by Piper Rayne
She holds up her hand. “We don’t have to have this conversation.”
“I’d like to, if it’s okay.”
She stops arranging her pizza and sits back in her chair.
“We had a connection that night, right?”
Her eyes meet mine and she nods. “I thought so.”
And there it is. I did hurt her all those years ago. “I was coming off a breakup. A girl from college I’d been dating. I wanted something just for the night. You’re not—”
“Leilani. I know.” She crosses her legs and tucks her hands under her thighs.
“No.” I shake my head and scowl. “I meant to say you’re not someone a guy wastes a one-night stand on.”
She rolls her eyes. “Well, thanks.”
“Damn, I’m messing this up.” I push a hand through my hair and blow out a breath. “You’re a take-home-to-mom kind of girl. The one you want to meet when you’re ready to settle down.”
“I guess a guy will finally approach me when I’m forty.” She smiles though, and I’m hopeful she sees it as a compliment.
“It’s a good thing. But I wanted to apologize because I was a young punk then. To flirt with you and take your friend home.” I shake my head.
She shrugs and picks up her silverware. “It’s okay. I’m kind of used to it when it comes to Leilani.”
“What?” I draw back, shocked.
She waves her fork as though it’s no big deal. “Everyone loves Leilani. She’s a good time. I’m not surprised you did too.”
The conversation dies as I realize something. Every girlfriend I’ve had has usually had a best friend who’s the polar opposite. The outgoing one and the quiet one. The outgoing one who keeps the quiet one in their shadow.
“Tell me more about high school with you two, if you don’t mind?”
Her facing going white, she drops her fork and it falls onto the floor. She doesn’t immediately try to grab it. Then she snaps out of her daze and picks up the fork and puts in the dishwasher bins by the garbage. She returns to the table with fresh silverware, and I wait for her to say something.
“Not much to say, honestly.”
I’m obviously missing a very big piece of the puzzle when it comes to Leilani and Kamea’s relationship. Whatever went down between them, it went down in high school.
Chapter Fifteen
Kamea
I didn’t live in a bad area, but it’s not in the cared-for downtown part Peekskil.
The pizza would’ve been better if I hadn’t been worried about Knox seeing right through me after he asked me about Leilani and high school. I appreciate his apology for the night we originally met, and it only confirms what I seem to have always known about Knox—he’s a great guy. But he didn’t say he’s looking for a relationship now. Or even that he’d want one with me.
“Hey, Sally,” I say when my former building manager answers the door in her going-out wear—spandex and black nylon tights. She might still think it’s the eighties.
“How are you?” she asks, opening the door and eyeing Knox. “And who are you?”
“Oh, this is Knox.”
“Her roommate.” He holds out his hand, and she shakes it.
“Man, girly, you sure recovered quickly. Wish I had a roommate that looked like you.” She eyes Knox from head to toe.
Pink colors Knox’s cheeks, and he glances at his feet.
Yeah, I’m swooning right now with you, Sally.
Knox walks to the pile of my stuff in the corner of the room, ignoring Sally’s flirting and my dreamy eyes. “This all yours?”
“Yeah.”
He picks up my flat-screen television. The one I bought with my tips from the country club last Christmas. The rich do tip well around the holidays. Knox walks the TV out of the apartment while Sally sits at her vanity that she keeps in the family room because she can’t be away from her soap opera channel.
“He’s a cutie. How’d you hook up with him?” she asks, lowering one eyelid to put on purple eyeshadow.
“A friend of a friend. He’s being nice and letting me stay with him. Figured I might as well get this stuff out of your way.” I pick up a box, but Knox walks in and takes it out of my arms without a word.
“Well, your friend of a friend needs to become a friend with benefits. I just want to smack his ass.”
Knox walks in as she says it, and he turns his attention to the floor until I pick up another box. He quickly grabs it from me.
“Let’s not sexually harass him,” I say.
Sally swivels around and I see a run in her nylons by her toes where she’s painted it with red nail polish to stop the run. “I meant to tell you, I saw one of those idiots yesterday.”
“Who?” I ask, collecting some of my stuff and condensing it into one container.
“One of the boys who got you kicked out.”
“You did?” My eyes fly to the door, but Knox hasn’t returned yet.
“Wanted to let you know that they’re around. Maybe your friend is too.”
Yeah, she probably is, but I honestly couldn’t care less. I’m on my own island right now, and I’m happy that way. How long can I let the guilt from what happened in high school overtake my entire future?
“He was talking to some other idiot who lives in the building and he said they’ve been staying at a place in New York City.”
“Who is they?” Knox walks in and I look at him. “What’s going on?”
“Sally saw one of the guys who was with Leilani. Apparently, he said they’re staying at a place in New York City.”
He grimaces. “Yeah, I figured they’d all left Cliffton Heights for good.”
“Cliffton Heights? Is that where you’re staying?” Sally asks with disdain in her tone.
“That’s where I live,” Knox says. “I’m a police officer there.”
“A cop? You’re a cop? You don’t look like any cop I’ve ever known.” Sally stands up and slide into her red heels. “I’d be less surprised if you told me you strip on the weekends.”
An image flashes in my head of Knox with a G-string on. Yeah, doesn’t fit him at all.
Knox nods at the final box. “Is this it?”
I grab the floor lamp. “Yeah. I rented the apartment furnished.”
Knox leaves, and Sally leans in. “Are you sharing a bed with him?”
“No!” I screech. “They had a buddy who just moved in with his girlfriend, so I have his old room.”
“Jeez, you act like it would be a bad thing.” She rolls her eyes.
Knox comes in and shoots me a look that clearly states he’s ready to go.
I try to hide my grin. “Thanks again, Sally. Have a great night out.”
“Anytime, sweetie.” She walks us to the door. “And if you have any older cop friends who look like you, give them my number,” she says to Knox.
He nods, smiles, and holds out his hand to her. “Nice to meet you.”
“Oh, we’ll be seeing each other tonight in our dreams.” Sally winks.
Knox’s mouth opens before he shuts it. This cannot be his first time being flirted with by an older woman.
We leave Sally’s and hop back in his Bronco. Which I love, mostly because it shows a side of Knox that I admire. The motorcycle is custom and decked out. He views this truck as a means to get him from point A to point B. He’s not all about his image and what others might think, otherwise he would’ve upgraded the Bronco a long time ago.
Silence falls over the car ride as he pulls onto the highway to head back to Cliffton Heights. I hate the way I pushed off his conversation starter about high school, but I figured he was looking for more information about Leilani because he still loves her. I like Knox, and if nothing else, I would love a friendship with him. But in order to do that, I need to be willing to have a conversation about Leilani.
“So are you in that spot in your life again after Leilani?” I ask.
He scowls out the windshield. “What?”
“You know… Leilan
i obviously hurt you. Your friends say it destroyed you. So are you looking for a good-time girl or a long-term girl now? Especially since you were so serious with Leilani?”
“Remind me to thank my friends.”
“I’m not trying to pry.”
His chuckles bring life to the truck. “How about we both lay out the cards?”
“Cards?”
He nods. “I hate fishing for information. It makes the cop in me assume the worst. I do want to get to know you, and the reason I apologized earlier was because I want to get rid of this wall I feel like is between us.”
Somehow, I refrain from putting my hand over my heart and swooning. “Why?”
“Why what?” he asks, putting on his turn signal to get off at Cliffton Heights exit.
“Why do you want to get to know me?”
He smiles in this shy way that makes him even more attractive. “Tell you what? Let’s go to the apartment and we’ll go up to the rooftop. Have the actual conversation we should have had already.”
“You do know we’re, like, two weeks out from Thanksgiving?”
“Don’t worry. We’ll grab blankets.”
“Okay.”
Just as he said, while I was changing into warmer clothes and grabbing the blanket, he was making warm spiced apple ciders.
“Ready?” Knox asks.
I nod. My nervousness over having this conversation puts my fear of how cold it will be on the back burner.
He holds both cups of cider and I grab a blanket for him. “You know I’m too manly to actually use it, right?”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to be all macho in front of me.”
“That’s good to know.” He grins and I swear to God my lady parts sigh.
He directs me up the stairs and out onto the roof, turning on lights that are strung across the roof.
“It’s so pretty.”
“Yeah, the girls seem to like it.” He sets the mugs on the table, one across from the other.
I pass him a blanket. “Just in case.”
“Ah.” He tosses it onto a vacant chair, laughing.
I’m enjoying this side of Knox. We sit down and the chairs are chilly, to say the least, but even with the cold, I don’t really want to go in. It’s romantic out here with the hanging lights, snuggled in blankets and drinking apple cider. Romantic except that he’s across the table from me and not next to me.
“Ladies first.” He holds out his hand between us and sips his drink.
“I’m cool to go second.” I sip my own, tightening my blanket around my legs.
“Okay then,” he says, laughter bubbling up his throat. “Leilani crushed me. Bulldozer crush.”
I wait to raise the white flag and call this over now. I want to know, but I don’t want to hear about how much he loved her either. I refrain from saying anything.
“I honestly didn’t understand why she couldn’t stay. You know? Like wasn’t I good enough and all that shit.” He sips his cider again.
I should tell him why he’s not enough to stay. That it’s not him, it’s her.
“Then after a few months, I figured out I was forcing her to be someone she wasn’t. When my college girlfriend screwed me over, that night at the bar, I just wanted to forget. I didn’t want to involve my heart in anything again. And for a while with Leilani, my heart wasn’t invested. Then… the next time she stayed longer, and I really fell for her. Wanted to protect her, but I’m not quite sure I ever really knew her.”
“I think closeness scares her.”
He nods. “Yeah. I got that, since she never shared anything with me. I never knew anything about her past. But to answer your question in the truck, no, I’m not the young idiot I was back then. Leilani hurt me, but I like to think there’s someone out there who wouldn’t mind me loving them. Who wouldn’t see my love as suffocation or me trying to change them or force them to be something they’re not.”
“Definitely.” I bury my head in my cup. “But are you sure you’re over her?”
“Yes,” he answers without hesitating, and our eyes lock for a moment. Is he trying to tell me something? But he diverts his gaze too quickly for me to be able to tell. “Now it’s your turn.”
I inhale a calming breath. “Well… um… Leilani and my families are close, as is most of the Polynesian community where we lived. But I’m not sure we would have been friends if we hadn’t been next-door neighbors and had our parents not been such great friends. I mean, we’re so different.”
He nods. He doesn’t have to mention them—I’m well aware of our many differences.
“I-in high…”
He sips his drink, and his gaze finds mine over the rim of his mug. Oh, screw it. What do I have to lose by being truthful?
“In high school, we were at a party and I was flirting with this guy. I ended up getting drunk and he took me upstairs. Leilani arrived right before the guy got what he wanted from me. His friends busted in and a huge fight started. Leilani got me out of there, but the boys bullied her afterward. Told her she was a cockblocker. Put things on her locker. It ended up a big mess. You know in high school where it feels like everything is a huge deal? You can’t see that there’s life outside of those walls?”
He nods, but that smile that’s been a permanent fixture on his face is no longer there. He huffs and asks, “Would she have bailed you out of jail?”
“Truthfully, I hope I never go to jail. But if I did, I wouldn’t be able to find her. That’s the thing with her—she only comes around when she needs something. She came to me the night before we graduated and asked me to run away with her afterward. But I couldn’t. I’ve always wondered if I had, would that have changed things?”
He stares at me until I look away. But he leans forward and takes my chin and directs my gaze back to him. “I’m going to tell you something you probably don’t agree with, but being a cop, I see people like you all the time. Family members who feel they somehow failed their loved one and that’s why they’re screwed up. Leilani has to own her decisions. Maybe she needs therapy or whatever. But she has to be the one to seek that out. And you have to stop thinking it’s solely that one event that made her like she is. Maybe she just never wanted to settle down.”
He lowers his hand, but his eyes remain on me. I pick up my mug to avoid looking at him.
“You’re a good person, Kamea. But you can’t be everyone’s savior, especially when they don’t want to be saved.”
I nod and lower my forehead to my covered knees. He’s so right. I know he is. I’ve told myself that. My brother has told me. But every time Leilani reenters my life, all I see is the girl who sneaked in my window one night and looked so desperate to catch a bus out of town. And the disappointed look when I said I couldn’t go with her.
Knox isn’t the only one who has regrets where Leilani is concerned.
Chapter Sixteen
Knox
The next day, I’m at Ink Envy, and Frankie and Jax won’t stop arguing about some customer Jax says she stole last night. Poor Dylan. If he wasn’t so close to both of them, I think he’d fire one just to make his life easier.
The door opens and all the girls, including Kamea, come in. After our conversation on the roof things have been easier with us. I feel like we’re becoming friends—although I can’t stop wondering what it would be like if we were more. I meant it when I told the guys I never want her to feel as though she has to have sex with me just to have a place to stay.
Kamea lays a garment bag on the chair next to her.
“You got a dress for the retirement party?” I ask.
“I borrowed one from Sierra. She’s got a nice collection of fancy stuff.”
“And probably a whole other full closet in Sandsal. The girl is definitely lucky,” Blanca says.
If Kamea was mine, I’d buy her a dress, but I’m fairly sure saying that would land on the creepy side.
“And she’s coming over to Rian’s before to have her makeup and hair done.”
Blanca points at me. “You’ll pick her up there.”
“Okay,” I say.
“Those are their rules, but I can just meet you in the hallway or something,” Kamea says, shaking her head as though the girls are being unreasonable.
I’m used to the girls being bossy. “No, I’d be happy to pick you up from Rian’s.”
“And my house,” Dylan says from his tattoo station.
“I got some time. Want me to do a decent job on that fill-in?” Jax says.
I look back assuming he’s talking to me, but Kamea stands. “Are you sure?”
He nods. “Yeah, you designed that T-shirt for me and didn’t charge me for your time, so this is me paying you back. I had a customer, but they just canceled.” He puts his chair up and Kamea slides onto it.
“Where’s your tattoo?” I ask.
Frankie laughs. “We’re all professional here, officer,” she says, wiping a cloth down her client’s ribcage.
“Just on my arm,” Kamea says.
“Man, you spoke too fast. I was about to get his jealous side alive and kicking.” Jax shoots me a cocky smirk.
I say nothing. The man knows me too well and sees that I might be into Kamea.
Jax prepares his workstation, washes his hands, and puts on gloves.
“What’s this thing with shirts?” Blanca comes next to me, situating herself so she can still have a conversation with all the artists.
Kamea opens her mouth, but Jax beats her to the answer. “Just something between us. You’ll all find out eventually.”
“Oh, I’m on the edge of my tattoo chair,” Frankie says.
“You’ll like them the most.” He winks, and she rolls her eyes.
The bell on the door rings as Jolie, Frankie’s daughter, walks in.
“Hey!” Blanca says, holding out her arms.
Jolie hugs Blanca right away. Her grandma lingers by the door but sits down since Frankie is still working.
“I’m almost done, baby. Sit with Knox and Blanca. How are things, Sandy?” Frankie asks Jolie’s grandma, her ex’s mother. Complicated situations seem to be the thing around here.