by Erin Trejo
“Some shit’s goin’ down at the bar we work with.” Manuel raises an eyebrow and glares at me.
“Take off Mason, we’ve got a deal. It’s all set. I’ll call you,” he says extending his hand to me. I take it and shake it quickly.
“I owe you one.”
“You will always owe me one gringo.” I nod and hop on my bike while tugging my helmet on my head. Revving up I speed out of the parking lot and head toward the bar. I’m about ten minutes out when my phone vibrates. Managing the bike with one hand I pull the phone out to see a text from Viking.
Viking: Not good brother. Holdin’ the cops off until you get here. I can’t keep them back much longer.
Worry inches its way into my mind. My heart rate picks up. I can’t do this shit. What if something happened to her? What if something happened to Whit and I wasn’t there to protect her?
I speed through the streets taking the corners at a crazy speed. I know it’s dangerous, but I have to get to her.
Pulling into the parking lot I can see a few of the guys standing out front smoking. When I climb off and toss my helmet Grind walks toward me.
“They shot that shit up brother. There’s blood everywhere,” Grind says.
A chill races down my spine. I shove past him and open the front door. My eyes track the carnage until I spot Viking standing behind the bar. When our eyes meet my stomach drops. He walks around the bar slowly and comes to stand in front of me. I don’t give a shit that we’re fucking up a crime scene. I don’t give a shit that the cops will be here any minute.
“She’s okay. Well, not okay, but not hurt. She’s fucked though.” Nodding my head I walk past him and around the bar. My eyes land on the body that Whit is holding in her arms.
“Fuck,” I grumble. Her head slowly comes up and her eyes seek mine out.
“He made me hide; he told me to hide,” she says softly.
“He did the right thing,” I tell her. Her head tilts to the side as she studies me.
“He died for me Mason. He hid me.” She sounds so fucking broken.
“Mason, we’ve only got maybe another five minutes until the cops move in. I was only able to hold off Nickson for so long,” Viking reminds me.
Nickson is one of the cops we have on our payroll. With this kind of mess I’m surprised he held off at all. I nod my head and kneel next to Whit. I reach my hand forward and slowly place it on Joe’s forehead before running it down his face to close his eyes. Whitley follows my actions with her eyes, but they are dead. Void of emotion. Void of life. Turning my head to look at her my chest hurts. It’s a real fucking ache that I can’t get to stop.
“Whit we need to leave before the cops get here,” I tell her softly. She doesn’t speak. She only looks back down at Joe’s body in her arms.
“He was the only one that cared enough to give me a chance.” Her words twist an invisible knife deeper into my chest. I reach over and pull Joe’s head out of her lap to place it gently on the floor.
“You were a good man. Always a great friend. You didn’t deserve this,” I whisper. A sob comes from next to me. I know this is it. I know this is her breaking point. Shoving myself up I grab Whit and hold her to my chest.
“Get one of the guys to take my bike back. I’m takin’ the car,” I tell Viking.
He nods his head and heads out the front door as I carry Whit out the back. Walking around the car I set her in the passenger seat before jogging around and climbing into the driver’s seat. Whit reaches in her pocket silently and passes me the keys. Taking them from her I start the car and pull around the side of the building. As I pull out of the parking lot, Nickson pulls in. He gives me a chin lift and I do the same before getting to the road.
“He loved you Whit, like a daughter.”
Sobs shake her body as she begins to shake. She presses her hand to her chest and cries until she can’t breathe. There’s nothing I can do for her right now. I just drive and pray that I can pull her back to me. She has to come back to me. I can’t lose her. I won’t.
I don’t go back to the clubhouse. I bypass it and head toward my house. I’ll send Viking message and let him know once we get there.
“Where are we?” she mumbles under her breath.
“My place.”
Shifting her up and into my arms, I grab my keys and open the front door. I don’t bring girls here. Ever. I never have. This is the place Briann and I shared. This was our home for all those years. I haven’t been back here in a very long time. I don’t like being here when I’m alone. I do my best to stay at the clubhouse, but Whitley needs the space from everyone tonight.
“I’m gonna turn the shower on for you,” I tell her as I set her on her feet once we get into the bathroom. I watch her stand there with tears staining her face and her eyes red. My heart sinks. I run my hand over her face and walk to the shower to turn it on. As soon as it’s warmed up I feel her hands wrap around my waist. I spin around, pull her against me, and press my lips to the top of her head.
“I’ve seen death before. That isn’t what hurts. It was him. It was Joe. I’ve never had anyone like him in my life. Someone that would give me chance after chance and never make me feel like I was worthless. It didn’t matter how many times I fucked up. He would always give me another chance. He was like a father to me Mason. Now he’s gone,” she sobs as her tears wet my shirt.
“He loved you. Just like you were his own. Unconditionally, Whit. Never let yourself forget that,” I tell her.
Holding her in my arms is the best feeling in the world, but in the back of my heart I can feel it all crashing and coming down. Whether I want to admit it or not, she isn’t mine to keep. Whitley is a force all her own. She has so much life inside of her, but she’s wasting it on seeing all of the bad and none of the good.
I’m man enough to admit that I don’t know that I can be what she needs. I can stand here and say that when she falls I will catch her because I will be standing right in front of her, arms outstretched, ready to do just that, but Whit will fall in reverse. That’s just the kind of person she is.
I pull away from her again and peel her out of her blood stained clothes before doing the same with my own. Lifting her in my arms I step into the shower and let the water wash the night away from the both of us. Losing Joe is going to hit all of us hard. He was a good man that we all cared about.
That familiar tug of anger and regret rip my heart in half just like they did when Briann died. I hold tight to Whitley’s body afraid that if I let go, she’ll be gone. That thought alone has me gasping for air.
“It’s okay Mason,” she reassures me. “Everything is okay,” she whispers turning in my arms and laying her head on my chest. Water cascades around the two of us as we both cling tightly to reality. Our new reality.
The takeover with Manuel’s brother was supposed to secure Whitley’s safety. It was all about her. I know that in the back of my mind, but now I feel like it’s all for nothing. I’m losing her. I know I am, yet I can’t stop myself from pushing forward in the off chance that she will stay with me. I’m fucked up. I ruin shit, but this, what I feel for her, that’s not a mistake. I know what I feel and I want to keep it, bottle it up, and never let it out. I need her.
It’s not okay. Nothing is. I almost lost her once in that hotel room, and as much as I told myself that I didn’t need her, it’s all a fucking lie. I’ve never needed anyone the way I need Whit. I can’t let her go. No matter how much I know I should.
Chapter 30
Whitley
Mason sleeps soundly in his bed while I watch him sleep. The strong lines of his jaw and the scruff on his chin, he’s gorgeous. He’s perfect and with the moonlight spilling through the window onto him he looks like an angel.
Shaking my head, I shove off the bed and wander around the house. I can’t believe he brought me here. I stop in the living room when a picture catches my eye. Walking closer to the small mantle I pick the picture up. Mason has his arm around a girl, which
is clearly his sister. They are the spitting image of each other. Her long hair is tossed over her shoulder with Mason’s arm around her waist. She’s smiling one of the biggest smiles I’ve ever seen. Mason’s smile isn’t far behind. He looks extremely happy.
“You look so happy,” I mumble running my fingers over the picture so lost in thought that I didn’t hear him get up.
“I was.” When I turn around I see him leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his bare chest. I gasp.
“She was so beautiful.” He nods his head as I look back at the picture.
“She was a lot like you,” he says pulling my attention back to him.
“How so?”
“You both had pasts that hurt you. You both put on a happy front to keep others away. Would you believe that picture was taken two days before she killed herself?” he asks me.
My heart thuds in my chest. I look back down and see that she looks happy. Not a single trace of sorrow or regret is seen in her eyes.
“She was great at hiding it,” I say softly. I can see Mason shove off of the wall out of the corner of my eye. He moves towards me and takes the picture to look at it.
“We had the best day. We ate, talked, and laughed. She was who she was meant to be that day. Briann was always different. She was always a little darker than others. Our stepdad, he uh, he beat her a lot when I moved out. I didn’t know about it at the time. I wouldn’t have left her if I’d known. He abused her, molested her, and let his friends,” he looks away from the picture letting his voice trail off. The pain is evident in his stance. His muscles are coiled tightly and a slight tremor goes through him. I take a step closer to him and put my hand on his arm.
“Some people aren’t strong enough to handle their past.”
“Are you one of them? Do I have to worry every day that you won’t be around when I come back?” he asks me. His question shocks the hell out of me. I gasp and jerk my hand back like his skin just burnt me. His eyes come to rest on mine.
“I’m not something you need to worry over Mason. I never have been,” I tell him. Mason’s eyes fill with hurt and anger.
“But you are. Don’t you get that? You are somethin’ I worry about Whitley. Fuck!” he roars as he throws the picture across the room. The glass shatters on the floor. Mason runs his hand through his hair as I can see the anger wracking his body.
“So stop. I never asked you to care Mason. I never asked you for any of this shit!” I scream back at him. His eyes burn through me as he watches me, not saying a word. His eyes turn haunted and a shadow crosses his features. He slowly nods his head and takes a step back.
“You’re right, you didn’t ask me, but I can’t fuckin’ help what I feel,” he says softly. “You don’t want me? Fine, I can’t force you Whit. You have to know that I want you. You have to know that I care.”
“I don’t know how to love you back Mason.” The words slip from my mouth before I can rethink them. There’s no way I could love him. I couldn’t possibly do that and there is no way he could ever really love me.
“Get over it Whitley. I told you I’m not lettin’ this go. You can run, but I’ll catch you. You can hide, but I’ll find you. I can’t let this feelin’ go. I won’t.” He narrows his eyes at me. All I can do is stand there in shock.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I admit as tears slowly start falling down my cheeks.
Mason moves toward me slowly and his hands come up to cup my face. His thumbs run over my cheeks soothingly while his tongue runs over his bottom lip.
“You don’t need to know what you’re doin’. We’re human Whit. We make mistakes. It’s normal. We take it day by day. That’s it. I’m not askin’ you for the fuckin’ world, Whit. I’m only askin’ for your heart.” His words sting. My chest aches as more tears fall.
“I can’t give you that,” I say softly.
“You can. You just don’t know how.”
His lips press against mine and the world slowly fades away. All the blood, death, drugs, destruction… gone. It all slowly vanishes. All that’s left is Mason and the steady beat of his heart under my palm where I laid it on his chest. Every thump.
His tongue pushes into my mouth. I moan around it. He feels so right. Why is this so wrong? Why can’t I be happy for once? So many, many things have ruined parts of me, but when I’m with Mason I feel some of who I used to be coming back. I don’t know how he does it, but I feel it.
He’s walking us backwards and my legs hit the couch. Mason slowly lowers me down and climbs between my thighs. His lips never leave mine. This isn’t what we do. We fuck. This is more. It’s so much more than our normal hard fucks. This is slow and intimate. This is him showing me exactly what he wants. He wants my heart and soul, but I don’t know that I have either to give him. I’ve been lost for so long that I can’t find the light at the end of the tunnel.
“This is everything Whit. You get me? Do you understand?” he asks as his lips are lingering over mine. His eyes burn with such intensity that even in the dark they look like they’re on fire.
I nod my head slowly when his lips come back to meet mine. My hands wrap around his waist pulling him to me. Mason groans and reaches between us to shove his sweatpants down his thighs.
As soon as he shifts I can tell he’s already hard and ready to go. He thrusts into me and I moan into his mouth. He keeps kissing me like I’m the air he needs to breathe. His hips roll as heat races through my body. I’ve never felt anything like this before. It’s a calming, loving sensation that dances through my veins. It’s all Mason.
He pulls his mouth from mine and trails kisses down my jaw and over to my neck. His hips keep me on the edge as they slow then quicken just to slow down again. My mind is a complete haze as Mason takes me over. I open my eyes and realize he’s staring down at me. I hadn’t even realized I’d closed my eyes. Slowly I drag my eyes down his body to watch the way his stomach clenches with each powerful, yet gentle thrust.
“Tell me I can keep you Whitley. I need to you say the words darlin’.”
I pull my eyes back up to his, and I’m lost. He’s perfect. He’s everything I could ever want, yet I can’t find the words to say to him. Tears streak down my cheeks. Mason seems to understand. His eyes soften as he leans down and kisses me again. His light kisses send me hurtling through space. My mind and body explode in ways that I never even knew were possible. Mason comes hard as his breath catches in his throat.
He slowly pulls out of me and climbs off the couch. He reaches down and scoops me up into his arms cradling me to his chest. Without another word he carries me to the bedroom taking his time to lie down next to me. He’s giving me the space I need to breathe and yet he is holding me as tightly as he can. It’s a contradiction in itself, but I love it. With my back snuggled into his chest he whispers into my hair, “I’ll wait for you forever Whitley.” Not long after his breathing evens out and light snores take over.
Chapter 31
Mason
I laid my heart on the line the night I made love to Whitley. I never thought I’d do it, but there it was waiting for her to decide if she should take it or leave it.
We stayed at my house for a few more days. I cooked for her and took care of her. It was the best few days of my life. Jackson came by to check on her but didn’t’ stay long. I think he knew that we needed some time together.
I don’t know what the fuck has gotten into me with her. I’ve never been this type of guy. I’ve never chased after a woman like this, but Whitley is something else entirely. She isn’t just a woman. She’s a power, a force that I need. She’s my woman.
“You ready for this shit?” Viking asks as I check the ammo in my gun. I nod my head not saying a word. I need to get myself focused on what’s about to happen. I can’t let Whitley take over my every thought.
“She gonna stay here?” he asks. Looking up at him I nod.
“Yeah, she said she would. I can’t chain her to the bed,” I say chuckling. V
iking laughs and shrugs.
“Other women never got hurt bein’ chained to a bed.”
I shake my head with a smile on my face. He’s right, but Whit isn’t other women. She’s mine.
“She’s been pretty quiet since you got back. She okay?” Grind asks checking his gun too.
“No, she’s not. She looked up to Joe like he was her father. It’s killin’ her,” I tell him. His eyes soften.
“It’s hittin’ all of us pretty hard. Joe was a good man. We all looked up to him. We’ll never forget that.”
Nodding my head I agree with him. He was one hell of a man.
“We get this shit over with and then we go after whoever did this shit. We don’t let Joe’s death slide just because he wasn’t one of us,” Viking announces as he looks around the table.
“Goddamn right,” Ink adds.
I nod my head as the other guys do the same. Once we’re satisfied that we’re all strapped up I shove out of my chair and head to the door.
“Gonna go check on her before we ride out,” I tell Viking over my shoulder.
He doesn’t say shit, and I don’t stop to listen even if he did. I need to see her one more time before we do this. I don’t know why I find myself second guessing everything. I told her I wouldn’t let her go and I won’t. She doesn’t get a say in this shit. She’s mine whether she knows it yet or not.
“Hey,” I say when I see her sitting at the bar with a bottle of beer in her hand. She looks over her shoulder at me and gives me a smile.
“Hey you. You look good all dressed up,” she says nodding toward the gear I’m wearing. I chuckle.
“Yeah, it’s needed though. I wanna be able to fuck you when I get back. Gotta stay in one piece for that.”
Her smile slowly fades. I step closer to her and grab the back of her neck in my hands and spin her around so she’s facing me.