After Hilde and Gretchen finished their telephone conversation, Hilde went to tell Ilsa about her wedding. She knew she could not go to Berlin and get married without telling Ilsa, but she was dreading her reaction.
“Ilsa, it’s me,” Hilde said, as she knocked softly on the door to Ilsa’s room.
“Come in, little Butterball,” Ilsa said.
Hilde walked into the room to find Ilsa lying on her bed.
“I was just relaxing. I am surprised to see you tonight. You still want to play games even though your man is here? I could go and find us a couple of prisoners to have a good time with tonight. You know, I was thinking that we could even include Axel in the fun, if you’d like.”
“No, please, let’s not play the night games while Axel is here.”
“Eh, I knew he was a drip. I could tell. But of course, every German woman wants that respectable marriage and children. And you, little Butterball, are no exception. You’re just not pretty enough to be confident enough to be on your own. I must say…you do rather disappoint me.”
Hilde glared at her. She wanted to tell Ilsa to go to hell, but the strongest protest she could muster was “I really don’t like it when you call me Butterball.”
“Oh sure, of course you don’t. How thoughtless of me,” Ilsa said, sitting up a little but leaning back on her elbow. “No more Butterball. So . . . perhaps I’ll just call you fatty. Or sow? Now, which do you like better?”
“Please, don’t be like this, Ilsa. I’ve come to tell you something.”
“Don’t be like what? Like what, Hilde? Go on, tell me. Go on . . . what is it that you really think of me?”
“Ilsa, I think you’re one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever met. I don’t have anything bad to say about you.”
“Well, good. Go on, then. What is it that you came here to tell me?”
“Well, as you know, Axel and I are engaged.”
“Yes, so? Go on. I am getting bored with you and this conversation. Tell me already before I send you back to your own room.”
“We are getting married in Berlin next month. I just wanted you to know. And . . . if you can get off from work, I would like to have you attend.”
Ilsa let out a laugh. “Would you, now? You are so transparent. Such a terrible liar. You can see the way your Axel looks at me, can’t you? He would fall on his face for a night in my bed. You don’t want me at your wedding. I am a threat to you. That’s why you’re having the wedding in Berlin and not here. Now, isn’t that right, Butterball?” She hesitated then winked and smiled, her eyes turning to glass. “Oh yes, I forgot. You don’t like that name, now, do you?”
“It doesn’t matter. You will call me that anyway, won’t you? I’m hurt by you, Ilsa. You don’t treat me like a friend. You insult me all the time, and I don’t know why.”
“Stop with your bleeding heart, please. I have had quite enough. Don’t you worry yourself. I won’t be at your wedding. And I promise not to tell your half-wit of a man our little secrets . . . at least for now.” Ilsa looked away from Hilde. “Well, I am going to get some rest. I’ll see you at the salon in the morning. Let’s have our eyebrows tweezed. What do you think? Have you seen that new recruit with the caterpillar eyebrow running across her face? She has one eyebrow. Has anyone ever told her how unattractive that is? Eh, well, anyway, I am going to get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Ilsa said.
She’s a monster, Hilde thought when she got back into her own room. She treats me terribly. Her friendship is so unreliable. And I know she is dangerous. I have seen how dangerous. She wouldn’t hesitate to use anything she knows about me to embarrass or destroy me if she felt like it. I know I did cruel things in the past, but I never knew anyone as diabolical as Ilsa. I just wish she would disappear from my life somehow. I would kill her if I thought I could get away with it. But she has too many friends and plenty of high-ranking officials among them. I dare not do anything to harm her. Yet in the back of my mind, I am always afraid of what she might do.
Hilde looked in the mirror and searched for the Valkyrie. She was feeling weak and alone. It took several moments before the vision of the beautiful blonde woman on the white horse appeared.
“I am scared of Ilsa,” Hilde said to the imaginary vision in the mirror. Her heart was racing.
Don’t be afraid. Remember who we are. We are the Valkyrie warrior. She can do nothing to us. We are strong, and if we have to, we will get rid of her, the image answered in Hilde’s mind.
“But everyone loves her. If she wanted to, she could destroy me.”
We won’t let her. Don’t be a fool. Find ways to make yourself useful to her. Play those perverse sex games with her. Trap her so that you have information you can use later to blackmail her. Homosexuality is against the party. Remember that. We’ve done this sort of thing, blackmail I mean, in the past with other girls and it’s always worked. Once we marry Axel and become pregnant, we will leave Ravensbrück. Then we will not have to see her anymore. We will be able to leave the camp on good terms. When we leave, you’ll kiss her goodbye. Thank her for her friendship. And then retreat far away from her.
“Yes . . . yes . . . you have always known what to do.”
Of course I have. I am the better, smarter, part of you. The beautiful Valkyrie. As long as you have me in your life, nothing can harm you.
Hilde felt her heartbeat slow down. She was calm enough to sleep now.
CHAPTER 25
Spring 1941, Lodz Ghetto
Benjamin Rabinowitz asked every one of his non-Jewish friends if they would help him and his family. He offered them what little money he had. Τhey all turned away. Some started crossing the street when they saw him coming and avoided him at all costs, while others outright replied that they could not be of any help. He didn’t blame them. They were frightened. The Nazis were ruthless, and the Polish people whom he’d known all his life were just not willing to put their loved ones in danger for the sake of Ben’s family.
Ben, his wife, and his three-year-old son, Moishe, had been in the Lodz ghetto for over a year, when Moishe became lethargic. Young children were the most vulnerable to the diseases and malnutrition that plagued everyone in the ghetto. Perhaps it was because Moishe never had enough to eat, that he was very small for his age, and weak. But lately he seemed to be deteriorating quickly and his parents were afraid. Still, everyone who knew him thought he was a beautiful child with golden hair the color of sunshine and eyes as blue as the sky on a hot summer day. When he smiled, the dimples in his cheeks were deep and defined. His parents loved him more than life itself, so they were willing to risk everything to save his life. By now all the savings they had smuggled into the ghetto, when they were arrested, were gone. So Moishe’s mother, Lila, sold every material possession she owned to provide a small amount of additional food. His father traded with the Polish people selling goods on the black market inside the ghetto, struggling to provide. However, once little Moishe began to look pale and he stopped wanting to play, they knew that if he was to survive, they had to get him out of the ghetto. Ben begged the Polish people he bought goods from for help.
“Please, if we can get my family out of the ghetto, we will need safe houses where we can stay for a day or two along the way . . . until we can get out of Poland. I beg you, please. Can you help me?”
No one offered any help.
When Ben had exhausted all the possibilities, he went to his wife, Lila, and told her. “We must get our Moishe out of here if he is going to survive. Children are dropping like flies. I see small dead bodies on the streets every morning. It makes me sick. And I don’t know what to do. We don’t have any money left; we don’t have anything left of value that we can sell, so even if we could find someone who was willing to take him, we can’t pay for his keep.”
“You’re right. I too have often feared that he would die here, if we don’t do something.”
“But what? What can we do?” Ben asked, wringing his hands.
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p; “I don’t know. You always say that you are the man and that men have all the answers. So where are your answers now, Ben? What should we do? You tell me.” Lila glared at her husband.
“I don’t know,” he said.
“You have never been able to help me when I need it most. I will find a way on my own.” Lila turned away from her husband, repulsed by the very sight of him.
“Lila, we are a married couple. This is our son, our only child. You know that I will do whatever I can to help you.”
“But that’s the point, Ben. You can’t help me. You never could. And now, I have to find a way myself.” Angrily, Lila walked out of the room and slammed the door. She would have to take matters into her own hands. At least I stood my ground when he was a baby, and I never allowed Ben to have Moishe circumcised. Now, if I can get him out of the ghetto, he and I can pose as Polish non-Jews. My refusal to have him circumcised might very well save his life. She was a beautiful woman, only twenty-eight years old, with golden hair and azure eyes. And Moishe looked just like his mother. She would use the gift of her beauty to save her precious only child.
There was a middle-aged Nazi guard in the ghetto whom Lila had often seen looking in her direction. She learned that his name was Werner. He was a tall, thin man with a hook nose and a wart on his chin that was so large that Lila had to force herself not to stare at it whenever she saw him. She knew, from the way his eyes scanned her body, that he lusted for her. So far, he had made no attempt to seduce her. Perhaps it was because the laws forbade him to copulate with a Jew.
One afternoon, seeing him walking the streets, she went to him. She dropped her handbag and bent over to pick it up. She’d purposely worn a very low-cut blouse. When he saw her ample breasts, she noticed the bulge growing in his pants. So it was that she wooed him. She smiled at him, complimented him, and told him that she knew he had the power to take her against her will. However, she gave him her most alluring smile and touched his cheek. In a breathy voice she whispered in his ear that if he decided not to force himself on her, but instead took her as a willing lover, she would fulfill all his fantasies. Lila knew she was taking a risk. After all, he could have had her arrested right then and there. But he was drawn to her beauty, and the words she spoke to him sounded like the melody of a tender violin. Werner was mesmerized when he gazed into her sparkling eyes. She went to his bed willingly. She gave herself over to his every wish. This happened four times. They met in alleyways and behind buildings. After sex Lila lay with him and listened as he told her how when he was younger he’d been engaged, but the girl had broken it off, and he had never had a serious relationship since. She wove a careful web around him that was so dense that when she told him she wanted to run away with him he excitedly agreed.
“You must allow me to take my son with us,” she said.
It was late, many hours after curfew. The factories were closed for the evening. But Werner had the keys to several of them and in the shadow of darkness he snuck Lila inside one. The two of them were alone in the basement lying on the floor in the corner.
“Your son? You want me to smuggle a child out of the ghetto with you?”
“I can’t leave without him.” She leaned over and kissed Werner behind the ear.
“But a child will slow us down. Leave him here with your husband. He’ll be safe with his father.”
“I won’t leave the ghetto without him, Werner,” she said firmly. “If you won’t let me bring him then I am not going.”
He looked into her eyes; he was completely taken with her. “All right. If you insist, then. We’ll take him with us.”
They made a plan. Werner would put Lila and her son in the back seat of his automobile. He would pack extra clothing, food, and blankets which he would use to cover Lila and Moishe. They would drive out of the ghetto in the middle of the night. He knew the guard at the gate, and he was certain that the man would not check his back seat. Once they got out of the ghetto, they both agreed it would be best if Lila sat beside Werner in the front seat and posed as his wife.
It took less than a week for Werner to gather everything they would need. Then he sent a note to Lila’s apartment asking her to meet him outside the factory where they had last made love. When she arrived he whispered, “We will go tomorrow night. Be here at midnight with your boy.”
“Thank you, Werner, for gathering everything together so quickly,” she said, her voice barely a whisper. “I can’t wait until we can be together forever.”
“I feel the same way,” he said.
She felt bad because she had to leave Ben behind.
That night she sat Ben down at the table in the small kitchen of the apartment, that they shared with two other families, and told him she was leaving. “I have to get Moishe out of here or he will die. It’s filthy in this ghetto. And he is so small, Ben. I have the help of someone very high up. He is going to help Moishe and I get out of here.” She hesitated for a moment than drew a deep breath. “I don’t know when or if you and I will see each other again. We haven’t had the best marriage. I realize this. And for the most part, it’s been my own fault. I’m stubborn, I know. But I will miss you. Ours may not have been the greatest love of all time, but in my own way, I care for you, Ben.”
“I know. I care for you too. You are all that I have left of the life we knew before we ended up in this ghetto. And believe me, if there is a way, we will find each other again. But for now, you’re right. It is best if you take Moishe and go.”
“I will. I wish I could I take you with us. But I can’t. The man who is helping me won’t allow it. Still, I am worried about you.”
“Don’t worry about me. You have enough to worry about,” Ben said. “It won’t be easy when you are in the woods alone. But you must do whatever you can to survive and to save our son. Go to a farmhouse. Try to appeal to the farmers. Tell them that you need help.”
“I look Polish, so does Moishe. I’m going to change his name and mine too. As soon as I leave the ghetto I am going to pose as a non-Jew. I’m going to call Moishe, Anatol, and myself Felicia. I will use the surname Bankowski.”
“That’s a good idea. When you go to the farmhouses, tell them that you and your husband were farmers. Tell them you owned a farm but that you had a fire; your husband was killed and you couldn’t do all of the work alone so you lost the farm. Now you don’t have any money or food to live. Tell them this story; make them believe you.”
“Thank you for understanding, Ben.”
“I don’t have any choice. I wish you could stay here. I don’t want to lose my son. But you’re right. You must get him out of this place or he will die. So, go, and God be with you.”
The following evening, Lila and Moishe got into the back seat of Werner’s car. Lila held her child close to her as the engine roared to life. She felt his small body rack with sobs as he wept quietly.
“You must be silent, now, Moishe,” she whispered softly into his ear. His hair was stuck, with sweat, to his tiny skull, but he grew quiet and listened as she spoke. “I know you are feeling a little frightened, but your mama is here. I am here, right here, beside you. Shaaa, my sweet boy.”
The child burrowed into her and fell asleep. She lay him on the back seat and covered him with a blanket. Then she joined Werner in the front seat, and they kept driving, making their way out of Lodz.
Ten miles outside of the city they were stopped by a roadblock. “Don’t be afraid. You are my wife, remember?” Werner whispered to Lila.
In that moment she was on edge. Her fists were clenched, and her nails dug into her palms. Moishe, please don’t wake up right now. The motion of the car had rocked him as he slept, but now the car was stopped. Lila held her breath as another fearful thought crossed her mind: Perhaps we have been discovered, and they have set up this roadblock because they are looking for us.
“Yes, I am your wife,” Lila answered Werner, but she was shaking as the policeman at the roadblock came up to the car window.
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p; “Good evening,” he said. “Your name, please.”
“Gruppenführer Werner Richter and my wife, Magda.”
The guard looked into the car and eyed Lila. Then he saw the SS symbol on Werner’s uniform and smiled. “Go ahead, Gruppenführer, and have a nice evening.
Lila breathed a sigh of relief as Werner maneuvered the automobile back onto the road, and they continued on their journey.
It was not yet morning when they reached the forests. Lila’s entire body was stiff from not moving for hours. Moishe awoke, startled at the strangeness of his surroundings. He let out a small cry, but before he could make another sound, Lila reached into the back seat and lifted him into her arms. “Mama is still here. I have not left you. You are all right,” she whispered.
“I have to pee pee,” he said, putting his thumb in his mouth.
Lila looked at Werner. “He has to go make pee. If we don’t stop he may pee in the car.”
Werner nodded. “I understand.” He pulled the car off the road.
“I’m going to take him into the woods. But I’ll need to take the gun in case there are wolves lurking in the forest.”
Werner handed her his gun. “Do you know how to use it?”
“I think so. Show me quickly.”
He showed her how to fire the gun. Lila led Moishe into the woods. She kept her eyes on him until he was done. Then they headed back to the car. Lila had purposely arranged it so that when she returned to the automobile she would be behind Werner, and he would not see her as she approached. “Be very quiet, Moishe,” she said.
Once she was close enough to make the shot, Lila pointed the gun directly at Werner’s head and fired. He never saw it coming.
The sound of the gunshot was loud, and Moishe began to cry.
“Shhh,” she whispered. “Everything is going to be all right.”
Moishe stared at Werner. The little boy was trembling with fear. Even in the moonlight it was easy to see the blood and the part of Werner’s head that was now missing.
The Darkest Canyon Page 10