by James, Lylah
His hands traveled up my arms, slowly… taking his time, as if he was memorizing every inch of my exposed skin. His touch was so soft, so featherlight, but it felt as though he was writing a word, painting a picture or playing a song on my skin. My breath caught, and my heart raced, tripping over itself because it could longer beat in a normal rhythm.
Our eyes connected through the floor length mirror. The intensity of his gaze made my stomach do a crazy flip, and my thighs trembled.
Maddox was wearing a black sleeveless shirt, the muscles in his arms on display, and they clenched and tightened with every move he made. His whole body was a work of art. I wore a tank top and shorts, comfortable enough for dancing.
His blue eyes smoldered with something I couldn’t read–dark and intense.
Friends, I told myself.
We were best friends.
But friends didn’t look at each other the way we did.
The past five days had been sweet torture.
Sweet because I spent every waking hour with Maddox.
Torture because I spent every waking hour with Maddox.
Dancing… touching… breathing so close to each other’s lips… but reminding myself to pull away.
I refused to acknowledge what I was feeling. It was forbidden.
Or maybe I didn’t really comprehend my own wayward emotions.
Why does my body react the way it does when Maddox is close?
Why does my heart hurt… when he’s hurt?
Why does my stomach flutter when he’s touching me?
We were friends, weren’t we?
Being anything more than friends could risk what we had for the last three years and whatever we had was beautiful the way it was.
“Lila?”
His voice, a deep timbre that traveled down through my body and all the way to my toes, snapped me back into the present.
“You just stepped on my toes,” he mumbled, his breath against the tip of my earlobe.
I quickly apologized and went back into the position I was supposed to be in.
Our eyes locked, and I moved my hips against his. He followed my movement, and his grip tightened on my waist, his fingers almost digging into my flesh, and it didn’t seem like he noticed.
Our height difference had the curve of my ass right at his groin, and my eyes fluttered close, my cheeks flushing in embarrassment and… something else.
Maddox made a sound at the back of his throat, and I looked at him through the mirror. His face hardened, and his eyes grew darker, his pupils dilating.
He grasped my hips and spun me around, taking me by surprise. He pulled me closer, our bodies clashing together. His hand skimmed over my bare thighs, right where the shorts ended, and he slowly lifted my left leg up, hooking my thigh around his hip. Fire licked its way through my veins, and I burned hotter.
Maddox dipped me low, and his warmth seeped through my clothes all the way through to my bones.
“You look a little red, Garcia,” he rasped. “Am I too hot for you?”
He pulled me back up, and my heart thudded in my chest. I turned around and rolled my eyes, trying to look indifferent to his stupid remarks and his close proximity.
Maddox chuckled low, his chest vibrating with the sound, and I felt the vibration against my back. “You’re rolling your eyes at me, I know. I can see your reflection in the mirror, Lila.”
My eyes narrowed on him, and I swiveled around again, swatting his chest. “Concentrate on the dance, Maddox.”
His arm snaked around my waist, and he pulled me hard into his body. I stumbled into his chest. “I have you,” he muttered softly, and his arm tightened around my waist.
Maddox fished out the white blindfold from his pocket, and he covered my eyes, stealing away my ability to see. I was supposed to be blindfolded for half of this dance, making it trickier. It was all about trusting your dance partner.
It forced me to feel every one of his moves, his steps, our matching rhythm, our shuddering breaths and the heat coming off him. My body was even more hyperaware of Maddox’s closeness to me.
His warmth left me for a brief moment and our song, the song we were supposed to be dancing to, filled the tiny dance studio.
“Time of my Life.”
There was no way Maddox and I could compete with the original dance and actors from the movie Dirty Dancing; they were legends, but it was my favorite movie and song and it was perfect for this dance.
Blindfolded, I waited for Maddox to return to me.
I could feel him somewhere around the room, watching me. The heat of his gaze had my stomach clenching.
The longer he took, the more nervous I became. Tick, tick, tick.
His body brushed against my back, and I sucked in a breath. I squeezed my eyes shut behind my blindfold and reminded myself to breathe. His hand drifted down, his fingers whispering over my body. My ribs, my stomach, my hips. Maddox touched me like I was a made of glass, fragile to his exploration.
Maddox pulled me into him, and he started to move. I followed his steps through our mixed tango and contemporary dance.
He gripped my hips and twirled me left and right before I fell back into his arms. My heart raced faster, and his breathing was ragged. I imagined his hard face and eyes that were so blue I drown in them. Beautiful.
Mine.
Oh, I wished.
I embraced the music and swayed with the flow, matching Maddox’s rhythm and letting him lead me through blindly. I was at his mercy.
After spinning me around and with my heart in my throat, Maddox pulled me back into his body. With one hand on my waist, he grabbed my thigh and slowly brought my leg up to his hip. I hooked my ankle around his thigh, right under his ass. I was breathing hard now, and I wished I could see his face.
His breath brushed my nose. “Is this right? That’s the correct move?” Maddox asked, his voice deep and gruff.
I nodded, mutely. Then, he slowly dipped me low. I released myself into his arms and let him move me. With me bent backward, his body molded over mine. He pressed his face against the crook of my neck. It was just part of the dance, I told myself.
Maddox inhaled.
I exhaled.
He brought me back up, and my leg fell from around his hip. He spun me around to the right and then one quick twirl to the left before Maddox brought me closer to him again. Our movements were synchronized.
I lifted my arms up, and his hands slid down my waist, just below my ribs. I swayed and moved my hips to the music. His fingers tightened on my waist before he lifted me up. My feet left the floor, and I wrapped my legs around his hips before he bent me backward again.
When we were finally standing straight up, I hugged him close, burying my face in his neck. I felt slightly dizzy, my heart beating too fast. But so was his.
Body against body. Chest to chest. I felt his heart beating to the same maddening rhythm as mine. Maddox twirled both of us around once.
My stomach tightened as I slid down his body, and my feet touched the ground once again. His fingers grazed my flushed cheek, and I wondered if he could feel how hot I was. Maddox removed the blindfold as he was told to do during our dance practices.
I blinked, and our eyes locked together.
His face shone with sweat, and my hair was sticking to my sweaty forehead and cheeks. His eyes narrowed on me, hungry and searching. Blazing with something – I didn’t understand, I couldn’t explain.
The expression on his face… I wished I knew what it was.
Maddox took a step back… then another and another, walking backward from me. The song was coming to an end; this was our final move.
Once there was enough distance between us, he crooked his finger at me, beckoning for me to come to him.
I did.
I walked, and then I took off running, one final lift, the same climatic lift as the one in the movie.
Once I was close enough to Maddox, I jumped. His hands gripped my hips, and he lifted me up and
over his head. Strong and firm, he kept me steady.
Oh God.
Every muscle in my body tightened. I released a shaky breath as I slowly slid down the length of his body, feeling every hard inch of him. My palms pressed over his chest, sliding down his ribs and abs.
“I got you,” he rumbled.
Do you?
Once I was touching the ground again, I curled my arms behind his neck, and our foreheads pressed together. His lips brushed against the tip of my nose, and my eyes fluttered close.
I can’t breathe.
I swayed, dizzied by the mere proximity of Maddox. My heart hammered in my chest. He exhaled, and his minty breath was on my lips.
Don’t kiss me.
Kiss me.
No, don’t ruin this.
A loud clap against the silence of the room had me flinching away. My eyes flew open, and Maddox’s darkened as he pulled away.
I swiveled around and faced Bea. When did she get here?
“Lila!” she squealed, clapping her hands. “That was amazing… explosive! Oh my god!”
Bea walked further into the room, looking quite pleased. If there was any tension in the air, she ignored it.
She fanned herself. “The chemistry… Sweet Jesus, have mercy on us. Just wow! No one would believe you two are just friends. That was… yeah, wow.” Bea pointed at Maddox and I. “This is exactly what I was looking for. You need chemistry with your dance partners. You need the audience to feel your dance even though they aren’t dancing.”
Her smile widened. “Oh, I’m so excited. Thank you, Maddox. For doing this on such short notice.”
“Lila asked,” he grumbled, running his fingers through his hair. “I couldn’t say no.”
Bea turned to me. “Are you guys hungry? We can grab lunch.”
Maddox took a step back, pulling further away from me. He grabbed his duffel bag, his jaw clenching and his body tensing. “No. You go ahead. I’m leaving.”
“Maddox–”
But he was already stalking away without glancing back at me. Without a goodbye.
My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach.
The moment between us was gone, the spell broken.
It was better that way, before either of us made a mistake we’d both regret for the rest of our lives.
Friends?
Friends.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Lila
I walked in on Riley and Colton. They both looked furious, glaring and spitting venom at each other. He had her caged against the wall, and their heads snapped toward me as I walked inside the apartment. Colton pulled away from Riley as though she burned him, and Riley was glaring daggers at his back.
Without a word, Colton left and slammed the door behind him. Welp, this wasn’t looking too good.
The animosity between Colton and Riley was getting out of control.
I cleared my throat, and Riley sniffled. Her face crumpled, and she choked back a cry. “I hate him.”
“Colton or Grayson?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
“Both,” she hissed, fury burning in her eyes. She stomped into the kitchen and filled herself a glass of water.
“What happened?”
“Grayson called,” she deadpanned.
Oh. Shit.
She made a sound at the back of her throat. It sounded like a whimper. “Why did he call? After so long… why?”
I placed my shoulder bag on the counter and sat on the stool. “What did he say?”
Riley huffed, her lips twisting with a sneer. “Nothing.”
My eyebrows rose, and I waited. “He called, I picked up. He didn’t say a word. I could hear him breathing over the phone, but he’s such a damn coward. I hung up.”
Poor Riley.
Three years ago, I thought Grayson was the best choice for her.
Two months after graduation, he broke her heart.
Grayson wasn’t going to attend any universities. Riley wanted to do a long-distance relationship. Hell, she even thought of quitting Harvard and moving back, just so they wouldn’t have to break up. She was ready to put her heart on the line for him.
But Grayson was adamant and said it wouldn’t work out. He wasn’t willing to do long distance, but Riley knew it was a bullshit excuse. Something had been up with him, something he had been hiding from all of us. We figured it had something to do with his adoptive parents and his past, but he wouldn’t say a word.
She wasn’t ready to give up on him though. After going back and forth, making things difficult on Riley, he left. Grayson broke up with her right before the start of our first year at Harvard.
Grayson was back in Manhattan, and Riley was here.
She was still very much in love with him, and I knew, if Grayson showed up now, she’d give him another chance.
Enter Colton–who thought after Riley’s break-up, he’d have a chance with her.
Oh boy, did he try. He cared for her, any one could see that clearly. If there was someone who could heal Riley’s heart after Grayson broke it… it was Colton.
But Riley refused to give into his advances. Tension brewed between them, growing much volatile every day.
“I miss him,” she confessed, her voice barely a whisper. “If only he had given us a chance.”
I grasped her hand in mine and squeezed. “I’m sorry, Ry.”
She swiped away a tear, almost angrily. “Do you think maybe… Grayson has a good reason for staying away?”
Something bothered me about that day.
The frantic and desperate look in Grayson’s eyes as he pushed Riley further away from him. And the words he roared.
“I’m protecting you, damn it!”
Protecting Riley? From what? From who?
She let out a humorless laugh; her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “He’s had three years, Lila. Three years I’ve been waiting for him, three years for him to realize we could have been so good together, but he gave up on us.”
I hugged her, and she fell into my arms, crying softly. She had been holding it in for so long. My heart ached for her.
For all three of them.
Once her cries turned into tiny hiccups, Riley pulled away and rubbed a hand over her face, as though getting rid of any evidence she had been crying over Grayson.
She half-smiled, the corners of her lips twisting slightly. “How was the event? Where’s Maddox?”
I left the stool and went to the fridge, taking out last night’s leftovers. “The event was great. It was pretty… exhilarating, and they loved the dance. The fundraising part of it was a huge success, too,” I told her. “It was fun.”
And it truly was. The whole night was pretty epic until…
Riley appeared curious when she asked, “Maddox didn’t come home with you?”
No, he ran.
The moment our dance ended, Maddox left. He didn’t even stay for dinner, and with him gone, just like that, without so much as a word, I could barely eat. My food stayed untouched in front of me, and for the rest of the night, I smiled while my heart was breaking–hidden from everyone’s eyes. I suffered while they enjoyed the rest of their night.
How could he? Why did he leave?
Why didn’t he say goodbye?
Why?
A subdued anger burned in my stomach, threatening to break through. I couldn’t understand why Maddox was acting the way he was – why he was running away from me, pulling further and further away from me.
Anger and… fear.
Because it felt like we were hanging on by a thin thread, and it was about to snap, catapulting us into two different world and away from each other.
Maddox and I… if we weren’t careful, we were about to break, to shatter, and there would be no turning back once that happened.
Me and you, he had promised.
I hoped he was keen on keeping his promises.
My chest tightened. Don’t break me, Maddox.
“Lila?” Riley’s soft voi
ce broke through my stormy thoughts.
“He left. I don’t where he went,” I admitted out loud, the words tasting bitter on my tongue.
Riley stared at me, her eyes searching. “You don’t see it, do you?” she said gently.
“See what?” I shoved a piece of roasted chicken in my mouth.
Her lips twisted. “Nothing. When you see it, you’ll know what I mean.”
“What–”
Riley shook her head and stood up. “I’ve had a long day. I’m off to bed. Are you going to sleep soon?”
I nodded. “Probably.”
Riley paused at the door of her room and glanced back over her shoulder. “Stop hiding and stop ignoring it. You know what you feel. You’re just refusing to acknowledge it.”
Without waiting for a reaction, she closed her door. I stood there, mutely. What was I supposed to do with her cryptic words?
It felt like there was a hole in my chest, and I was bleeding out. There was no way to stop the flow of blood. I bled, the knife digging into my heart carelessly.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
The dam broke, my blood flowed, and I lost those pieces of me I had carefully glued together.
Tears of frustration blurred my eyes.
I was so…confused.
Between wanting Maddox and not wanting to lose him.
For years, I’d swallowed down my confusing feelings and kept them locked away in a forbidden place, refusing to acknowledge them. My throat itched as I forced back a cry, and my lungs seemed to collapse.
You know what you feel.
No! I didn’t!
I couldn’t.
Never.
Stop hiding and stop ignoring it.
I… couldn’t.
I chewed on my lip until it bled, and my knees buckled from the realization – what I felt for Maddox, it was so much more and I was damn afraid to acknowledge it.
Why was this so hard?
***
Maybe I was stupid.
Maybe I had completely lost my mind. It was the only explanation to why I was in Maddox’s apartment, waiting for him to get home. It was almost midnight, and the last time I had seen him was…
When he had left the event right after our dance.
Maddox still hadn’t come home yet.
I wrung my hands in nervousness, the feeling of anxiety pooling in my stomach. God, what was I doing?