She laughed, her mood infectious. “Not at all, Mr. Darcy. I am used to singing for my supper.” She looked quite relaxed. “I will ask Georgiana if she would like me to play first.”
She rose gracefully, and he felt a pang as she moved away from him. But she was soon back. “Georgiana wishes to play first, and then you will have to listen to my efforts, sir.”
“I am sure it will be a pleasure, Miss Elizabeth.” He damned himself for his formal language, and took his seat again once she had.
She had leaned towards her aunt on her other side. “I’m looking forward to hearing Georgiana play. She told me she enjoys Mozart, and has been working hard on the fingering.” Her laugh was a joy, and he found himself smiling. “Unfortunately I do not practice enough to satisfy my own critical listening, but I am sure Georgiana will be wonderful to listen to.”
Chapter 50
The next morning, Elizabeth woke feeling rather lazy. It had been a late night at Darcy House, and she’d not demurred when Aunt Gardiner had finally declared it was time to take their leave.
She stretched, and watched the sunlight lancing in through her bedroom window, the promise of a warmer day ahead. The previous evening came to mind, and she remembered the courtesy of Mr. Darcy to her relations, although — she smiled again — she’d been aware of his underlying frustration that there had been no time for him to talk privately with her.
When she’d been playing, she had known he wanted to sit beside her and turn the pages. But Georgiana was doing that, and, even if she had not been, then he could hardly do that, as the evening’s host, and, as well, they were not engaged.
She rose hastily, wanting to escape her thoughts. Did she wish they were an engaged couple? Was Mr. Darcy going to make an offer to her?
After ringing the bell, she waited for the upstairs maid to bring her a jug of hot water, and she washed and dressed, before hurrying downstairs.
Her aunt and uncle were already at breakfast and Aunt Gardiner smiled at her.
“There you are, Lizzy. I quite thought you might be later downstairs than this.”
Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. “You know I am not normally a late riser, Aunt. And you are both wonderful examples of the benefits of rising early.” She sat at her place and nodded at the maid, who poured her a cup of tea.
Gracechurch Street was certainly much more disciplined than Longbourn. At home today without Elizabeth or her elder sister, it was likely her father would be the only person at the breakfast table although Mary sometimes was there before he had finished. Mama never came down for breakfast, partaking from a tray in her chambers before dressing for the day.
“So, what are the plans for today, Aunt Gardiner?” Elizabeth spread strawberry preserve on a slice of toast.
Her aunt raised her eyebrows. “Do you think we will have a caller today?”
Elizabeth knew she blushed, and her uncle chuckled.
“Perhaps you should not go out this morning, Lizzy, in case Mr. Darcy calls.” He heaved himself to his feet. “I must be gone, Madeline. I hope your day is pleasant.”
He kissed his wife, patted Elizabeth affectionately on the shoulder, and left the room.
Aunt Gardiner smiled at her niece. “I’m sure your uncle didn’t wish to embarrass you, Lizzy.”
“He did not, Aunt. Please don’t be disturbed.” Elizabeth sighed, and put down her toast. “But I don’t know, I am in two minds.”
“Eat a little more, Lizzy, then we can go through to the drawing room. Perhaps you’d like to talk about it.” Aunt Gardiner smiled kindly across the table. “I think I know a little of what you’re wondering.”
Soon they were sitting together on the sofa, each busy with her needlework.
“What are you in two minds about, Lizzy?” Her aunt seemed to be concentrating on her sewing. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Elizabeth carefully finished the stitch. “I hope you don’t mind, Aunt. But I have always been so certain that I know how other people are thinking, and what their opinion is.” She smiled slightly. “And I’m sure I am right — but, then I wonder if I am …” She shook her head.
“It all seems so long, so drawn-out.” She looked at her aunt.
“Last night, Georgiana was talking about her hopes and fears. I think she wanted some reassurance that she would still be able to live with her brother when he is married.” She sighed. “How could I respond when I only think he might make me an offer, but he has not yet, despite having the opportunity several times?”
Aunt Gardiner nodded. “I am surprised he has not made you an offer. From what you have said, you have been much in contact — in the early months when Mr. Bingley was calling on Jane, you told me often in your letters that you were left to entertain Mr. Darcy.” She looked at Elizabeth. “And after the episode by the river, he was concerned about you while you were ill. And you have told me that he called again, even after it was likely that he knew Lydia’s probable condition. ”
She leaned over and rang the bell. “I think we’ll have tea while we’re talking.”
She faced Elizabeth. “You’ve also told me what he has done to ensure Lydia’s marriage before her baby is born, all to lift the family’s ruin. That has cost him dearly. And now he is calling here, with your father’s permission to call.” She reached over and touched Elizabeth’s arm. “Of course he intends to make an offer.” Small lines appeared between her brows. “But as for why he has not already, I don’t know. There was privacy enough in the garden yesterday.” She laughed softly. “And he was certainly frustrated enough at the lack of private time to converse with you at dinner last night.” She stopped suddenly, and there was a long pause.
“Do you want him to make an offer, Lizzy? Would you accept him? Perhaps he is unsure of your affections, not sure how to make the offer?”
Elizabeth was startled. She looked back down at her needlework. “I think he knows of my affections, Aunt. I have been expecting him to make an offer, and I hadn’t thought I would refuse.” She looked up, a little desperately. “He has tried so very hard to fit in and be sociable, I am not sure if you have seen how very much it is costing him.”
She sewed a few more stitches. “Do you remember John Lucas when you used to come to stay at Longbourn, soon after you married Uncle Gardiner?”
“He was the eldest Lucas boy, wasn’t he? Killed at Trafalgar?” Her aunt looked thoughtful. “I think he was there on leave from the Navy on one occasion, but it is hard to remember it.” She laughed. “I was thinking of other things, Lizzy. Edward was only just introducing me to the family.”
Elizabeth smiled impishly. “I could see how shocked the behaviour of some of them made you.”
Aunt Gardiner nodded, then turned the conversation back. “Why did you mention the Lucas boy, Lizzy, when we were talking about Mr. Darcy?”
Elizabeth sighed. “When I first saw Mr. Darcy at the assembly, I could not help seeing just the same expression on his face that John used to have. It is a difficulty that he had, almost like a blind person cannot see, so he could not understand the social requirements of these occasions. John used to tell me that he didn’t understand normal family affections.” She grimaced. “It was why his parents sent him into the Navy, I think. Trying to force him to be more sociable. It caused him much anguish.”
“And you think Mr. Darcy has similar difficulties?” Aunt Gardiner sounded intrigued.
Elizabeth nodded. “He has admitted to me a lack of social ability.” She looked up. “Like John, he tries to mask it by being very correct in his behaviour in social settings. But I think it disturbs him, and it’s certainly tiring for him.”
“And I can see therefore why perhaps his sister is not certain of her future,” her aunt mused. Then she sat up. “But what of your affections, Lizzy? Do you love this man enough to want to spend your life with him, help him with any difficulties he may have?”
Her question was direct and to the point. Elizabeth looked over at her. She could talk
to her aunt as she could no other. “I do love him, Aunt. I am …” she took a deep breath, “… a little afraid of what it might mean to share my life with a man who has openly told me of his difficulties with this.”
Aunt Gardiner put her needlework down and embraced her. “Oh, Lizzy. I can see your anxiety, but, you know, I think everyone is nervous of tying themselves to another. Marriage is so very permanent, and it is difficult to know someone so very well when you cannot be alone together very much before the ceremony.”
“Jane wasn’t nervous,” Elizabeth said quietly, “but then both of them are so obviously amiable characters, there was nothing to be anxious about.” She shrugged. “I also have the feeling that his family might not approve of me, and that I will be unable to be happy in such circles as he moves in.”
“I think Jane was nervous, a little,” her aunt mused. “She said to me she was worried about the attitude of Mr. Bingley’s sisters.”
“Oh, yes!” Elizabeth nodded. “Of course. She knew they disapproved of her.”
“So, the question is, do you trust Mr. Darcy? Do you think he has affection for you, and will maintain his care for you?” Her aunt’s gaze was steady.
“Do you like him, Aunt?” Elizabeth wanted her aunt’s approval.
“Do not rely on my opinion, Lizzy. You must be sure in your own mind.” But the older lady smiled. “But, to answer your question, yes, I like him very well. I think you would be very happy if you decide to accept him.”
Elizabeth put her head on her aunt’s shoulder. “Thank you. I do, too. I hope …” but as she spoke, the door opened.
“Mr. Darcy,” the footman announced.
Chapter 51
Darcy had a glimpse of the room past the servant’s shoulder. Elizabeth’s head was resting on her aunt’s shoulder, and his heart stopped. Was she unhappy? Had something affected her adversely the previous evening?
As the footman held the door for him, he entered and bowed, his face assuming his habitual aloof expression when he didn’t understand what was going on.
Both ladies had risen and curtsied politely, and Mrs. Gardiner gestured to his usual chair. As she turned to the footman and nodded for tea, Darcy glanced at Elizabeth.
She seemed quite composed, and, if he hadn’t seen her before he entered the room, he would not have discerned that anything might be wrong.
Should he remark on it? Say nothing, and appear to be unfeeling? Did she know he had seen her? But she was speaking. He pulled himself together with an effort.
“I’m sorry, Miss Elizabeth, I missed what you said.”
She laughed and her eyes were warm. He felt a little better.
“I was just saying that I had a wonderful time last night, Mr. Darcy. I like your sister and cousin very much.” Elizabeth looked very slightly away, not to uncomfortably hold his gaze.
She was helping him. And she had enjoyed her evening. He felt a great deal better than he had just a moment before.
“It was a very great pleasure to me, too, Miss Elizabeth, Mrs. Gardiner,” Darcy dipped his head. It seemed everything would be alright. He had dressed carefully this morning, determined to make an offer of marriage to Elizabeth, however unprepared he felt. He could not wait a single moment more. But Mrs. Gardiner was here, ordering tea, and being sociable.
He cast a look of slight desperation at Elizabeth, and she gave him a small smile.
“When we’ve taken our tea, Mr. Darcy, perhaps we might take a stroll in the gardens again? It seems to be a pleasant day.”
He seized on the opportunity. “It would be an honour to accompany you, Miss Elizabeth.” She was suggesting a little privacy. A lady such as she must know what he wished to say. Did her suggestion mean that she would welcome his offer?
His heart pounded. If she agreed, he knew he would be able to kiss her hand. He swallowed hard, and pulled his mind away. He must not think that far ahead, or her aunt might think he was dazed and foolish, not at all suitable for Elizabeth.
Afterwards, he had no memory of the general conversation over the tea, but finally, he was waiting for Elizabeth to put on her coat. It was nearly time.
All the words he had planned to say fled his mind.
* * *
They descended the wide steps he remembered from the previous day, and he saw her glance up and nod at her aunt, sitting by the drawing room window. It was a thoughtful little act that showed she did not wish to make him obliged to her, and he knew she had his interests at heart.
“Your aunt is a kind and gracious lady.” It was safe for him to say that, and Elizabeth nodded.
“She is. I am very fortunate in my relations, Mr. Darcy.” Elizabeth took his proffered arm, and they began to stroll along the paths.
“I like them very well indeed,” Darcy nodded. “I learned a great deal from your uncle over the port last night.” He looked over at her, was this a good way to begin? He must try.
“Miss Elizabeth, I have to say I have learned a great deal over the last few months …” he paused, was he repeating himself? “… from you and your family. I will never fail to be grateful at the opportunity to get to know people, who, in the past, I might have looked on as beneath me.” He shook his head. “I am not proud of myself, saying that, but it would have been true, and I hope you might forgive me for it, having now learned my lesson.”
He waited, his heart hammering within him. Her reply might tell him if he had a chance of winning her.
“Thank you for saying that, Mr. Darcy,” her voice was thoughtful. “I know it already, having been observing the changes in you, but I know it must have been a mortifying thing to admit to.” She raised her eyes. “It must also have taken a great deal of courage; but I already know of your bravery, from the incident by the river.”
There was a slight pressure of her hand, warm on his arm, and he realised that he had stopped. Slowly, they began walking on, his heart lighter within him, slightly more confident that she might receive his offer with a mind to accept. He walked on in silence, trying to recall his pre-prepared little speech. She deserved the best, he must make it perfectly.
It didn’t seem very long at all until she spoke, and he came to with a start.
“Mr. Darcy, are you well?”
He suddenly thought that it was colder out here than he had anticipated; he must have been silent for some time. “I’m sorry, Miss Elizabeth, I was thinking of something I wanted to say. I didn’t realise it was taking me so long.”
She smiled, but there was a strange look behind her eyes. He puzzled over it. Was she hurt by his inattention?
“Miss Elizabeth, might we sit under the tree again? I hope you would not be too cold.”
She smiled uncertainly, and he led her to the seat where they had sat — was it really only yesterday?
He sat at the other end of the bench seat, and turned slightly towards her. His heart pounded, threatening his very breathing.
He swallowed. “Miss Elizabeth.” He had to take another breath. He shook his head despairingly. “I am sorry, Miss Elizabeth. I planned all this out so carefully, to remember my lines and make it perfect.”
Chapter 52
She reached out and covered his hand with hers. “Please, Mr. Darcy, do not vex yourself so.” She smiled slightly, and that, added to the heat of her touch, made his chest tighten up with emotion.
“Forgive me, Mr. Darcy. I would like to help you very much, but if I have misapprehended the situation, and am anticipating something in error, I pray you tell me straight away and not let me continue.”
He nodded dumbly; she must know, surely she must be expecting an offer. Then he sat up straight. A lady ought not to do everything, she must respect the man who wished to become her husband.
“Miss Elizabeth,” he began. There was a slight pause. “I know you as a lady of rare ability, both to know of my difficulties and also not to mock them. I’m sure you will have divined my intentions towards you, and I’m sorry that I’m probably not about to make my
declaration in a way that is supposedly the right way. But be assured, it is not from any intention to hurt or appear distant.”
He glanced at her face, her quiet smile encouraging him to continue. “The first evening I met you, I knew you attempted to make me more comfortable among the strangers who surrounded me.” He smiled, “and then, when I was corresponding with an unknown lady in the meadow above Meryton, I knew my correspondent was a lady just like you, with the ability to divine my difficulty and a desire to assist. I wondered who she was.”
“You must stop there, Mr. Darcy,” Elizabeth broke in. “A lady doesn’t wish to think of you wondering about other ladies, not if you are going to say what I think you might.”
He looked at her in consternation. “I would not wish to offend, Miss Elizabeth.”
She laughed gently. “I will not permit you to offend me, Mr. Darcy, which is why I interrupted that thought.” She blushed a little and tucked her hands together in her lap. “You may proceed, with the assurance that I am listening without any intention of being offended, or causing you hurt.”
He stared at her face. “You know what I wish to say?”
“I think so, but I would not dream of presuming such a momentous thing, for if I am wrong, it might cause great offence between us.”
He nodded ruefully. “I have the same dilemma.” He steeled himself. “But it must be done. I only wish you to know that if I discompose you in any way, it is not with intent to hurt.”
He reached forward, as if to take her hand, but drew back at the last moment. Not yet. “Miss Elizabeth, I must ask, would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”
“There, it did not need to be a lengthy speech, did it?” She reached out her hand for him to take it, and he bowed over it, still almost unable to breathe.
“Be reassured, Mr. Darcy. I am honoured — and delighted — to receive such a proposal.” Her hand pressed on his, “but I must be selfish for my own ends now.”
A Rare Ability: A Darcy and Elizabeth Pride and Prejudice Variation (A Pemberley Romance Book 10) Page 21