by Jo Ann Brown
“You’re right.”
He hoped his brother was correct. Though Leanna wouldn’t be at their house each day, she’d be next door. How was he supposed to ignore her when his heart kept reminding him of the dreams it once had harbored? Once? With a silent groan, he knew those dreams of having her as his wife and the mamm of his kinder hadn’t vanished.
* * *
Leanna glanced from the road to her grossmammi, who sat on the passenger side of the family’s gray-topped buggy. Grossmammi Inez was staring straight ahead. Her lips moved, but no sound emerged. Guessing the older woman was praying, Leanna added a few silent pleas of her own.
The appointment with the cardiologist, who came one day every other week to the medical offices in Salem, hadn’t gone the way either of them had hoped. Leanna knew her grossmammi hadn’t really believed her shortness of breath had anything to do with the last winter’s cold, but Grossmammi Inez hadn’t expected to hear there was a problem with her heart.
Leanna had listened to the doktor explain in simple terms how one of her grossmammi’s heart valves had become constricted, making it impossible for her heart to get enough oxygen into her blood.
Tests would confirm the doktor’s diagnosis, so another appointment was made to confer with the cardiologist after those were done. The office had told Leanna to check in at week’s end to find out when those tests could be run, and had alerted her that Grossmammi Inez would need to travel to the clinic—almost thirty miles away—for the tests.
That meant contacting Hank Puente, who made his large, white van available to the plain community. The short, jovial man was retired, and Leanna guessed he enjoyed the company of his neighbors more than the small amount he charged to drive them to places too far to go in a buggy. Once she had the day and time of the appointment, she’d have her twin sister call Hank from the phone in Caleb’s bakery.
That part was easy.
What wasn’t was knowing something was wrong with her grossmammi’s heart. She’d realized Grossmammi Inez’s gasping for breath meant something wasn’t right, but right up until the moment the cardiologist started explaining his findings, Leanna had hoped it was something simple. Something that could be healed with a round of antibiotics.
More than once during the half-hour ride from the village, Leanna thought about starting a conversation to break the silence. Each time she’d halted herself.
She sighed with relief when she drove into the Waglers’ dooryard and stopped the buggy. Jumping out, she considered walking around it to help her grossmammi. Again she stopped herself. Grossmammi Inez had refused her assistance to get into the buggy at the doktor’s office, announcing loudly enough for everyone on the street to hear that she wasn’t an invalid.
Leanna delayed unhitching the horse and walked with the older woman toward the house. When Grossmammi Inez held on to the railing along the steps, Leanna’s breath caught in her throat. The motion warned her grossmammi might be suffering more than Leanna had guessed.
Inside the house, her siblings, including Lyndon with his family, were waiting. School was out, and it was, Leanna was shocked to realize, long past time for supper. The appointment had been late in the day, and she and Grossmammi Inez had sat in the waiting room for over an hour waiting to see the cardiologist.
The receptionist had suggested Leanna take an appointment early in the morning, but Leanna had made today’s so she could work her regular hours at the Millers’ house. Gabriel had been pleased he wouldn’t miss much time at work. She wondered what he’d say when she told him she’d need time to take her grossmammi for testing.
A pang cut through her when she realized that by the time the testing was scheduled, she might no longer be watching the Miller twins. Juanita would have taken over the job by then, and Leanna would return to cleaning houses. All too soon she wouldn’t be spending each day with those adorable bopplin.
Until supper was on the table and silent grace had given them time to thank God for the food and family with them, nobody asked a single question about the visit with the cardiologist. The pot of Annie’s delicious beef stew and platters of buttermilk biscuits were passed around, and still nobody spoke.
Leanna’s eyes were caught by her twin’s, and she saw her dismay reflected in Annie’s blue eyes. She mouthed the word later before taking a bite of stew. She chewed and chewed, but found it impossible to swallow. She noticed the only one eating was her grossmammi. Even Lyndon’s young kinder seemed too antsy to do more than nibble at their biscuits, getting more crumbs down the front of them than into their mouths.
Grossmammi Inez glanced around the table. “You might as well spit out what you’ve got to say. Maybe then you can eat your supper.”
Questions came from around the table. Leanna listened while their grossmammi answered with a reassuring smile. When the elderly woman paused between every word to gasp for breath, her family’s worried expressions deepened.
“Don’t look so upset,” Grossmammi Inez said with an uneven laugh. “Remember the doktor said I might be able to take pills to help me.” She didn’t look in Leanna’s direction. “Let’s get that peach pie Annie brought from the bakery. Juanita, glasses of milch all around would be wunderbaar.”
While her twin went to slice the pie, Leanna followed. She whispered a quick overview of what their grossmammi had omitted from what the cardiologist had said. Leanna saw more questions in her sister’s eyes. Those would have to wait until after Grossmammi Inez went to bed.
They ate their dessert, which Leanna assumed was delicious because everything from the bakery was, whether Annie or Caleb made it. Tonight, the pie was tasteless. That Kenny didn’t ask for seconds showed he was pretending as much as she was that everything was normal. Her younger brother loved peach pie and always had a second—and sometimes a third—slice.
Instead of lingering over their meal to chat about their day, everyone was up as soon as they’d finished. Grossmammi Inez excused herself and headed to bed, exhausted from the day. Lyndon herded his family out, and the kitchen grew silent.
Ten minutes later, draping the damp dish towel over the last of the dishes set in the drainer, Leanna joined her siblings in the front room. She sat next to Kenny on the light brown couch. That allowed her to face Annie who was rocking by the unlit woodstove. Juanita perched on the edge of a footstool in front of the chair where Grossmammi Inez used to sit and read the Bible aloud to them. The older woman had stopped when talking became too difficult.
“Tell us,” Annie said.
“The doktor acted as if this condition wasn’t anything unusual for a woman her age,” Leanna said, taking care not to use her grossmammi’s name. She doubted their lowered voices would wake Grossmammi Inez, but she didn’t want to take any chances.
“So it’s possible taking pills could solve the problem?” asked Kenny, looking younger than his twelve years.
Leanna put her arm around his quaking shoulders. He was struggling not to cry. Sometimes, because he matched their older brother step for step working on the farm, she forgot he was still a kind.
“We have to wait and see what the tests reveal,” she said, giving him a squeeze. “While we wait, we need to pray for God to guide the doktors so they can help Grossmammi Inez.”
When her siblings rose to seek their own beds, because they’d be up with the sun in the morning, Leanna didn’t follow them toward the stairs.
“I’ll be up in a minute,” she said. “I want to make sure the goats don’t get out. There have been sightings of coyotes around the area, and the kids could be vulnerable.”
Annie gave her a taut smile. “Sleep well.”
“I’ll try. You, too.”
By the time Leanna had checked her goats and returned to the house, she was too restless to sleep. She poured herself a glass of water and walked onto the front porch. As she sat on a rocker that had little of its original green paint,
the mountains to the west were backlit by a flicker of lightning. The dull rumble of distant thunder faded away. Overhead stars glittered, but clouds gobbled up a few as she watched.
“Leanna?” came a voice from the darkness closer to the ground.
She gave a soft cry as she almost jumped out of the chair.
Gabriel stepped into the dim light shining from the living room. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. I figured you’d heard me coming up the walk.”
“I was watching the storm. Lost in thought.” Her voice sounded as breathless in her ears as Grossmammi Inez’s did.
“I wanted to find out how Inez’s appointment went.”
She knew she should invite him to come up on the porch and sit, but the words wouldn’t form. Then she told herself she was silly. What had happened had happened, and she couldn’t change it. She motioned for him to take the chair beside hers.
When he had, she stared again at the sky. It was easier than looking at him. If she saw sorrow on his face, she might lose her grip on her emotions. She didn’t want to break down in front of him.
“The appointment went as well as can be expected,” she said after explaining what the doktor suspected was wrong. “They want to run a few tests to confirm the diagnosis, and then they’ll decide what to do.”
“When are they doing the tests?”
“Soon. I’m supposed to check in at week’s end to find out when they’ve scheduled her to come in.”
He frowned. “They don’t seem to be in any hurry.”
“I know, but I have to accept they know what they’re doing. They deal with patients all day long.”
“But this patient is your grossmammi.” A gentle compassion eased into his voice.
“Ja.” She wrapped her arms around herself. To ward off the cold the thought of surgery sent through her? Or to halt the warmth surging forth at his heartfelt words? She didn’t want to delve too deeply. “And I can’t help worrying the process is going on too long. On the other hand, if there’s a way she can avoid surgery, the delay will be worth it. The doktor said some people can be treated by taking a pill. It depends on what the tests show. We have to trust in God’s plan.”
He gave a rude snort, shocking her as much as his arrival had. “God’s plan?”
“You don’t believe God has a plan for each of us?”
“Oh, I’m sure He has a plan.” His voice hardened. “I’m also sure it doesn’t have anything to do with what we want or need.”
Leanna bit her lower lip as she heard the pain he couldn’t conceal. Not so long ago, he’d buried his wife and her daed, a man who’d raised Gabriel and his twin as if they were his own sons. He’d been left to raise his kinder without a mamm, something he’d experienced himself so he knew about the void that would leave in the bopplin’s hearts.
Sympathy for him and his family threatened to overwhelm her. She didn’t want to dim what happiness he had left.
A smile tilted her lips. She had just the way!
“I have something to show you.” She stood. “Wait here.”
“What have you got to show me?”
She smiled. “I’ve always heard patience is a virtue.”
“I’ve heard that, too.” He cocked an eyebrow at her. “I’m not sure I believe it, because satisfying my curiosity is always a blessing.”
Leanna almost gasped. Had Gabriel made a jest? If so, it was the first time she’d heard him do so since the last time they’d walked out together. Maybe he hadn’t changed as much as she’d believed.
Alarms sounded through her head. If he hadn’t changed into the dour man he’d acted, then the danger to her heart was greater than she’d guessed. She’d fallen in love with the amusing man he’d been in Lancaster County.
So had Freda Girod.
She rushed into the house before her face revealed what she was thinking. A moment later, she wheeled a small red wagon onto the porch. “I thought you could use this to pull the kinder around in. That way, you don’t have to try to carry both by yourself if nobody else can help you.”
“They’re young to ride in a wagon,” he said as he came to his feet. Surprise widened his eyes when he looked from the wagon to her.
“That’s why I had Lyndon put these wooden insets on each side.” She ran her fingers along the panels that were about six inches high and encircled the wagon.
He knelt to examine them. “I’ve seen wagons like this before. I always wondered what the slits were in the sides.”
“The boards will keep Harley and Heidi from tumbling out.”
“And Heidi from climbing out.”
She shook her head. “I’m not so sure about that. I’m beginning to think your little girl is planning to be a mountain climber when she grows up. If she waits that long.”
“This is remarkable, Leanna.” He stood, and for a second she thought he was going to smile.
It must have been a trick of the poor light. Telling herself she should be grateful he hadn’t smiled, because she was unsure she could resist that, she replied, “I remembered we had a little wagon for Kenny when he was a boppli. I found this one at the thrift store by the old courthouse and cleaned it. I think it’ll make it easier for them to go for an outing.”
“You never said anything about it.”
“I wasn’t sure when Lyndon would be able to get around to building the panels.”
He arched an eyebrow at her. “My brother is a carpenter. Remember?”
“I know, but it might not have been a surprise if I’d asked him.”
“Michael is pretty gut at keeping secrets.”
For a moment, she was tempted to ask if Michael was as skilled at hiding things as Gabriel was. She didn’t say anything because that would ruin the simple happiness of being able to present him with this gift from the whole Wagler family.
“Well,” she said, “now he can be surprised, too.”
“I’m overwhelmed.” He put his fingers on her arm. “Danki. The bopplin will love it, I’m sure.”
“Gut.” She edged away so the buzz emanating from the spot where his skin touched hers eased and allowed her to think. “And danki for stopping by. I’ll let Grossmammi Inez know you called.”
He stared at her for so long she wondered if he’d turned into a statue. He started to speak once, then a second time. Finally he said, as he picked up the wagon, “Gut nacht, Leanna. Danki again.”
“Gut nacht,” she replied, resting her hand on the porch support as she watched him walk down the steps and disappear into the darkness.
Thunder rolled, much nearer than it had been before. She was astonished she hadn’t noticed how the storm was approaching. Lost in the wonder of Gabriel’s touch, chaste though it’d been, had made her unaware of everything else. What would have happened if she hadn’t stepped aside when he’d brushed his fingertips on her arm? If she’d, instead, moved closer?
She let her head loll against the porch column as lightning sewed a brilliant seam between the clouds. She had done the right thing to protect her heart from being hammered again, so why did she feel so lousy?
Chapter Seven
Sunday dawned with the promise of a lovely day to come. The sunrise painted the eastern sky with astounding colors that couldn’t be found in a box of crayons. Spring kept the air a bit crisp and lighter than it would be when the middle of summer battered them with heat and humidity.
Leanna finished pinning up her hair and set her kapp in place before going to stand by the single window in her bedroom. Looking down at her goats, who were gathered near the gate as they waited for her to come to feed, water and milk them, she smiled. She was glad the services in Harmony Creek Hollow were close to their house so the family could stay to enjoy the company of the other members of the Leit before evening chores.
The Sabbath was set aside as a day of rest except
for tending to their animals. No cooking or baking or housework allowed. Only the necessary tasks of taking care of those who couldn’t take care of themselves. Leanna wrapped her arms around herself as she thought of how they’d be allowed to nurse Grossmammi Inez on a Sunday. No, she didn’t want to think of a time when her grossmammi couldn’t manage simple tasks on her own.
Nobody else was downstairs when she returned from milking her goats. She’d heard voices from the main barn, so she knew Lyndon and Kenny were milking. What a blessing it was her younger brother could do everything he had before that accident during the winter! He’d healed but not fast enough for an impatient boy who’d been hit by a skidding car while he was skiing behind a fast-moving buggy along a snowy road. She hoped he’d be less of a risk-taker the next time he and his friends got such a ridiculous idea in their heads.
Leanna put the fresh milch in the refrigerator on the far right side. That would keep it separated from the milch Kenny brought from the cow barn. She had to shift a few of the bopplin’s bottles to find room for her metal milch container. Yesterday Grossmammi Inez had made a double batch of formula for the Miller twins, so they didn’t have to prepare any today. Later she would put the leftover milch into the freezer. It should give her enough to make up a batch of soap for the farmers market.
Ignoring the dread bubbling up in her as she thought about having to talk to strangers who were interested in her soap, she focused instead on filling cups with the kaffi Annie had prepared. Her grossmammi and her siblings drank as if they’d crawled across a desert. Biscuits left from last night’s supper were topped with different types of butter, including apple and peanut.
Church was being held at the Bowmans’ farm, which was closer to the main road that ran from Salem to the Vermont state line. Grossmammi Magdalena, who oversaw the Bowman household, had held a work frolic earlier in the week to make sure everything was ready for the service and the Leit. As it’d been held during the Miller bopplin’s nap time, Leanna hadn’t taken part. However, she knew the Bowman farm well because they’d held services there a couple of times already. The number of households in Harmony Creek Hollow was small, so each family hosted church more often than in bigger districts. No one minded, because it was an honor to provide space for the Leit to worship together.