Chapter 5. Spaced Out
Ryan glared at the screen, hoping that for once something would happen to jar the smug smile from the commentator’s face. It began like any other show with a smartly dressed thirteen year old preparing to sing.
‘He’s wearing a suit,’ gasped Ryan. ‘How deadly can you get?’
The boy sang seven verses of some dreary dull song that Ryan had never heard of, to rapturous applause by the studio audience. During this performance the camera kept turning to Gary Garland, who sat on swivel chair at the side of the stage and smirked at the audience. He leapt to his feet at the end of the song.
‘That was wonderful,’ he enthused. ‘I wouldn’t have missed that for anything and I’m sure you’ll all agree with me.’
Ryan made gagging noises as Gary Garland turned and asked the judges for their opinion. The judges talked about the performer’s ‘presentation’ and ‘style’ and gave him eight points out of ten. Gary Garland smiled ingratiatingly at the studio audience and introduced the next item. A girl tottered on in a spangled dress with impossibly red lipstick on her wide mouth and dozens of gold bracelets glittering on her arms. She giggled nervously then began a quavering rendition of Love Me Tender. Mrs Hughes came in and sat down.
‘Oh, isn’t she lovely,’ she said dreamily. Ryan gave her a look of horror. If this is what happened when you got old then he hoped he would never grow up. His parents obviously had no taste at all. The girl finished at last, on a high screeching note, and the judges raved over her performance. Ryan was on the point of going to his room to read a book when Gary Garland leered at the camera and said,
‘Stay with us now. After the break we have a very unusual act for you. You will be amazed when you see it.’ This was followed by a blaring advertisement for energy drinks then a deodorant commercial.
‘Anyone would think we were all deaf,’ grumbled Mr Hughes. ‘Turn it down, Ryan.’ Ryan regretfully turned the sound down on an advertisement for jeans that actually had halfway decent music on it, and then Teen Talent Scout came on again.
Ryan surreptitiously turned the sound up as his parents took one glance than began a long conversation about something Mr Hughes had read in the newspaper.
Ryan looked at the screen and recoiled. The performers were dressed in weird orange costumes, a bit like hugely padded wetsuits, and their faces were covered with grotesque masks. Some peculiar music started up with lots of tinkles, crashes and odd drumbeats. The two creatures wobbled across the stage, bumping into each other and making weird burbling and squeaking noises. Gary Garland looked appalled then hastily pasted a bright artificial smile on his face.
‘All right,’ said Ryan. ‘This is more like it. Something different for a change.’ He watched entranced. It looked as if one of the creatures was tying to teach the other one to dance. The second one bumbled along one step behind, making whimpering sounds, and blundered into Gary Garland, who screamed as he fell to the stage with a crash. He snarled and motioned angrily for the camera to move off him as he struggled to his feet. Ryan laughed aloud. ‘This is the best act yet.’
The creatures continued their wild progress across the stage. They blipped and blopped and flung their arms wildly, narrowly missing walloping Gary Garland on the nose on their way past. He quickly ducked for cover behind a camera while one of the creatures wobbled madly after him. Finally the music came to an end and the creatures collapsed in a heap in the middle of the stage. Ryan howled with laughter. Gary Garland looked stunned. He stood there with ruffled hair and his tie askew and gave a smile that looked more like a grimace.
‘That was, er, most, er, unusual,’ he said hurriedly. ‘I’ll ask the judges to give their opinion now.’ The judges all seemed to be lost for words as well, then rather meanly gave the act a score of six. Gary Garland adjusted his tie and smiled at the camera again while he spoke about the judges and what a good job they had done. Finally the curtain opened and the boy in the suit came out as the week’s winner and the closing music began.
As Ryan looked up the TV guide to see what else was on, there was a commotion from Tracey’s bedroom. Amber came rushing down the hallway, sobbing, and ran out the front door slamming it hard behind her. The roof echoed with the patter of rain which gradually became louder and heavier.
‘I didn’t hear Tracey come back,’ said Mrs Hughes. ‘See if she wants any dinner, Ryan. I’ve left some in a dish in the fridge.’
Ryan tapped on Tracey’s door then opened it cautiously to see Tracey sitting on the floor beside her bed.
‘Go away,’ cried Tracey. She turned a tear-streaked face to Ryan as he came in, and hastily pushed her diary into a pile of books on the floor.
‘What’s wrong?’ he asked curiously.
‘It’s that stupid spoon,’ shrieked Tracey. ‘It’s no fun at all.’
‘What did you wish for?’
‘We thought it out so carefully,’ Tracey moaned. ‘Amber wished that we were one of the acts on Teen Talent Scout. It should have been a great experience but it was horrible.’
Ryan thought for a moment. ‘Were you the space creatures?’ he asked incredulously.
Tracey nodded and cried harder. ‘It was awful. It was so humiliating. Amber wished that we would look spectacular so we were expecting to look really glamorous in sparkly dresses and high heels and stuff. Instead we found ourselves in those ghastly costumes and it was really hard to move. Amber was showing me how to do a dance routine but I couldn’t see properly though the mask and I kept tripping up.'
‘Actually it was the best act they’ve ever had,’ admitted Ryan. ‘It was really funny.’
‘Truly? You’re not just making that up to make me feel better?’
‘No. It was really, truly hilarious. All the studio audience was in stitches when you bumped into Gary Garland, and I was sure you would win. Anyway, no one will ever know it was you. You certainly couldn’t tell who was in those costumes.’
Tracey cheered up at this briefly. ‘Amber isn’t talking to me, though,’ she said gloomily.
‘Show her the video,’ suggested Ryan. ‘Once she sees that no one will recognise you she won’t be so upset. And it really was funny. You should have seen Gary Garland’s face when you crashed into him. It was worth watching the entire programme just for that alone.’ Tracey sniffed and looked slightly more cheerful. ‘How did you get back?’ asked Ryan. ‘The wish must have ended somehow.’
‘That stupid boy in the suit picked up the spoon to stir his drink and he said he wished he would be the winner. I reached out to grab the spoon off him and it banged on the counter and zapped us back here.’
‘At least you’ve still got it,’ said Ryan thankfully. ‘I haven’t had my turn yet.’
‘Go for it,’ said Tracey bitterly, flinging the spoon at Ryan. ‘Only don’t expect it to turn out well.’
Ryan thought long and hard about what wish he could make. He knew it would probably only last a short time, until the next wish, so he wanted it to be something really worthwhile. He still hadn’t decided on a wish when he visited Andy the following Saturday. He took the Geiger counter and the boys spent a happy half-hour trying it out in Andy’s bedroom. It pinged satisfactorily at bottle caps and drawer handles and went totally berserk over a biscuit tin packed with metal Meccano pieces that had belonged to Andy’s father. Andy waved it in Ryan’s direction and there was a ‘ping’ as it located the spoon in his pocket.
‘What shall we wish for?’ asked Andy eagerly, when Ryan admitted it was Tracey’s spoon.
‘What do you mean, we? It’s my wish this time,’ replied Ryan selfishly.
‘Yeah, but you can wish for both of us.’
‘Why should I?’
‘Because it’s more fun with two, that’s why.’
‘I guess you’re right.’
Ryan listened as Andy outlined a list of wishes Ryan could make, each more outrageous than the last. Finally they came up with what appeared to be a foolproof plan.
&
nbsp; ‘Wish us to be on an island,’ said Andy. ‘That way we can explore it with the Geiger counter and maybe find pirates treasure.’
‘We could take food with us,’ suggested Ryan.
‘No need,’ said Andy grandly. ‘There’s bound to be coconuts and bananas and stuff and if we change into our togs before we go, we can go swimming in the sea.
Ryan could find no fault with this. The boys decided they would be very well prepared and stood wearing their swimming shorts and clutching beach towels as Ryan began to make the wish. As he picked up the spoon there was an interruption and Andy’s younger sister Joanne burst into the room.
‘Andy, can you…what are you doing?’ she asked baldly.
A Spoonful of Magic Page 5