by Voss, Deja
“What do you mean?” she asks.
“Our lives are going to change so much now that Mama is gone.” I know how much time she spent at the nursing home, at least double the amount of time I spent there. She has been my best friend all these years. I don’t want to leave her in the dust just because I met a guy. It’s not fair to her. In my mind, I’m dreaming of the day that Micah and I can live closer together, but I can’t ask her to pack up and move.
“It is. You know, Tony and I have been wanting to travel for a long time now. I’ve never been out of the country, and he has family in Italy that I’d love to meet. He’s retired, I’m retired, it’s time for the two of us to enjoy our lives.”
I don’t know why, but I begin to cry. They aren’t tears of sadness, they’re tears of relief. I know how much of her life she gave up for me and my mother, and now she gets to be an independent woman.
“Just like that?” I ask.
“I’ll always be there for you, Amber. You know that. But you’re a grown woman now, and I think you probably have a lot of things you’d rather do than hang around with us old farts. As much as I’ve sacrificed, you’ve sacrificed tenfold. You never got the chance to be a wild and irresponsible kid. Now’s the time.” She hugs me tightly in her arms. “You’ll always be my sweet little niece no matter where you go or what you do.”
“I love you,” I say.
“You have to tell me; did you ever end up finding anything out about Ava? Or did you meet Micah and get so distracted that you just decided to call it quits.”
“She was gone by the time I got there, June,” I say, only half lying. According to her journal, she was gone long before she even left us. She caused everyone enough pain over the years, every single person that was important to me, and even though I wish I would’ve had a chance to talk to her, to confront her, to tell her how terrible it was of her to abandon me, I think it’s time to put this to rest. Forgiving her is the only way that I can be certain she’s resting in peace.
I still feel a sadness in my heart that she lost her life. I want her to rest in peace and I want the memories I have of her to be the good ones, back when I was innocent, back when she was the sun and moon in my eyes, my best friend. Selective forgetfulness. Someday I will talk to June about the ordeal.
Not today, though.
“What do you say, ladies?” Tony asks, walking in the back door. “Had enough fun for the day?”
“Thank you for everything, Uncle Tony. I hope you know how much I appreciate you taking me in and looking after me these last few years.”
“You know I planned on taking your boyfriend out to the garage and giving him the talk, right?”
I roll my eyes. The smirk on Micah’s face says it all.
“He’s way too nice. And he’s going to help me get that bike back on the road, so you better be good to him, at least for a little while.”
I shake my fist at him and smile. I’m sure if they knew the whole truth about his past, they might not being so enthusiastic about him, but that doesn’t matter anymore.
All that matters now is our bright future, whatever that’s going to look like.
“You ready to go home?” he asks.
“I am.”
Chapter 38
Micah:
Long distance relationships blow. I feel like I spend most of my days looking forward to the weekend, talking on the phone with Amber, or just thinking about her all the time.
I scan the fridge for the fifth time tonight, looking for something to fill the emptiness that I feel when she’s not around.
As much as I want to spend the rest of my life with her, I would never ask her to quit the job she loves and take a chance on me. At least not in the state I was in when I first got back to the mountain.
No job, no aspirations, nowhere to really live. I needed some time to get my life together and become the man that she deserved.
“What do you think about this one?” Gary asks, handing me his laptop.
“I actually really like it,” I say, checking out the logo he designed for our new private security business. The idea came to me at a club meeting a couple weeks ago when we were talking about new revenue streams for the club, and it only made sense.
If my brother and sister get to have their own business, it’s about time that I start my own.
My old roommate, Gary, was more than happy to come along for the ride, even if he is about the furthest thing from a biker that I know. It feels good, though, knowing I could help out a friend who’s been helping me out for so many years, a friend that I served with. The security business was a natural progression from my time as an infantryman, and with the brute strength of the club, and Gary’s computer genius, it’s a slam dunk.
I know Amber has been cheering me on this whole time. I can’t wait for the day when I can support her, our kids, and give her the life she dreams of.
“Are you expecting anyone?” Gary asks. The headlights shine through the window of the trailer, and I instinctively reach for my pistol just to be on the safe side. When I realize it’s Amber’s car, I’m instantly thrilled, and a little confused.
“Hey, babe,” I say, kissing her on the lips as I greet her at the door. “This was a pleasant surprise. What are you doing? Don’t you have to work tomorrow?”
She sets her overnight bag down and takes off her shoes. Her eyes are smiling.
“I didn’t want to say anything sooner in case it fell through,” she says, “but I have a job interview tomorrow morning at a studio in town. Do you care if I crash here tonight?”
I can’t even contain my excitement. I pick her up in my arms and hug her.
“I completely understand if it’s too much too fast. I don’t want to encroach on your space. I’m sure I can find an apartment downtown if you prefer.”
“Now you’re just talking crazy, woman,” I say.
This is the best surprise she could’ve possibly given me. Knowing that this woman would give up everything for me, the life she knew, the life she lived, to take a chance on a guy like me is more than I deserve in this world.
“I guess I’m getting out of here,” Gary says. “I’ll let you two have your space.”
“You can stay,” she says. “I don’t mind. Don’t let me interrupt whatever you’re doing.”
“Get out of here, Gary,” I laugh.
The sound of the door slamming behind him is music to my ears. I grab her around the waist and kiss her lips until she pulls away, jokingly gasping for air.
“I take it you’re happy with my decision?” she asks with a wink.
“Happier than I’ve ever been in my life, babe.”
I flick off the kitchen light and we walk back to the bedroom hand in hand, and I feel like my life is complete. I’ve got my club back, my family back, and now, I have the girl I never knew existed, but now I don’t know how I could exist without.
Epilogue
Amber:
“Alright girls, feel free to hang out in savasana as long as your body tells you to, but that wraps up class for today.”
I walk through the grassy field and collect everyone’s eye pillows and help them roll up their yoga mats.
“You are magical,” Esther whispers. She’s sprawled out on her mat, grinning from ear to ear. “I feel like I’m a puddle right now. This might be better than sex.”
“I don’t know,” Olive laughs. She’s got a bruise on her forehead that’s already starting to turn yellow. “I don’t know what kind of sex you have, Esther, but mine definitely doesn’t involve headstands, and I consider myself a pretty kinky girl.”
“That wasn’t a headstand, Ollie. That was a face plant,” she giggles.
I feel so warm and happy, and not just because the summer sun is beating down on my skin, the warm mountain breeze filling my lungs. I feel like, for the first time in my life, I’ve found my people. Even if those people are a field full of exotic dancers who want to learn yoga.
“What are
you and the old man getting into tonight?” Esther asks. “Family dinner?”
“We can do that,” I say. Even though Micah and I are just boyfriend and girlfriend, the whole crew has done nothing but make me feel like part of their family. I spent my whole life wanting a big sister, and now I have Olive and Esther, and they’re better than any person I could’ve dreamed up on my own.
Sometimes, when the wind blows just right, I think I can feel Ava here with me. I get this rush of warmth in my heart, knowing that, even though she walked away from me, she also paved the road for me to get here, to this place on the mountain, the only place I belong. I’ve completely forgiven her, and every night when I close my eyes and say my prayers, I ask her and Mama to watch over me.
The rumble of motorcycles up the road gets my heart pounding. Micah and the guys were on a security detail this afternoon, and as nervous as it makes me when he goes on risky jobs, I know it’s right for him. It’s what he was made to do, to protect me, his club, and his family.
He walks across the field, looking sexy as ever, his face dripping with sweat and his hands dirty. There’s something about a man who puts in a hard day’s work that makes my ovaries damn near explode.
“You can’t come around here looking like that,” I say, as he presses his lips to mine. “You know what the smell of your sweat does to me.”
Esther makes a vomiting sound, but Olive’s ears perk up and she winks at me.
“I’d like to be a fly on the wall in your house,” she says. “I bet you two really know how to throw down. Plus you’re both gorgeous…”
“Well that’s real creepy,” I laugh, stopping her from going any further. “I’ll see you guys tonight?”
“Six o’clock. And make sure he’s showered because I don’t want to find out what the smell of his sweat does to you.”
***
“Come on,” I whine. “Can’t we just be a little late? Esther won’t care.” I’m sprawled out on our queen-sized bed in my underwear, watching Micah’s every move as he stands there in nothing but a towel, sorting through T-shirts hanging in the closet. “I don’t feel like getting out of bed.”
I push myself onto all fours and wink at him, but he just shakes his head and laughs.
“Listen, after dinner we don’t have to get out of bed for the next forty-eight hours if you don’t want to, but we
I don’t know what his epic rush is. It’s definitely out of character for him. His security business has taken on a life of its own, and usually by the time he gets home from a day’s work, all he wants to do is come home and relax with me. Between my yoga class schedule and helping him and the club keep up with the bookwork for his business, there’s not a lot of downtime. That’s fine by me. I love what I do.
And I love that I get to do it with him, this sexy biker who is now setting out dresses on the foot of the bed.
“Since when do you pick out my clothes?” I ask with a laugh. “Are you trying to tell me I can’t go to dinner like this?”
“You can if you want, but I really don’t feel like having to kick anyone’s ass tonight.” He kisses me on the forehead as he hands me a black linen sundress with bright red flowers on the skirt. “I like this one.”
“Okay, ya weirdo.” I push myself out of bed with a groan and pull it on over my head. I go into the bathroom to start getting ready. Dinners at Esther and Brooks’s house are never a formal thing, usually just beer and barbecue in the backyard. I know something is up, by the way he’s pacing around the trailer, mumbling to himself.
“Who are you talking to out there?” I ask.
“What? No one. Are you almost ready?” he shouts back into the bathroom.
I pull my long blonde hair back into a sloppy bun and dab on some mascara and lipstick. Good enough, I think. I don’t need to put on a full face of make-up to eat cheeseburgers in a camping chair with a bunch of bikers.
“Where are you?” I ask, walking through our trailer, peeking around the corners. It’s been over a year since I moved here, but time has flown by so fast. I guess that’s how it works when you look forward to waking up every single day.
Micah is an awesome boyfriend. A great lover. A person that I trust with my deepest secrets. He’s so loyal to his club and his family, and even though we’re both busy as hell all the time, he never makes me feel like I’m in second place. Life on the mountain is just plain good living. Clean air, lots of trails to hike, and I love watching the deer feeding in our yard and listening to the sound of the coyotes howl every night. I guess I’m a reformed city girl.
I look out the kitchen window, and he’s sitting on his bike in the driveway, revving the engine.
“What is your damn hurry?” I shout through the screen.
“Are you ready yet?” he shouts back.
When I get on the back of the bike, wrapping my arms around his waist, I can feel his heart pounding through his back.
“Are you having a panic attack?” I ask. It’s been well over a year since that’s last happened.
“I’m fine,” he assures me. I certainly hope so. Even though Esther and Brooks’s house is only a little way down the road, I’m not trying to die today. I trust his judgment, but I wonder what’s gotten into him.
Before we hit the edge of their property, I notice a familiar RV sitting on the side of the road. “What are June and Tony doing here?” I ask.
The driveway is filled with bikes, most of which I’m familiar with by now. Evie and Ethan and Jesse are playing in the front yard, and Gavin and Sloan’s dog Rosie runs up the driveway to greet us. Esther sure did go all out for family dinner this week.
“Holy shit,” I mutter as we get off the bike. He wraps his arm around me and we walk up the porch steps. “I didn’t realize everyone and their brother were invited. Do you think we should’ve brought something?”
“I did bring something,” he says. I start to tremble as he drops to his knee in front of me. When he pulls out the box, I’m already in tears. “Amber, I hope you know you’re the only woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. You’re the only woman who has ever mattered to me. I’ll do whatever it takes to show you that until the day that I die. Will you marry me?”
“Yes!” I squeal, as he slips the beautiful diamond ring on my finger. I wrap my arms around him, and I’m so happy I feel like I’m going to burst.
The screen door swings open and a parade of misfits files out onto the porch. All of his brothers, blood and patch, my aunt June and uncle Tony, Olive, Esther, and Sloan gather around.
“You made a pretty good dancer, Amber,” Esther says, “but I’d much rather have you as a sister.”
“Thank you,” I say, wiping the tears from my eyes. “Thank you all.” I walk around the circle and hug everyone, lingering in my aunt June’s embrace. She doesn’t need to say a single word, I know that seeing me happy and thriving are all her and my mama ever wanted for me.
“I love you so much,” I whisper to him as he takes me in his arms.
I can’t stop crying, I’m so overwhelmed with love for my newfound family, so excited for the life I have to look forward to with the man of my dreams up here on Misfit Mountain.
Chapter 1
ONE YEAR AGO : ESTHER:
There’s nothing pleasant about sitting in the waiting room at the OB-GYN. Watching all these pregnant broads with their big bellies and hormonal glow come in and out the door while my skinny ass can’t get knocked up to save my life is aggravating. Being probed with an ultrasound in that ice-cold dark room by a lady who wasn’t even pleasant enough to make small talk with me while she did the deed just plain pissed me off.
The way these chicks are eyeballing my biker husband is unnerving, especially because I know they all have something that he wants more than anything in the world, something I’ve been unable to give him in two years of trying. I know he’d never do me dirty, but I’m jealous, nonetheless. I turn my resting bitch face into a mean snarl, ready to attack the next person that so
much as coughs in our direction.
“I don’t want to do this, Brooks,” I say, digging my fingers into his hand. “We don’t need doctors. We don’t do doctors. It’s going to happen, I swear. We just need some more time.”
“Your father didn’t do doctors,” he says, squeezing my hand back. “You want Patch poking around in your lady cave?” The thought makes me cringe. Patch, the guy who sews our men back up when they take a bullet or get into a brawl, was definitely not going anywhere near my lady cave.
“I swear, I’m fine,” I plead. It’d been so long since I’d set foot in a gynecologist’s office they wanted me to get a full servicing. Smears, ultrasounds, poking and prodding me all over while I shiver on a table. It’s worse than back in my prostitution days. At least then, I was getting paid. “I’ve just been stressed with starting the business, and all the club stuff; I’m sure my body just needs to decompress a little bit. We’re gonna be alright. We’ll get that baby.”
“It’s not just about the baby,” he says. “I want you to be healthy, too.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I feign a laugh. He’s serious though. If he could cover my body in bubble wrap and keep me in a padded room for all time, he’d be happier than hell. Brooks had always been incredibly protective over me, even when we were growing up. I guess old habits die hard.
“Mrs. Harrison,” the nurse calls from the doorway. We follow her down the corridor. I can only hope the next time I have to set foot in this place it’s because my morning sickness is so bad I can’t even function. I hate everything about it here: the fake plants, fake watercolor mass-produced paintings on the wall, sorry ass attempt at creating an ambiance of cheerfulness. “You two can have a seat.”
“You don’t want me to strip for you?” I ask, raising my eyebrows.
Fake sympathy and a fake smile stare back at me. “Not this time. The doctor will be in in a minute.”