he didn’t have an appetite, so instead he was sitting with Angel, who had primly refused turnout in the rain, chatting her ear off about Jeff and Oscar.
“You wouldn’t lie to me, right? Horses are simple. If you’re hungry, I know it. If you’re hurting, I know it. If you don’t feel like dealing with me, I know that too. You don’t want to do something, like today with the rain, you say, ‘Nope, sorry, Russ. I’m not going out today,’ and I get it. Easy. If I tell you shit, you won’t tell nobody, right? Simple, trustworthy, straight-up.”
Angel bumped his ear with her nose and nibbled on the shoulder of his coat. He stroked his hand down along her jaw, glad for the quiet company, and laid the bridle he’d finished cleaning down. “See? You love me.” He picked up some long reins next. “People are confusing. I don’t like confusing.”
His feelings were kind of confusing too, but what he wanted wasn’t. He wanted them both; it was plain as that. But then again, he wanted a lot of things he couldn’t necessarily have. And the thing was, he didn’t want either of them if it meant being left out all the time. But what was he supposed to do now? Jeff knew well he was pissed, and so Oscar knew by now for sure. Were they going to gang up on him? Write him off?
Was there any chance they’d apologize? Would he accept it if they did? Would they really understand why he was upset?
Did they love him the way he loved them?
“Mother. Fucker.” He tossed the reins down and leaned back against the wall of the barn. “Is it cheating on someone if you’re also in a relationship with the other guy? Maybe not, right? So not cheating, but can you still be used? Or… taken for granted? Is it wrong that I feel second-best? Am I just being a brat?”
His phone buzzed in his pocket, but he ignored it because he knew it was one of them. He was too busy to pick up the phone, right? He sat up again and reached for the reins, and his phone went quiet. He tried to put it from his mind, going over the chores he needed to get done before the construction guys came back tomorrow. He needed to think about something else.
But his phone started ringing a few minutes later. Fuck you, go away, I’m mad.
Then it was ringing and buzzing at the same time. “What the fuck?” He pulled it out of his pocket and looked at it.
Jeff was calling him, and Oscar was texting that he wanted to talk. Then it switched all of a sudden, and Oscar called him as Jeff started shooting him texts asking him to pick up the phone.
Jesus, he was being double-teamed.
Maybe that meant they both felt like assholes. Good.
Russ. Talk to me. That was Oscar. They’d both given up calling.
No
Russ, we should talk.
No I’m pissed off
I know. It’s my fault.
He stared at his phone. Huh. Okay, that was upright of Oscar, but what was he supposed to do with it?
Okay, if you don’t want to talk to me right now, that’s fine. Will you please call me later?
He thought about that. Thought about what he wanted.
No
…?
He started a group text, looping in both Oscar and Jeff.
Both of you come here Saturday. Can you make that work with the girls, Oscar? I don’t want to talk to one of you I want to talk to you both at the same time. We need to all to talk together. We need to have an understanding.
He wanted to make sure they both really wanted him. And if it worked out, he didn’t want anyone to have to go home after.
Yeah. I can do that. Rose will be here.
Okay, Russ. I think that makes sense, Jeff answered finally.
And until then we text here, all three of us. Where we can all see what’s being said.
Oscar jumped right on that train. Sure. Good idea.
Can do.
Good. Done.
There was a short pause, and then Jeff followed up with Want a dick pic?
Jeff! He could practically hear Oscar’s gasp.
Don’t be such a prude, Oz, Jeff fired back.
Oz? Really?
That’s what his kids call him. Also, faster to type.
Oz. That was cute. He liked it.
Russ, I’m sorry. Last night was my fault. I’ll explain it on Saturday, but I didn’t want the apology to wait until then. Oscar’s text seemed sincere, and it really was cool that he was trying.
Russ, I’ll explain too. OK? Honest to God, I had a great night, and I was totally with you. I promise. Every second.
He swallowed hard as emotion pushed up from his gut into his throat and stung in his eyes.
OK. I gotta go guys. He had work to do and he needed to think.
Oscar texted back quickly. OK. Love you, Russ.
Jeff sent a picture of his dick.
Chapter Twenty
IT WAS possible his relationship with Emmett had been difficult sometimes, but if so, Oscar couldn’t remember much of that at all. Some bickering, sure, but that was who they were. Still, it seemed like everyone believed that relationships required work, so he supposed it was natural that a relationship with two men at once would require even more.
He’d had a few days to think about how Russ and Jeffrey were going to fit into his family, but he was no closer to answers than he had been the other night. The only thing he knew for sure was that he’d been well-intentioned and wrong at the same.
He felt completely unprepared for this conversation, armed only with what he knew he wanted and genuine feelings for Russ and Jeffrey that seemed to grow deeper every time he saw them. As he pulled into the driveway at Stable Hill, he resolved to stay honest with them and to try to be open to whatever they had to say. They couldn’t ask for more than that, could they?
He was running a few minutes late because Zoe needed an extra hug before he left. Jeffrey was already there, that schmancy car parked out front. He parked right next to it and got out, trying to balance how glad he was to be seeing them with the anxiety riding along in the pit of his stomach.