I feel deflated and exhausted and I'm ready to leave. He regards me silently, and I respectfully give him time to make his rebuttal. But he doesn't. He just turns around, leans over the ledge, and stares down at the street like he didn't hear a single word I said.
I walk across the roof and open the door, half expecting him to call out my name or ask me not to leave. I get all the way back to the apartment before I finally lose all hope of that happening. I push through the crowd and make it through three different rooms before I spot Devin. When he sees the look on my face, he just nods and begins to make his way across the room toward me.
"Ready to go?" he asks, looping his arm through mine.
I nod. "Yes. So ready."
We find Allysa in the main living room. I tell her and Marshall goodnight, using the excuse that I'm just exhausted from opening week and I'd like to get some sleep before work tomorrow. Allysa gives me a hug and walks us to the front door.
"I'll be back on Monday," she says to me, kissing me on the cheek.
"Happy birthday," I say to her. Devin opens the door, but right before we step into the hallway, I hear someone yell my name.
I turn around and Ryle is pushing through the crowd on the other side of the room. "Lily, wait!" he yells, still trying to make his way over to me. My heart is erratic. He's walking quickly, stepping around people, growing more frustrated with every person in his way. He finally reaches a break in the crowd and makes eye contact with me again. He holds my gaze as he marches toward me. He doesn't slow down. Allysa has to step out of his way as he walks straight up to me. At first, I think he might kiss me, or at least give a rebuttal to everything I said to him upstairs. But instead, he does something I'm not at all prepared for. He scoops me up into his arms.
"Ryle!" I yell, gripping him around the neck, afraid he might drop me. "Put me down!" He has an arm wrapped under my legs and one under my back.
"I need to borrow Lily for the night," he says to Devin. "That okay?"
I look at Devin and shake my head, wide-eyed. Devin just smirks and says, "Be my guest."
Traitor!
Ryle starts to turn and walk back toward the living room. I look at Allysa as I pass her. Her eyes are wide with confusion. "I'm going to kill your brother!" I yell at her.
Everyone in the entire room is staring now. I'm so embarrassed, I just press my face against Ryle's chest as he walks me down the hallway and into his bedroom. Once the door is shut behind us, he slowly lowers my feet back to the floor. I immediately start to yell at him and try to push him out of the way of the bedroom door, but he spins me and shoves me against the door, grabbing both of my wrists. He presses them against the wall above my head and says, "Lily?"
He's looking at me so intently, I stop trying to fight him off of me and I hold my breath. His chest is pressing against mine, my back is pressed to the door. And then his mouth is on mine. Warm pressure against my lips.
Despite the strength behind them, his lips are like silk. I'm shocked at the moan that rushes through me, and even more shocked when I part my lips and want more. His tongue slides against mine and he releases my wrists to grab my face. His kiss grows deeper and I grasp at his hair, pulling him closer, feeling the kiss in my entire body.
Both of us become a medley of moans and gasps as the kiss brings us over the edge, our bodies wanting more than our mouths can deliver. I feel his hands as he reaches down and grabs my legs, lifting me up and hooking them around his waist.
My God, this man can kiss. It's as if he takes kissing as seriously as he takes his profession. He begins to pull me away from the door when I'm hit with the realization that yes, his mouth is capable of a lot. But what his mouth has failed to do is respond to everything I told him upstairs.
For all I know, I've just given in. I'm giving him what he wants: a one-night stand. And that's the last thing he deserves right now.
I pull my mouth from his and push on his shoulders. "Put me down."
He keeps walking toward his bed, so I say it again. "Ryle, put me down right now."
He stops walking and lowers me to the floor. I have to back away and face the other direction to gather my thoughts. Looking at him while I still feel his lips on mine is more than I can deal with right now.
I feel his arms go around my waist, and he rests his head on my shoulder. "I'm sorry," he whispers. He turns me around and brings a hand up to my face and brushes his thumb across my cheek. "It's my turn now, okay?"
I don't respond to his touch. I keep my arms folded across my chest and wait to hear what he has to say before I allow myself to respond to his touch.
"I had that picture made the day after I took it," he says. "It's been in my apartment for months now, because you were the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen and I wanted to look at it every single day."
Oh.
"And that night I showed up at your door? I went searching for you because no one in the history of my life has ever crawled under my skin and refused to leave like you did. I didn't know how to handle it. And the reason I sent you flowers this week is because I am really, really proud of you for following your dream. But if I sent you flowers every time I've had the urge to send you flowers, you wouldn't even be able to fit inside your apartment. Because that's how much I think about you. And yes, Lily. You're right. I'm hurting you, but I'm hurting, too. And until tonight . . . I didn't know why."
I have no idea how I even possibly find the strength to speak after that. "Why are you hurting?"
He drops his forehead to mine and says, "Because. I have no idea what I'm doing. You make me want to be a different person, but what if I don't know how to be what you need? This is all new to me and I want to prove to you that I want you for so much more than just one night."
He looks so vulnerable right now. I want to believe the genuine look in his eye, but he's been so adamant since the day that I met him that he wants the exact opposite of what I want. And it terrifies me that I'll give in to him and he'll walk away.
"How do I prove myself to you, Lily? Tell me and I'll do it."
I don't know. I barely know the guy. I know him enough to know that sex with him won't be enough for me, though. But how do I know sex won't be the only thing he wants?
My eyes instantly lock with his. "Don't have sex with me."
He stares at me for a moment, completely unreadable. But then he starts to nod his head like he's finally getting it. "Okay," he says, still nodding. "Okay. I will not have sex with you, Lily Bloom."
He walks around me to his bedroom door and he locks it. He flips off the light, leaving only a lamp on, and then takes off his shirt as he walks toward me.
"What are you doing?"
He tosses his shirt on a chair and then slips off his shoes. "We're going to sleep."
I glance at his bed. Then at him. "Right now?"
He nods and walks over to me. In one swift movement, he lifts my dress up and over my head, until I'm standing in the middle of his bedroom floor in my bra and panties. I cover myself, but he doesn't even look twice. He pulls me toward the bed and lifts the covers for me to crawl in. As he's walking over to his side of the bed he says, "It's not like we haven't slept together before without having sex. Piece of cake."
I laugh. He reaches his dresser and plugs his phone in to a charger. I take a moment to skim his bedroom. This certainly isn't the type of spare bedroom I'm used to. Three of my bedrooms could fit in here. There's a couch against the other wall, a chair facing a television and a full office off the bedroom that looks complete with a floor-to-ceiling library. I'm still trying to see everything around me when the lamp goes off.
"Your sister is really rich," I say as I feel him pull the covers over both of us. "What the hell does she do with the ten bucks an hour I pay her? Wipe her ass with it?"
He laughs and grabs my hand, sliding his fingers through mine. "She probably doesn't even cash the checks," he says. "Have you ever checked?"
I haven't. Now I'm curious.
"Goodnight, Lily," he says.
I can't stop smiling, because this is kind of ridiculous. And so great.
"Goodnight, Ryle."
*
I think I might be lost.
Everything is so white and so clean, it's blinding. I shuffle through one of the living rooms and try to find my way to the kitchen. I have no idea where my dress ended up last night, so I pulled on one of Ryle's shirts. It falls past my knees, and I wonder if he has to buy shirts that are too big for him just so they'll fit his arms.
There are too many windows and way too much sun, so I'm forced to shield my eyes as I go in search of coffee.
I push through the kitchen doors and find a coffeemaker.
Thank you, Jesus.
I set it to brew and then go in search for a mug when the kitchen door opens behind me. I spin around and I'm relieved to see that Allysa isn't always a perfect concoction of makeup and jewelry. Her hair is in a messy topknot and mascara is smeared down her cheeks. She points at the coffeemaker. "I'm gonna need me some of that," she says. She pulls herself up on the island and then slouches forward.
"Can I ask you a question?" I say.
She barely has the energy to nod.
I wave my hand around the kitchen. "How did this happen? How in the hell did your entire house become spotless between the party last night and me waking up just now? Did you stay up and clean?"
She laughs. "We have people for that," she says.
"People?"
She nods. "Yep. There are people for everything," she says. "You'd be surprised. Think of something. Anything. We probably have people for it."
"Groceries?"
"People," she says.
"Christmas decor?"
She nods. "People for that, too."
"What about birthday gifts? Like for family members?"
She grins. "Yep. People. Everyone in my family receives a gift and a card for every occasion and I never have to lift a finger."
I shake my head. "Wow. How long have you been this rich?"
"Three years," she says. "Marshall sold a few apps he developed to Apple for a lot of money. Every six months, he creates updates and sells those, too."
The coffee transitions into a slow drip, so I grab a mug and fill it up. "You want anything in yours?" I ask. "Or do you have people for that?"
She laughs. "Yes. I have you, and I'd like sugar, please."
I stir some sugar into her cup and walk it over to her, then pour myself a cup. It grows quiet for a while as I mix in creamer, waiting for her to say something about me and Ryle. The conversation is inevitable.
"Can we just get the awkwardness out of the way?" she says.
I sigh, relieved. "Please. I hate this." I face her and take a sip of my coffee. She sets hers down beside her and then grips the countertop.
"How did that even happen?"
I shake my head, trying my best not to smile like I'm love-struck. I don't want her to think I'm weak, or a fool for giving in to him. "We met before I knew you."
She tilts her head. "Wait," she says. "Before we got to know each other better or before we knew each other at all?"
"At all," I say. "We had a moment one night, about six months before I met you."
"A moment?" she says. "As in . . . a one-night stand?"
"No," I say. "No, we never even kissed until last night. I don't know, I can't explain it. We just had this sort of flirtation thing going on for a really long time and it finally came to a head last night. That's all."
She picks up her coffee again and takes a slow drink from it. She stares down at the floor for a while and I can't help but notice she looks a little sad.
"Allysa? You're not mad at me, are you?"
She immediately shakes her head. "No, Lily. I just . . ." She sets down her coffee cup again. "I just know my brother. And I love him. I really do. But . . ."
"But what?"
Allysa and I both look in the direction of the voice. Ryle is standing in the doorway with his arms folded across his chest. He's wearing a pair of gray jogging pants that are barely hanging on to his hips. No shirt. I'll be adding this outfit to all the other ones I've catalogued in my head.
Ryle pushes off the door and makes his way into the kitchen. He walks over to me and takes my cup of coffee out of my hands. He leans in and kisses me on the forehead, then takes a drink as he leans against the counter.
"I didn't mean to interrupt," he says to Allysa. "By all means, continue your conversation."
Allysa rolls her eyes and says, "Stop."
He hands me back my cup of coffee and turns around to grab his own mug. He begins to pour from the pot. "It sounded to me like you were about to give Lily a warning. I'm just curious as to what you have to say."
Allysa hops off the counter and carries her mug to the sink. "She's my friend, Ryle. You don't have the best track record when it comes to relationships." She washes out the mug and then leans her hip into the sink, facing us. "As her friend, I have the right to give her my opinion when it comes to the guys she dates. That's what friends do."
I'm suddenly feeling uncomfortable as the tension grows thicker between the two of them. Ryle doesn't even take a drink of his coffee. He walks toward Allysa and pours it out in the sink. He's standing right in front of her, but she won't even look at him. "Well, as your brother, I would hope you had a little more faith in me than you do. That's what siblings do."
He walks out of the kitchen, shoving the door open. When he's gone, Allysa takes a deep breath. She shakes her head and pulls her hands up to her face. "Sorry about that," she says, forcing a smile. "I need to shower."
"You don't have people for that?"
She laughs as she exits the kitchen. I wash my mug in the sink and head back to Ryle's bedroom. When I open the door, he's sitting on the couch, scrolling through his phone. He doesn't look up at me when I walk in and for a second, I think he might be mad at me, too. But then he tosses his phone aside and leans back into the couch.
"Come here," he says.
He grabs my hand and pulls me down on top of him so that I'm straddling him. He brings my mouth to his and kisses me so hard, it makes me wonder if he's trying to prove his sister wrong.
Ryle pulls away from my mouth and slowly rakes his eyes down my body. "I like you in my clothes."
I smile. "Well I have to get to work, so unfortunately, I can't keep them on."
He brushes the hair from my face and says, "I have a really important surgery coming up that I need to prepare for. Which means I probably won't see you for a few days."
I try to hide my disappointment, but I have to get used to it if he really wants to try and make something work between us. He's already warned me that he works too much. "I'm busy, too. Grand opening is on Friday."
He says, "Oh, I'll see you before Friday. Promise."
I don't hide my grin this time. "Okay."
He kisses me again, this time for a solid minute. He starts to lower me to the couch, but then he shoves away from me and says. "Nope. I like you too much to make out with you."
I lie down on the couch and watch him get dressed for work.
To my enjoyment, he puts on scrubs.
Chapter Eight
"We need to talk," Lucy says.
She's sitting on the couch, mascara streaked down her cheeks.
Oh, shit.
I drop my purse and rush over to her. As soon as I sit down next to her, she starts crying.
"What's wrong? Did Alex break up with you?"
She starts shaking her head and then I really start freaking out. Please don't say cancer. I grab her hand, and that's when I see it. "Lucy! You're engaged?"
She nods. "I'm sorry. I know we still have six months left on the lease, but he wants me to move in with him."
I stare at her for a minute. Is that why she's crying? Because she wants out of her lease? She reaches for a tissue and starts dabbing at her eyes. "I feel awful, Lily. You're going to be all alone. I'm moving and you
won't have anyone."
What the . . .
"Lucy? Um . . . I'll be fine. I promise."
She looks up at me with hope in her expression. "Really?"
Why in the world does she have this impression of me? I nod again. "Yes. I'm not mad, I'm happy for you."
She throws her arms around me and hugs me. "Oh, thank you, Lily!" She starts giggling in between bouts of tears. When she releases me, she jumps up and says, "I have to go tell Alex! He was so worried you wouldn't let me out of my lease!" She grabs her purse and shoes and disappears out the front door.
I lie back on the couch and stare up at the ceiling. Did she just play me?
I start laughing, because until this moment, I had no idea how much I've been waiting for this to happen. The whole place to myself!
What's even better, is when I do decide to have sex with Ryle, we can have it over here all the time and not have to worry about being quiet.
The last time I spoke to Ryle was when I left his apartment on Saturday. We agreed on a trial run. No commitments yet. Just a relationship feeler to see if it's something we both want. It's now Monday night and I'm a little disappointed I haven't heard from him. I gave him my phone number before we parted Saturday, but I don't really know texting etiquette, especially for trial runs.
Regardless, I'm not texting him first.
I decide to occupy my time with teenage angst and Ellen DeGeneres, instead. I'm not about to wait around to be beckoned by a guy I'm not even having sex with. But I don't know why I assume that reading about the first guy I had sex with will somehow get my mind off the guy I'm not having sex with.
Dear Ellen,
My great-grandfather's name is Ellis. My entire life, I thought that was a really cool name for such an old guy. After he died, I was reading the obituary. Would you believe that Ellis wasn't even his real name? His real name was Levi Sampson and I had no idea.
I asked my grandmother where the name Ellis came from. She said his initials were L.S. and everyone called him by his initials for so long, they just started sounding them out over the years.
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