“Hey. Are you in pain? Do you want me to grab Declan?” She moved to get up and I reached for her hand, tugging her back beside me.
“Mel, I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault.”
Melody pulled out of my grasp and scowled at me.
I hung my head and waited for her to lash out. For her to tell me I was the shittiest friend in existence. That she’d never forgive me for what happened to her.
But she didn’t do any of those things.
Instead, she laughed.
She fucking laughed. Right there, in my face.
“What is so damn funny?”
She laughed so hard she was practically folded in half. “It’s not funny. I know—I know it’s—”
She laughed harder.
I waited for her to get control of herself, a firm scowl stamped across my face.
Now really wasn’t the time.
Seconds turned into minutes before she finally pulled herself together, wiping tears from the corners of her eyes.
“Oh, come on, Aria. Don’t look at me like that.”
I blinked. What the hell was I supposed to say now? I’d tried apologizing to her and what did I get? Her, laughing in my face.
She reached forward and gave me a tight hug. “You’re my best friend. One of my only friends. This wasn’t your fault but I am damn glad you rescued me.”
She sat back and I frowned, running a hand through my hair. “About that…” My memories were a little foggy. My mother had died. I remembered that part and I shoved the grief so far down I was surprised I didn’t gag on it.
But I distinctly remembered blacking out and when I did, Mel was still trapped.
How had she gotten out with my mother dead? What about the retina scan and the code? What about the stupid fifteen-minute countdown?
“What happened after—?” I waved my hand in the air.
“Oh. Your super sexy hunk of a mate came to the rescue. And the other one. Inarus. He’s a hottie, too. He was there. He killed your…” she trailed off and jutted out her lower lip.
“Are you okay?”
I sniffed. “I’m good. She was the worst mom ever.” I tried to hide the tremor in my voice, but judging my Melody’s expression, I’d done a shitty job of it.
“She really was.”
I smiled and the awkward moment passed.
“Well, after that, you passed out. Inarus and Declan freed you while his sister, what’s her name?”
“Dia,” I supplied.
Melody snapped. “Right. Her. She did some TK stuff and poof. I was out.”
“Just like that?” I asked. If I’d known it’d be so easy…
“Okay, so not just like that. I guess they had some bumps along the way but I was so out of it and my brain was so fogged by the pain, I really don’t remember most of it and to be honest, I don’t care. I’m alive. I’m free. The rest is in the past and this Harpy is moving forward.”
I sighed at her carefree attitude. She’d just endured who knew what and she was already looking toward tomorrow’s horizon.
“Have you seen Declan and Inarus? I was wondering why…” I trailed off. I wanted to see Declan. There was an urgency in me to see him and know he was okay. That the battle hadn’t taken a toll on him. But I felt the bond between us. It was strong and steady, giving me the security I needed which left…
Melody’s face fell. “Declan is here. He asked me to stay with you while he took care of a few things. But Ari?”
I waited. I knew whatever Melody was about to say, I wasn’t going to like it.
“Just spit it out, Mel.”
She stood and pulled a folded envelope from her back pocket. She stared down at it for a few moments before handing it over.
I flipped it in my hands, noticing the seal had already been broken.
“You read it?” I accused.
She rolled her eyes with a huff. “Don’t act so surprised.”
I fought back an eye roll of my own.
“I think you’ll want some privacy though so I’ll leave you to it. I should be heading home anyway. Time to clean up my place and get my life back in order.”
“Tell Ryan I said hello.”
She blushed and I couldn’t help the smile that spread over my face.
“He was really worried about you, ya know?”
She nodded. “Yeah. We’re getting coffee later this week.”
“A date?” I asked
“Who knows. I never know what’s going on in that pretty head of his.”
I snickered. “Let me know how it goes. Okay?”
“Absolutely.”
She walked out and I was left staring at the letter in my hands. I was happy for her. Happy she and Ryan would have a chance. But staring at the envelope in my hands made a sense of foreboding wash over me.
A hollow ache bloomed in my chest. He was gone. I didn’t need to open the letter to know that. He wouldn’t have left a letter at all if he’d been here to voice the words.
Steeling myself, I opened it, his tight scrawl written across the page in neat lines.
Aria,
I consider myself lucky to call you friend. Fortunate to have had the pleasure to work with you and blessed to have experienced what I can only assume is love for the emotion is both joy and pain at its most extremes.
Declan loves you and I’ve seen the fierceness with which you return his affections.
I’m selfish enough to know I want you even knowing you’re not mine to have. But I care for you enough to want your happiness above my own. Even now I know I’m selfish for admitting these feelings. For leaving you with the burden of knowing their existence.
But as penance for divulging my feelings, I willingly accept your hatred.
I couldn’t let you live with the guilt of taking your mother’s life. So I chose to live with your hatred for taking her from you instead.
I wish you years of happiness. I hope life slows down for you. You deserve it. You deserve to be safe, loved, and finally secure.
Declan will see to that.
Maybe our paths will cross again but until then, be happy. Let go of your grief and your regrets. There are no more shadows lurking behind you.
xx
Inarus
I read the letter a second time and then a third before the door opened and Declan stepped inside. He spotted the letter and scrutinized my face.
“Are you okay?”
I set the letter on the bedside table and waved him to me. He climbed into our bed, positioning himself against the headboard and pulling me between his legs, my back to his chest as he wrapped his arms around me.
When I didn’t answer, Declan nuzzled my hair and asked me again, this time his voice far gentler. “Are you okay?”
I nodded. “Did you know he was leaving?”
I peered up at him. His eyes were staring out the window, a small frown on his face.
“I did. He spoke with me before he left.”
I sighed. “It’s probably for the best.”
His arms tightened around me. “Do you really feel that way?”
I didn’t miss the hint of hope in his voice. My next words carried weight. Declan had put up with a lot for my sake. And for once, I was happy to ease his worries.
“I do.” I let the words hang in the air, knowing he probably wanted more of an explanation. But keeping things simple was best.
I would miss Inarus and I hoped one day, our paths did cross again. But I cared for him too much. More than I had any right too.
I loved Declan and though I didn’t truly believe Inarus could come between us, knowing how he felt about me, that he couldn’t set his feelings aside, put me in an uncomfortable position. I was not without my faults.
I was so afraid to lose the few people in my life I had that with him here, I would cling to him harder than I should. I’d lost too many people in my life.
And I didn’t want to hurt him, or my mate. Him leaving was for the best.
; I was also immensely grateful for what he’d done for me. In the moment, and even now, I’d felt grief and anger. He’d killed my mom. But hadn’t that been what I’d planned to do from the start?
He’d spared me the guilt and the pain of having to take my mother’s life. And as thanks he accepted my anguish and fury. But I could never hate him.
He was a better man—a better friend—than I ever could have asked for.
20
Epilogue
Three months had passed without retaliation and the collective breaths we’d all been holding were finally released.
If neighboring units of the H.A.C. had intended to lash out, they would have done so by now. It looked like we were in the clear. Life had gone on and I was finally getting back into the swing of things.
Inarus and Dia were both gone. We hadn’t seen or heard a peep from either of them in the last three months. I missed him but I reminded myself that it was for the best.
Robert had sulked through the halls the first few weeks after Dia’s absence but he seemed fine now. His usual intolerable self.
I was back at work. Playing bodyguard and hunting down baddies. With Inarus no longer in the picture, Melody had decided to work with me at Sanborn Place.
It was nice.
She was notoriously late and had horrible people skills but she always got the job done so I couldn’t really complain. She also made coffee every morning so there was that.
And speaking of Mel …
“Are you taking the Drucano job?” I asked.
Perched on the edge of her desk, Mel glared at me. “Like I have a choice. Urgh, that girl is the worst.”
I didn’t bother hiding my laugh. Playing bodyguard to Laela Drucano was probably my least favorite job but her father paid well and it was repeat business. Inarus used to take her cases. She had a huge crush on him and her father seemed to approve, but he was gone so Melody had that particular pleasure now.
“Since you’ll be busy with the Drucano job, I’ll take care of the Nessie sighting out at Newman Lake.”
Melody rolled her eyes. “There is literally no way Nessie is hiding in Newman Lake. She’s a Loch Ness monster. Not a local one.”
I quirked a brow. “Okay, I know there’s no Nessie in Newman, but you talk about it as though she really exists.”
Melody rolled her eyes. “Uh, duh. She’s been around since the seventies. But she’s in the Loch Ness lake. Hence Loch Ness monster. Sometimes humans are so dense.” She flipped her hair back and continued filing her navy blue painted nails.
My mouth hung open and I stared at her. “Wait a minute. Are you telling me Nessie is real?”
Another eye roll. “Yeah, but don’t call her that if you ever meet her. She hates the name Nessie. Her actual name is Amernessa.”
I swallowed and nodded as though that all made perfect sense, while I digested the fact that Nessie the Loch Ness freaking monster was not some figment of humanity’s imagination.
Either not noticing or not caring about my mini freak-out, Melody continued. “At least that job should be pretty tame. You need to take it easy now. Let me know if we get any dangerous gigs and I’ll handle those ones until you decide to give up and ride desk duty.”
I frowned. “Mel, it’s been three months. I don’t need to take it easy anymore.” All of my injuries had healed. I’d had a pretty bad stab wound in my shoulder and a few scrapes and bruises, but nothing life-threatening. Frankie had patched me up and what she couldn’t fix my psyker healing abilities took care of.
The worst that had happened was my telekinesis was gone, but since it was never really mine to begin with, I wasn’t all that upset about the loss.
Marcella said a part of me had to die. And it did. I was considering that prophecy closed and I was ready to move on.
“Exactly, it’s been three months. You’re going to start showing soon.”
What the hell was she going on about? But before I could ask her the front door opened and Declan walked through the door.
My stomach did a cartwheel and I grinned. “Hey, you’re early!”
I jumped from my desk and rushed toward him, letting him envelop me in his arms.
“Miss me?” he asked, his voice a deep rumble in my ear.
I pulled away and grabbed my leather jacket from the back of my chair. “Nope. Not one bit. But I’m starving.”
Melody snorted. “Wait until the cravings kick in.”
Declan shot her a shut the hell up expression and I looked back and forth between the two of them.
“Uhh… someone want to clue me in here?”
Declan cleared his throat. “Can we have a minute?” he asked Mel.
“Uh uh.” She shook her head and smiled wide. “I wouldn’t miss this show for the world.”
I looked at them each in clear confusion. “Um, guys?”
Declan rubbed the back of his neck and unease wormed its way through the bond, making me suddenly anxious and uncertain.
I took a step back, but Declan reached out and pulled me back toward him before giving Melody a scathing look.
“Why don’t we talk about it at lunch?” He tried to steer me toward the door but I dug my heels in.
“Nope. I want to know what the two of you clearly know that I don’t. Now, please.”
He sighed. “Have you given any thought to children?”
I scowled. Where was this coming from? “Not really. I mean, I like kids. But … “ I trailed off. Did I want children?
“Do you want kids?”
He shrugged his shoulders but didn’t say anything.
I scrutinized his face. He wore an expressionless mask but his eyes … his eyes gave him away. Declan wanted children. Desperately, and with a fervor I wasn’t sure I could match.
Why hadn’t I ever considered that before?
Of course he would want kids. He was a shapeshifter. He’d want a little family of his own one day. And sure, he had me, and we’d already started making plans for a formal mating ceremony but … was that why he was all of a sudden thinking about kids?
When humans got married, kids usually came shortly after. Was this his way of asking if I’d be willing to start popping out babies?
I tried to wrap my mind around the idea of having Declan’s child. Of a little boy or girl with his bright green eyes and my dark brown hair.
The images were hazy, but they were there. I could see them in my mind for just a moment, but the thought of bringing a child into our screwed-up world terrified me.
My mother was dead. If we had a child, he or she would be safe. Right?
But what if our child was a shifter? I had no idea how to raise a kid that could go furry and climb or crawl or get into all the mischief shifter children got into. But equally as terrifying was the thought that our future child might not be a shifter.
What if our child was a psyker like me? Or a normal human?
Was that even possible?
And if our child didn’t shift, would the Pack reject them? Would they be treated like an outcast?
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “Maybe.” I shrugged my shoulders. “One day, I guess. Do you want children, like soon?”
Declan looked like he was weighing his words. I didn’t want him to hold back how he felt. To say what he thought I wanted to him to say. We should be able to talk about this sort of thing, right?
Seeming to come to some sort of decision, Declan nodded. “I do. I would like to have a child, with you, very much so.”
I swallowed. “Okay.” So we’d have a kid. No big deal. Didn’t mean it had to be today. Or tomorrow. “We’ll have a kid one day. Maybe two. But we don’t have to decide when or anything right now, do we? I mean the mating ceremony is still a few weeks away. Do we really need to—”
“You’re pregnant!” Melody shouted.
I jerked in Declan’s arms and stared at her. “What?”
She grinned from ear to ear. “You’re pregnant. Can I throw your baby s
hower? Pleeeeease.”
I looked at her in horror and then turned back to Declan, finding his emerald green eyes locked on my expression.
“I … I …” I shook my head. “I’m not pregnant.” The denial was immediate.
But even as I said it aloud, I wasn’t sure. I mean, I hadn’t taken a pregnancy test or anything, and sure I’d been late, but that wasn’t unusual for me. I couldn’t be pregnant. Could I?”
The reality of it slammed into me like a ton of bricks and I gasped. “I’m pregnant?”
Declan nodded slowly, his face still a mask.
“But…”
“And you’re almost three months along.” Melody chirped behind me.
Declan glowered at her. “You’re not helping.”
Three months. I was three months pregnant?! How the hell had I blown through my first trimester without ever realizing I was freaking pregnant?
“Wait a minute. How can I be pregnant? I don’t feel pregnant.”
Although now that I thought about it, I had been more tired than usual. I”d assumed that was because I’d been healing.
I looked down at my flat stomach and something like wonder filled up inside of me. I was pregnant. Oh-my-freaking-god!
I pressed both hands to my stomach and met Declan’s gaze again.
“Are you okay?” he asked, covering my hands with one of his own. “Is this okay with you?”
My vision blurred but I nodded. “Yeah, I’m … ” I thought about it for a minute as the realization we were going to have a baby settled in. “I … I think I’m excited.”
A smile broke across Declan’s face and relief poured down through our bond. “You are? Really?”
I nodded and happy tears fell down my cheeks. “Yeah, I think I really am.”
He lifted me in his arms and spun me around the office, squeezing me tight as Melody cheered behind us.
When Declan finally set me down again, I stretched up on my tiptoes and kissed him. I kissed him with everything I had. All of my love and my fear, but also all of my hope.
We were going to have a kid. It was scary as hell but I couldn’t remember ever wanting anything more than this little peanut growing inside of me.
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