by Voss, Deja
I feel like a ton of bricks has been dropped on me. I hadn’t let my mind go there, so blinded by the guilt of leaving her alone, so used to fucking things up with her, that I really thought she felt that way about me. I can’t believe I didn’t put two and two together.
“You know who wrote it?” I ask him.
“I have a good feeling.”
So do I. The man who loves leaving fucked-up suicide notes. The man who has made it his life’s mission to take away everything I love.
“I’ll call the guys if you want,” he says. “We can all get together at the house and figure out what we’re going to do.”
“Hold off on that,” I tell him. This isn’t between the club and Moses anymore. This is personal. This man has been stripping everyone I love from me before I was even old enough to do anything about it, and now I’m going to handle it once and for all. It’s my time to get revenge, and if I ever want to see Esther again, I have a feeling I’m going to have to play my cards perfectly.
I’m sprinting back to the house, my feet catching on every rock and root in the deep dark woods. I’m trying to keep from falling on my face, but I am a man on a mission to rescue the only woman I’ve ever truly loved. I can hear the coyotes screaming, and now that I know she’s not out here wandering around, it rejuvenates me. It energizes me. Their desperate howls make me feel connected to this mountain, connected to my club, and connected to her.
I crest the tree line to the clearing that leads to my backyard. I stop dead in my tracks when I see Moses standing on my back porch. He’s pacing back and forth, sucking down a cigarette, talking on his cell phone.
I just stand and wait, watching his every move, knowing that this man is way too proud to keep his tracks covered for long. He’s gotta have someone else in on this with him. He needs someone to gloat to.
“Morgan, that’s nonsense,” I hear him scold. “You know I’m just looking out for you, honey. This is all going to be over soon. Remember what we talked about? Just make sure she has food and water. I can’t have her dying on us.”
I can’t make out much more of his conversation, but I think I know all I need to know to plot my next move. He snuffs out his cigarette on the railing of the deck and tosses the butt into the yard. He walks into the house through the back door and I wait a few minutes, digesting everything I just heard, my heart pounding.
He might be the worst person that ever lived, but there’s still hope for Morgan. At least, there’s still hope in the form that she’s easy to manipulate. She’s evil in her own right, hungry for power, quick to throw anyone under the bus for her own gain. So quick that she doesn’t actually think about what she’s doing. I almost feel bad for her. Almost.
I will be giving her a phone call really soon, but first I have to go pretend like I’m completely clueless.
Hang in there, Esther, I think, reassured that, at the very least, she’s still alive. I’m coming for you, lover.
* * *
“Nope,” I say to Goob as we sit around my kitchen table. I haven’t seen him in a few months, and he really looks good, despite the current situation. I can tell he’s clean by the way that he’s filled out. He was always skin and bones, but now he’s packing some muscle. His skin looks clearer and his eyes look sharp, his blond hair pulled back into a bun. He looks city, but that’s ok. As long as he’s getting himself healthy, he can dye his hair pink and shave off his beard for all I care.
Moses is pacing around the room, looking more anxious than bereft with grief that his daughter is missing. He hasn’t set foot in this house since my father’s wake. It’s funny that now, all of a sudden, he’s right up in my business, infiltrating my personal space. He knows he’s making me uncomfortable, and he’s loving every minute of it. He’s also making sure I don’t have the chance to put the pieces together, even though everyone else is basically spoon-feeding me this information. I can only hope that Goob sees through my acting job, which I admit is pretty shitty. I am fidgeting in my chair so hard that I feel like it might break underneath me. “She definitely wrote this. It’s her words. It’s her writing.”
“It’s not her writing,” Goob says. “She used to send me letters all the time back when she lived with Aunt Mary. She doesn’t know how to write in cursive. She could never figure it out. The woman could do calculus and chemistry but when she tried to write in cursive, it came out all backwards.”
“Well she must have learned how,” I say.
“I warned her,” Moses says to no one in particular, staring off into space. “I told her you were no good for her.”
“Knock it off, Moses,” Trixie barks at him. “This isn’t his fault. That girl would never blame someone else for her problems. She’s not hurtful like that. Either this note is a fake, or she was on something really bad.”
“Either way, it is his fault. Everyone around him is killing themselves all the time. You think that’s a coincidence?” I try to stifle a laugh. My father’s death is definitely not funny, but it’s ironic that he doesn’t think I can see how coincidental these two circumstances are.
“Can you all just leave?” I ask. “I need to be alone. I’m tired and stressed and I want to get up early so I can go back out and keep searching.”
“I don’t think you should be alone tonight, honey,” Trixie says. “You need someone here.”
“He’s hiding something,” Moses says. “I see right through his shit. She’s my daughter, and I’m staying here until I know exactly what this fucker is up to.”
“She’s my sister, and I’ll stay here,” Goob says, and I have to hold in a sigh of relief. “You need to go back to the clubhouse in case she turns up there.”
“I doubt she will,” Moses shrugs, “but ok.”
“Why do you say that, Moe?” Trixie asks. “At this point, anything is possible. We have to make sure all our bases are covered. For all we know, she just got her pot brownies mixed up with her mushroom brownies and went on a nature walk to find herself. If she’s out wandering, disoriented, she’ll probably turn up at the closest place she finds. Nothing about this is right to me. This isn’t like her at all.”
I don’t know what Trixie actually believes, but I know the only way we’re going to have a serious conversation is to get Moses out of here, and the sooner the better. Wherever Esther is, I’m sure she’s scared, and likely hurt.
His phone rings, and he frowns when he sees the number on the screen. “I have to go take this. I’ll be at the clubhouse. Call me if anything goes down. Goob, don’t let this asshole out of your sight.”
Goob shoots him a salute, and he walks out the front door without another word, making sure he drags his muddy boots on the carpet on his way.
“So who’s gonna keep their eyes on him?” I ask as soon as the door closes.
“I’ll be watching him like a hawk, child,” Trixie says, reassuring me. She wraps her arms around me in a giant bear hug, kissing the top of my head. “God, it’s hard not calling him out. How did you guys not crack?”
There’s a sudden lightness around the table. All of us have been holding our breath.
“I just want to fucking kill him right now. If he so much as laid a hand on her…” Goob says.
“Don’t start with that,” I tell him. “He still thinks you’re on his team.”
“Sucks that it’s coming down to this,” he says.
“That girl’s always been the glue that holds this club together,” Trixie says. “She’s sacrificed so much. Maybe this will be the last time she has to. The only thing I can hope is that this situation brings some order back to the Misfits.”
“And that she’s alive,” I say.
“Oh baby, she’s totally alive. You think Moses isn’t gonna squeeze every last bit of leverage he has out of her? He gains nothing by killing her. We still need to find her, though.”
“Morgan,” I say. “She’s in on it.”
“That little bitch,” Trixie says. “I thought you got rid of her.”
“Apparently she didn’t want what Salazar had to offer. She has it out for Esther.”
“She’s jealous,” Trixie says. “You know exactly what you’re going to have to do to get to her to cooperate.”
“Beer me, Trix,” I say. “This is gonna require a little more than my natural acting abilities allow.”
She laughs as she grabs a bottle from the fridge and opens it, setting it in front of me. “Good luck, son. I’m going to go now. I’ll be on Moses like a fly on shit. Don’t you worry.”
“You’re a good woman, Trixie,” I say, hugging her.
“I miss you, Auntie,” Goob says to her, pulling her in for an embrace. “Be careful, please. I don’t want to see you getting hurt.”
“Honey, I know about nine hundred different ways to kill a man. Don’t think I haven’t imagined trying them all out on your father.”
“Keep him alive, please. Unless you’re in serious danger.”
“I know, I know.” She rolls her eyes at me. “I never get to have any fun.”
I walk outside with her and watch her get on her bike. We’re lucky to have her in our lives. She never got to be a mom herself, but the way she’s taken us boys in is more than I can say for my own mother. I shoot a text to Gavin and the gang, telling them to get to my place as soon as they can.
Even though I’m feeling mildly relieved, we have a long night ahead of us. I definitely won’t sleep until I get Esther back here with me. What we’re going to do about Moses is a completely different story.
Right now though, I have to make a deal with the devil. I have to convince Morgan to take me to her, and even though it might be easy, it’s not going to be fun.
Chapter 39
She picks up on the first ring. All the guys are gathered around in my kitchen, and Olive and Sloan are making sandwiches. Everyone is just watching me in silence, waiting for the next move.
“Put it on speaker,” Austin whispers, way too loudly. Gavin puts his hand over his mouth and punches him on the shoulder.
“Morgan, where are you?” I ask.
“Why?” she says in such an over the top way; that one little word completely gives her away.
“Well, I’m lonely,” I try to say convincingly as possible, trying not to throw up in my mouth. “I don’t know if you heard about Esther. I’m really sad, and I could use some comfort, if you know what I mean.”
She’s completely silent on the other end.
“You know, like the good old days.”
“What happened to Esther?” she asks. “I’ve been downtown all day, you know, running errands. Left straight from the campsite this morning right after you did. Then I went to the movies with some friends.” She’s being oddly specific. She’s building her alibi. It’s so fucking obvious I want to grab her by that blonde hair of hers and scream in her face until she tells me everything I want to know. Instead, I have to feign interest for the sake of saving Esther.
“Don’t play with me, baby girl,” I say. “I know you know where she is.”
“How do you know that? And you think I’m going to tell you that information? How does that serve me? Moses and I have a good deal going already.”
“What if I make you an even better one?” I say. “One where you don’t have to spend the next few years of your life pretending like you enjoy riding old man cock.”
“What are you saying?”
“What I’m saying is, you and I could potentially be in a really good position right now. And I’m not talking doggie style. If we put our heads together, this could mean a serious power move in the club.”
Olive slaps her hand over her mouth, fighting back her laughter.
“So what you’re saying is, I’m playing for the wrong team.”
“That’s a smart way to put it.”
“It’s pretty funny you mention that,” she says, laughing. “Esther said the exact same thing to me today.”
“She’s alive?” I ask.
“Sure is. I’m actually with her right now. Want me to put her on speaker?”
I gulp. This is where things are going to get rough. I know Esther is smart, but the thought of saying even one hurtful thing to her makes me physically ill.
“Brooks!” I hear her yelling. “Brooks! Come get me!”
“We’re going to have to kill her, you know,” I say.
“What?” Morgan asks, shock in her voice.
“We’re going to have to kill a lot of people if you want our plan to work. Moses, Esther, maybe even Gavin.” Gavin makes his fingers into a gun and points them right at me with a wink. They’re both silent on the other end of the line.
“It’s the only way, Morgan. Then I can finally be president, and you will be the queen of the Misfits. What do you think about that?”
“What about the other guys? What will they say?”
“They’ll never know, Morgan. They already think Esther is dead. I’m the only person who heard Moses on the phone with you. Gavin and Moses, it’ll be easy to frame that as a murder suicide or something. You know how those assholes go at it.”
I can hear Esther crying in the background.
“I don’t believe you,” Morgan says.
“Esther,” I say. “Can you hear me?”
Her sobs grow louder.
“I never loved you. I have been waiting for this day my whole life, the day I could get rid of you once and for all. You’re nothing but a whore to me. You got a gun, Morgan?” I ask. I know she can’t shoot for shit, she’s never learned, and she never carries, and I’m really hoping that today isn’t some one-off day that she decided she was going to.
“No,” she says.
“That’s too bad. Looks like I’m gonna have to come over there and handle this myself. Where are you?”
“I’ll meet you by the garage,” she says. “I don’t know how to explain it.”
“Alright. I’m coming for you, girl,” I say, praying that the right woman hears what I’m trying to say.
Chapter 40
Esther:
I’m stunned. I sit here, alone in the dark, not really certain about what just transpired in front of me. Sure, I burst into tears when I heard his voice, mostly because I was worried I would never hear it again. It was instant relief knowing that he’s out there looking for me. Now he’s on his way here. The things that came out of his mouth, though. They were strange, hurtful, the kind of stuff my father warned me about. I’ve never seen him act like that before.
Crude, sure. Crass, definitely. Hurtful and power hungry? That’s not the Brooks I’ve known and loved. The bruises on my head don’t really give me any clue as to if I’m thinking straight or not. All I can do is wait it out. Wait it out in my little blanket fort, pee in a can, and eat random snacks my captors have slipped through the cracks of a cage.
It’s all very fucked.
I try not to think the man that I love is on his way here to kill me.
I try not to think that the man I love is going to murder my brother and father, too.
I try not to think that my father is the one who put me in this position to begin with.
All I can do is wait.
The funny thing is, I’m not even remotely upset at Morgan. Sure, she’s throwing me under the bus here, and willingly, but that’s all she knows. That’s what this life has taught her. When you’re done with someone, you just get rid of them, especially if they’re getting in the way of what you want.
It feels like hours go by, sitting here in the dark, and for some reason, I’m not scared. I learned a long time ago that trying to imagine what’s in store for me doesn’t get me ready for the fight I have to face.
I hear the steel door swing open. The overhead lights flicker on, and my eyes struggle to adjust to the sudden brightness. I squint until I can make out the two figures in front of me. Morgan is back, and she has Brooks with her. She’s holding his hand. I look into his eyes, trying to get a good read on what he’s thinking, but he just looks blan
k, as if seeing me here, pathetic and weak, is making him shut down.
“Here she is,” Morgan says. “I don’t have a key to this cage, though.”
“That’s ok,” Brooks says. “Once Moses is gone, you and I will be the only people who know this place exists anyway. We can fill the steps in with concrete once we’re done here if it’ll make you feel better, babe.”
“Are you here to kill me?” I ask, my voice trembling.
“Maybe,” Morgan says. “Or maybe we’re just here to torture you. You know, like you’ve tortured me all these years. Everyone’s always liked you more, and you were never afraid to rub it in my face. Everyone thinks you’re all that, that you hold this club together. Where’s everyone now, Esther? Hell, the man you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with is standing here with a loaded gun.”
“You think we should torture her?” Brooks asks. “What do you have in mind?”
“Guys, seriously, just fucking get it over with so you can move on with your plan. I get it. You both hate me. I’m a terrible person. It’s time for me to die. The only thing I can hope is that when you try to kill my brother, he’s not locked in a cage, helpless like me. If ya’ll are going to be taking over the club, you’re gonna have to be a little fucking harder than that.”
“Shut up, Esther,” Brooks says. He grabs Morgan by the back of her head, tugging her hair back like he’s about to kiss her on the lips. I put my hands over my eyes. As much as I should hate him right now, I feel like seeing him with another woman would be worse than him actually killing me.
“You like it rough, don’t you, Brooks,” Morgan purrs. “Show me how you like it.”
I watch through my fingers as he strokes the side of her face. In one swift move, he has her pinned up against the wall, her hands behind her back in one hand, as he uses his free hand to loosen his belt.
As he loops the leather around her wrists, she lets out an “ouch!” that leads me to believe this isn’t something sexy happening in front of me. He’s staring right at me, a wicked smile across his gorgeous face. I stand up and walk to the edge of the cage, feeling around for the lock.