by GG Anderson
The chills ran through my body the deeper I walked on campus. For the first time, I noted the similarities to the ancient grounds I grew up terrified of, and the small prestigious campus I now called home.
I stepped up to the front of the crumbling brick. I wouldn’t go inside, that was wrong, but being this close, there should be someone who I could connect with.
My body temperature dropped further. I reached for the brick stoop to steady myself. I opened my eyes and saw her standing not more than ten feet from me.
An iridescent woman, not much older in looks than me.
I really focused on her. Her long skirt, hanging almost to her ankles. Her sweater, covering a crisp blouse. For the first time, I didn’t run, I didn’t tell her to go away, I allowed my pulse to level out and took steady breaths.
“Hi.” I whispered.
“You’ve grown.”
The girl’s words shot through me like an electrical current. I leaned my full weight onto the stoop, thankful the structure could still hold me.
“Yeah, I guess.” I tried hard to form words, but the intensity of the energy around me made it almost impossible.
The ghost girl smiled.
“Give me just a second, I’m trying.” I tried to keep from passing out. Struggling to keep my mind from filling with blackness.
“All I have is time.”
The darkness enveloped me. I woke, slumped on the steps a few minutes later. The girl was gone, and I was freezing.
The evening had darkened, and I needed to get home. As I walked, I contemplated all that I’d learned.
They could talk to me. They were conversational.
It was not just the noise from my childhood, not just the buzz and gibberish I had always blocked out.
They could understand me. Well, at least that one could.
Also, that one knew me. “You have grown” meant she had seen me before.
The next day I spent with family, helping as much as I could in the kitchen. That evening we played cards, which we’d done after Thanksgiving dinner for as long as I could remember.
The night ticked on, and before I knew it, another day had drawn to a close.
I surfed my phone for a while after my grandparents had turned in, just vegging a bit.
“Happy Thanksgiving.” a text notification popped up.
Tyler.
He sent me a text. This was at least something.
I started typing, and erased it, then simply typed, “Happy Thanksgiving to you, too.” I hit send as fast as I could. No reason to add to it. Keep it simple. I told him he could take all the time he needed.
I watched the screen, and nothing came back.
But that was ok, because at least I had something.
The next afternoon, I took another walk. I had to try again. For some reason, this place felt like the place I should be learning how to do this. Probably because it was home. Probably because I had spent years shoving it away, if I was going to explore this ‘thing’ I also needed to explore here.
My feet carried me to the same place as before, only this time, I positioned myself on the stoop, anticipating the cold and the blackout before it came. I took calming breaths, reminding myself that even if I did pass out, I would wake up in just a few minutes. There was nothing to be afraid of. Nothing could get me.
I relaxed my feet, and felt grounded, like a tree with roots. Another first. I forced my mind to visualize a tree, pushing roots deeper into the ground, anchoring me.
“You came back.”
The words shocked me because I hadn’t felt her coming. I’d focused so intensely on becoming a tree, I hadn’t felt the chills.
“I did.”
“You look better.” The girl stayed at least ten feet away, but I still felt no blackout coming on.
“Yeah, I don’t usually do very well around-your type.”
“I saw that.”
“I’m trying.”
“Take your time.”
I drew a deep breath. The air felt extremely cold filling my lungs, but I’d held onto my cognitive abilities this time. “I’m trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do.”
“I don’t think I can help you.”
“I just don’t know why I can see you.”
The girl tipped her head slightly. “Why do you think?”
“Because I’m a freak.”
Her head tilted the other way, “Do you really think that?”
I shook my head. “No, I just don’t know what to do. I don’t understand it. This is something that goes way beyond the basics in psychology.”
“So, why do you think you can see us?”
“I don’t have any idea. That’s what I’m trying to figure out.” How odd, having a normal conversation with a ghost.
“Do you have a message for me? Like something you’re supposed to tell me?”
“No.” She adjusted her sweater. As if the sweater was real. To her, it likely was.
“I don’t have any idea.” I stood and took a step.
The energy rippled through me hard and fast. My knees buckled and I fell to the ground.
I woke up again freezing, and alone.
Quickly, I walked back home.
This, by far, had been my most productive experiment. But why had the shock waited so long to take me down?
Was it really energy? If so, then what had changed this time versus last?
The tree thing.
I’d relaxed my feet and pretended I was a tree. The moment I moved; my body became a conduit again. It was as if my feet and their pretend roots had secured me to the ground, channeling the energy into the earth, instead of into my body.
Lightening rod.
That little science lesson from elementary school began to creep back into my mind. The kite, the key, the pole on the ground, the grounding rod in the ground, with the wire attached to the top of a building. Yes, that was it.
Unintentionally, I allowed the energy that affected me to channel directly to the ground.
I would try again tomorrow.
I woke to grandma pulling out Christmas decorations. My morning walk to campus had been put on hold for a few hours.
Finally, by about three, my feet carried me down the familiar small gravel road to the ancient football field. I stopped short, hearing voices. The new owners rented out the renovated buildings for family reunions, weddings and did elaborate Halloween and Christmas events. Skiers used it as a way point between actual towns and the ski hill just up the road, but typically it still looked mostly empty. Especially this back side.
“Can I help you with something?” A man in a heavy work coat asked at the top of the pitch.
I shoved my hands in my pockets. Crap. Yeah, I’m just gonna go chat up a ghost, that’s cool right? Yeah, that didn’t sound insane.
“Hi, I was just taking a walk.” I looked over at the old buildings, “I’m sorry. I know it is probably private property. I’m just home from college and was walking around before I headed back in the morning.”
The man walked a little closer, focusing on I face. “Who’s your folks?”
I hated that. Never a simple question. “I’m Savanah Mills. Mr. and Mrs. Mills granddaughter.”
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t recognize you.” The expression on his face softened. “Yeah you were in school with our Brian. He’s on his mission. Doing really well. Got Costa Rica.”
I smiled nodding, “That’s awesome.”
“Yeah, we’re really blessed.” Emotion flitted across his face. “I’ll tell him you said hi in my next letter.”
“I’d appreciate that. Thank you.” Not that he would appreciate it. I remembered Brian. He didn’t actually torment me, but some of his friends did. In his defense, he stayed out of it, and a couple times did call them off. Either way, I doubted he would be super interested in catching up.
“Go ahead on your walk, but don’t go inside anything over there. Those are mostly boarded up, or chained, but sometimes
they get propped open and they’re dangerous. Especially the dormitory. It has straight holes from one floor to the other.” He pointed to the building I was headed to. “So, if you promise to stay on the ground, I’m good with you walking around. If anyone asks, just tell them I said you were ok.” His smile lit his whole face.
I answered his expression. “Thank you so much. Don’t worry, I’m not going inside.” I shivered slightly.
He laughed, “Yeah, lots of folks think they’re creepy.” He looked around the campus, “We just couldn’t see it decay anymore. It’s just too cool of a place.”
My eyes followed his. The buildings they had re done looked as good as the building at my colleges’ campus. The ones that were still on the list to be redone, stood tall with patience. The energy of the entire campus pulsed in the air. “Yeah, it’s something else.”
“Well, see ya around. Have a nice walk” He turned to go.
I headed off to the dormitory.
My hands rested at my sides, but to be cautious, I leaned against the ancient stoop again. Taking a deep breath, I imagined my feet relaxing, visualizing my feet sending roots into the ground, anchoring me. It was easier this time. My mind sent the invisible roots deep into the soil, twisting and turning.
Fascinating.
I breathed deeply and opened my eyes.
Standing before me was the girl. Smiling, closer this time. Maybe five feet away today. “You came back. I didn’t know if you would. I don’t like it when you pass out.”
I laughed, “well that makes two of us.” I looked down at my feet, “I’m trying something new, so hopefully we can talk a bit.”
“That I would really like. I don’t get many outsiders to talk to.”
I looked behind me.
“Yes, there are several of us here.” She needlessly shrugged, “Not sure why. Some of us passed away here of course, but a few had left The Normal College many years before they died. They’re not sure why they are here of all places.”
“What’s your name?”
The girl took a step to her left, “It’s been so long since someone asked me that, I’m not sure I even remember.”
“So not many talk to you?”
The girl smiled, “Not many can see me. Very few can hear me, and if they can they usually run away. In the fall, there are a many people here, sometimes one or two hear me, but they scream. I just want to talk. It gets very tedious here.”
I smiled, “I can imagine.” Leaning further onto the stoop, I made note to keep my ‘roots’ running through my feet still. “Can you remember your name?”
Her brow crinkled in thought. “I honestly can’t right now. That’s so strange. How could I forget something as important as that?”
“Did you go to college here?”
Her face lit up, “Oh yes. I couldn’t wait to teach. Children were a delight. I was almost done too. I had completed my first year and was finishing my last year when this happened.” Her face frowned.
“Can you tell me? If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s ok.”
“I don’t actually. But thank you.”
Not what I expected. I decided to go a different direction. “You said there were others here.”
“Yes. Like I said, several. Some are a bit shyer than me.”
“Can you tell me what happened to them?”
The girl frowned. “How would I know? I wasn’t there. It wasn’t my fault.” Irritation radiated off. “Why would I know what happened to them?”
I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I was trying to make conversation.”
“Well then ask about how my classes are going, or where I want to teach, don’t ask me pointless questions that I don’t know the answers too.”
I felt this conversation needed to end, but wasn’t quite sure how to leave gracefully, without moving my feet and passing out again. The end of my plan I hadn’t fully developed yet.
“I have to get going. I go to college too, but it is a long drive from here. I still need to pack.”
“Why would you go anywhere but here? Don’t you want to be a teacher?”
“A psychologist actually.”
Her face creased again, “But you are a woman. Women aren’t psychologists. They are teachers. Or nurses maybe. What will your husband think?”
I grinned slightly, “I think my husband will be ok with it.”
“I never. A psychologist? Who is going to trust a girl doctor? How can you raise your children and do a job like that? You will have to work with crazy people.”
I laughed, “I think I can handle it.”
Her face grew taunt. “What do you mean by that? Do you think I’m crazy?”
“No, I’m just saying that I can handle it.”
Her face twisted. “No, I don’t think that is what you meant. I think you were laughing at me.” Her hands went to her hips and the energy grew stronger.
I braced myself against the stoop. The stars had started behind my eyes, but I still felt the invisible roots. I just didn’t know how long I could stand.
“I am not crazy. I am not deranged.” Her anger was rolling off her.
I gripped the side of the crumbling bricks. I closed my eyes, trying to focus on breathing. My second exhale, I noted the energy was gone. I opened my eyes and the girl had vanished.
Cautiously, I moved my feet one at a time. My toes were numb, and my feet felt ice cold and slightly disconnected from my body, but I could stand, no dizzy spell. I looked around. No one. Not the girl, or any other ghost seemed to be roaming about. Just me.
Slowly, I began walking back towards home.
My experiment was a success.
I’d made contact and had a conversation. Somehow, I’d kept my feet planted firmly on the ground. My pace quickened with excitement.
Maybe, just maybe I could control this. Maybe it no longer had to control me.
Chapter Nine
The drive flew by. Before I knew it, I was back in classes facing finals of my first semester of college head on. Thanksgiving break gave me strength. I felt more prepared for tests and left them deciding I may make it through without failing miserably.
Tyler hadn’t talked to me. I hadn’t really gone out of my way to try and connect with him, but I told myself it was because I was being respectful of his need for space. In truth, I didn’t want to hear his rejection. This way, I could simply blame his distance on his processing time rather than he just didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.
It was after the Western Civ final that I jumped out of my skin.
“The man, does he say anything?” Tyler’s words were low, but close to my ear. I tensed, and jerked my body backwards, forcing myself directly into Tyler’s chest. His arms instinctively wrapped around me to keep me from falling. The electricity between us bounced off my skin. My breath caught in my throat as I tried to right myself. “Sorry. You ok?”
I stared at him, expressing none of the insane emotions bouncing in my mind. “Um, hi.”
“Hi. Sorry.”
Apologizing. Ok, this is new.
Tyler rocked back on his back foot, finally feeling the closeness that stood between us. The space allowed us both to breathe normally. Tyler exhaled slowly. “Sorry, let’s try this again. Hi, how are you?”
I still stared at him blankly. “No.”
“Wait, what? I mean, oh.” He shook his head, his rebeliant curl escaped his ballcap. “Right. Sorry.” He stepped back in retreat.
My brow creased. Where was he going? Mentally, I caught up with our interaction, seeing it from his side. “Wait, no he doesn’t.” Tyler paused, and I added, “But others have.”
He turned back towards me. “You busy right now?”
He had to know my schedule by now, I had his easily memorized. “Nope.”
“You wanna talk?”
I nodded and followed him to the auditorium building. Silently, we made our way down to the sofas in the basement. I sat across from him, as I had that fateful
day. My hands casually folded on my lap. This time I didn’t feel the need to be so fearful. This time, I knew what I saw wasn’t going away, and knew it was a part of me. Those closest would have to learn to be ok with that.
He pulled his hat from his head, running his hands through his hair. I watched his fingers scatter the waves and tousle the already messy hair. The messy perfect hair. I met his eyes, blushing in realization that I was still fixated on his hair.
“Savannah, I am sorry I haven’t reached out. I know it isn’t an excuse, but this has been a lot to process. I mean, I’m sure that sounds strange, but I haven’t seen my grandpa since I was twelve. We were going to the ball game the next day. He had a heart attack and was gone. He was my hero. He taught me to love baseball, not just play it. Taught me the lessons on the diamond were way more than a game. Losing him sucked-bad. I think of him every time I step on the field.” He refocused his eyes onto my face. “Then, to hear this–that you can see him, that he is still here, and I’m too weak to see him, well-it really sucks.”
My smile surprised him. “Tyler, you’re weak because you are normal? You are not a freak, and see crazy things that half the world doesn’t even believe in?” I sat forward on my knees. “How is it possible you are not in a relationship?”
His face shifted quickly, then reset in his composed expression.
“Tyler, he hasn’t spoken to me, but over break, I learned a few things. I am working on controlling it, so I don’t just pass out when they come to me. I’m working on it, and it isn’t a for sure thing yet, but I think we might be able to help each other. Would you be willing to see if I could reach him? See if he wanted to say anything?” I shrugged and sat back slightly. “I mean, I can try, but no promises.”
His expression changed a multitude of times before he finally spoke. “You would do that for me?”
My shoulders shrugged, “Honestly, it helps me too. At least with your grandpa I know who I am talking to.”
“Ok, let’s give it a shot. When did you want to try this? I’m leaving for home at the end of the next week. I have a final on the last day, but then I’m out of here for a month!” He threw his hands up, “Ok, Three and a half weeks, but January 4th feels like a really long way off right now.”