Final Collection

by Jesse Goodrich

CHAPTER 3

  Adam woke to Mallory’s voice which was held in a quiet shout, “Get back to your rooms and keep quiet, I’ll come get you when breakfast is ready!” to who he determined must be Allen’s two kids who were five and seven years old. Her voice now softer and more motherly than Adam remembered it being Mallory extended both hands while suggesting, “Now that you’re awake, take this and drink this.” Adam obliged, happy to have water as he sat up on the couch, and saw Mallory was already dressed for a day of work at home. Assessing that Adam was now fully ready to understand information but probably not capable of defending himself, Mallory’s tone changed slightly to a mixture of disappointment and mockery, “I see you two still haven’t figured out how to grow up, at least you had enough sense left to get a cab. I hope it was something special and not just another get together for you and Allen.” Realizing he was more alert than either of them would have assumed Adam replied, “It was…Allen and I re-bonded, probably taking the celebration too far, but still, it was good.” Mallory was a little surprised but knew she had the upper hand, “Probably too far? I’m sure you feel it more strongly than that. Now get washed, breakfast will be ready soon.” Adam nodded and went directly to the washroom thinking of the last time Mallory had cooked for Allen and himself after a night like this. It must have been five years ago now, the two had smirked like children all through that breakfast, as if getting away with something devious; there was a variety of food he remembered, but what he appreciated the most was her corned-beef hash set against fresh cut and washed strawberries. "So many years ago now...," Adam thought as he washed his face and once again looked himself over in the mirror, "...back when I was in my first years with Sarah."

  Throwing the hand towel in the bathroom hamper, Adam nearly ran through the doorway a few steps ahead of Allen, who was just coming down the hall, before slowing down and releasing himself from the frustration of his memories. Allen stopped to let Megan and Ryan out of their rooms for breakfast before following behind. Adam made his way to the dining room directly for Mallory. “I can’t stay for breakfast,” Adam rushed, taking a breath - he continued, “Thank you for letting me spend the night.” Mallory raised her eyes and saw the now almost hidden look of panic Adam was trying to gain control of. “I understand. You’re welcome any time,” Mallory acknowledged, slightly changing tone as Allen and the kids came in, “But only if you promise to keep Allen in better shape than last night!” Allen had been smiling before Adam turned to face him, then immediately lost the bright mood he woke with recognizing something was about to change the start to the day he anticipated. Adam took a moment, realizing he couldn’t hide his emotions as well as he thought he could, and with as much of a flat professional tone he could encourage said, “Allen, I’m going to need a few days off, I don’t expect to be back until the middle of next week.” Allen adjusted his feet with his mouth slightly open in offense by the professionalism Adam was presenting while standing in his home. Allen closed his mouth and determined work-superior or not, they’d known each other long enough to be more familiar than this. Recomposed, Allen remarked, "Taking time off even before breakfast then?” Adam realized his mistake and allowed his gaze to fall somewhere behind Allen on the floor; he didn’t have his car and was therefore asking for someone to take him to it immediately. Before Adam could say anything Allen relaxed even further knowing it wouldn’t do any good to press this now, “Let me get my coat,” as he turned to leave he quickly added “Mallory save a little hash for me, I’ll be back soon.”

  The two remained quiet for a few minutes as they drove toward Adam’s car, it was a gentle ride. Adam knew Allen couldn’t keep himself from asking and no sooner had Adam thought it Allen was gently bringing it up, “Of course we’ll get along without you at the office for as long as you need, it’s just that I’d rather not if we don’t have to.” Appreciating the direction Allen was taking with the conversation Adam deflected, “Like I said I should be back in a couple of days; I’ll call when I know how long I’ll be gone.” These games in conversation Allen found appreciation for since Adam was so fond of participating in them, but he was still becoming frustrated as Adam usually didn’t play this aloof with something important. “Would it help if I took you to the airport myself?” Allen questioned as he tried to get more information while not pushing directly for the answers he wanted to hear. Adam didn’t have family around and usually took a flight to visit twice a year; however last year he had taken time for about half a dozen of these trips. Allen glanced over as Adam was looking out the passenger window to the sun now appearing only a few feet above the horizon. The clear view over the open fields to Adam’s right was only interrupted by the occasional telephone pole they passed, the grass was more vibrant and green than he’d expected this late in the year. Adam didn’t want to answer as he knew it was going to be impossible to end this conversation without giving up some information or hurting their friendship a little more than he desired, but he knew the silence was reaching its limit. “No, you should get back home, thank you though. It’ll take me a little bit to pack.” Making one last effort to avoid going further Adam tried to help his own mood and adjust the topic, “You don’t want Mallory’s breakfast to get too cold.” Allen’s frustration grew even more, it was never restrained, only built, he couldn’t understand what could come up so quickly, and this was driving him to…then it clicked, "It was too simple," Allen realized to himself as he cooled and supportively reached a hand to touch Adam’s shoulder, “This is the first trip you’re making this year isn’t it?” After a pause Allen felt comfortable pressing directly, “Where do you go Adam?” It was something they’d never discussed before only because neither of them brought it up, but now there was no avoiding it, Adam only hoped they could save the rest of the conversation for another time. After all, it wasn’t really embarrassing it was just something he considered private.

  Time lapse

  He didn’t always come back home, but when he did; Adam liked to get out of the taxi just outside of town so he could take the time to enjoy walking through the town he remembered and the town that was always changing. It was a small town and Adam always trusted the driver to deliver luggage to the destination ahead of him, on this trip there was only his carryon and his shoulder bag. Allen had surprised him a little by letting the conversation end after Adam had said these trips were a way for him to regain strength and center himself. Adam’s family had long since left as time changed each person’s life for various reasons, but this was still where he came at least once a year. Last year he almost didn’t come at all, but reasoned he should make the visit anyway. Adam spent last year traveling to several of the places Sarah had wanted to go with him but at every destination he would get to the hotel and not leave except to eat in the dining room. He started to question how he’d waited so long this year to get away; perhaps he was just drained, drifting week in and week out. After eight years, coming “home” was more habit than desire Adam tried to explain to himself. The explanation almost worked at covering the fear he felt at Allen and Mallory’s, but that fear was the truth and remained no matter how much he tried to push it behind false logic. Adam fought anyway, muttering to himself as he passed a few houses he recognized as unchanged through all the years, “I can’t be ready yet, Sarah was everything…” he looked up at the sign of the new gas station which was built over the destruction of about an acre of previously abstract brush and what was all that remained of the forest which stood before development in the community probably a hundred years ago or more, “…I knew I would move on, but this seems too soon.” Adam continued to argue with himself. Strolling further into town, he accepted he was running away this time, not afraid of how fast things had changed for him, because they hadn’t changed much, but he was afraid they were beginning to change. Finally accepting that he must be starting to move beyond not being able to have Sarah as part of his life he uncomfortably continued conversing with hims
elf in near silence, “I don’t even know where to begin, and how much would Sarah impact any new relationship I have?” It was difficult for Adam to categorize this, the feelings were too new for him, but that’s how his mind worked.