“We had sex, Noah. It changed everything.”
He opened his mouth to deny it. He really, really wanted to deny that anything was different now. But it was. Their weekend had changed everything, but he refused to believe it had ruined everything.
“What happened to it being something fun we did together?” he asked. “Skiing, four-wheeling, sex on Cape Cod, waterskiing.”
“We were stupid to think having sex together would be anything like freaking waterskiing.”
When they pulled in his driveway, he didn’t really have any choice but to put the truck in park, which unlocked the doors automatically. She had her seat belt off and was opening the door before he could respond, but he was able to reach her before she reached her car.
“Carly, you’re right.” She had her hand on the door handle, but at least she didn’t open it. “We were stupid to think what happened between us wouldn’t change anything. It did. But it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.”
“How is it not a bad thing?” she asked, and her eyes were pleading for him to have the right answer. “We can’t ever go back to how it was before, can we? No matter what we do or say, that happened and we’re not going to forget it.”
“We don’t have to forget it.” The sorrow in her eyes broke his heart and he took a hesitant step toward her. “Maybe we shouldn’t. Maybe we should just go with what both of us obviously want.”
“No.” She said it with a finality that hit him like a hammer. “That’ll hurt even more.”
Noah couldn’t wrap his head around what she was saying. They’d loved each other for their entire lives. The sex had been amazing and perfect. All they had to do was take the chance and they could have it all. How would that hurt more than this?
“I need space, Noah.” She got in her car and started closing the door. “We screwed it up and it’s over. I need you to leave me alone.”
“Carly.”
But the door was closed and before he could figure out how to stop her, the engine was running and the car was in reverse. She didn’t look back.
This isn’t happening.
But it had happened and he’d never felt so alone in his life. Carly had gotten in her car and driven away from him a thousand times, but he always knew she was coming back.
This time, she wasn’t coming back.
He couldn’t sit in the middle of his driveway and cry, so Noah unloaded the four-wheelers and hosed them off. He tried not to think about when or even if Carly would ride hers again. But when he set her helmet on the shelf next to his, his hand lingered for a long moment on the black shell before dropping to his side.
He didn’t know how to do this—how to live his life without Carly in it—and it sucked.
* * *
It was so quiet. Carly sat on the edge of her grandfather’s dock, bare feet dangling over the water, and watched the sun setting over the lake.
Today had been the absolute worst. So bad, in fact, Zoe had shoved her out of the bookstore and told her to find someplace else to be miserable. And her grandfather had only joined her for a few minutes before he patted her hand and retreated back to the house.
Something had broken inside of her yesterday, out by the river with Noah, and she knew she had to sift through the pieces and start putting herself together. But it hurt so much.
She’d wanted to make love to him on the riverbank. When she’d felt his hand on her ass, her heart had soared because he wanted that, too. But she hadn’t been able to turn off the part of her brain that insisted it was a really bad idea.
Because Noah would move on—he always moved on after a few months—and the fallout would be so much worse. Losing him now gutted her. Losing him later, when she was losing not only her best friend, but the man she’d started building future dreams around, would destroy her. She’d shut down, unable to articulate her fears and afraid to try and muck everything up worse.
Well, she couldn’t muck it up any worse than now, she thought, scooting back and pulling her feet up to the edge of the dock so she could wrap her arms around her legs and rest her chin on her knees.
A loon cried on the lake, a distinctive and mournful sound that echoed across the water, triggering the tears Carly had been forcing back all day.
She wasn’t sure how long she cried, but eventually she forced herself to pull it together. There was a good chance her grandfather was glancing out the window now and then to check on her, and the last thing she needed was to explain her heartbreak to him. It was bad enough she’d had to tell Zoe all about it during a late-night cryfest by phone.
She’d be okay, though. Eventually. She had her cousin and the bookstore. Maybe she’d find new hobbies and activities to do, since everything she did, she’d always done with Noah at her side.
Eventually the pain would fade. She’d be able to think about him—and maybe even see him—without sharp pains shooting through her heart. Someday they could even be friends again, though it would never be the same. It couldn’t be.
But she would be okay.
Then she heard Noah’s truck pull up to the house and all the emotional pieces she’d just barely managed to duct tape together fell apart again.
The low rumble of male voices—one her grandfather’s and the other Noah’s—brought her to her feet. She wasn’t sure where she was going to run, but she didn’t have the strength to face him right now.
Footsteps on the dock behind her told her it was too late, so she took a deep breath that didn’t do a damn thing to help, and then she turned to face him. He looked as exhausted and emotionally ravaged as she felt, and tears threatened to blur her vision until she blinked them away.
“I thought maybe I’d find you here,” he said in a low voice. His hands were shoved in his pockets and his shoulders were hunched. She’d helped Noah through a lot of crap in their lives, and she’d never seen him so beaten down. “I know you asked me to leave you alone, Carly, but I can’t. I can’t give you up.”
“I’m sorry I said that. I’m so sorry I left the way I did.” She sniffed and pressed her fingers under her eyes for a few seconds, determined not to cry. “I was afraid of everything changing and by the river I knew it had and... I just didn’t know what to do.”
“The only thing we can do is be honest with each other and put it all out there on the table.”
That’s what scared her. “But we already know we can’t go back.”
“I don’t want to go back. I want to go forward.” His shoulders straightened. “We have loved each other for our entire lives. It was a platonic love. And now it’s not. We love each other and then we made love and it was even better. Why are we fighting this?”
“You know we don’t want the same things. You know that.” She wanted to get married and start a family, and she knew Noah. Bringing up picket fences was a sure way to make him run.
“What I know is that you’re the only woman in my life I can’t live without. And I didn’t just figure that out today. I’ve always known that.” He paused, and she could see his throat work as he swallowed hard. “When something good happens, you’re the first person I want to tell. When something bad happens, you’re the person I need. No matter what I’m doing, you’re the person I want to be doing it with.”
“Because I’m your best friend.”
“Why do we keep saying that like it’s the reason we shouldn’t be together? That doesn’t even make sense. It’s the reason we should be together.”
“Because if it didn’t work out, I wouldn’t just be breaking up with a boyfriend, I’d be losing my best friend, too. It would hurt too much” she said. “And now I know just how much because last night and today hurt like hell. And sure, we’ve spent a hell of a lot more than a day apart before, but today was the first day we’ve spent apart knowing it wasn’t temporary.”
He closed the distance between them, though he
didn’t touch her. “I love you, Carly. I always have. And I am in love with you.”
How could words heal and hurt so much at the same time? “You seem to be forgetting I want a family and you have a very weird aversion to marriage.”
He shook his head. “I haven’t had a weird aversion to marriage all this time. I’ve actually had a very sensible aversion to marrying any woman who isn’t you. I just didn’t know until now that’s what it was.”
She stared at him—this man she knew and could read better than anybody—and there were no tells. No hesitation. He wasn’t just telling her what he thought she wanted to hear.
“You think I can’t commit,” he continued. “But I have always been committed to you. To us. We got through school together. High school, for fuck’s sake. Then college. Relationships. We’ve gotten through everything together because you and me...we’re what has always mattered to me.”
There wasn’t a damn thing Carly could do about the tears streaming down her cheeks, but she managed a smile. She reached out her hand and he took it in his. “You’ve always been here for me. You’re my everything.”
He tugged on her hand until her body was almost touching his and she had to tip her head back to see his face. “Carly, I want to be the guy standing on this dock with you when your dreams come true, but I don’t want to be the best friend standing next to you, holding your flowers. I want to be the best friend looking into your eyes and vowing to love you every single day for the rest of our lives.”
“Every day,” she whispered. “I love you. And yes, I am in love with you.”
He kissed her so hard it took her breath away, and she wrapped her arms around his neck to hold herself steady. Then he grinned at her. “We are going to have the best life together. You and me. And a bunch of kids.”
Carly melted inside. “A bunch, huh?”
“Can you imagine the adventures we’ll have?”
“I can.” The life she’d always wanted, with the man she wanted to live it with? She really could have it all. “I can’t wait.”
This time he took his time kissing her. His mouth claimed hers and she lost herself in him, everything fading away. Then he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, burying his face in her hair.
“Hey, Noah?” She pulled back far enough to see his face. “I wasn’t really drunk that night.”
He lifted her off her feet and swung her around until she squealed and squeezed his shoulders. “Neither was I.”
Epilogue
Later that summer...
Noah managed to stand still long enough for his mother to pin a boutonniere of daisies and some other white frilly flower to his white shirt—untucked and short-sleeved, but it had a collar—and then he was in motion again.
“I need a hammer.”
His dad chuckled. “You’re getting married, son. What do you need a hammer for?”
“I just want to make sure there aren’t any nails popping up. Carly’s terrified she’s going to trip walking down the dock while everybody’s watching her.”
“Her granddad had every kid in town working on that dock all week. Not a single nail sticking up. No uneven boards. No splinters.” His dad rested his hand on Noah’s shoulder. “The Justice of the Peace is here. My buddies are ready to fire up the barbecue grills and your mom’s church ladies have outdone themselves with the potluck dishes. Everything is perfect.”
Noah grinned, his mouth watering in anticipation of Miss Alice’s famous macaroni salad. Nobody threw together a potluck barbecue like their hometown. And Carly’s mom had baked the cake herself, which might explain why not a single person had RSVPed they couldn’t make it. You didn’t pass up a chance at one of Margo Randall’s cakes.
“It’s time,” his mom said.
Noah’s stomach tightened and his pulse quickened, but it wasn’t nerves or cold feet. He was so ready for Carly to be his wife and it was finally time.
She’d gone home with him the night he’d told her he was in love with her and stayed there. It had taken several weeks for all of her belongings to fully migrate, but her place was empty now and just waiting for the rental agent to take pictures and list it online. They’d brought the same why wait energy to their wedding planning, too. The sooner, the better was how they’d looked at.
But apparently, it’s time meant something else in wedding-ese and it took forever to get everyone seated. His dad escorted his mom to her seat in the front row, across the makeshift aisle from Carly’s parents before taking his place to the left of the dock.
As Noah walked down the narrow wooden walkway to the dock itself to take his place next to the JP, he scanned it for any tripping hazards. They’d done a good job on it, he had to admit, and then he turned and waited for his bride.
Holy crap, there were a lot of people in the yard, he thought. He didn’t feel self-conscious very often, but everybody staring at him expectantly gave him a strong urge to fidget or start cracking jokes to pop the tension. His dad had offered him a shot of whiskey earlier and he’d passed because he didn’t need to down liquid courage to marry Carly. But this? Alcohol wouldn’t have hurt, and it was one more addition to the long list of times he should have listened to his father.
Jim and Emily were sitting a few rows behind his mom, and Jim grinned when he caught his eye. When they were sending out the invites, Noah had realized there was no way they could leave them off the guest list, but surrounded by family and friends talking about him and Carly, Jim and Emily would figure out they’d been lied to pretty quickly. So he’d manned up, taken Jim out for drinks and then confessed the truth of his relationship with Carly. Jim had laughed long and hard and called him an idiot. It had been a huge relief.
Then Carly stepped around the corner of her grandfather’s house with Zoe at her side and everything and everybody but his future wife fell away.
She was so beautiful. Her dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and the white sundress showed off her tanned shoulders. She was carrying a bouquet of wildflowers, dominated by daisies that matched his, and he felt a swell of pride that they were making her childhood wedding dreams come true.
When she looked out over the yard, though, she faltered. Noah watched her hesitate and then stop walking. Zoe paused, and then there was an intense exchange between them that seemed to consist of Zoe talking and Carly shaking her head.
Her gaze finally stopped bouncing around the crowd and landed on him. She stilled and when he smiled, she smiled back and took a step forward. The music started and Zoe, after double-checking that Carly was going to follow, started walking down the aisle.
Carly didn’t move right away and for a few seconds, they just looked at each other over the heads of all their loved ones and friends. Then she gave him the same grin she’d always given him when he suggested some crazy adventure they could go on together.
Hell yeah, let’s do it.
His bride walked down the aisle, pausing at the beginning of the dock to hand her bouquet to Zoe, who took her place across from Noah’s dad. Then Carly walked alone across the wooden planks and he chuckled when he saw her lips moving.
Don’t trip. Don’t trip.
She didn’t trip, but Noah didn’t fully exhale until he was able to take her hands in his. The Justice of the Peace started talking and Noah looked into Carly’s eyes as they got to the good part.
I, Noah, take you, Carly, to be my wife. I promise to love and cherish you, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
Her eyes filled up with tears and she squeezed his hands. “Best friends forever.”
Noah kissed her. The JP clearing his throat and the ripple of laughter from the crowd told him it wasn’t time yet, but he didn’t care. He needed to kiss her right that second, and judging from the way her hands curled around his neck, she didn’t mind.
“We sti
ll need to do the rings,” he heard the Justice of the Peace say in a low voice, so he reluctantly let her go.
He behaved himself for the rest of the ceremony. He slid the ring on her finger and repeated the words he was told to repeat. And he managed not to laugh out loud at the word Carly muttered under her breath as she struggled to push his wedding band over his knuckle.
Finally, he heard the words he’d been waiting for. “I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride...again.”
This time he lifted her off her feet and kissed her long and hard to the applause of their friends and family. She laughed against his mouth and threw her arms around his neck.
When he broke off the kiss, he didn’t set her down right away, though. He wasn’t quite ready for this moment to end yet. Instead he hugged her and put his mouth close to her ear.
“I love you so much, Carly. Best friends forever.”
* * *
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Look for One Christmas Eve, the next novella in the Cedar Street Books series, coming from Shannon Stacey and Carina Press in November 2019.
Read on for an excerpt from Slow Summer Kisses by Shannon Stacey.
Acknowledgments
Thank you to my editor, Angela James, and everybody at Carina Press, as well as to my agent, Kimberly Whalen. Writing is a solitary endeavor, but bringing those stories to readers is a group effort and I’m so thankful for all of you.
About the Author
New York Times and USA TODAY bestselling author Shannon Stacey lives with her husband and two sons in New England, where her two favorite activities are writing stories of happily-ever-afters and driving her UTV through the mud. You can contact Shannon through her website, shannonstacey.com, visit her on Twitter at Twitter.com/shannonstacey, and on Facebook at Facebook.com/shannonstacey.authorpage, or email her at [email protected].
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