by Voss, Deja
“I need to tell you something.” I stare into his eyes, trying to think of the right words to say. As I take a deep breath, I feel suddenly nauseous. I leap from the couch and go straight into the bathroom, unloading my guts.
“Holy hell, Olive, are you alright?” he asks as I wretch. I break out in a cold sweat and my head is spinning. I think this child is mad at me for not coming clean sooner. Or maybe he or she doesn’t like apple pie, but if that’s the case, I’m fairly certain it’s not my kid.
“I’m fine,” I gasp. “This baby, though. It’s kind of a jerk.”
Chapter 30
Tank:
I don’t even know how to respond to that. Maybe that’s code for something else. Maybe she’s cracked from being in jail. Maybe she’s saying exactly what I think she’s saying. Knowing Olive, I think she’s trying to tell me that she’s pregnant.
I cringe as I hear the motorcycles pull into the driveway. I know I didn’t lock the front door, and before she can even pull her head out of the toilet, there’s shouting in the living room.
“Are we interrupting something?” Brooks’ voice booms from the living room. “Put some pants on, guys.”
“I’ll get rid of them,” I say to her. “You stay put.”
“No,” she says, grabbing my hand to pull herself up from the floor. “I’m fine.” She’s splashing water on her face in the sink and takes a pull from a bottle of mouthwash.
That’s all well and good that she’s fine, but I’m not sure if I am. I mean, she just dropped a major bomb and I need some time to process.
I peek out the bathroom door into the living room, where my brothers are making themselves comfortable. “We’ll be out in a second,” I yell.
“You’re pregnant?” I ask in the softest whisper I can fathom, wrapping my arms around her. “How long have you known?”
“Officially less than twelve hours,” she says. “I started feeling sick yesterday, and Sloan made me pee on a stick this morning. I swear it was an accident. I thought my birth control was enough. I’d never do that to you.”
“You didn’t do anything to me, Olive. Except make me the happiest man alive.” I kiss her on the lips, the thought of her carrying my child, the thought of us starting a life together, everything I wanted from our relationship is coming true before my eyes.
“I promise I’ll get a paternity test as soon as I can. The doctor’s office said eight weeks is the earliest.”
“I don’t care about that,” I say. Red’s out of the picture for now, and it’s my job to take care of her. “I just want you healthy and comfortable.”
“I have to go get some blood work tomorrow and then have my first checkup.”
“Well, I’ll come with you,” I say. I want to do it all. I want to be there for everything the next nine months is going to bring.
“You don’t have to, seriously,” she says. “It’s not a big deal. It’s still so early. Anything could happen.”
“I want to.” She smiles up at me like she knows everything is going to be ok. Of course it is.
“Don’t tell the guys yet,” she begs.
It’s going to be hard, considering they are all over our personal space right now.
We walk out of the bathroom together and everyone cheers.
“Wow, guys, I’m flattered,” I laugh.
“We’re not cheering for you, dipshit,” Austin groans. He grabs Olive and squeezes her in a tight bear hug until she squeals. “You’re a good woman, Olive.”
“Thanks,” she says, blushing.
“I can’t believe you were able to keep your cool like that,” Gavin says. “You know we would’ve never asked that of you.”
“I can’t believe you guys were able to keep your cool all weekend long and not blow my cover,” she laughs.
“It was very thoughtful, Olive, but it was really fucking stupid,” Brooks says sternly. “Don’t pull shit like that ever again, please. This isn’t your club to serve. What if the DA had decided to press charges?”
“But they didn’t.” She shrugs.
“I still don’t like this,” he says. He wraps his arms around her. “You’re very important to all of us, girl. You got lucky. We have guys on the inside to protect our men, but if you would’ve got sent to women’s prison, there’s nothing we could do to keep you safe.”
“I don’t care,” she says, bursting into tears. “Whatever would’ve happened, it would’ve been fine. It was my fault anyway. I’m the one with the closet full of skeletons. It was only a matter of time before something stupid I did when I was younger came to bite me in the ass.”
“You don’t think that everyone in this room has a closet full of skeletons?” he asks. “You did what you had to do to get by. So you blackmailed some scumbags. They were the ones dumb enough to get taken for a ride by a teenage girl.”
“As much as I try to tell myself that, I know what I did was wrong. Nobody ever got hurt, though. At least that’s what I tell myself so I can sleep at night,” she says.
There’s so much I want to talk to her about. There’s so much I need to know. I’m worried about the fact that she’s holding herself together right now with everything that has gone on over the last few days. I can’t believe she’s not traumatized by the incident at the bar. Or spending the weekend in jail. I know for a fact that a baby wasn’t in her game plan. She watched a man die. She watched a man she loves go into hiding, and hasn’t heard from him since. She’s blotting her tears with her finger, a sad smile across her face.
“I really appreciate you all stopping by,” she says.
“We were worried sick,” Goob says, tracing the bruise on her face.
“Well stop worrying. It’s over. As soon as I can figure out what I’m going to do about this hole in my mouth, it’s back to normal for me. I’m ready to come back to work, Gavin.”
“I’m really not in love with that idea. Let’s just keep the place closed down for the time being. I think we could all use a little break.”
“No,” she says defiantly, her hands on her hips.
“Your bills are paid. If you need anything, all you have to do is ask,” he says. “Maybe you and Tank could go on a vacation or something.”
“Absolutely not.” Her face is turning red and it looks like she’s about to start crying again. She’s biting her lip and clenching her fists.
“Olive, you need a time-out. Everything is going to be just fine. We’ll open back up when the weather turns.”
“I don’t need a time-out,” she barks. “I need normal. In case you all didn’t notice, my life is in fucking shambles right now. You expect me to sit around here on my hands and pretend like everything is ok? I don’t need spare time or I will lose my damn mind. I need to be busy. That bar is the only little piece of my sanity that I have left right this moment. It’s the one thing I have control over right now. I don’t care if you all want to go on a vacation together. By the end of the week, I’m going to slap on a miniskirt, turn on the lights, and do what I came here to do. End of discussion.”
She pokes him in the chest for a little added drama and storms into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.
“She’s a fucking soldier,” Gavin chuckles. “Who would’ve thought telling her to take some time off work and go have fun would be the thing that makes her crack?”
We’re not laughing at her sadness, but the fact that none of us could’ve seen her reaction coming from a mile away. It’s just the kind of girl she is. So loyal, so responsible, so dedicated. Taking away her job is the lowest blow in her mind.
“I’ll get the cleaners in tomorrow,” Gavin says. “Maybe do a couple little renovations while we’re at it.”
“You better ask her first,” I laugh. “If she comes in and everything is different, I can’t be responsible for her actions.”
“And one more thing,” she shouts, throwing the bedroom door open. “No more smoking in the bar. I’m fucking pregnant.”
She slams the
door again, and all eyes turn to me. So much for not telling the guys. Everyone looks like they have something to say, but nobody wants to be the first.
“Congratulations?” Gavin half asks.
“Yeah,” I say, smiling. “I think I’m a little more happy about it than she is.”
“She’ll come around. She’s had a rough couple of days.”
“I know, it’s just, we’ve got a lot of stuff to think about.”
“You gonna tell Red?” Brooks asks.
“I don’t know. She wants a paternity test. I guess it’s only fair to the kid. Doesn’t matter to me either way.”
“You’re a good man, Tank,” he says. “We’ll do whatever we can to make sure that baby has the best life possible.” It’s true. Most of my brothers up here on the mountain have been dealt the bad parent card. We tend to overcompensate when it comes to new additions around here. Gavin’s daughter, Evie, got a pony for her second birthday thanks to the club. No matter who the ‘real’ father of this child is, he or she has more than enough aunts and uncles to spoil them shitless. Between the men and my parents, they will want for nothing.
And me, too.
I’ve always wanted to be a father. I’m trying to hold back my enthusiasm just to keep her calm, but I’ve already got Red’s room transformed into a nursery in my mind, and the next time we go downtown the first thing I’m doing is getting a gun safe.
“I’m sorry,” Olive whispers, sneaking out of the bedroom. “I’m being really rude. I just…” She takes off in a sprint towards the bathroom, and everyone cringes as the sound of her puking echoes through the house.
“Well, on that note,” Gavin says.
“We should probably get out of here,” Brooks says. “You guys need anything?”
“Not that I know of.” I shrug. “Thanks for stopping by.”
As the men shuffle out of the room, I feel relief wash over me. Today has been too eventful. Too much chaos. Today should have been about her and I, our future together, our baby, but instead, I jam-packed every second with everyone else’s needs.
“You didn’t have to send them off,” she whispers from the bathroom doorway. “They’re your friends. This is your house.”
“It’s fine,” I say. I just want to wrap her in my arms. I just want to hold her and tell her I’m going to make everything ok. She’s more beautiful to me right now than she’s ever been before, even with mascara smeared across her face and that defeated little scowl. “They weren’t here to see me, anyway.”
She slumps into the couch, and I join her, taking her feet in my hands the way I know she loves.
“Do you really feel like your life is in shambles right now?” I ask.
“No,” she sighs as I press the pads of her feet between my fingers. “I know everything is going to be ok. I just don’t do well with change. And everything around me… everything is changing.”
“You know what will never change, right? This. I don’t care if you get so huge you can’t even see your feet. I don’t care if all your teeth fall out or your hair turns gray or you decide you want to quit your job and catch butterflies for a living. How much I care about you will never change, Olive. There’s nothing you can do. And I’m going to love that child inside you just as much.”
“I feel too guilty to feel happy,” she says as she begins to cry. “After this weekend. After what happened. I feel like I don’t deserve you.”
“You stop with that right now,” I say. “You deserve to be happy and loved more than anyone I know. If anything, none of us deserve you.” I kiss her big toe and she giggles as I kiss my way up her calf.
“Even after you just watched me puke for an hour?”
“Just point your head the opposite direction of me if you think it’s going to happen again,” I laugh.
“You’re not right,” she giggles, whistling from her missing tooth hole. Of course I’m not. Neither is she. There’s a reason why us misfits found each other, and even though we might not be the most upstanding citizens, we have our place here on the mountain.
We have each other. We have our club. And now, we’re going to have our very own family. There’s just one piece of the puzzle that’s not quite there.
Chapter 31
Red:
“You know things aren’t looking good right now, Red,” my coach says when I show up for training. I’m sure I look like shit. My mouth tastes like vodka and stale cigars, and my stomach feels like it’s eating itself.
“You know I’m going through some stuff,” I say, grabbing my gloves from my bag and sliding them over my fingers. He doesn’t really know the full extent of the situation, but he knows about the club, and when I showed up at his doorstep at 4 a.m. that night and told him I needed to get out of town, he didn’t ask many questions.
Now we’re in Atlantic City at his brother’s gym, far enough away that nobody could really find me here, but close enough that I could get on my bike and be home in a couple hours. That is, if my bike were here.
That wasn’t part of the deal though. My coach basically has me in jail at this point for my own good. No bike, no cell phone, and I’m sure by the way he’s staring at me like he wants to rip me in half with his bare hands, I probably won’t even have my own shitty motel room to hole up in after last night. I feel so helpless. I’m angry. I’m miserable. I’m worried about my club and I’m worried about Olive. I’m filled with hatred for myself, and the only thing that makes me feel better is walking the boardwalk at night, getting blacked out on cheap booze, and staring into the ocean.
My training has gone to hell.
My diet is nonexistent. I’m about to reach the peak success of my career, and I don’t even care. I don’t care about any of this.
When we first got here, I borrowed a cell phone from a guy at the motel who recognized me from my last fight and I called Gavin’s house phone. I knew he wouldn’t answer a phone call from some random number on his cell. I probably should’ve called Tank’s burner phone, but I couldn’t bring myself to face him right now. Hearing his voice, knowing how badly I let him and Olive down, leaving them both to clean up my mess, I didn’t have it in me to give them the apology they deserved.
Instead, I talked to Sloan. Or I guess you could say, I got talked to by Sloan. I get it. Her and Ollie grew up together, but she wasn’t there on Friday. She’s just an old lady. All she knows is her friend is in jail and I’m the jackass running free, living my best life.
“My lawyer is coming to the clubhouse today,” I explained to her. “He has an envelope for Olive. Should be enough to cover her legal fees and take care of her bills for the time being. I don’t want her going back to work.”
“You don’t have any say in that matter, Red. But I’ll relay the message.”
“Don’t give me fucking attitude, Sloan,” I said, my anger growing. “You weren’t there. You don’t know what I do.”
“I know everything,” she insisted. “I know how much Olive loves you. I know how much she trusts you and cares about you, and I know that she’s sitting in a jail cell right now blaming herself for all this. I know you’re a good man, Red, otherwise she wouldn’t feel that way, but right now I could kill you. You’re not here to protect her. She’s the one suffering while you get to pretend like nothing happened. You gave up your say in how she lives her life the minute you walked away.”
“I had to. For the club. It’s not just me. It was for your husband’s safety. Your kid. Everyone.”
“I’m trying to wrap my brain around that,” she said softly. “I really am. It’s really hard to do thinking about her locked up and helpless though. I’ll make sure she’s taken care of. You do what you need to do.”
She hung up the phone, and I was left with more questions than answers. I always know the right thing to do, but now, I don’t have a choice. I have to do the wrong thing. I have to stay here in hiding or Olive will end up in worse shape than she already is.
Not just because she’ll be an a
ccessory to murder, but because I will inevitably keep fucking up over and over again. The only solace I have is the fact that she has Tank. And even that doesn’t truly comfort me like I thought it would, like we agreed on in our pact. It’s just a band-aid over the wound. Deep down it makes me burn with jealousy. Thinking about the two of them settling down, having a happy life, getting married. It was never supposed to be me, but I thought I had more time. I thought I could play this game, pretend like I was the kind of man who deserved a good life, a good woman, the kind of man that Tank is.
I’m not though.
I feel more homeless than I ever have in my entire life, even when I was living out on the streets.
“Does this have something to do with the old lady?” my coach finally asks.
“Yeah,” I say. “I fucked it all up. Bad. She’s way too good for me.”
“You didn’t put your hands on her, did you, son?”
“I would never.”
“I know you wouldn’t. I just had to ask. Maybe the best thing you can do right now is just use that. Whatever it is that you’re feeling, put it all into your training. Give her some time to cool down. You’re doing the things you need to do to give her a good life. Take it all out in the ring. Prove to her that you’re committed. Prove to her that you’re going to provide for her. Show me that advance I gave you is gonna get paid back,” he says, slapping me on the back.
“I don’t think that’s how this is going to go down.”
“Girl or no girl, you wanna be a drunk homeless nobody or do you want to be the Red we all know you can be?”
All these people, they think I can amount to something. I keep trying to prove them wrong and they just won’t listen. My club. My coach. My agent.
He is right though; Ollie doesn’t deserve me right now while I’m at my worst. I’m going to get my shit together the only way I know how, and then I’m going to do whatever it takes to fix this.