by Erin Trejo
Damn.
I am so glad to be home.
Chapter 15
Molly
Happiness comes with a price. It always has. It always will. I don’t see that changing any time soon either. I watch as all the guys filter out of the house. Roland and Drake sit on the couch talking and laughing. It makes my heart leap in my chest to see the two of them together.
“It’s getting late. Taz will be by early to pick you up Drake.”
The pout on his face makes Roland laugh.
“She’s right. I’m not goin’ anywhere son. Go get ready for bed. Your mom and I will be in there in just a minute,” Roland tells him. Drake leaps off the couch and heads down the hallway when Roland shoves up off the couch.
“The guys get you everything you needed for his room?”
His eyes travel over my body as he speaks. I can’t hide the blush that creeps over my cheeks. “Yeah, Fin has been amazing. Drake calls him Uncle Fin,” I laugh.
Roland nods his head before slowly walking toward me. His hands slip around my waist and he pulls me into him. “I’ve missed you. I’m sorry that shit has been so fucked up since-” before he can finish I kiss him.
As much as he’s missed me, I’ve missed him even more. His tongue slides into my mouth and he devours me until I’m a panting mess. When he pulls back his eyes are dancing with hunger.
“Let’s go tell our son goodnight,” he says as he grabs my hand in his and tugs me down the hallway. We stop outside Drake’s door as Roland takes a deep breath, I squeeze his hand. When he looks over at me I tell him, “Don’t be nervous. We’ve talked about you since you’ve been gone. He misses you. He wants to be with you.” Roland nods his head and pushes the door open. Drake is in his bed listening to the iPod that Fin gave him.
“Bed doesn’t mean music time,” Roland teases him. Drake smiles and pulls the earbuds out of his ears.
“Uncle Fin put a lot of music on here.” He holds it up to show his dad.
“Better be good music at least.”
“It is. He said it’s what you listen to,” Drake says excitedly.
“Well then, I guess it’s good. It’s time to get some sleep. I’ll see you in the mornin’.”
As I watch Roland lean in and hug him I wonder about the past. Would things have always been this sweet had we not been taken away from him? I also think about what the doctor told me and it makes this moment in time bittersweet. I’ve managed to hold my emotions together while everyone was here, but I feel myself slowly crumbling. Knowing that there will never be a lifetime of these moments is killing me inside. I’ve fought for so long and so hard to have it all just ripped away from me again.
A tear leaks down my cheek. Drake smiles my way and blows me a kiss like he always does before bed. Roland stands up, turns off the lamp, and walks toward me. His hand cups my cheek as he backs me out of the room. He pulls the door closed behind him, his lips claiming mine as he pushes me up against the wall in the hallway. His hands move to my hips.
“I need you,” he whispers against my lips.
I know we need to talk. I need to tell him, but I know that he needs this just as much as I do first. I nod my head and that’s all he needs. He lifts me in his arms, kisses me senseless, and walks toward the bedroom. As soon as we’re inside he kicks the door closed and sets me on my feet.
“Take all of it off.”
His gruff words send heat spiraling through me. I quickly pull all my clothes off as he does the same. When I look back up at his bare chest I gasp. Angry bruises, scars, and fresh cuts litter his skin. I look up and find his gaze still on mine.
“I’m fine. I had no choice in most of it.”
I walk toward him shaking my head. I let my fingers travel his skin. The more I touch the harder he breathes. When my fingers go lower, Roland moves. His hands grip my wrists and he holds them between us. I look up into his eyes and I’m lost in a sea of green.
“I had to do somethin’ in there. Things I really wished I didn’t. There’s gonna be blowback on the club, but I didn’t have any choice. Everything got all twisted up inside. I need to know that you can handle this. This isn’t gonna be the first or last time I come home lookin’ like this.”
He’s asking me to accept who he is now. He’s asking me to overlook the pain that someone has caused him, and as much I love him and want to accept this, I’m not sure if I can. He can see the look in my eyes. Roland walks us backwards until I fall onto the bed, crawling on top of me he knees my legs apart. He reaches between us and grabs his dick then slams it into me. I arch my back. Everything else is forgotten. I just need to feel him inside me like this.
“I need to know Mols,” he whispers as he slowly moves in and out.
“I don’t know,” I moan softly. His hips move quickly then and thrust deeply.
“You have to know I can’t lose you again,” he groans. Another thrust comes, hard and rough, and he looks down at me.
“They hurt you,” I whisper.
“Not as much as losin’ you would hurt me. Tell me I can keep you Mols. I need you. I need both of you.”
“You have us.”
As soon as the words leave my mouth Roland snaps. All of his prior restraint is gone. He lifts my legs over his arms and slams into me. Everything in the world could fall apart right now, but I can’t lose him again.
As he increases his pace I feel myself tumbling. I break apart into a million pieces at the same time he does. His grunts and growls echo through the room as he finds his release. He kisses me softly before he pulls out of me and drops down next to me.
“Drake has Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma,” I blurt out. As soon as I do Roland jumps up.
“What the fuck? That’s what Crow had. How the hell does a kid get that?”
“I don’t know. The doctor said there isn’t much we can do.” The tears begin to fall from my eyes. Roland’s face is a mixture of both anger and pain.
“We’ll find another doctor,” he says looking down at me.
“Fin already did that. They all say the same thing.”
“Fuck them. I’ll find us more. Someone has to be able to do somethin’,” he roars. I reach for him, but he pushes me away and runs his hand through his hair. “No one thought they should tell me this?” He looks at me like I’m the devil himself.
“I wanted to, but the doctor said it was best to wait until you got home. That we shouldn’t add to what you were already dealing with,” I say softly.
“You knew about this and didn’t tell me? How the fuck could you do that? How many times are you gonna fuck me over Molly? Huh?”
His roar could be heard for miles. I’m about to respond, but I don’t know what to say. I don’t have the chance to think about it either. Roland shoves out of the bed, grabs his jeans, and pulls them on before he storms out of the room.
I regret everything.
Chapter 16
Reaper
I’ve always wonder what would kill me. Would it be a bullet? A rival? I never thought I would have to think about what was going to kill my own child. That’s a pill I never even knew I would have to think about swallowing.
I’ve taken my anger out on Molly over the last few days. I know I shouldn’t, but at the same time she stole my child away and kept him from me and now he’s dying.
I don’t even know how long he has. Everything I’ve found on the internet says five years from the original diagnosis. Five fucking years? What am I supposed to do with five years? That isn’t enough time. I want more than that.
I even called the bastard doc that told her and he said it’s all unknown, that he could live fifty years. I don’t like surprises and waking up one day to my son being gone is not an option.
“You look like shit,” Mason says as he sits on the stool next to mine.
“I feel like it. There’s just too much shit goin’ on Mason.”
He nods his head as if he understands, but he doesn’t. None of them understand.
�
��She told me what she told you brother. I’m sorry Reaper,” Whitley’s voice comes from behind me. Her hand lands on my shoulder. I reach up and place mine over hers and give it a little squeeze.
“Thanks darlin’. It’ll be alright though.” She nods her head and pulls away from me and walks to the kitchen.
“You’ve called other doctors?” Mason asks. I nod and grab my beer.
“They all say the same shit. How the fuck do I just get him back only to lose him for good?”
“I dunno brother. Let’s not think like that though. He’s a strong kid. Hell, he’s your kid. If anyone can beat this shit it’s him.”
I nod my head because he’s right. My kid’s a fighter. He’s just like me.
“You ready to hit this run?” I ask him. Mason chugs down the rest of his beer before he faces me.
“Fuck yeah. I’m ready to see what your handy ass skills can do. That truck has been sittin’ since you’ve been gone. We’re as ready as ever to see that motherfucker in action,” he laughs.
I’ve always been handy with the welder. None of the trucks that I’ve added compartments to have even been checked. Once we saw how well they were working for us Ink had the idea of making a box truck. It makes sense. I welded fake walls into the motherfucker. No one will suspect a thing and since Viking wanted some new parts for the bikes up north this was the perfect opportunity to see how effective my work is.
“You’re pretty sure of it?” he asks.
I nod my head and reply, “You’re goddamn right I am. Have you motherfuckers been arrested with the trucks yet?” I ask fucking with him a little.
He chuckles and lights up a cigarette. “Hell no,” he says.
“Then shut the fuck up. I know what I’m doin’ brother. We’ve got this. Hell, even if we do get stopped, I’m runnin’,” I joke with him.
Mason shakes his head and Viking says, “You aren’t runnin’. You too goddamn old to run.”
I glance up at him and smile, “Yeah, that’s what it is. What’s up?”
“Not much. I’m itchin’ to get those parts down here. I wanna amp up the bikes up before the big ride,” he says as his voice drifts off in thought.
“I heard that. Don’t worry. Your parts will get here.”
“No doubt. You ready to head out?”
“Damn right I am. I’ve missed this shit,” I admit.
Viking nods while taking the cigarette from Mason and brings it up to his lips. “It wasn’t the same without you man. When you get back we need to call church. I want to know all there is to know about these Brotherhood motherfuckers. I want to know who, what, when, where, and how the fuck. Draven called me an hour ago and said they had some shady fucks lurkin’ around over there. Smokey keeps that compound locked the fuck up, so I don’t see any problems, but they still don’t know who they are.”
Fuck. That’s not what I wanted to hear before we go out on a run.
“They workin’ on that?” I ask.
“Of course, brother. Smokey is a tough son of a bitch. He isn’t lettin’ any shit go down over there. Hell, even Mayhem stuck his dick in the middle of it.”
“Mayhem becomin’ more and more like Ruger every goddamn day, yeah?” I ask. The guys just laugh.
“Fuck yeah, but when he starts stickin’ his dick in other guys I’m gone. That goes for you too,” Viking laughs while pointing at me.
“Fuck that. You don’t have shit to worry about there. I may like to do some fucked up shit to people, but Ruger passed me a long time ago.” Laughing with the guys is a rarity. We don’t get to do it often enough. It feels good as hell when we do get to do it though.
“Well, if shit goes down at the So Cal compound we may have to take a road trip,” Viking sighs.
“Heard that. I wouldn’t mind seein’ the boys,” I add.
“Me either,” Mason chimes in.
“Let’s just get this shit done. We’ll see what they come up with. You said Ramirez’s boys were hit in Texas, yeah?” I nod my head in reply. “Could be the same fuckers sneakin’ into Cali. That’s on their end though, so we can’t go gettin’ all excited about it. Not when we have our own shit happenin’ here.”
“Right. Let’s get this shit goin’,” I tell Mason. He nods and pushes up off of his stool and walks toward the kitchen. I have no doubts that he’s going to tell his woman goodbye.
“How you holdin’ up? I haven’t seen Molly around in a few days?”
“Honestly, I don’t know any more Viking. I love that woman, but fuck. She just wants to give up on my kid. I can’t do that shit. I just got him back. How the fuck do I lose somethin’ that I just got?” I ask him seriously.
“You don’t. We’ll do whatever we have to and pay whoever we need to so that we can get him better. Fuck the doctors.”
“That’s just it brother. I’ve talked to every goddamn doctor around. They all tell me the same thing,” I tell him.
“Which is?”
“Enjoy the time he has.”
Chapter 17
Molly
I wander around the clubhouse while Roland is gone. Taz has Drake as she’s homeschooling him today. Wandering down the hall I hear Fin’s voice, I’m not trying to be nosy, but I stop outside the door and listen in.
“The only thing that bastard wants is her back. If he gets her then everything else stops. The war with the Brotherhood and everything else ends,” Fin says.
“Fuck. And you think he’d really stop there? We’re not that fuckin’ stupid Fin. Reaper ain’t gonna let that shit slide anyway,” the voice I’ve come to know as Ink chimes in.
“I wasn’t gonna let that shit slide either. You think I’d hand Molly over to the asshole that stole her to begin with? Fuck that.”
My heart nearly stops beating. I hold my breath praying that they aren’t talking about me, but I know that they are. They have to be.
“What the fuck are we doin’ here then? We can’t go in guns blazin’. We don’t even know who the fuck we’re dealin’ with,” Viking says.
“We’re dealin’ with the fucks that want Reaper dead. That’s what the fuck we’re dealin’ with. Ramirez fucked him over on the inside. He knew Reaper had no fuckin’ choices in there and now Tom has every goddamn advantage on his side,” Fin roars.
I close my eyes tightly and wish I hadn’t listened in, but I did. Roland doesn’t deserve all this shit just because of me. I don’t deserve his love. I don’t deserve him.
“Where is this fucker Tom anyway?” Viking asks.
“Close. We can’t get an exact location, but we know he isn’t far. We could use her to lure him out,” Ink suggests. My chest clenches.
“Fuck that,” Fin growls. “You know the hell that she lived through. No, we aren’t usin’ her.”
“You got a thing for her Fin? You sure the fuck are actin’ like her old man right now,” Ink snaps. I think about walking in there, but then I hear the punches landing.
“Son of a bitch,” Fin roars.
I peek around the door frame and into the room. Viking’s eyes find mine. A strange look crosses his face. It’s a mixture of both anger and intrigue. I swallow hard before turning on my heel and running back down to Roland’s room.
Once I’m safely inside I let the anger and fear wash over me. I cry like a damn baby. I cry because I’m slowly losing my son. I cry because I’m killing his father in the process. I really thought we could be happy. I thought we were finally going to get our second chance. The only thing I’m doing is tearing him down. I’m in the middle of his life and I shouldn’t be.
Once upon a time next to him was my place, but I made the decision to not tell him about Tom. I made that choice and now all of this is happening because of me. I’m the reason for all of this. I can’t let them ruin him. I can’t let what I did destroy his family, they are his family, I’m the intruder here. I should have never come here.
I should have taken Drake and run, but I knew Roland could give him something I couldn’t. A life
without fear. Now that has been taken away from him too. I’ve messed it all up. Swiping the tears off of my cheeks, I take a deep breath. I just need to find out where Tom is and go from there. If it’s me he wants to end all of this for Roland, then I will go willingly. I will endure everything if it means that Roland and Drake are safe.
I shove off the bed and head to the closet. Packing myself a small bag I nestle it in the corner and out of sight. Just like the bag Drake used to always have ready.
When I find out where the fuck Tom is, I’m going. I’ll runaway just like before and make this right.
I let the idea settle in my mind. There is no other choice. I don’t want to be away from Drake at all. Especially when health is deteriorating. I don’t know how long I have left with him, and that’s what hurts me the most.
No, this is the right thing to do. I have to fix this some way. I have to believe that Drake is going to be fine and that Roland can handle taking care of him. A knock on the door stops my train of thought. I walk over and pull it open to find Viking standing there.
“Can we talk for a minute?” he asks.
I nod once and step back to allow him entrance into the room. Walking toward the bed I drop back onto it.
“I know shit’s been hard on you. It’s not just you that we’re worried about though. Reaper is our family. He’s been a huge part of our lives, and to let him go down… it’s just not an option.” His tone is even, but I can see the hint of evil in his eyes. I know he doesn’t like me being around here.
“I get it Viking. As soon as I can, I will leave.”
“No, I don’t think you do get it. I don’t want him hurtin’ over you. I don’t want to watch him become the way he was when he first stepped foot into this clubhouse. He was a goddamn mess before and now he’s dealin’ with the shit that happened in the pen and Drake. I worry about him Molly.” His admission calms me a little. I can’t say that I don’t understand, because I do.
“I worry about him too, which is why I need to get out of here. I can’t let him go down for what I’ve done. I messed up. It was me, not him or Drake. I just need to know that Drake is welcome here,” I tell him as my eyes fill with tears.