by Cara E Holt
It’s at night though when I’m lying in my bed and Courtney is snoring away that my emotions crash and down on me and I cry silently in bed. This is all my own fault. I opened my heart to a player and I’ve been played. Even Paige had warned me he’d get bored eventually and all it takes is some leggy blonde from a rich family to show him interest and he’d cheated on me. I’m not sure my heart can take any more pain. There’s been so much of it over these last two years. My foundation had been ripped away from me, and two of the people I relied most on in this world had left me behind to go it alone. There were days when I hated Shaun for what he had done, for leaving me the way he did. It was stupid; I know. He was sick and wasn’t thinking like a rational, healthy person, but today was one of those days when I was angry with him. I need him and my mum and neither of them were here for me.
I toss and turn all night and my dreams are plagued with Grayson. I wake up early and lie there in the pull-up bed for some time, staring at the ceiling until I hear Courtney stir.
“Urgh, is it only eight-thirty?” she groans, throwing her head back down on her pillow. She turns on her side so that she can face me and smiles. “Hey, how you holding up?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I’m managing,” I reply with a sigh. “I’m dreading turning on my phone today, but I need to check in with my dad.”
Courtney sits up and holds out her hand. “Give it to me. I’ll turn it on and get rid of any messages and alerts.”
I reach down to the floor beside me and grabbing my phone; I pass it to her. She turns it on and notification after notification beeps on my phone.
“Jesus, someone’s persistent,” she says, frowning at my screen.
“Grayson?”
She nods her head. “There’s a tonne of missed calls and eight messages from him. You want to know what they say?”
I shake my head firmly. “No, just leave them in my inbox.”
Courtney’s phone buzzes, and she smiles as she reads her screen.
“Would that smile have anything to do with Jake?” I ask her grinning and she plays it down by rolling her eyes at me.
“He’s practicing with his band today in the garage and he’s asked if we want to come and watch.”
“He’s in a band?” I ask, surprised.
Courtney waggles her eyebrows. “He is a guy of many talents.”
I chuckle and I throw my scrunchie at her. “I don’t want to know about those kind of talents, thank you very much.”
“I’ll tell him no, you need retail therapy today,” she says as she types a reply on her phone.
I reach out and snag the phone out of her hand and delete her message, changing it to say she would be there.
“You’d better not be writing anything embarrassing on there, Taylor!” She warns me as she grapples the phone out of my hands. She reads my message and looks at me with a slight frown of concern. “Are you sure? We don’t have to?”
I grin and bump shoulders with her. “Just because my love life is a wreck doesn’t mean yours has to be.”
“We’ll just stay an hour,” she insists, before she heads to her wardrobe to decide what to wear.
AN HOUR TURNS INTO three. Jake and his band are great. Jake is lead vocals and then there is Cam on drums, and Jack and Lucas on guitar. Courtney has been staring all starry-eyed at Jake when he sings, and I have to nudge her a few times and remind her to reign in her drooling.
Jake finishes singing their rendition of a well-known Killers song, and Courtney and I both applaud them.
“You guys are really good,” I tell him.
He grins in response, adjusting his mic stand.
“You know Courtney can sing,” I say.
I feel her eyes like daggers from the side of my vision.
“Really?” Jake tilts his head, looking at her in surprise.
Courtney shrugs. “She’s exaggerating, I’m mediocre.”
I scoff and they both look my way.
“She’s super good, and she’s being far too modest.”
Jake nods, observing her, and she flushes a cute shade of red. “How about a duet?”
Courtney shakes her head, so I jump up and grab the spare microphone and shove it in her hand. “Come on Court, show them what you’ve got.”
She gives me a look that tells me she will be having serious words with me later but she takes the mic and moves to stand beside Jake.
“How about ‘Just Give me a Reason’ You know it?”
Courtney nods and I can tell she’s nervous, as she can’t keep still on her feet. The guys start to play and Courtney sings and I watch with a smile on my face as Jake falls further under her spell. He stands there stunned to silence as he takes in her melodic voice.
I smile to myself as they sing together. The lyrics about broken love weave their way into my mind and my heart physically twinges. We’d had something perfect, and he just threw it away. I try to keep my smile plastered on my face as I break inside. I want to face him and punch him and hurt him and ask him why. Why did he do this to us? What happened to us being endgame? A lone tear falls down one cheek and I discreetly wipe it away. I don’t want to ruin the moment that is happening with these two as they sing. I am heartbroken. I opened myself up to love, and it has destroyed me. I am so tired of loving people and losing them.
As they finish the song together, I jump when someone applauds them from behind me. It’s Tyler with a wide grin on his handsome face. His hair is slightly longer on top from when I last saw him. He’s wearing a fitted white top that clings to his muscles and shows off the tattoo sleeves on his arms. His jeans cling to his thighs. He bites at the ring in his lip and smiles at me when our eyes meet.
“Well, well, Taylor’s gracing us with her company. Tired of playing with the rich boys, beautiful?”
“Don’t talk about the rich pricks,” Courtney huffs, “If I see that Grayson, I’ll cut off his wandering dick.”
I glare daggers at Courtney. Does she have to share my issues with everyone present?
“Trouble in paradise?” Tyler asks, watching me closely.
I shrug in answer. I so do not want to talk about this.
“You’ve been holding out on me, Court,” Jake tells her smiling and she flushes under his praise.
“I told you she was amazing,” I say. “You can’t just stop there. Come on, give us another duet.” I tap my chin trying to think of the perfect song for them and I smile. What better than Mendes and Cabello.
Courtney glares at me again when I suggest the song, but Jake grins and agrees that it’s perfect.
I jump slightly when Tyler drops himself down into the seat beside me on the old worn black leather couch. For a short while we sit in silence, listening and watching Jake and Courtney do their thing.
“So, how long are you home for?” He asks me, keeping his eyes on the two of them.
I sigh before replying. “I’m not sure, probably just the weekend. Dad won’t be happy if I miss any college.”
“But you’d stay longer if you could,” he states, rather than asks.
I nod in reply. “I need the comfort of home and the familiar right now.”
He nods. “We always want to come home when we’re hurting.”
I turn and look him in the eyes. “What makes you think I’m hurting?”
He gives me a sad smile. “Your eyes are sad. Those expressive big brown eyes hide nothing.”
We sit there for a beat and just look at each other. He sees too much of me and it disconcerts me. I thought I was hiding my real emotions quite well, but obviously not.
He nudges me with his arm. “Want me to beat him up for you?”
I chuckle and nudge him back. “Trust me, I can beat him up myself.”
“I don’t doubt that Taylor,” he replies, his blue eyes studying and holding mine captive.
There was something about him that has always drawn me in. I’m not sure if it is those soulful eyes or something else.
“I don’t r
eally want to talk about it.”
He nods. “I hear you. You’re here to forget.”
And there he goes again, reading my mind and my emotions. “I want to drown in anything but what I’m feeling inside.”
Tyler doesn’t respond to my truth. He just places his hand palm up, open on the sofa between us on the couch and I for some reason place my hand in his and we sit there like that, holding hands and listening to our best friends sing together.
We sit and watch the band practice for another half an hour, and then Jake suggests we go get food. We head to my old hang out George’s coffee house and gather round a small table for four in the far corner. I’m not hungry at all, but knowing I can’t let my grief and hurt over what Grayson has done to get the better of me, I force myself to order a slice of cake.
When Tyler’s phone rings for the fourth time and he ignores it, I give him a quizzical look.
“Look like someone wants to get hold of you pretty badly.”
Tyler shrugs as he places his phone in his jacket pocket. “It’s no one important.”
“So,” says Courtney, placing both hands on the table firmly, “What are we doing tonight? Because E is nursing a broken heart, so I need to keep her occupied and do something fun.”
Tyler leans back in his seat. “I have an idea, but it’s not exactly legal.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me with you,” I say with a roll of my eyes.
Tyler laughs in response and winks at me. “You know you love my dangerous side.”
“Amen to that,” Courtney replies with a sigh, her eyes fixed on Jake who is oblivious as he taps away on his phone.
I cup my warm drink with my hands. “This not exactly legal activity, will it be fun?”
He grins at me and nods. “Of course. It’s always fun and danger when I’m around Taylor.”
I shake my head at him, unable to stop the smile on my face. “Why do I feel like I’m going to regret agreeing to this?”
THREE HOURS LATER, I’ve showered and changed into a fresh pair of pale blue jeans and a cropped white jumper. I leave my hair down and lightly apply some make-up. Courtney is in the shower, so I decide to use this time to turn on my phone and ring my dad.
As soon as I turn it on, it pings constantly as message after message registers. I have six missed calls and three voicemails, alongside 8 messages. Ignoring them all, I call my dad’s mobile number.
“Hey Dad,” I greet when I hear him pick up. “It’s only me.”
“Hi honey,” he replies. “How are you?”
I pause briefly before answering. I’m not really sure how I am. I am dealing with it. “Yeah, I’m okay. Everyone okay there?”
“We’re all fine. Olly’s at a party at the play centre, Abi slept at Chloe’s last night and is still over there and Dom is out somewhere.”
I nod, even though he can’t see me. “That’s good.”
My dad sighs. “Everly, I don’t know what has gone on between you and Grayson, but the boy has been begging me to give him the address. Don’t you think you should speak to him?”
I lie back on Courtney’s bed and stare up at the ceiling. “I will. I’m just not ready yet. I need time.”
“Can we expect you home on Monday? You can’t afford to miss classes in your final year of your a-levels.”
I know he is right. I can’t hide away up here forever. At some point I will have to go back and face the situation. “Yeah, I’ll be home before Monday. I’ll let you know what train I’m getting home.”
“Okay, honey. I love you,” he says softly.
“I love you too, Dad.”
I STARE UP AT THE BUILDING we are standing outside of and look at Tyler, who is waiting for our reaction.
“This is your idea?” Courtney exclaims. She breaks into a grin. “I like it!”
“You could have warned us. I don’t have any swim wear on me,” I tell him and he grins.
“Who needs swimwear? Come on.” He gestures for us to follow him. He takes us up the side of the building and stops before a small side door. Looking around us and checking the coast is clear, he pulls out a set of keys and slips a key in the lock.
“Should I even ask how you have the keys to get in?” I ask with an eye roll.
Tyler chuckles. “Let’s just say someone I know who works here owes me a favour.” He turns the key and opens the door and disappears inside, leaving us to follow him. I bump into his back, unable to see in front of me as it is pitch black inside.
“Jesus, I can’t see a thing in here.” Courtney moans when Tyler’s phone light dazzles her in her eyes.
“Obviously I can’t put the lights on, so use your phones.” He reaches out and takes my hand in his and guides us down the corridor until we come out into a large open space. I can’t quite believe we are breaking and entering a splash pool. Tyler stops at the side of the large pool and kicks off his shoes. He looks back at the three of us. “Well come on, let’s get inside.”
With a nervous sigh, I place my phone down at the poolside and unzip my jeans. Thank god I have put matching underwear on tonight and thank goodness it was black cotton and not lacy. I can’t help but admire Tyler’s body as he strips down to just a pair of Armani briefs that hug his tight arse. There was no denying it - Tyler has a body that you wanted to lick all over. He glances my way and I flush and turn away, annoyed with myself that I got caught looking. A second later there’s a huge splash, and he’s in the pool. The water drips down him as he surfaces, and he beckons for us all to join him. Jake runs up from behind Courtney and me and he cannon balls inside the water. I place my top with my jeans just as Courtney comes up beside me.
“On three,” she suggests with a grin.I take her hand and nodding and we count down together. We dive into the pool, laughing as we come back up to the surface.
Courtney yelps as Jake splashes her with a wave of water. She dives after him and the two of them wrestle in the water. Tyler touches my arm to snag my attention. “Come on,” he says, gesturing with his head and taking one last look at Courtney and Jake, who seem to have forgotten we are there.
He swims across the other side of the huge pool and climbs out. He leans down and offers me his hand and he pulls me up with little effort. Tyler walks over to the side of the pool and flips up a wooden panel that reveals a keypad underneath. He studies the buttons for a few seconds, before pressing a button and I hear a slight noise and then the sounds of running water.
Grinning, he takes my hand and leads me up some stairs. We come out to where there is a large slide that winds around and down into the water. He sits down at the top of the slide and then turns his head to me. “Come on, sit in-between my legs. We’ll go down together.”
I hesitate and toe the cool floor tiles. “You go, I’ll follow.”
Tyler rolls his eyes. “Just sit between my legs, Taylor. I’ll keep my hands to myself. I promise.”
Realising he isn’t going to give up, I sigh and walk over. He shifts slightly so I can move past him and is sit myself down between his open legs. His hands wrap around my waist and I feel his breath against my neck.
“I lied about keeping my hands to myself,” he says with a chuckle. “You ready?”
I nod, and he pushes off with his hips, and we move down the slide. The slide weaves left and then right, and we move faster. Laughing, I lift both my arms in the air. “Wahoo!” I shout and I hear Tyler laughing behind me, his breath tickling my ear.
We come flying out into the pool, and Tyler keeps his arms around me as we surface. I wipe the water out of my eyes to find him watching me; the water dripping down his body.
“That was fun,” I admit to him.
“I told you we’d have fun,” he replies with a smirk. He reaches out and brushes some strands of my wet hair off my face. His arms remain around my waist and my breath halts when I realise just how close we are to each other. My skin tingles where we touch. I place my hand on his chest.
“Tyler, I—“
<
br /> He places a finger over my lips and shushes me. “Don’t analyse it.” He he dips his head down and presses his lips against mine.
I know what I should do. I should pull away, tell him that this isn’t right, that I don’t want this, but in this moment the feel of his lips against mine, they make me forget. So, I slip my hands around his neck and kiss him back. He groans in satisfaction when I respond to him, and then he lifts the back of my legs until I am wrapped around him. He is chaos and danger sewn together and I drown in him, wanting to feel something other than the void I have been feeling since Grayson broke my heart. Tyler deepens the kiss and we become more frantic, hungry. I press my body closer to his. I shouldn’t be doing this. This is not the answer to my problems at all.
I find the strength to pull back and I catch my breath. “I can’t do this,” I confess, leaning my face into the crook of his neck. “I’m not thinking straight. I love him. Even though I’ll never forgive him for what he’s done, I love him.”
I hear Tyler exhale and then he’s lifting my face so that he can look into my eyes. “You might love him, but I know you want me. I know you feel this pull between us. You can love someone and still want another. Use me. Lose yourself in me. I’ll help you forget.” His blue eyes burn softly into mine.
Could I drown in him and forget the pain I feel? Even if it will just be for a short time? I know sex with Tyler would be all-consuming. He is the type of guy who knew how to please a girl. A part of me wishes I can be that girl. The one who lets go and just feels, but I’m not.
I meet his eyes and smile softly. “I can’t. It wouldn’t feel right or fair. I need to work through this. I can’t hide from the pain or the hurt. I need to face it and deal with it and move forward.”
Tyler nods and he leans down and gently presses his lips against mine and he kisses me softly. “When you’re ready to move on, I’d better be the first guy you ring, Taylor.”