by Voss, Deja
“I’m good on that,” I say, smiling. It’s true. I’m still practicing medicine up here as I’m needed, and I’ve been doing a totally different kind of internship than I ever have in the past, studying under Patch, the mountain doctor. He’s taught me all sorts of things about using nature as medicine, his Shawnee roots guiding us through the forest in search of herbs and leaves and plants that can be harvested for healing. “And I didn’t forget our “fucking” anniversary, by the way,” I say. “But you’re going to have to wait for tonight to get your present.”
“I think I can guess what that might be,” he says with a smirk, pinching at my nipple with his big calloused hand.
“I highly doubt it,” I say, smiling up at him with love in my eyes. It’s taken everything in me not to tell him yet, but I wanted to make sure I wasn’t just readjusting after going off my birth control. Two pink lines times three tests with Olive holding my hand and screaming as I made her pinky swear to secrecy later, and I knew I was going to make him the happiest man alive.
Although I’ve fortunately avoided any morning sickness symptoms so far, it’s been a struggle for the last week, especially trying to avoid long trips on the bike with him. I trust his driving, but anything could happen out on the road, and now that it’s not just me I have to worry about, I’m doing my best to not put myself in high-risk situations.
One could argue that living with the Mountain Misfits IS a high-risk situation in itself, and I could see where they’re coming from. From the outside, I guess it looks like we’re a bunch of moonshine-chugging, fighting, fucking outlaws, and there’s a lot of truth to that sentiment. But since moving here, I’ve never felt safer or more loved in my entire life. There’s a certain peace to living on this piece of land, and I know that our child will have a better life than I could’ve ever imagined for myself.
“I’ll let you finish up. If I have to stand here looking at your tits much longer, I’m gonna have to change my pants.”
“You’re such a gentleman,” I laugh, rolling my eyes at him.
As he leaves through the patio door, I dump the glass of wine in the rose bush next to the tub. Rosie rushes over, lapping it up eagerly as she wags her nubby little tail.
“Get out of there, ya boozehound.” I wave her off and carefully stand up, reaching for the towel I draped over the clothesline.
I know we promised no more secrets, but this isn’t so much a secret as it is a surprise. I run my hands over my belly, pushing it out, imagining myself swollen with his child. There’s something so sensual about knowing how connected we are on the deepest possible level. It gives me chills as I stand there, nude in the fall air.
The best part about being pregnant is knowing how happy it’s going to make him. He’s always said it’s his dying wish to make me happy, and he certainly does, but being able to return the favor for him, every day, in every way, is a dream come true for me.
Gavin:
I don’t want to rush her, but I really can’t wait for this day to get started. I know it’s totally cheesy but I feel like today is the first day of the rest of our lives.
“You guys coming soon?” Olive texts me.
Olive is just as anxious as I am. Not bad anxious. Ready anxious. Ready to move forward as husband and wife, not just Gavin and Sloan. She walks in the back door wearing nothing but a towel. I can’t keep my eyes off her graceful body.
“What are we thinking today?” she asks. “Business casual? Leather and lace?”
“It doesn’t matter. Whatever’s comfortable. You can wear your bathrobe for all I care. Just go get ready!”
I pace around the kitchen until she’s back on the steps in her favorite skinny jeans and a tight-fitting black t-shirt. Her hair is still short, but the way it hits just above her collarbone is strangely sexy to me. It makes me want to bury my face there, kissing and licking on her while she wiggles in my arms. She knows it, too.
“Let’s go!” I say before she hits the bottom of the stairs. “We’re burning daylight here.”
“Did you drink too much coffee today or what? I don’t even have shoes on.”
Now she’s just taunting me, dramatically pulling one boot over her foot, fiddling with the laces before tying them, untying them, and then retying them.
“I’ll be outside,” I say, running out the front door with a slam. I’m thumbing the felt box in my pocket as I continue to pace the yard. Everyone is waiting for us at the clubhouse. I’ve been debating how I wanted to do this since she moved in with me in May. Sure, I could’ve gone low-key, just the two of us, but she would’ve seen it coming.
Plus, now that she’s here with us on the mountain she’s definitely become a pillar of the club. She’s so motherly and caring. She keeps the guys in line and she always knows what to do in any situation.
She’s about to become Mountain Misfits royalty, and I want everyone there to celebrate this big day. I want everyone to know she’s going to be here with us forever. She’s going to be mine forever.
“I’m surprised you didn’t leave without me!” she laughs. “Where are we going?”
“We have to stop at the clubhouse first.”
We mount up the bike and she clutches on to me with a firmer grip than usual, as if she’s clinging for dear life.
“You alright back there?” I shout over the roar of the engine.
Her smile is thin and bleak, but she shoots me a thumbs-up and down the mountain we go. It’s a relatively short drive, but I want to get there as quickly as possible. She’s hugging onto me with all her might still. Maybe she’s a little tipsy from the wine.
“Gavin, stop!” she yells, as we pull into the gravel driveway outside the clubhouse. She takes her hand from my waist and begins to point to the picnic table in the lawn of the mansion. My dad is hunched over, grasping at his chest.
“Relax,” I yell back. “He probably drank too much last night.”
“No!” she screams. “Look!”
He takes a few staggered steps and then falls to the ground in a heap. I barely even come to a complete stop before she’s off and running, sprinting towards him. She’s on the ground next to him, feeling his pulse, tearing his t-shirt down the middle, and I’m just sitting there idling, so confused about what’s going on in front of me.
“Go get help, Gavin. He needs to go to the hospital. Go get the truck.”
It’s as if the only speed I can move in is slow-motion. My dad has been nothing but trouble, especially when it comes to Sloan, and now he’s ruining things once again, this time without even trying.
“Gavin, hurry! Somebody needs to call 911 and tell an ambulance to meet us at the bottom of the hill.”
I rush inside the clubhouse. Everyone is casually gathered around the barroom, obviously waiting on our arrival.
“Where is she?” Trixie shouts. “What did you do?”
“She’s outside with dad. Someone needs to call an ambulance,” I say. “Let’s go.”
Sloan:
If I was being honest, I would say that Moses having a heart attack on our anniversary would be the best surprise I could’ve ever imagined. I know if I were dying in a field he’d probably run the other way, but that’s not me, that’s not my style.
I’m going to keep this fucker alive as long as possible so he can suffer in my joy. Suffer in the fact that his son chose me over him and I’m not going anywhere.
“Try and stay calm, Mo,” I say. “You’re going to be alright.”
He’s not in cardiac arrest; his eyes open as he gasps for air. He’s likely going to be perfectly fine so long as we get him to a hospital. He looks so old, so gray, and yet his eyes are clear, burning a hole right through me, dripping with hate.
“Try and take some deep breaths and get comfortable,” I tell him. “Gavin’s coming with the truck. We’re going to get you help.”
“I… don’t… do… hospitals,” he gasps between breaths, wheezing each one out.
“Well you do today, Mo. Unl
ess you want to keel over and die right here.”
It’s hard for me to be the bigger person, especially when I have him in such a delicate position, but I know that living my life full of hatred for him isn’t worth my time.
His breathing is ragged, and he tries to stand up with a start.
“Moses, you don’t want to do that. You’re going to end up hurting yourself. Don’t you want to live long enough to meet your new grandkid?”
He grasps at his chest but a thin smile starts forming across his face, and for some reason I know it’s sincere. It’s the first time he’s ever done anything but sneer, snarl, snap, or frown at me. It’s as if I finally got through to him.
“You’re only the second person who knows. Keep your mouth shut, ok?”
A tear rolls down my face. Every time I say it out loud, every time I tell someone, it feels more real, and it’s overwhelming in the best possible way.
I hear truck tires pulling up the driveway, and Clutch and Heat jump out and begin ushering him into the backseat. Gavin is standing in the lawn, his head hung low.
“I’m gonna ride down with them,” I tell him. Partially because I want to keep an eye on Moses, and partially because I don’t want to be on the back of his bike down that bumpy winding hill. There’s no sense in risking it, even this early on.
I sprint over to him, kissing him on the lips, hugging him around the waist.
“He’s gonna be ok, Gav. Don’t worry,” I assure him. “I’ll see ya at the hospital?”
“Sure.” He’s frowning; the look of disappointment on his face is like a child who just found out the truth about Santa.
“Gav, don’t be like this. We have the rest of our lives to celebrate our anniversary. Let’s just get your dad taken care of and we can try again tomorrow.”
* * *
Being back at the hospital reaffirms that I made the best choice possible for my life by not taking the job there. As nice as it is seeing Carol for the first time in months, nothing about this place feels like somewhere I belong.
She runs up to me and gives me a big hug.
“Sloan!” she cries out. “We’ve missed you so much. This place isn’t the same without you here.”
“I’m sorry, Carol,” I say. “I missed you too. When are you going to come up and visit?”
“I promise I will try to soon.” She whispers in my ear with a knowing tone in her voice, “I have to say, you look like you’re glowing.”
“Shhh...” I say with a smile. “Not even Gavin knows yet. I was gonna tell him today, but… well, Moses doesn’t like us to have nice things.”
“Sloan, you never told us you were friends with Nurse Hottie,” Heat says as he sneaks up behind us.
She’s blushing bright red as he offers his hand. I could see them being a couple. They’re about the same age, and she’s probably raunchier than he is. I’ll let him find that out for himself though.
“Sorry, Heat,” I say. “Nurse Hottie, this is Heat. He’s the chaplain of the club. I’ll let you two talk.”
I walk away to look for Gavin. I feel like I need to stay by his side before I accidentally tell anyone else about my condition. Plus, this day is about his dad, not me. I want everything to be perfect when he finds out. This situation is obviously not ideal.
As the crew gathers in the waiting area, we are assured that Moses is stable. He had a cardiac incident that will require a few stents, and likely some lifestyle changes, but he should be out in no time at all. We wait for him to recover from his surgery.
“You want me to call Goob for you?” I ask Gavin as he paces around. Hank voluntarily signed up for a ninety-day rehab program across the country, and we have been talking a lot lately. I’m glad we’re finally getting along. It took a lot of forgiveness to get over what he tried to do to me, but I realized a lot of his actions were related to his drug use. I’m just glad he’s off somewhere getting help, because we sure as hell can’t do much for him ourselves.
“You think he needs to know? As long as Dad’s ok, I’m sure it can wait. No need to pile stress on him. He’ll probably want to come home if you give him a reason to.”
I doubt he would. I think rehab is teaching him a lot about his relationship with his father and how unhealthy it really is. I’ll let Gavin find that out for himself when he gets home in a few weeks though.
The doctors let us in to see Moses two at a time. Normally it’s immediate family only, but these misfits have their way of getting around a rule or two. Gavin and I go in together and stand over his bed. He’s wide awake and looks much less gray than earlier today.
“I’m sorry, Gavin,” are the first words that come from his thin lips. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“I’m just glad you’re ok, Pops. Hopefully this will slow you down a little bit. I can’t be babysitting you all the time anymore, ya know?” If only he knew. There’s going to be a whole new set of babysitting opportunities on his hands, and it doesn’t involve a man with a white beard and a penchant for cocaine and misogyny.
“You guys go home,” he says. “I know this wasn’t part of your anniversary plan.” I am really kind of shocked by his politeness. I expected him to be kicking and screaming ‘get me out of here,’ by now.
“You sure?” I ask.
He winks at me, a knowing smile on his face. “I just want to go to sleep until they let me out.”
Gavin hugs him, and we leave the room together. He looks so stressed-out.
“Gavin, he’s going to be fine!” I say.
“I know. It’s not that. Let’s just go home.”
It’s dark by now, and visiting hours are coming to a close anyway.
“I don’t have my helmet, Gav,” I say. “I’m gonna have to ride back with the guys.”
“Just wear mine,” he says, shrugging.
“Then you don’t have one. It’s dark and the deer are probably out.”
“Whatever,” he mutters and walks off into the parking lot, leaving me standing there alone. I don’t know why he’s being such an asshole.
“Why are you still standing out here?” Clutch asks as the men approach the truck. “Where’d Gavin go?”
“Everything is fine,” I say. “Just take me home.”
Gavin:
I don’t understand why she’s acting so strange. We’ve taken this trip together hundreds of times over the last few months and I’ve never once given her a reason to worry. I understand she feels the need to help my family out, but today I just need her to be with me. The engagement was supposed to be perfect, and now I’m just pissed off and tired. Leave it to my dad to fuck up a good thing for me.
I’m the first one up the hill but I don’t even stop at the clubhouse when I get back. I go straight to our house. Rosie is clawing at the door by the time I get up the steps, begging to be let outside. I grab a beer from the fridge and head out in the yard with a flashlight, following her around while she does her business. I check on the goats and the chickens, making sure everyone is fed and happy.
Yup, everyone is taken care of except for me. And Sloan. We just can’t catch a break.
I sit on the front porch, just a man and his dog, and soon I see headlights in the driveway.
“Hey,” she says, shooing me with a wave and walks straight through the front door.
“Sloan!” I shout after her but she ignores me.
I follow her inside, up the steps and into the bathroom where she’s running the shower.
“Why are you being such a weirdo?” I ask her. “You’ve been ignoring me all day!”
“I don’t know, Gavin. Why are you being such an asshole? You’re acting like everyone is out to inconvenience you or something.”
“Everyone IS out to inconvenience me,” I say. “I had the perfect day planned, and, as usual, the fucking circus had to come to town and fuck it all up. I don’t understand why things just can’t go the way I want them to. I just wanted it to be about you and me.”
She fro
wns at me as she begins to undress, and goes to talk about five times, but nothing comes out.
“What?” I ask her.
“Nothing,” she mumbles, getting in the shower and sliding the curtain shut. “I don’t want to be hurtful.” I can hear her start sobbing softly as I turn to walk out.
“Why are you crying, Sloan?” I ask, pulling the curtain open. “What the hell is going on?”
“Ziploc baggie, bottom sink drawer,” she snaps. “If it doesn’t inconvenience you too much, that is.” She wrenches the curtain shut tight again before I have a chance to say anything.
I pull the bag out of the drawer and don’t know what to say. This feeling inside me is nothing new, it’s still my same love for her, but it’s amplified by a million times. I rush to the shower and pull back the curtain, grabbing her soapy body and pulling it into me. I kiss her passionately, running my hands up and down her soft skin, cupping her round ass as the water beats down on us. I trace my fingers over her belly, and she bites her lip and smiles.
“Does it all make sense now?” she asks. “It’s not just all about you and me, Gavin. You’re going to be a dad.”
“Thank you,” I say, not wanting to take my hands off of her. I kiss down her neck, and she giggles. “Thank you,” is all I can come up with. She’s given me the greatest gift she could possibly give and I’m a stuttering moron. I cup her breast in my hand and kiss her goose bumped flesh before I take her nipple in my mouth. Her quiet moans turn me on so much, but I have unfinished business to take care of.
“Sloan, I love you so much.” I pull away. “I’ll be back in twenty minutes,” I tell her.
“You’re nuts, Gavin. Why do you do this shit to me?” she laughs. “Always a tease.”
I run my hands down her stomach and grab her hips in my hands, kissing her right below her bellybutton as she squirms. “I promise, it’ll be worth it. I’ll be right back.”