by Voss, Deja
It’s so much more than I can say about Arthur. So much so, I don’t think I’ll ever speak his name again. I’m free. It’s over. I’m reborn thanks to motorcycles, rough sex, and the man who is currently wiping the tears out of my eyes.
“Does this happen often?” he asks.
“What? Crying? No, actually. Never.”
“You sure?” I realize that that’s twice now he’s seen me cry. Maybe even three times if he caught me on the bike ride to the bar. I have never been a crier, but something about him just draws it out of me. But it’s not sad. It feels good.
“You’re just that good, Gavin,” I laugh. “You fuck the tears right out of me.”
“I thought you were crying because you reality hit you that you’re falling for a basement dwelling biker and your parents are gonna be so mad.”
“Well first of all, my parents are both dead. Second of all, I thought the basement thing was temporary?” I cringe at how vulgar that comes out, but he doesn’t even seem to notice.
“What about the falling for me part?”
“I’m sorry,” I say, hanging my head. “That happened when you fucked me senseless and gave me lasagna. What can I say? I’m fairly easy.”
He pulls my mouth to his, parting my lips for a long hard kiss.
“I don’t have lasagna, I’m sorry. But I do have cheeseburgers. Will that do?”
“Oh yeah, that’s perfect. You know what goes great with cheeseburgers?”
“What’s that?”
“Chocolate ice cream.”
He shakes his head at me. “You better run, girl.” He tosses me my dress from the floor and gives me a loving little pat on the ass. “Master bathroom is upstairs to the left. Meet me outside?”
With every step, I fall more and more in love with this house. The stairs lead to a giant loft. It’s separated into a few rooms, the only closed walls in the old A-frame. I can’t help but peek around.
I love the way the cedar wood smells. Rugged and warm like him. There are two small bedrooms side by side and to me it looks like he constructed this place with a family in mind. It makes my heart flutter. I’d never really put much thought into kids, never been in a situation where I thought it would be something I’d want to do, but his presence makes my ovaries scream. Slow down, sister, I think. I still have a little school left to go, and I definitely want to at least establish my career before I think about the maternity thing.
The master bedroom is huge, open, with floor to ceiling windows and its very own fireplace. The only furniture is a king-size mattress and box spring and a nightstand. Laying on the floor is a worn t-shirt of his. I don’t know what’s gotten into me, this strange primal addiction to everything about him, but I can’t resist just picking it up and smelling it. Leather, lemons, dirt from the earth, everything about his musk makes me insane.
Instead of changing back into my dress, I decide to slide on the t-shirt. It just feels right. I wander into the master bathroom and smile at what I’m seeing in the mirror. The new Sloan. The happy Sloan.
Chapter 22
Gavin
She wanders into the backyard, a mischievous glimmer in her eyes and a skip in her step and I nearly drop my beer onto the charcoal grill flaming in front of me.
“What is this?” I ask, eyeing my worn gray t-shirt, barely covering her curvy ass. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
“Am I weird?” she asks. “It’s just so comfy.”
“I think it’s sexy as hell.” I am at a loss for words that won’t make me sound like a caveman. My jeans are getting tighter by the second. Just when I get myself put together, this woman always manages to make me hard.
“I just, I like the way you feel on me…” she stutters. “And in me.”
“I think this is my favorite thing I’ve ever seen you in.” So casual, so natural, she’s absolutely perfect. “You hungry?”
I pull the burgers off the grill and put them on a plate.
“Beer?” I offer her a can.
“Yes and yes. You are the best. Seriously, this is a dream come true. I feel spoiled.”
“I should warn you, those burgers are venison. Is that ok?”
“Gavin, they could be opossum. I’m basically a human garbage disposal.”
“Be careful what you wish for. Plenty of those running around here.”
We eat, we laugh, I can’t keep my eyes off her body, her every move.
There’s no bullshit or pretenses. It’s just me, her, the mountains, and the moon rising over the trees. She helps me wash dishes and I try to keep my hands off her ass. It’s like we’ve been doing this for a long time, longer than the few chaotic days since she’s been a part of my world.
I spend way too much time waiting around for bad shit to happen. It’s in my blood, in my club, in my soul. It’s the way we have to live to defend our way of life. But right now, while we’re sitting on the front porch swing, drinking cheap canned beer and watching the deer creeping out from the tree line, getting ready to feed as the sun goes down, I can only think of the good things to come.
She’s got her head resting on my shoulder and a contented smile resting on her face. It’s just like I envisioned it. The setting sun illuminates the golden highlights in her hair and she looks angelic. Radiant. Like an angel sent here to save me from myself.
“When did you know?” she asks.
“When did I know what?”
“When did you know you were falling for me?”
“I knew all along,” I say with total conviction. “I knew the instant I met you. You didn’t ask for anything, didn’t want anything from me, didn’t judge me for who I am or what I do; you just treated me like any other person. I just knew then and there that you were a cool chick and I needed to get to know you better. Then when you started doing all these kind things for me and my family without me even asking you, I couldn’t believe it. You took care of my brother, you took care of my men, and last night when I was so disgusted with myself and so utterly out of my mind, you took care of me. You might not have known it, but I needed you last night. I needed someone to ground me, to bring me back to who I am. Every time I’m with you, that’s how I feel.”
She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t need to. She’s straddling my lap, her arms wrapped tight around my shoulders our hearts connected in a warm embrace. I hear her stifle what sounds like a sob.
“I’m so sorry, Sloan. I swear, I don’t ever want to see you crying. Please tell me what I’m doing here so I can stop it.”
She is smiling, her face wet with tears.
“Please don’t ever stop it. You make me feel, Gavin. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like you dislodged something deep inside me that I forgot I had. I’m sorry I’m being so emotional. I don’t get to do this. The shit I see on a daily basis at work could break my heart into a million pieces. Eventually you have to learn to disassociate. It’s just flesh and bones and occasionally there’s nothing you can do to put them back together properly. They’re not friends or grandparents or daughters. I guess it just trickles into everything for me.”
“You can be as emotional as you want. I want all of it. I want all of you, I want to know everything about you so I can do whatever I can to make sure I can do right by you.”
Sloan
I need to tell him. He just poured his heart out to me, and I know I’m being a coward by not letting him in further, but I can’t shake my father’s voice in my ear. I’m a fucking nark.
Maybe not now; I’m older, I’m wiser, and Gavin is nothing like that abusive scumbag, but the thought of having to walk him through all the gory details of my life, when I can just rest here in his lap and watch the sun set is a no-brainer choice. I’m being selfish.
It can wait.
What if I tell him and it’s a deal breaker?
It can wait.
He can hate me tomorrow. Right now, I just want to kiss him. I just want to be as close to him as I can.
I trace that bearded face with my fingertips, focusing on every line, every freckle, memorizing everything about him so I can hold on to this moment for as long as I have to. He’s so perfect, he’s so sexy, and right now, I feel like our hearts are connected in ways that I have never been able to understand.
I kiss him on the lips, no words for what I’m feeling right now. No words that don’t tread into some sort of dangerous territory that will make things move even faster than they are right now. I just want to exist, the two of us, wrapped together on this porch swing for eternity.
Instead he picks me up, my legs wrapping around his waist instinctively, and carries me inside, up the stairs, through the hall. The way he can just lift me up without any effort at all is so sexy. I’ve never felt this way in a man’s arms before; safe, secure, content.
He lays me on the mattress, and the way the windows stretch from floor to ceiling, I feel like I’m still outside, the moon shining through the darkness, illuminating the entire room. It’s beautiful and romantic.
He takes his time taking off his clothes, standing fully nude, fully exposed in front of me. His tattooed chest, his rippled back, the lines of muscle running from his thighs to his perfect ass, every hair, every scar, lit up with the natural light. I take all of him in.
He takes me swiftly, pulling me on top of him, pulling up my shirt, pressing every inch of our bodies together, our mouths never leaving each other’s. Warm, wet kisses, warm wet friction, slowly and silently, we are what we are meant to be.
I’ve seen his ugly, but right now, I only feel his beauty. His loving hands caressing my shoulders, calloused fingers running through my hair with more care than usual.
I’ve opened my body to him, given him full rein, full trust with me inside and out, and he hasn’t let me down. Why can’t I just open my heart?
We climax together, my toes curling as I moan into his mouth, his hard dick rooted deep inside me as he fills me with his warm seed. As he hugs my body tight against his, lingering inside of me, I feel closer to him than I ever have before. He’s not just inside my quivering pussy. He is a part of me. I’m a changed woman.
I feel him soften, his body relaxing under me. He’s smiling up at me, grinning from ear to ear. He reaches down and pulls the sheet up over my shoulders as I melt into his chest.
Soft kisses on the lips fill our little blanket cocoon. It isn’t long before I start to drift off, completely content in his arms.
“You’re perfect, Sloan,” he whispers in my ear.
Maybe not. Definitely not. But in this moment, I’m complete.
Chapter 23
The sun rising through the windows flutters my eyelids open, and even though I’m in this strange place, I feel like I am home.
In this moment, I feel complete. Olive was right, I am happy. His arms wrapped around my body, waking up in his warm embrace, is the most grounding thing I’ve ever felt.
I let out a long sigh.
“What’s wrong?” He kisses my shoulder.
“Nothing. Everything. This. I don’t want this to ever have to end.”
He hugs me tighter, his corded thighs intertwined with mine, my cold feet pressing into his calves until he jumps.
“It’s not going to. We can make this work, Sloan.”
“I don’t want to leave. I want to wake up like this every morning with you.”
It’s impractical. It’s nonsensical. An hour-long commute down the side of a mountain every day with the winter ahead is not something my beat-up old car can handle. Add in the fact that my hours are strange and long and sometimes it takes everything in me not to pass out on the short drive to my apartment, and I know it’s just wishful thinking on my part.
“We’ll just have to play it by ear. We can stay at your place. We can stay at camp. As long as I get to have you next to me, I’ll camp in the hospital parking lot for all I care. You’re mine now, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you’ll never sleep alone again. I’m gonna take care of you, Sloan.”
My heart is beating so fast I think it’s going to explode out of my chest. Coming from him, I believe it. I don’t feel threatened by it or concerned about his true intentions. It’s pure and honest and real.
I roll over in his arms so I can look into his gorgeous eyes.
“I’m yours now?”
“You got a problem with that?”
I kiss his lips because it’s easier to show him how I feel about that idea than to try and tell him.
“Does that make me your old lady then?” I tease. Never in a million years would I imagine myself here, saying something like this.
“If you want to get technical, then sure.”
“So what does that mean?”
“It means your existence makes me a better man, and I spend the rest of my life doing everything in my power to make you happy.”
I don’t know how to tell him how happy he is making me right now.
“It also means we always sleep naked and I get to kiss your sweet pussy every morning.”
“Both are very critical pillars in any healthy relationship,” I laugh.
He rolls me on my back, pinning my arms over my head, and I soak in his gorgeous body, his rippled, inked abs and the look on his face like he’s about to devour me whole. His beard tickles my shoulder bone as he sucks on the side of my neck.
My phone alarm begins ringing on the nightstand. It’s 5 a.m. and I need to start my day so I can get to work in time this afternoon.
“Oh shit,” I mutter, disappointed. “Guess we’ll have to wait for tomorrow for you to make good on part two.” I roll over on my side.
He wrenches my legs up over my head with one swoop and plants a sloppy kiss right on my clit before swatting my ass and pushing me out of bed.
“Off ya go.” He winks.
“You’re such a fucking tease.”
“I’ll finish you off tonight. Give you a reason not to change your mind.”
I walk down the hallway, all fired up and turned on, half hoping that he’ll follow me, and hop in the shower. I hear him fidgeting in the bathroom, brushing his teeth. He throws open the shower curtain and just stares at me. I instinctively try and cover myself with my hands.
“What the hell!?” I laugh.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I just can’t stop looking at you, girl. You make me crazy. Everything about you. I feel like I just woke up from a dream or something. Had to make sure you were actually here in front of me.”
The way he’s staring at me is turning me on something fierce. Something about the fact that he can stand there so nonchalant while I’m completely vulnerable drives me nuts.
“Oh, I’m here,” I tell him, moving my hands, tracing my sides until I’m cupping my breasts. “And you are definitely not dreaming.”
He shakes his head at me before yanking the shower curtain shut again.
“Gavin!” I yell.
“Hurry up, Sloan. You’re going to be late!”
“Stop distracting me!” I whine. “And stop being such a tease!”
Gavin
I gotta stay away from her while she gets ready. As much as I want to spend another day inside her, on her, with her, I know I won’t be doing her any favors by sabotaging her work and school life.
“Do you have a blow-dryer?” she asks as she walks down the hallway in nothing but a towel.
“What do you think?”
“I think I didn’t really think that one out.”
After trying to hurriedly get ready, we mount up my bike and head back to the clubhouse so I can grab my pickup and take her to her place so she can get ready for work. I don’t care about what it’s going to take to make this work. All I know is that I’m going to be good on my word. Now that I’ve got her, I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep her, and to make sure she finishes her internship as planned. She might make me a better person, but I’m not going to make her a worse person by my own selfish whims to keep her here with me.
&nbs
p; The morning air is frigid, almost icy. Her skin is bright red, her teeth chattering as we pull into the garage, her hair still damp.
“I’m definitely going to need some coffee,” she says.
“Let’s go inside for a minute and I’ll get you some. I’ll warm up the truck, too. You’re going to catch a damn cold.”
“Sure thing, old man,” she laughs. “You’re so cute when you try and take care of me.”
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel my skin start to blush a little bit. Of course I want to try and take care of her. She’s mine now, and I reserve the right to make sure she’s comfortable and healthy.
We make our way into the house, and everything is so quiet. The place is put back together neatly, and the only person around is my brother.
Goob is laying on the couch, watching the news, his casted leg propped up on an end table.
“Hey, bud,” I say to him. “How are you feeling today?”
“Oh my God, Hank,” she shouts, relief in her voice, running over to him. “How’s it going? I was hoping I’d get to see you. Are you feeling ok?”
“Leave me alone,” he barks. “I don’t need your help.” He is grimacing in pain, the road rash on his forehead turning into a mess of scars on his fair freckled skin.
She runs her hand over his forehead and he swats her away.
“I said leave me alone, bitch,” he growls in a low voice. “Get your hands off me.”
“Don’t talk to her like that,” I scold him. “It’s not her fault you’re a dipshit who can’t keep his bike on the road.” I don’t like that my father’s general attitude towards Sloan has seemingly rubbed off on him. “She didn’t do anything to you but help you.”
“We’ll see about that,” he mutters.
I’m not going to fight with him. I’m not even sure what he’s on, what he’s doing, or what his intentions are. I just want to get this day started so it can be tonight. I pour us two cups of coffee from the carafe on the bar and offer her cream and sugar. She just takes it black and silently walks out to my truck.